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View Full Version : Tribute to a baby lost...


Crycket
08-02-2010, 12:05 AM
I have an old highschool friend who had a baby on July 25th, and past away on July 30.

I would like to do something for them, but I am not sure what. Would a blanket with the name and date of the baby seem insensitive?

I was thinking perhaps a photo frame with a cross stitched border that said something like Little Angel....

I am not sure...I don't want it to make them hurt more...but I would think they would like a little something to remember him by....

What do you all think?

hyperactive
08-02-2010, 03:35 AM
Don't make a blanket! That is a functional item and that has no function any more. It would be bad enough if they had such a blanket.

The picture frame would be a good idea, I think. They can remember the child with a photo in it and it shows your bonding with the parents. If they are not ready to put a picture up, then your frame will disappear in a box for a while. So be it.

I am very sorry for your friend. That is among the toughest of moments, I think. Losing a child and even one that did not have any chance to take a grab on life at all. Parents have been looking forward to the baby and been bonding with it right off the start. So their loss is very intense.

Crycket
08-02-2010, 10:34 AM
For sure...I do feel for them. It is like another friend of mine had said, everytime they walk by the nursery(which is right next to their bedroom), when they put away stuff from the shower, it is all going to be very tough. Even if and when they try again for another, it will be a nervous pregnancy...

hyperactive
08-02-2010, 11:08 AM
Losses are always hard. It does get just a lot tougher when you lose a baby because you have this very intimate relationship to the little one, even before it is born. You alone are responsible and have made everything possible to give the little one a great start. And there were so many options and so many moments promised. You just can't make up for it.

And no, another baby is never the lost one and it would never be fair to assume that it fills a gap in any way. Having another baby is a decision entirely of its own and needs time to even be able to think about.

Maybe give them a little time anyways. It JUST happend. And then surprise them with the frame. That is a beautiful idea.

Jan in CA
08-02-2010, 12:11 PM
Gosh, I don't know. This is kind of a touchy situation and I'm not sure unless you'd been through it how you'd feel about it. This is a new post so give it a little time. I think maybe we have a few members who have been through this and can shed some light on it.

Crycket
08-02-2010, 02:26 PM
Thank you! Yeah...I am a bit back logged with projects anyway at the moment. I have a friend getting married in March and am trying to get through some stuff I want to gift her.

I hate just sending a card. I know that is probably the best thing right now, but I have never felt too good about it. My BFFs mother just died, and I knit my BFF a dachshund instead of a card (cause I knew it was something her mom loved). She loved it.

I just would like something a bit more...I dont know...comforting than a card....

N0obKnitter
08-02-2010, 02:53 PM
I'm sorry for your friend's loss...

UruzPhoenix
08-02-2010, 10:05 PM
I'd call the friend's mother and see what she thinks..... it's hard to lose a little one....

Crycket
08-02-2010, 10:35 PM
She lives with them...so it will be a while...

sissyv
08-02-2010, 10:43 PM
I have an old highschool friend who had a baby on July 25th, and past away on July 30.

I would like to do something for them, but I am not sure what. Would a blanket with the name and date of the baby seem insensitive?

I was thinking perhaps a photo frame with a cross stitched border that said something like Little Angel....

I am not sure...I don't want it to make them hurt more...but I would think they would like a little something to remember him by....

What do you all think?

I like the cross stitched idea-[ something like "forever in our hearts " or to that effect but I agree that maybe this isnt quite the right time. Get you other projects done first and when its finished your friend will still have difficult days- and giving her the gift at that time will be comforting. (I think that people sometimes forget that losing someone isnt just difficult at the time but the memories linger and so does the pain- so maybe in a few months- it will be more an "I'm thinking of you and remembering you" type of thing.

khaosx5
08-04-2010, 11:43 AM
I like the idea of the frame too...:knitting:

luvmykid28
08-04-2010, 02:13 PM
I lost my son 2 years ago on Aug 11. He lived only 5 hours. All I can suggest is that whenever you choose to give will be received with bitter sweet appreciation.

I have all the little cards and gifts in a box. I can't look at them. The one time I tried to look, I totally lost it. But I know that someday I will look in that box and I will be ever grateful for all the kindnesses that family, friends and strangers gave my family and me. Those are part of the memories I will have of him.

Honestly, one of the kindest gifts I received was from a very close friend. She offered to put away the baby room when I was ready. She returned things to the store that I didn't want to keep. She handled everything and I didn't have to explain to any part of my loss to the store associate.

Another thing you might do is knit some hats or blankets and donate them to the hospital where the baby was born in his or her honor. I started a charity and donate items on my son's birthday. This is a way to put a "positive" to the memory of the lost baby. You don't have to show the FOs to your friend (it will be too difficult for her to see), but tell her about it. Or better yet, put it in a card.

The best thing you can do is just be there for her if she or her family needs something. I can't even begin to tell you how long this will last. I still deal with my loss everyday.

Crycket
08-04-2010, 02:32 PM
Thank you luvmykid28,

That is really touching...and some really great ideas! It is so hard to know what to do.

I am sorry for your loss, but really appreciative to have some insight on how best to show my respect.

Thank you for sharing.

cftwo
08-04-2010, 06:30 PM
I would make a donation to March of Dimes (or another favorite charity) in the baby's name. I suggest March of Dimes because they fund research on birth defects and preemies.

Woodi
08-04-2010, 07:31 PM
Tough call, but I think that a handmade gift in the baby's name would be too hard for them to see. They will need to eventually let go of the one who is no more, except in their hearts, and they need to get on with their lives. Lingering in the past is never good....no matter for what reason.

I am a Buddhist (and a mother of grownups now) and the Buddhist teachings are all about not clinging, of letting go, living in the now. Perhaps their own spiritual beliefs will help them.

Meanwhile a donation to March of Dimes sounds like a good idea...as well as your personal presence if they need or want it.

Crycket
08-04-2010, 11:04 PM
I just got a note that there is a charity in the babys name at Sick Kids Hospital.

"In lieu of flowers, we ask that a donation be made in Isaiah's name to Sick Kids Hospital. To make a donation, please go to the following link:
https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/MicroEventSponsorSearch.aspx?EventID=22913&LangPref=en-CA.
You can search the fund by name: Isaiah Anthony Stephens Memorial Fund. There is... no limit as to how much you can donate."

Sknitter56
08-05-2010, 10:08 PM
I lost my granddaughter 6 years ago after being here on earth for 35 days. She was a preemie and was progressing well, but contracted meningitis in her 3rd week of life. I held her twice...once when she was thriving I held her for almost 2 hours of "kangaroo care." Those 2 hours seemed like 5 minutes. The next time I held her was after she was taken off life support. We had 4 hours with her with no tubes or IV's. We bathed her and dressed her in a pretty little dress and smothered her in kisses and hugs until God took her. Every minute or so she would sort of take a breath and "pink up" and in my mind I thought, "she's gonna be OK." But, unfortuneately we lost her that day and I still think about her every single day. A friend of mine at work had a scrapbook made from all of things from the hospital (armband, etc) and pictures from the day she was born until the end. My daughter treasures this book as much as I do. Emma was our little butterfly and she'll never be forgotten.