View Full Version : Anyone else with an unsupportive husband RE: knitting?

01-07-2006, 06:25 PM
My husband doesn't like it that I knit :( . I do knit a lot, I'll admit that, but I also do get all of the household stuff done, cook, and am a stay-at-home mom. All I get is negative and derrogatory comments from him. For instance today I was commenting that I should try to limit my TV and coffee intake and he said "And knitting....". :rollseyes: So I said, maybe you wouldn't be so cranky about it if YOU had a hobby. To which he said, I'll get a hobby when the kids are older :shock: . As if to say that my whole life and world should be devoted to our two young kids.

All I want to know is what's wrong with a stay-at-home mom having a hobby that she LOVES, at the same time not neglecting other things AND having a good social life with lots of friends, AND doing daycare two full days a week for another two year old (as though I didn't already have enough toddlers around here! ;) ). Somehow I feel like I'm being made to feel guilty for doing something that I love. :( What's up with that??????

By the way, otherwise my husband is great and very supportive of everything else but this....

01-07-2006, 06:41 PM
"otherwise he is great and supportive"...
What you got is an ignorant PIG of an idiot that thinks all he has to do is go to work and make a pay-check to be the "KING O' THE CASTLE'.

If I ever treated a woman like you are being treated, my parents woulda whupped my butt in public. Not to mention the rest of the tribe.

The Mod Squad was here :waving:

01-07-2006, 06:48 PM
Wow, I don't blame you for being a little PO'ed. He has no right to complain or try to make you feel guilty.

The worst I've ever had to deal with was my fiance complaining about me buying yarn. But, now that I've discovered cheap online yarn, he's all for it.

I hope your husband comes around one of these days. Until then, keep on knitting. We'll never tell you to stop :D .

01-07-2006, 07:24 PM
With all due respect to Trucker, I don't think that you need to flee your home and family because your husband is negative about your knitting. ;) You haven't described an abusive relationship. It doesn't sound as if he's trying to isolate you from your friends and family and you're not complaining that he's hypercrtitical about other aspects of your life.

You take care of a house and children and you have a part time job (with which to fund your yarn habit), you are entitled to do something that you like to do. What does he do when he isn't working? Is he helping with the house and children? If he sits in front of the TV every evening there is NOTHING productive about that.

You don't have to start an argument with him, but perhaps it would be helpful to ask him why he doesn't like the fact that you knit. If he feels like he needs more attention from you, is there something you can do together?

Men are not babies, many just like to act like them. I would try to find out what his beef is, but if he doesn't tell you, it's not your problem. If he does tell you, and you don't like the answer, it's still not your problem. And you have every right to ask him to keep his negativity to himself.

01-07-2006, 07:25 PM
YOU are an enabler to spousal abuse and you don't even know that you are being abused too.
Read your post.. "but now that I've discovered online yarn he's all for it". Did you discover it, or is he keeping you in the house so that you "don't have to go out" to shop?
Who is REALLY in charge of your life? Your mother's idea of "how to keep a man", or what YOU REALLY WANT FROM YOUR LIFE????

01-07-2006, 07:33 PM
Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical... maybe more so. The scars can last for longer than a bruised knee, or a skinned chin. Don't, please, don't think that any abuse is petty. It all hurts.

01-07-2006, 07:58 PM
Whoaaaaaaa, wait a minute trucker! :shock:

I am not being abused, I do not feel mistreated or upset about my marital relationship in ANY WAY, I just feel like my dh doesn't see knitting as God's gift to mankind the same way that I do ;) :lol: . That's all. Really. And by the way, when my husband is not at work he is home with us, helping with the house and helping with the children. I am very fortunate to have a loving, and involved husband and father to our children.

I just wish that he'd take my hobby a bit more seriously and see it as something that I like to do and he should support that.

I was just venting.

01-07-2006, 07:59 PM
Hey Knitqueen,

I've got four kiddos, 10, 7, 3, and 6 weeks. We homeschool and are pretty active but balanced. Knitting helps me keep my emotional balance. It's my little escape during the day. "Change is as good as rest." and I need that rest from it all but cant really rest everyday with this bunch. This week all the knitting I got done was sewing ends in in three projects and knitting one bootee! Which I used to be able to do on a Sunday!

I was just thinking today that knitting keeps me from eating too much, and I'm just happier when I knit. My dh is happy too. So I'm sad that your dh does not see the value in it. The old cliche is so right, "If Momma aint happy aint nobody happy." Whether I have knit or not effects my kids the same as it effects me. One of my friends said "it's your meditation". So true.

I shower my children with things I knitted for them out of love. That is special.

And think of women in the past. They had all kinds of other responsibilities on the farm and they knitted as well. They had to for survival and I'm sure it brought them joy just like it does us.

Don't feel guilty, it sounds like hes jealous that you have something that brings you great joy. Which is sad that hes being jealous. I hope he finds things he can do with the kids or by himself that brings him joy. Sorry for the novel. There is nothing wrong with you knitting. :)


01-07-2006, 08:02 PM
I think he's jealous that you found something you love that doesn't include him. I don't put it in the abuse category unless he's critical of most things you do. Unless he's done your job, he doesn't know the stress/boredom of being a SAHM, and how knitting allows you to do something other than your job. Your job is 24/7. I don't imagine he can understand what knitting does for a person.

Don't defend yourself. Just explain that knitting makes you more relaxed and happier, and what could be wrong with that? It'd be interesting to hear his answer.

01-07-2006, 08:24 PM
Everyone has different family dinamics and underlying issue that the rest of the world doesn't know about.
My partnership is one of mutual respect. I respect any hobby my husband decides to get himself into (assuming it's legal) and he has my back 100% with whatever I decide to do.
I would say my knitting seriously borders on obsession. Every spare second I have is spent knitting (if I'm not at the computer). But, I was disabled 2 years ago in a car accident and am no longer able to do any of my former hobbies, or really anything outside of bed or sitting in a chair for very short intervals. I had to find something... and I found knitting. My husband LOVES the fact that I knit. Loves to purchase knitting stuff. Loves to talk about my knitting. Loves to model my knitting. Shows everyone and brags to everyone about my knitting. He does that because knitting has made me happy, and he wants me to be happy.
I don't give him hell for his hobbies. They make him happy, and they are mostly free or inexpensive. We have enough money to afford my habits at this point (I can't do a lot of shopping, so it's not like I've spent all of our monthly income on yarn/knitting supplies). But that's my situation. There are a lot of factors which make this situation work for us.

In your situation, I agree with Ingrid. Just explain how it makes you feel, and how can he argue with that?

01-07-2006, 08:31 PM
I'm fully aware of the signs of abuse, Trucker. Been there, done that, kicked the a**hole to the curb. I do not need the lecture.

01-07-2006, 08:43 PM
Pixywhispers and Ingrid said exactly what I was thinking. I'm a SAHM too (I teach preschool 12 hours a week, but don't really consider that my job since it's only 12 hours! :) ) It's hard for the working parent to understand what it's like to stay at home full time with nothing else to do but clean and raise the kids. My DH sounded a little like yours at first. He didn't understand why I needed to go out or have other interests.

I'll never forget the first time I went away for a weekend with my closest girlfriends. We rented a cabin in the mountains and did nothing but scrapbook all weekend. DH thought I was insane! But a day or two after I came back he commented on how relaxed and peaceful I was. We all need a little time away. I just read an article today in a magazine about making yourself a special place in your home. Some people dedicate a whole room to themselves, some just have a special comfy chair that no one else can use. But it's their place to relax and get away from it all.

We all need a little something that is just ours. Meditation is a great way to describe it, and fits knitting perfectly. The softness of the yarn, the movement of the needles, the quietness of it all. I'm going into a trance just thinking about it!

I hope DH comes to accept your hobby. Have you ever knit him something?

01-07-2006, 08:44 PM
YOU are an enabler to spousal abuse and you don't even know that you are being abused too.
Read your post.. "but now that I've discovered online yarn he's all for it". Did you discover it, or is he keeping you in the house so that you "don't have to go out" to shop?
Who is REALLY in charge of your life? Your mother's idea of "how to keep a man", or what YOU REALLY WANT FROM YOUR LIFE????

Whoa, you are completely out of line.
1. I'm not kept in my house. As a matter of fact, I'm a full time college student who drives a 45min commute each way to school. I also work outside of the house.
2. My mother also works outside of the home and both her husband and my fiance do the majority of the housework. So we're not exactly a couple of 1950s housewives.

As for my fiance dislike of me buying high priced yarn at my LYS, I think that's rather reasonable. And him being more accepting of a lower cost alternative is a completely normal response. And no, he doesn't buy my yarn. I do. But when you're entering into a big commitment like marriage and you have joint expenses to look forward to like a wedding and buying a house, he has every right question me paying $8+ for yarn. Just as I have every right to question big purchases he makes.

Now, I'd appreciate it if you would keep your abusive comments to yourself. I don't really appreciate being labeled as an enabler of spousal abuse. That would be verbal abuse right there.

Jan in CA
01-07-2006, 09:24 PM
Trucker...I think you were maybe reading stuff between the lines that wasn't there. It's nice that you are supportive, but be careful labeling people when they've only made one comment.

Anyhoo... Knitqueen I think there is a lot you can take from all the comments here. Find a quiet time to talk calmly to your husband and ask him why your knitting bothers him. What does he think you should be doing instead? I agree with the others I think he's feeling left out and a little jealous somehow. Maybe having a date night every few weeks would make him feel a little better.

My husband is very supportive...although he HAS to be since he's got hobbies up the wazoo and spend quite a bit more on his than I do my knitting! I think he would be anyway. He thinks it's cute. :rollseyes: :roflhard:

01-07-2006, 09:50 PM
I apologize... I had no call to name or label anyone, and I am sincerely sorry.

May I be sacrificed now?

Momma told me there'd be days like this,
there'd be days like this
my momma said

01-07-2006, 09:58 PM
I apologize... I had no call to name or label anyone, and I am sincerely sorry.

May I be sacrificed now?

Momma told me there'd be days like this,
there'd be days like this
my momma said

Thank you so much for this, Trucker. :heart:

01-07-2006, 10:00 PM
Yes, thank you Trucker.

01-07-2006, 10:00 PM
Thank you, Trucker. Apology accepted.

01-07-2006, 10:11 PM
First, I want to tell you all (Trucker included!) that I REALLY appreciate the way you all took this thread, which could have easily become REALLY ugly, and turned it around, maintaining our winning record of drama 0, LUV 1,001!

Trucker....Im getting a vibe that you may have had experiences that lead you to react so strongly to KQs vent. When I started reading this post, I admit I was like :shock: WHOA! :shock: but now I can appreciate your intention to try to protect and empower someone. :heart:

KQ....my DH does sometimes get a little "put off" by my OBSESSION. :lol: You are not alone there. I notice he is more likely to complain when he's had a bad day or is feeling a little overwhelmed by all that he does (he is the type that makes himself "to do" lists that arent even REMOTELY accomplishable by one human person!) I think Ingy is on the right track...I think some of it stems from his own frustration that he doesnt have a hobby that calms him and his feeling that he wouldnt have time for one if he tried to find one. HUGS! :heart:

01-07-2006, 10:49 PM
I am fortunate to have a supportive DH. When I can't understand something, I have him read it to me, and I can always get it after that- even though he has no idea about how to read a pattern :lol: Last night I had to bind off "quize" :?? apparently it was kwise :rofling:
If he were unsupportive of my hobby, I think it would build a bit of resentment between us. It's my outlet, and if he's nagative towrds it, I would become bitter. I hope your DH is able to soon understand your calming and productive hobby.

01-07-2006, 11:01 PM
Ditto KK (the whole post!).

My DH has come around, and now fully supports and embraces my hobby. But when I first got obsessed (and obsessed is definitely the right word in my case), he was a tad judgmental and critical at times. I do think it was partly jealously maybe. But I also think maybe my enthusiasm can be a bit much for less-enthusiastic types sometimes, and so I think he felt a bit overwhelmed by the amount of energy and time I was suddenly putting into this hobby. :XX: :XX: :XX:

Eventually we talked about it, and he thought about it some on his own, and he came to the conclusion that it was a really, really cool and calming hobby (not to mention productive) and he decided to be more supportive. (This isn't to say that he doesn't still sometimes think I go a bit overboard with my obsession, but he mostly keeps his comments to himself and is pretty enthusiastic and supportive about what has come to be a very important (maybe even central?) part of my identity.

It's a pain working these kinds of things through. I hope your dh can come around, and see how important this is to you, and what a good hobby it is, esp. compared to so many other less healthy options out there.

01-07-2006, 11:06 PM
You guys are sooo mature! I belong to another forum, a fitness based one, and there was a VERY ugly thread telling people to mind their business when a couple of people just asked what happened to the leaders (they just dissappeared). It was very uncalled for and petty.

Then I read this, something that is WAY more important and emotional to people, and you guys handled it soooooooo nicely! I was going to respond earlier in defense of Missabi, but reading Trucker's responses, I didnt know how he was going to react, so I deleted it! And now i come back to this, and it makes me smile.

I love you guys!

01-07-2006, 11:09 PM
KQ, I have a friend that I can tell the most awful, complaining, griping things about my husband. She agrees with me about how awful he is and how I have the right to complain and gripe and be really mad at him ..... AND .... she tells me how RIGHT I am ... AND ... she knows after ALL that .... that he is "the best" and I love him and he loves me, bla bla bla...

That's the perspective I had when reading your post :) Sometimes ya just gotta vent!

01-07-2006, 11:09 PM
oh, i kept going on and on in the earlier post, I forgot to say what made me reply in the first place! My bf doesn't "get" knitting even though he's an artist, so he should at least get the joy of completing something that your time went into. And he doesn't wear scarves, or hats, and he asked me to make them for him. I thought it was the sweetest thing. Now, if only he'd make something especially for me! :D

01-07-2006, 11:18 PM
Trucker, your apologies accepted...thank you! :thumbsup:

And thanks also to the rest of you for your responses. I KNOW I have nothing to feel guilty about, so the guilt is coming from my own perception of how my dh feels about it. I think part of it may be the jealousy thing but who knows really, he's not much of a talker but sometimes I can just tell when he's irked, ya know?

Anyways, I'll just keep on and try to love him more too! ;) :inlove:

And no, to answer someone's question, I have never knitted anything for him. His attitude kind of makes me not want to but maybe if I did, he would be in awe of the luciousness of it all and be a convert! :roflhard: [/i]

01-07-2006, 11:26 PM
thats the attitude knitqueen! Make him some he can't live without! I admit--it's hard to knit for guys sometimes..I mean really, how many hats can my dh have (toboggans-sp?)?? Punkhippiemom gave me a great idea for my dh--I'm going to make a needles holder (roll up style) and modify it to hold his pens/pencils/brushes since he's an artist. Maybe you can come up with something creative that he'll really love! Good luck!

01-07-2006, 11:55 PM
KQ, does he have an MP3 player? I know my fiance has asked for one of the ipod cozies. I also saw a knitted laptop bag once. It didn't look too hard.

Just some suggestions beyond a hat or scarf.

I know, Trucker, you're a guy. What knitted items would you suggest. (and God help you if you say angora boxershorts)

01-08-2006, 12:21 AM
Wow that was a turbulant read on the thread.

I too am also proud to call KH home :) Way to go guys on handling an often touchy subject.

I have been on both ends of the love/hate with men and knitting.

My last boyfriend hated that I knitted, all I ever heard was how only grannys did it and that it looked so boring and so on and so forth.
(Needless to say we didn't work out.)

My husband on the other hand, was a little on the fence when I told him I love to knit. He has since fell in love with my knitting and brags about it every chance he gets. On occasion I can get him to pick up a set of needles and cast on a few stitches. (or sometimes he just gently walks over takes my needles, insures theres no dropped stitches, puts them on a table and announces its me time now. I need love..lol)

He still doesn't quite get the fasination still, but as soon as I bring up the 5 rubbermaids of obsolite (but may come in handy one day) computer parts, all bets are off.

lol :)

01-08-2006, 12:27 AM
ooooooooooooooooh i don't know....that could be a good way to make sure you don't keep your hands off of him! :shifty:

i have a teddy bear that is made out of recycled bunny coats that is parked on the table right next to the door of my house.....i think it ensures that she gets rubbed on all the time cuz she is so soft......

so yeah.....angora boxers could have their benefits.... :thinking:


01-08-2006, 12:27 AM
I find it... almost :shock: that any DH, significant other would not support a hobby such as knitting.

People's situations are so unique-- so here is where I am coming from.

My major hobby is horses. *LOL* So even the most pricey yarn at LYS seems like a drop in the bucket in comparison to the cost of my main hobby. And I am honestly not wealthy. I am just your average middle class person. I do not have kids so my horse is my kid. Her board bills and shoes a month cost the same as putting a kid in day care-- so truly it is like having a child-- but non-horse people just view it as a hobby-- I view it as a way of life.

When it comes down to it-- I have not known many horse families to survive marriage for the reasons listed above. I have found you are either a horse person or not and due to the sheer expense, time constraints, and the 365 day nature of it-- a non-horse person in the family tends to slowly not get it and become slightly bitter. Just like I could not give up knitting-- I could never give up horses for anyone-- it is just in my blood and will always be there.

So... getting back to the subject at hand-- I just can not even fathom that someone could not be supportive of something that is pretty darn productive such as knitting.

As for the original post-- my advice would be to have an open conversation. I would have to say and emphasize that you need knitting in your life. As evidenced by your post your husband obviously love you perhaps he just does not truly understand what knitting provides to you.

01-08-2006, 01:37 AM
My last boyfriend hated that I knitted, all I ever heard was how only grannys did it and that it looked so boring and so on and so forth.
(Needless to say we didn't work out.)

I have so much trouble understanding how men like this exist. I can understand being expected to keep yarn purchases down when money is tight. I can understand a man being bummed if he's being ignored for your knitting.

But it's hard for me to picture a man who would resent your hobby. My DF could really care less about my knitting, save that he's glad I have something I enjoy and he likes the things I knit him. He's even learned a bit himself, though he wouldn't really knit much on his own.

But how could someone who loves you resent something that makes you happy?

01-08-2006, 02:12 AM
My boyfriend loves that I knit, but sometimes he thinks I get carried away. I think most of the time when he doesn't like that I am knitting, it's because he doesn't have anything to do, now that I'm doing something without him (even tho he's right there on the couch or the bed), and he's a little jealous that I'm not giving him all my attention during my "extra time". Maybe it's the same thing with your husband?

I have a question tho, have you ever knit him something that he can't let go of? I say if you haven't, then knit him something that he absolutely loves so that maybe he can appreciate what you're drawn to so much. Maybe some pretty lingerie? ;) Or maybe something associated with what he loves to do, whatever that may be.

I knit my boyfriend a blanket, and ever since then he's been really supportive. Of course he was supportive the first time I ever got anything knit, but now he really appreciates the time and effort and love that goes into making something so wonderful.

Or you could tell him that it calms your nerves? Knitting has been said to be a form of meditation, and it's quite possible that knitting calms you down from the ruckuss of the kids during the day ;) It's not like you have some horrible habit like crack smoking or whatever. Unless of course, it's a shopping problem and you spend ALL the money on yarn...then I could see why he might be a little upset, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I know it's urksome to have someone you hold dear not appreciate what you're doing. It really bites, actually. But I hope my advise helps, or that someone else can help. We NEED to convince this guy that you don't need KA (Knitter's Anonymous)! And that it's actually a GOOD thing in regular doses. :D

Edit: And yea, I agree with some other posters on here, that the guy just might not be happy because he isn't as passionate about something creative as you are. Creation is wonderful, and limiting oneself by not creating on a regular basis can be a bummer.

01-08-2006, 02:31 AM
Angela, your 'Edit' may have hit the nail on the head. I've been thinking about this some more, and trying to think 'what is my dh interested in?'. For starters, he is a high school math/chemistry/physics teacher. That's says a bit right there (ie. not much creative energy flowing! ;) ). The other things he enjoys are soccer, and computer games....again, not much creativity. Now I'm not saying that he is jealous of my creativity, but perhaps he just doesn't get how someone could find knitting to be enjoyable and something that they'd want to do every day. I could NEVER see myself playing the computer games that he plays, or see myself playing soccer, let alone even going for a jog! :oops: :lol: We have different interests, and maybe it's just that he doesn't get what the big deal is. To me it IS a big deal and of course the point of this thread has been that I want him to realize that, but I'll keep working on him. Now to figure out what I could make him that he'd LOVE :inlove: :inlove: (and please no one say the weenie warmer!! :shock: ).

By the way, it's not like we are living seperate lives, we have lots of fun together and we do lots of family stuff with the kids, and I don't knit all the time........well........not quite............ ;)

01-08-2006, 02:33 AM
This is going to sound totally stupid, but you know those little net-type things you can buy to stick a soccer ball in so you can kick it without it getting away? You could knit him one of those! :roflhard:

01-08-2006, 02:38 AM
Ah, glad to see we may have gotten some progress, but I do think that it's important for him to at least know and accept that it is important to you to knit, but that it's also okay for him not to be into it. Just like you know that it's okay for you not to be interested in some stuff he likes. You don't pester him about that do you? And if you do, then what's to complain about? lol.

I think that's the main thing, if anything. That's the only real reason that I would be unhappy if someone was so adamant about being unsupportive of one of my hobbies. I would at least want them to be able to accept that it's something I liked to do, but that it's okay for them not to be particularly interested in it. And it's okay if he doesn't understand why you like it either, but if only he'd realize that.

Well now, my boyfriend is begging me to knit him the weenie warmer, but I would suggest maybe knitting an ottoman cover? lol...maybe that's not quite the right thing either...hmm, that's something we'd have to think about, but I'm sure there's bound to be something he'd love to have! What man, or human, for that matter doesn't like to be pampered?

01-08-2006, 02:49 AM
Well he just bought an MP3 player off ebay, yet to be delivered, but I could try to invent a felted little case for that.....hmmm.....now I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight because I'm going to be thinking of ideas.....

01-08-2006, 08:49 AM
My dh is supportive of all my hobbies, I am the creative type and he patiently endures the buying of supplies for a new hobby only for me to drop the hobby a few months later when I am bored. We'll see about the knitting :lol: BUT we were talking today about how, because I am home all day with the kids and out and about a lot more (he works 10 hour days), I end up spending most of the disposable income-which is not much. But I get yarn or fabric or paint or whatever a lot more than he gets a CD. And that doesn't seem very fair (I initiated the conversation and I'm the one who feels it isn't fair, he'd never say anything like that to me). Also, he tells me when he would prefer I not knit and just cuddle him while watching TV and I don't begrudge that at all (well, sometimes I do but I make sure not to seem bummed or irritated or inconvenienced that my awesome dh wants to spend some time with me without me being distracted-especially since, like I said before, we don't get a lot of time together). The best thing we do, in situations like this, is just have a frank conversation about it, where it is okay to say how you really feel and WHY you feel that way even if it seems stupid. I know I get ten times more grouchy and snide about something when I know my reason for hating it is stupid or petty. Maybe that is part of it with your dh, maybe deep down he feels like his reason for not liking it is petty or that he doesn't even have a reason he can specify, maybe he's not giving himself permission to have fun or do something relaxing and he resents your ability to do that. My dh gets caught up in the whole provider anxiety thing where he feels guilty doing things that aren't related to supporting us and helping me with the kids. It is important to our marriage that I tell him it is okay to not be "on" 24/7 and that everyone needs a break and to enjoy himself and not think about us or feel like he should be here, helping all the time. Maybe I have a freakish dh but I think a lot of women discredit how stressful being the main or sole breadwinner can be. And I think a lot of people in general just assume they go to work and everything is so much easier than being at home with the kids. I think BOTH jobs are extremely difficult and it is important for everyone in the marriage to respect and recognize that to each other. Maybe I am reading more into this than is there, dh and I have lots of brainstorming a reason conversations (I tend to be the moody one and lots of times I don't really understand why, which makes me more moody :rollseyes: ) so I am in the habit of doing it. Big hugs, whatever may come, it's weird and ridiculous but one of my favorite things in the whole world is seeing people in a happy marriage. ;)

01-08-2006, 09:26 AM

01-08-2006, 10:18 AM
Ah the dynamics of men and women...
Trucker, as I read this to my husband he had a similar reaction as you. I suspect it was a gut reaction to reading about a women not being treated the way you think they should and wanting to defend aka kill the bugger not treating them properly. So I understood your reaction heh.
We are never always treated the way we wanted, We do sometimes have to put up with , what we consider, silly painful comments. They happen in all relationships on some day or another , in some fashion or another. No relationship is all glory 24/7 if we are honest.
So when we aren't fully "supported" in everything we do by another person, sometimes we have to remember it's not someone elses job to make us happy 24/7, it's our own job.
I liked many of the comments about making your own time/special place.
Make your own happiness, include your hubby/significant other as you can, don't rub it in their nose and you will get what you need from within yourself, which will reflect in your relationship ultimately.
So one hubby thinks knitting is not important. *shrug* That's his problem, you can't change him, but you can change your reflection so that eventually he sees.
Been there done that in many areas and it works.
Always remember that we aren't perfect either and that's all part of the growing up of relationships.
Yes this guy has an issue in this area apparently, but it's a symptom of something else in him, get joy in yourself and love him and he will eventually reflect it back. Being patient in this one area shouldn't be too terribly difficult since you said he's great in others.
Btw, He isn't required to like everything you do :)
Now to get my husband to do dishes *laughs to self and goes to knit*


01-08-2006, 11:59 AM
Hey KnitQueen, I'm a SAHM too and before knitting I was always stressed and didn't really have an outside social life... I only know a few people in this area cause I was raised in WV and with no outside job and the kids are not in school (next year I send my first off :crying: ) I didn't know how to meet anyone.. (which is why basically why the internet holds my friends) Now that I have gotten into knitting I'm not as stressed, don't get short at the end of the day, and I go out to knit classes for time out by myself cause lets face it grocery shopping by yourself its not really the best stress free method of that :lol: Dh is supportive but sometimes I can tell he gets jeaouls.. So now what I try to do is after the kids are in bed when I would normal sit right down and knit I watch a little TV with him till he gets up to go play a computer game and then I knit seems to be working... Although my dh does ask for me to knit for him and others its funny sometimes I have 3 children lol.. I don't know if this is your case or not but I think with my dh its cause he was just use to me being there any ol' time and now he hears wait let me finish this row then you can tell me... thats another way the tv watching helps cause we talk more than we watch... :lol:

Jan in CA
01-08-2006, 12:25 PM
I apologize... I had no call to name or label anyone, and I am sincerely sorry.

It's not always easy to apologize so you get a big :thumbsup:

What a great thread! Knitqeen, a lot of people and probably men especially don't always know how to say or ask for what they want and what comes out their mouths is not what they really mean to say. I think this is a classic case of this...the knitting isn't what really is bothering him so it's up to you to read between the lines. :thinking:

You've received some terrific suggestions about giving him special time and talking things out. I also agree your hubby needs a creative outlet. Ask him what is something he's always wanted to do..what sort of creative things is he interested in, but maybe never pursued for whatever reason. What has he thought of doing when he retires.. He may not be responsive to these queries, but maybe it will make him think at least.

At my age and having been married for 31 yrs I've seen and heard a lot about the guys on the fire dept (DH was a firefighter). A lot of them retire with various hobbies they've either pursued while working (ff have a lot of time off) or after they retired, but there are always a few who just have nothing to do. If you can get your DH thinking now it will serve him later as well. ;)

01-08-2006, 01:31 PM

I know just how you feel. On Friday, my SO and I spent a lot of the day running around and I always spend quite a bit of time doing administrative necessaries for the both of us. I put off my knitting ALL day, so I wouldn't feel guilty and/or be interrupted when I started and my SO, standing at the sink, said to me:

"You don't have anything better to do right now? Why don't you find something to do?"

:( I told him off but good, and locked myself in the room with my yarn.

Needless to say he apologized later.

01-08-2006, 03:04 PM
KH wrote: he is a high school math/chemistry/physics teacher.

Well, KQ, for starters, there's a scarf on the 'Net somewhere called the DNA scarf. Maybe, he could appreciate the double helix in wool. Then I noticed you're in Western Canada. If it's as cold there as it is in Michigan (bordering Ontario), I'd try a pair of those mittens with the fold down top to expose your fingers so you don't have to remove the entire mitt. There's a lot of patterns on knittingpatterncentral.com for them.

My DH, a H.S. English teacher (now retired), never took up a hobby, either; he reads, writes and is an 'Net surfer as well as playing games on the computer. So hobbies tend to be a mystery to him. If I were you, the next time the husband complains about your knitting, I'd just tell him to deal with it; it's not going away.

I also knit while he watches a hockey or basketball game; so we're spending time together.

01-08-2006, 03:26 PM
Well, KQ, for starters, there's a scarf on the 'Net somewhere called the DNA scarf.

Here's the link to said scarf: http://www.twosheep.com/helix/

01-08-2006, 03:33 PM
I married into a family of hobbyists. I dabbled in crafty stuff, but never to a level like I have now with knitting. He was raised playing with model trains, R/C airplanes mostly, and R/C cars too. It's a high volume hobby too, wings everywhere - balsa wood, tools, motors oh my! And now with Ebay, the search goes on!! So, he marries a gal that eventually fills the rest of our barely 900 sq/ft. house with beading,scrapbooking, and my biggest love... YARN!! :XX: For every hrrmphf I get from him, he gets it back on his stuff. And I always tell him that my hobby is much more portable, i don't need a trailer or a Suburban if I'm gonna go out and knit somewhere. So, I go to his fun flies if I can and bring a bag of knitting with. It's fun to sit in the grass or under a canopy listening to the guys do their thing and watching them race their planes and do my thing too! :thumbsup:

Several times he's gotten miffed at how we seem to be swarming in clutter and perhaps we do things like buy more hobby stuff when really there is something deeper that needs dealing with. But I really disagree. Without your own individual "something" to define yourself, what are you to the one you love? We are together because we are who we are. My dad spent many years telling my mom how they would travel and go and do once we kids were grown. Unfortunately, I grew up seeing my parents grow apart and not together. I admire my in-laws because my MIL supports my FIL's hobby and yet she is her own woman and has her own interests as well.

Besides, DH is just glad that this "relaxing" hobby is becoming less of a hazard since there has been less cussin' and flying needles. :roflhard:

I think the DNA scarf would be a fantastic idea for your DH. Even if he's not a scarf-y guy...he'd have to appreciate the thought and of course the effort. You can knit almost anything these days... cripes, if he was a biology teacher, there's that digestive system I saw online a while back... :roflhard:
Keep on keepin' on and thanks for havin' the guts to open up on what is obviously a sensitive subject. ;)

01-08-2006, 03:57 PM
This thread has made me think about a lot.

First I want to share this. When dh and I are watching tv together (and I'm knitting) in the livingroom I put my feet in his lap, I also do that when we are at the kitchen table while hes on the lap top or reading and I'm knitting. He hasn't complained yet. :lol:

agh, dh needs my computer.


01-08-2006, 05:16 PM
DH doesn't always understand, and sometimes complains that I "knit too much" when I could be doing other things... and sometimes he's right. HOWEVER, he has his own creative hobbies like 3D animation, song writing, music recording & production etc... his hobbies are FAR more expensive than mine.. ;) Sometimes he gets engrossed and neglects ... well.. time mostly.. ;) But we always come together in the end. And while he knows that knitting is not necessarily a 'money saver' in regards to garments, but it is a stress saver as DH is very hard to fit.

01-08-2006, 06:26 PM
I think we made some progress today! :cheering:

For one, I have tried to not spend every waking spare moment knitting. I sat next to dh on the couch this afternoon while ds was playing his computer game and we chatted and cuddled. It was nice, even me the knitting-addict will admit that! :inlove: Also, I said to him casually, "maybe I could knit you a case for your MP3 player" to which he said "finally, something you could maybe knit for ME", and I went :figureditout: A HA!! Maybe he feels left out because I so far have only knitted for myself, my kids, and gifts for others. Basically for everyone BUT him :oops: . So anyways, I said "would you like the fact that I knit a bit more if I made you something?" and he said "it would help". Keep in mind that this whole conversation was very casual and with smiles on our faces, I didn't feel defensive and neither did he. It was nice.

So now, I have to figure out what to make him. Thanks for the suggestions so far....I'm leaning towards a felted laptop case or a felted cover for his MP3 player. Maybe I'll try my hand at intarsia and put "SCIENCE ROCKS" on it, or something like that! ;) :roflhard:

01-08-2006, 06:41 PM

He was jealous.. hehe...

Can't wait to see what you make for him :D

01-08-2006, 07:15 PM
This thread has made me think about a lot.

First I want to share this. When dh and I are watching tv together (and I'm knitting) in the livingroom I put my feet in his lap, I also do that when we are at the kitchen table while hes on the lap top or reading and I'm knitting. He hasn't complained yet. :lol:

agh, dh needs my computer.


:rofling: I do this too... And if for some reason he joins me late on the couch and I'm already settled in he gets my legs and puts them in his lap LOL....

01-08-2006, 08:39 PM
let me know if you find a good pattern for a laptopcase, that would be fun for my dh too!

And congrats on progress!!!!

01-08-2006, 09:01 PM
Yay KnitQueen, that does sound like progress! :cheering: It's great that you can talk about it in a casual way when you're feeling close together, that kind of communication is what Sheldon and I rely on most. It's much easier than getting uptight or angry, it feels better and you can express big things in a nice way while cuddling!

Trucker, hug to you. :D

In a roundabout way, this topic reminds me of Christmas at my in-law's this year. One of the inlaws of the inlaws, a rather brash woman, spotted me knitting on the couch and said loudly: "Are you knitting?! :shock:", and when I said yes, she replied in a mocking tone "Are you pregnant? :?eyebrow: "
...:rollseyes: As if that was the only reason I'd want to knit! But that was just rudeness, I wouldn't put that in the same category as KQ's DH. I'm sure with love and communication he'll come around KQ. :heart:

01-08-2006, 09:53 PM
Thanks Amy! :D

Soooo.....does anyone know of a good laptop cover pattern? I know there's one in S 'n B Nation which I'm waiting for from the library, but I KNOW I've seen a free one online too but I can't find it. It was in someone's knitting blog (not on this site) and I remember that the background was a kind of dark green colour, sort of like Marnie's blog.....does that ring a bell with anyone?

01-08-2006, 09:56 PM
i would bet that this one (http://knitty.com/ISSUEsummer05/PATTsatchel.html) would work in the bigger version.

01-08-2006, 10:08 PM
I'd like it for sure.

01-08-2006, 10:13 PM
Here's another one w/o the strap (the one I originally saw): , but personally I'd prefer the strap.


01-08-2006, 10:42 PM
Here's another one w/o the strap (the one I originally saw): , but personally I'd prefer the strap.


Oh my gosh! That's the one I was looking for. Thanks! :happydance:

01-09-2006, 12:09 AM
For every hrrmphf I get from him, he gets it back on his stuff. And I always tell him that my hobby is much more portable, i don't need a trailer or a Suburban if I'm gonna go out and knit somewhere.

I totally agree with this. My DH is as much as a "jumper" as I am.

I have always been a very craft-minded individual, but it has been somewhat difficult for me to produce anything. I am a SAHM, full-time college student, and try to take every craft class I can that doesn't interfere with the above.

My DH is not necessarily unsupportive, but he doesn't understand totally why I like to/am knitting. My first FO was a dishcloth. I offered it to him and he said it was too small so I made him an oversized washcloth (and it even got a little fancy with stripes) and he uses it preferably over any other one in the house. Now he is the only one in the house that has a fancy washcloth and I have to catch everybody else up with one. Maybe you could make your DH one with some kind of math equation on it. That would definitely blow his mind. :??

Knitting has calmed me down quite a bit. I'm not eating as much either. I don't nag my DH about things as much so now he encourages me to buy more yarn and use my coupons freely.

01-09-2006, 03:05 AM
Hurray! I'm glad the suggestion helped! I knew that could be part of the problem ;) I think the ideas you have are great ideas for your hubby! If it gets cold up there, you could try some gloves or mittens, or something small like that. I made some for my boyfriend and he LOVEs them...but it's not been cold enough for him to get ANY use out of them.

It's great to take a break once in a while and catch up with SOs :) But I do admit, it's also great to knit often.

01-09-2006, 08:44 AM
I feel very fortunate that my dh thinks that my knitting is "cute." He chuckles when I ooh and aah over patterns or fibers or needles. He doesn't understand my obsession to this art, but he is supportive. I agree with someone else who said that he is probably jealous that you have found a hobby that doesn't directly include him. We've had that "issue" with some of my other hobbies, especially those that take me out of the house (rubberstamping workshops mostly). He appreciates the arts that I create even though he doesn't always understand it.

Ellen Edwards
01-09-2006, 09:26 AM
This is another reason why I love KnittingHelp so much!! We can discuss anything (so far) without getting rude or offensive to anyone, and apologies are easily offered when needed!

My dh and I may have the longest marriage in the forum--I'm not sure!! We'll have been married 40 years this June 30th. My husband has always played string music with his brothers and friends. When the children were small, he often played here or went elsewhere to play in the evenings. I was jealous at times, because I wanted him with me, and needed his help. But I tried to be understanding as I could. ;) When the children got older, I was able to go with him and I joined the group too, playing guitar and singing. But I've always painted , crocheted, embroidered....you name it--I had to try it. :shock:

I will be the first to admit that when I get interested in something, like knitting, I often get too involved and ignore THINGS that I should do around the house!! I just try to make super-sure I don't ignore my dh while I do it....if he's watching a game, I sit with him and we talk, etc. He's never gotten really interested in a hobby that I've done, but he's always bragging to people about the things I do!! :heart:

You know, when you start a new hobby or passion, it requires a certain amount of materials--and that usually means MONEY. And I DO have to really curtail my spending , because I see something ---usually on sale - and I want to add it to my knitting things!! Sometimes he gently reminds me that our budget is tighter than usual, but he never tells me not to buy anything--I NEED reminding--because it's so easy now to shop online!!! When we were in our early 20's, he became interested in playing the banjo. And our budget was very small and tight. He and his brother went up to Richmond one day and he came home with a Gibson Mastertone 800--which at that time cost $1,000.00!!! :shock: Believe me--we couldn't afford it. But we made payments on it for years, and he plays so great now. and we've both enjoyed the music we've played over the years. I could have really thrown a fit, but I held back, because I knew he wanted it so badly.

Now sometimes when we go play, I'll take my knitting and knit instead of playing and singing the whole time, because I get tired and I want to visit with some of the wives of the players. It doesn't bother him at all, although once in awhile he'll say, "Honey--we miss you !!" or one of the other guys will tell me to "come and play!!" (all of which make me feel good!) But whatever I decide to do is fine with my dh. I'm extremely proud of him because I know I've often spent more than I should on my projects, but he never gets angry about it, and although he's not often asking me what I'm knitting now, or if I can make something for him---he just lets me do my thing, and I let him do his. The older we get, the more we enjoy staying at home, with the TV on, reading and kntting, being online, or playing music together or separately, and visiting with our son and his wife and our grandson on the webcams. I can't think of a time when we've both been any more happy than right now!!

Sorry to write a book, but I've really enjoyed this thread and the many comments!! :inlove:

01-09-2006, 10:15 AM
WOW :shock: miss a day.. and ya miss alot..

There are a lot of good things going on here. This topic, believe it or not, does come up alot..

Luckily, being straight and male, when I decided to knit (from my DAD's example) my wife was supportive.. and she helped out a bit too, because she crochets..

I often get on her about crochet.. but we know it's just fun.. cause I honestly don't like hte look of crochet.. but we will see people out and try to figure if it's crochet'ed or knit'ed.. but that's besides the point..

I know when I was sewing my wife did kinda get on me about it.. cause I would really get into it and go full heart into it.. and I think it's the same, I wasn't making anything for her.. I Was making stuff for the kids and myself.. but eventually I made her maternity clothes and she was happy as a clam and never said anything agin..

It could just be that he feels left out, as others had said.. it could be that he's clining to that old sterotype of "Granny Knitters" ... and people who think this often have the perception .. "I don't want to date my gran".. but then again.. it's all perception.. I think in time he will understand.. but you also have to make him understand that you like it.. and that he should be-grudge you on that.

I mean you stay home all day.. you HAVE free time (he probably doesn't have as much) .. you need something to NOT make you go crazy! :)

My dad just retired and he is taking knitting back up.. because he's going nuts with nothing to do at home.. so..

Anyway.. just my LATE 2cents worth..

01-09-2006, 11:02 AM
Trudy, I really loved your post, I hope dh and I manage to stay so connected when we've been married for 40 years (we are going on 7 now and with 2 small kids I think we do an amazing job of being connected).

I talked to dh about this thread last night and he says he likes it that I knit, he said that out of all the "projects" (any crafty/creative thing I do we call one of my projects) I have done, knitting is the easiest for me to put down and he appreciates that. Not that I don't knit all the time but because it is so mobile and you can stop anywhere in a project, it IS easy for me to put it down if someone is crying or I need to start supper or dh got home and would like me to recognize that. I feel it is because there is not a ton of set up, like painting. I can't leave the set up out because the kids find a way to get into it no matter where it is so I try to finish what I start and that often means ignoring everyone and everything. Anyway, that is neither here nor there but I wanted to share it. :D

Ellen Edwards
01-09-2006, 11:21 AM
Thanks, Arugula! ;) It's not easy for couples today, married in this culture, when everything is so "throw-away"/temporary. Over a 40-year period--plus 3 years of knowing one aother before we married--we've certainly gotten to know what's important and what' s not ( I HOPE!!!). We've been through 3 miscarriages in our early years, many illnesses of mine over the years and my declining health, the births of 2 children (one when I was 17) and the totally unexpected death of our daughter 7 years ago when she was 31. I've often read that couples grow apart or grow much stronger during the tough times in a marriage. Ours definitely grew stronger and although I know that many people aren't believers, we couldn't have made it without our faith. :inlove:

I wish you and your partner many many years of happiness and understanding of one another!! :heart:

01-09-2006, 11:35 AM
Interesting thread. I like the way y'all conduct yo selves round here. With that in mind let me gingerly put my toe in the waters to say not all of us are straight monogomous women with husbands. This is not an admonishment just a "don't forget us non straight attached with husbands middle class white etc" reminder. OK off my soapbox. Femmy ducks away.....

01-09-2006, 11:40 AM
Ellen, Thank you so much for what you wrote.

I used to give my dh a hard time about his geaneology. Hes taken three trips overseas, and he really did let it get out of hand at one point. It only takes up one closet in the house. Lots of $, and lots of time away from us when my bigger kids were tiny and I had no family or friends nearby. It was a stay at home moms nightmare. Anyway it did become a "me or the geneology" thing as he was never home. We were living seperate lives and mine was awlful and his was wonderful. And if he was at home he was on the computer or the phone doing more of his hobby. It really was an obsession. I'm happy to say we are in a much happier place now and have been married for 14 years.

Dh thinks my knitting is an obsession but (the big but) hes ok with it and knows it is not effecting how much attention I give him or my kids or our business. And as someone else said I can put it down immidately if I have to.

Anyway this whole thread got me thinking that in the last 5 years he hasnt had any time for it. So last night I asked him what he could do that would advance his hobby (I hate spelling that word out <grin>) and he said there were some trips he wants to take here in Texas to research some stories. And they sound reasonable. He was so excited that I asked. :D So we started planning for them.

But your letter Ellen made me realize that I dont need to understand his hobby just what it does for him. Tonight Im going to apologize for not getting that before. Of course there were other issues surrounding our problems then, but I want him to know that I do understand that. So thanks.


01-09-2006, 11:49 AM
Interesting thread. I like the way y'all conduct yo selves round here. With that in mind let me gingerly put my toe in the waters to say not all of us are straight monogomous women with husbands. This is not an admonishment just a "don't forget us non straight attached with husbands middle class white etc" reminder. OK off my soapbox. Femmy ducks away.....

Femmy, thanks for that. :D I contemplated how to word the title of this post and thought that since I am a straight female knitter that I'd just go with what I know (ie. mentioning the word 'husband') but sorry if I came across as trying to be exclusive. Everyone's welcome here!!! :heart:

01-09-2006, 11:53 AM
After all the talk of knitting for husbands, I found this site, it has an amzazing amount of gadget cases, covers and neat things.


Jan in CA
01-09-2006, 12:00 PM
I feel very fortunate that my dh thinks that my knitting is "cute." He chuckles when I ooh and aah over patterns or fibers or needles. He doesn't understand my obsession to this art, but he is supportive.

My DH thinks it's "cute", too! He'll chuckle (best word really) when he walks in and I'm sitting there knitting or when I take him the hat I'm making to make him try it on. I've asked what is so funny and he just says it's cute. :rollseyes: LOL However he is supportive in most anything I choose to do. I thought I was the only one who had a DH who actually thinks it's cute. :roflhard:

EDIT: Just read the rest of the posts... Trudy we have been married for 31yrs and I loved your post. I agree with everything you said..it sounds a lot like us. My DH doesn't play music, but he does a lot of other things as you may have seen in my previous posts. I've often called myself a "sailing widow", but I'm fine with it now especially since we're retired. He's well aware of how obsessed we become when we start a new hobby and is accepting of it. He does the same thing so it's all good. ;)

Norman you made some excellent points as well and Femmy I agree..all are welcome here. :cheering:

01-09-2006, 12:02 PM
After all the talk of knitting for husbands, I found this site, it has an amzazing amount of gadget cases, covers and neat things.


HOW COOL! They have a pattern for head phone covers! My kids have headphones for the dvd player in the truck and the baby chewed the covers that came with two of them. I've been racking my brain on what to do. I put socks on them but my big kids would rather be uncomfortable then to have socks near their ears. HA! This is perfect.

Thanks Cutie,


01-09-2006, 12:10 PM
I hate microspun, but I'd consider using it for those headphone covers. It would be really soft and with such a small project, it wouldn't be such a bear to work with.

01-09-2006, 12:12 PM
As a resident computer nerd, I have to say, the laptop bag is a great idea! He'll love it, he'll be able to use it, and best of all he'll be able to puff up his chest and say, "My wife made it for me." Which is a big deal.

Second, as a Computer Tech, let me add a word of caution for the felted bags... it'll need some sort of padding on the inside - this cushions the impact just in case it hits on something. The padding could be a bit of the cheepy mattress pads that you can buy at walmart or something. I'd enclose that in a slicky feeling bag or material... could be the paranoid me, but that's what I'd suggest.

01-09-2006, 12:27 PM
Ack... the first post of this thread made me shudder...

I haven't read the other messages, but i will say that the guy described in the first post sounds incredibly controlling. Putting down your knitting or commenting that you should reduce your coffee/tv intake seems manipulative and kinda nasty.

I had one of those kind of men many moons ago... They never stop. Yeah, he was great in all other aspects but still had that mean streak... NOT ATTRACTIVE to me... I'm glad he's no longer around :) Life is too short to listen to his snide comments about things that are intrinsically interesting to me, nor do i need to feel "put down" by someone I love. I'm sure he misses me ;)


01-09-2006, 12:59 PM
I haven't read the other messages, but i will say that the guy described in the first post sounds incredibly controlling. Putting down your knitting or commenting that you should reduce your coffee/tv intake seems manipulative and kinda nasty.

Let me defend my husband a little bit, here! :heart: I must have worded my post poorly for people to come away with this kind of impression of him :crying: . It makes me very sad actually because he is not that way at all. It was me that was commenting about my own tv/coffee intake, just to clarify on that point.

My husband is not controlling at all, he in in fact quite passive and very mild mannered, most times (as in this case!) I don't know what he is thinking because he doesn't talk much. I don't feel manipulated or controlled, I just don't quite understand (although I'm starting to....) why he feels so slighted by the fact that I knit. That's all, as I've iterated before. Please don't take it any other way.

01-09-2006, 01:20 PM
I just LOVE this site. And I have really enjoyed reading this thread. The bottom line is that as long as you are still interested in solving the problems that come up in your marriage, then you are still on the right track! That is my philosophy anyway.

Good for you KnitQueen! I am so glad that you feel better and that he feels better. The whole "non-confrontational, non-angry" communication is so important. I know it sounds like psycho babble to some, but being able to talk about what you want and what you need in a way that doesn't freak out your partner is so important. My hubby is very much like yours, it sounds. Quiet and somewhat passive, shy about feelings etc. People like that usually need a really warm welcoming safe situation to talk about that stuff.

I think women tend to think about things in terms of how they should be, or how we wish they would be, instead of trying to make how it is work for us. Does that make sense? It's all about compromise, baby!

01-09-2006, 03:54 PM
KQ, I wasn't able to read all of the posts on the thread bc I'm supposed to be in bed, as we know...LOL! But, I had to stop & say that this HUG is for you & I know that you have a great dh from our past chats ;)
As everyone knows, I have a husband that supports my knitting 5000% bc it makes me happy & also helps with my disability; I also support his hobbies & likes. As I've said before, our husbands/mates are all different & show their love in different ways. Just ask him nicely if he feels there is a reason that you shouldn't knit & explain the pressures of being a SAHM & the joy that knitting brings you, as I'm sure he has a hobby that brings him joy. Also, he could have been having a bad day from stresses here & there. But...most importantly, knitting is YOUR sanctuary and make sure that it remains thus :D ! You, as we all do, need your own time, we all need 'ME' time...men & women...HUGS, my knittin' bud ;)