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View Full Version : OT: Need to vent...kinda long


04-26-2006, 11:36 PM
Okay, I'm a bit upset right now, but not as upset as I was 2 hours ago. I went to my first meeting at Curves, I'm taking the 6 week solutions class. I went with the intention (because I was told this) of not having to talk in front of people. I am the shyest person in america. I'm not kidding. Look up introvert in the dictionary and my picture will be there. I swear I have social anxiety disorder. I was also led to believe that the class would be small. (6-8 people) There were 15 other people in there!! So we all sit in a circle, me being a very old 29 yrs old, and the rest of them in their 40's on up.

Don't get me wrong, kudos to them for doing it, but I am the only one who isn't a member yet. I wanted to see how I'd like it there before I give them anymore of my money. The woman picked on me 3 times!!! I never asked one question, because I didn't have any!! My face got all red, I stuttered like I was put on the hot seat, which I was...

Why am I telling you all this? Because you all are so nice and kind and I just feel better getting it off my chest. Sorry, off topic here...

It was supposed to be a half hour, it turned out to be an hour and a half!! :shock: I was so sick from being nervous all day and then I needed to take some medicine and of course I forgot my stupid water bottle so I had to get up and ask for some and she didn't seem real thrilled with me for that, what was I supposed to do?? Then as I sit down, and me being a complete idiot, I put the water bottle between my knees - yes, I already opened it :doh: - and went to lean down to get my pill and squirt-all over my lap. (its okay to laugh here if you want :crying: ) All over my chair, so now I'm sitting in a huge puddle of water thinking to myself, okay who just saw that? :oops: I had basically wet my pants.

Okay, now as I type this I'm beginning to smile now. :blush: Am I the only person this stuff happens to? I have been cursed from birth and it just keeps going.

It was such a terrible night. I find out that I'm the only young person there - I mean no offense to the 40 somethings out there. Then I find out that the majority of the food I'm supposed to try and eat I can't. I can't eat like 80% of it. :shock: And the protein shakes suck, and I can't handle vitamins, my system just doesn't agree with them, I get so sick. Even if I take them with a meal. Ugh, why me???

To top it off, no one was nice to me. Now as I said earlier I'm quite the introvert, BUT I do smile and say hello to people. I may not make conversation, but I am polite. I'm not rude by any means. I wasn't raised that way. Sigh, even though I just told you all a very embarrasing story, I feel a bit better. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. :)

humblestumble
04-26-2006, 11:54 PM
:heart: :heart: Sorry to hear about your rough experience! We all go through humiliation, and even much worse than yours! (IE: my mom peed herself in 9th grade because they wouldnt let her use the bathroom during a test, but that's only one example)

I'm sure you can find something out there that will work for you, there's something out there to suit everyone. ;) cheer up, sugah

Friskums
04-26-2006, 11:56 PM
I totally know how you feel. I'm a very polite extremely introvert as well. So sorry to hear that they weren't very nice to you. Sucks when people...er...suck.

Doesn't sound like that's really the group/way to go for you. I'm sure there's another program available that's much more suited to you.

It's good to vent, too. I'm sure lots of us here can relate.

*hugs* for you! Hope the rest of the night is a little better for ya. :heart:

:heart: :heart: Sorry to hear about your rough experience! We all go through humiliation, and even much worse than yours! (IE: my mom peed herself in 9th grade because they wouldnt let her use the bathroom during a test, but that's only one example)
My mom peed herself when she got caught shoplifting when she was a teen. (Don't tell her I told! ;) )

callmesusan
04-26-2006, 11:57 PM
sounds like it might not be the right group for you. I think with those group meeting type things you might want to visit a few, if you can, to find one that you feel comfortable in. And, I think a 30 minute meeting should be 30 minutes. Good luck.

glomper
04-27-2006, 12:57 AM
The best way to find a good place is by word of mouth. Or if you are are a bit shy see if you can find a friend who would like to go with you and do the programme also. You could also try going somewhere where you have a 1 on 1 consultation like Jenny Craigs or Sureslim but that would probably be more expensive. Weight Watchers are an option also.

Good luck

IrishBaby
04-27-2006, 06:13 AM
Awwww... I'm sorry that happened to you! (((((((hug))))))))))

horve1
04-27-2006, 06:26 AM
:heart: :heart: :heart:

bjc1050
04-27-2006, 09:13 AM
Sorry you had such a bad experience. I get nervous speaking to a large group of people, too. The adrenalin goes into overload. However, They may have just been trying to show some interest in you rather than wanting to embarrass you. After all you were new to the group. They may have been trying to make you feel welcome although they could have done it more gradually.

Angelia
04-27-2006, 09:21 AM
:heart: :heart: Hugs to you!! :heart: :heart:

I teach and talk a lot here, but I am actually painfully shy and do not like being forced into group situations. If I choose them, I'm fine, of course because I'm prepared for them. So, I can completely understand how you feel. Besides, you went there expecting one thing, and they really pulled the rug out from under you--how disorienting! I agree with the others--it doesn't sound like the right atmosphere for you. :heart:

dustinac
04-27-2006, 09:24 AM
:rofling: we have so much in common from inlaws to this LOL

I make myself sick before I have to do anything.. when I was expecting both of my kids the night before every dr appt I would be sooo sick.. I had to make my appts in the morning so I could get it over with... I turn red and stutter around too... very shy in person and I don't like huge crowds and stay away from things like this.. I even get sick before going to an air show with my husband... I hate feeling that way... one of the reasons why I haven't joined curves.. I've been losing weight for awhile now and was doing good got back into my old jeans and then I hit the wall.. can't get any lower and my mom has been telling me I should try this cause one just opened up in our area... I could go after dh is home from work but the thought.. well I can't do it... it took major forcing from my dh and my mom to get me involved at my LYS once the first few times are over I'm ok... unless I'm put on the spot... I'm sorry you had this experience but know your not alone!!! ;)

rebecca
04-27-2006, 10:07 AM
I am so very, very sorry that this happened to you. I do so hope that you didn't have to pay for this humiliation. I hope that you find the program for you ;)

mulene
04-27-2006, 10:14 AM
I suffer badly from anxiety and I am extremely shy. I know that this comes across to people as me being aloof, but I just don't know how to have conversations with people.

I get very nervous, but the one thing that always suddenly seems to make the nerves vanish is if I get angry.

I'm afraid in your shoes I would have been rather angry and when I get angry there is no stopping me. I'd have stood up, vented about how cruddy she was to you, reminded her that the 30 mins was up long ago, told her how rude she was and likely walked out.

I don't know what a curves class / meeting is at all - but I'm guessing some kind of diet program? Quite honestly, having done weight watchers previously (and found it good with the exception that I didn't like the woman running my local one) I recently started something very different.

I went to see an Ayervedic homeopathic guy - he questioned me, told me what my dosha was and told me what was good and bad to eat to match my dosha. I've lost 30lbs. The biggest thing? Cutting out bread (all wheat products), sugar and soda drinks.

Anyway, massive sympathy from me, I know how horrible it is when people make you feel like a complete outsider. http://www.allemoticons.com/Crazy/Crazy_hug_tweetz.gif

04-27-2006, 10:18 AM
Thanks you guys :heart: :heart: :heart: I really do feel better "talking" about it with you all. I'm so glad I found this board, aside from the knitting part! ;)

The only crappy thing about it is that I had to pay up front for everything and I still have 5 more weeks to go! :crying: I think maybe I'll give it one more week and if its too much for me then I'll walk away. I even told my husband that I was dreading last night. He is so great, he completely understands how I feel and doesn't make me feel like a weirdo. :lol:

And I don't have any friends. Just my hubby. At my last job I had a few 'office buddies' but once we left work (they closed the branch I was at) they all went bye bye. Plus they weren't really friends either. More like people you eat lunch with and that's about it. Oh well, to be honest I really don't mind it being just the two of us. Growing up I was always forced to make friends with people I didn't like and now it's like I'm 'rebelling' and saying hey, if I don't like them then I'm not going to fake it! Boy did my parents screw me up or what? :rofling: :rofling:

I either laugh about it or cry. And crying gives me a migraine. :rollseyes:

Thanks again for letting me vent. You all are the bestest!!

margie
04-27-2006, 10:27 AM
:heart: :heart: :heart:

I wish I had some advice for you............I'm glad that you can come here and vent! I hope that next week goes more smoothly for you. :heart:

Angelia
04-27-2006, 10:55 AM
Ack, I didn't know you'd paid already--I thought it was a free trial day!

Maybe you can talk to the manager or someone in charge, let her know your concerns, and she'll work with you. Curves is supposed to be (or claims to be) very sensitive to women's needs, so maybe there's something you can do to make the most of your time there. Sending good exercise-y vibes your way! :heart: :heart:

janelanespaintbrush
04-27-2006, 12:23 PM
First of all, kudos to you for even trying curves -- I'm too shy to even consider something like that! It really bites that you had to prepay for 6 weeks... do you think you could email them about getting a refund since the class was so different from what you were led to believe? (Like you would have voluntarily paid to be tortured.) I suggest email because it would probably be less stressful than doing it in person or on the phone. If nothing else, they'd at least be aware of what happened, and maybe be more sensitive to others in the future. I know it's hard to be assertive, but in this situation, it may be easier than trying to endure another class! (Then again, maybe next week will be much easier and you'll all end up being best friends. Who knows. I'd personally be chicken and just write an email.)

P.S. I'm pretty lazy about exercise (okay, make that very lazy), but for a while, I was doing some exercise DVDs and that was actually pretty fun. (I've unfortunately not been good about doing them lately, though I do go on occasional walks with DH.) The nice thing about DVDs is that you can be as klutzy as you want and nobody will see or judge you. At the same time, you're not really alone since you've got the instructor(s) teaching and encouraging you. If you're interested, let me know, and I could probably suggest a few titles. (Some are definitely better than others. In fact, some are downright annoying and should be avoided at all costs.)

cheesiesmom
04-27-2006, 01:12 PM
And I don't have any friends. Just my hubby. At my last job I had a few 'office buddies' but once we left work (they closed the branch I was at) they all went bye bye. Plus they weren't really friends either. More like people you eat lunch with and that's about it. Oh well, to be honest I really don't mind it being just the two of us.

Sweetie, I feel for you, really. I was in my 40's before I felt comfortable speaking in front of a group. I am also like you. No friends; just the DH. Acquaintances at work, church, etc. but no one close. (My DD feels the same way.) I need to warn you, though. It's been my husband and I (and the kids) for the last 40 years. He's retired (semi; teaches part time; no hobbies except the internet). I still work full time. (Knitting and work are my life since the kids grew up and left.) There are times when I really wish I had just ONE 'girl' friend to lunch with, gossip, take in a movie. I know it isn't easy, but I can't urge you enough to create and widen a circle of friends. I know you love your husband and all, but you really need friends. I know it isn't easy. I always felt like a fifth wheel in group situations. I guess I should have pushed myself more. I know this is something that is sadly lacking in my life and would hope that you can find a way to develop some relationships with other women.

As for this class, well if they won't refund any of your money, and you husband is OK with it, you could just chalk it up to experience and chuck the whole thing.

If you're looking for some way to diet, I can't say enough about the Nutri-System program. I've lost 15# in three months, an enormous achievement for me and it is very easy to follow. No classes, no cheering section (a la Weight Watchers), no confessional speeches. Just me and my diet. (Again, a solo, solitary solution. But I'm finding it works.)

bjc1050
04-27-2006, 03:00 PM
Seems that we knitters have a main personality characteristic in common...no close friends besides husbands. I really don't mind persuing solitary hobbies. In fact, I've grown so accustomed to it that I NEED lots of personal space and get rather testy if I don't get it. :lol:

Angelia
04-27-2006, 03:09 PM
OMG, me too! I'm such a homebody that I really resent being asked to do things away from home! The dh and I were laughing about that very thing the other day as we were on our way to a family function that neither of us wanted to attend, and not because we don't love the relatives. No, we just didn't want to go anywhere! :rofling:

cheesiesmom
04-27-2006, 03:46 PM
I think there's a difference between being a homebody and not having any circle of friends. Someday you may wake up and find that you missed an important aspect in your life.

04-27-2006, 03:47 PM
I get very nervous, but the one thing that always suddenly seems to make the nerves vanish is if I get angry.

OMG, I'm the same way!! I can be the most shy person in the world but god forbid someone pisses me off, I become like a freakin' lunatic. That is the only time I can actually say what I want to and not be embarrassed about it later! Of course it takes a bit for me to reach that point, but look out when I get there!!

Honestly I really don't mind being by myself. I grew up with always having to have friends, which I did love my friends, I just didn't love being pushed into what I didn't want to do.

I do have a couple of friends from back home that I still write too and call. Amazingly they are both older women. I have always gotten along better with older women than women my age. I have yet to figure that part out.?? Maybe its because I found them to be more real and down to earth and not so consumed with looks, things and whatever. :thinking:

It just seems like women my age are all about competing with each other and I did that all through high school and I just decided that I didn't want to do that anymore.

As crazy as this sounds, it's so nice to know so many of you are like me. I don't feel so alone anymore.

I will call them and ask that I not be put on the spot anymore, that'll take some time for me to work up the courage though :blush: This class is basically about teaching us how to eat better and what we can and cannot eat, it shows us how to calculate food. A whole slew of things, but their protein shakes suck! Like drinking sand. ugh.

04-27-2006, 03:48 PM
I think there's a difference between being a homebody and not having any circle of friends. Someday you may wake up and find that you missed an important aspect in your life.

I'm not really missing anything, I'm just taking a break from it!! :rofling:

RachelJean
04-27-2006, 04:06 PM
I'm the same way as many of you. I'm pretty shy, and my DH is my best friend. I'd rather stay home most of the time than go out anywhere. I do enjoy family gatherings because I feel comfortable at them. However, I am really working at trying to be a bit more sociable with people outside the family because I have two kids. They need to see me making friends so that they will grow up knowing how. It's not easy, but nobody ever said parenting would be easy. ;)

Angelia
04-27-2006, 05:20 PM
I think there's a difference between being a homebody and not having any circle of friends. Someday you may wake up and find that you missed an important aspect in your life.

I'm not really missing anything, I'm just taking a break from it!! :rofling:

:roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard:

LeslieA
04-27-2006, 05:49 PM
I am like alot of you here too. I am shy, I don't like being around people I don't know and heaven forbid If I have to talk. Hubby is my best friend too and I like staying home too, but when we do go out I want it too just be us, no inlaws etc.

I would call curves this way you don't have to look them in the face and tell them what you think that is always the worst. I can usually do better if I can call instead of go somewhere.

I wish you luck!

Ellen Edwards
04-27-2006, 06:03 PM
I have to put in my 2 cents worth as well. I'm a very quiet person, and am not good at "joining" things!! I would be terrified at Curves, and I think you're so brave to go out and try it!! But I WOULD ask them if a refund were possible if you don't feel that they are any kinder the next time you go--and I think you'd at least feel better if you wrote them and told them just WHY you felt so isolated!! I know these women don't pay their money to be friendly--but it costs NOTHING to be kind to another person!!

My husband is my best friend and always will be. We have a little band and play music together (mostly acoustic music--like bluegrass--for about 40 years, now!), and I know people think that because I'll play and sing in front of a crowd that I MUST be out-going! When we get into a small group, I feel so shy that I cling to my guitar with one hand and my husband with the other! Sometimes, I can be a bit more outgoing, but I feel that I'm sort of "acting" when I do, you know?? I have a good sense of humor, and I like people, it's just that I don't like being , I guess, "focused on". Sounds crazy--since I play and sing, but I can get lost in that!!

Yep--I'm crazy! :rollseyes:

Wonder if knitting appeals to loners more!!? :shock:

dustinac
04-27-2006, 08:56 PM
:thinking: ya know I'm the same way :rofling: I only have one friend from school I talk to once every few months on the phone... other than that my friends were met online ahemm.. brendajos... but I don't have anyone here in my town that I can meet for some knitting time together.. I do have one that I met online but she doesn't knit and with work we never get to meet up so we just swap e-mails back and forth....I do have an older gal pal who says she adopted a grandfamily :lol: . I have one that use to talk daily but now try to at least once/twice a week but again met her online and she lives out of state.. but really I don't miss it or feel the need for it... My dh says I'm a hermit... but I just don't feel comfy out and about with people so I'm fine staying home and being outdoors.. sitting on my swing.. I don't very often say I wish I had someone close by... I've always been that way though so is my dad &brother.. my mom loves people... My dad isn't very trusting of anyone basically you have to earn his trust first which is how I am to some degree.. I love spending time at home with my hubby and hate when Monday rolls around again.. he is my best friend and then my mom who I talk to at least 2 times a day...

When I did work I was friendly and worked in a very social atomosphere...I think part of it might because we moved to another state and I don't work.. my kids are not in school so I'm not really out there meeting people... all my family is in WV and my friends are scattered in several states... I tell dh what will I do in 4yrs when my youngest starts school that worries me getting back out there... he tells me if I want to stay at home I should and not worry about it.. but thinks it would be best for me to get out and socialize with others :lol: he is trying to talk me into sitting up a knitting thing once a month on Saturday... at the local coffee shop.. I looked at him and said but whoo would I ask :shock: he said just print up some flyers and hang them up and tell your LYS.. but :shock: :rofling:

04-27-2006, 11:22 PM
I have to put in my 2 cents worth as well. I'm a very quiet person, and am not good at "joining" things!! I would be terrified at Curves, and I think you're so brave to go out and try it!! Wonder if knitting appeals to loners more!!? :shock:

I wasn't really scared until right before I had to leave yesterday. I was actually more excited after I paid for it, I felt like I was making a positive step towards becoming a more healthy eater. And I was also thinking that there wouldn't be a whole room full of women, so that too was a plus. I was misinformed. :crying:

To be fair she didn't say that the class was going to be that small she just implied it. So I took it to heart. Why don't I ever learn?? :doh: Plus when I went in to pay there was only 1 woman working out!! So I thought, wow, this would be the perfect time for me to go, but alas this is not too be.

It took a lot of guts for me to actually try this because of my shyness and to have it blow up in my face like that really sucks. Ah, such is life.

For some reason I don't feel like I need to have friends right now. Sure there are some days it would be nice, but those days are few and far between. I figure that once we take the 'kid' plunge that'll be a requirement so I guess I'm enjoying the solitude right now. Not that it'll be any easier then :pray:

jdee
04-28-2006, 12:10 AM
Doglover,

I soooo feel for you. I am on meds for depression, and I also suffer from axiety....and I've tried the Curves thing. I think I only attended for a week, before deciding I didn't belong. Did they make you take that hateful figure analysis, where the toothpick sized woman measures what feels like your entire body at the time? I came home and cried like a two year old to my husband.

Well, I'm off to bed now, but tomorrow, I'll tell you something that happened to me when I was a teenager. That is, if you want to hear it.

Jennifer

04-28-2006, 12:23 PM
Doglover,

I soooo feel for you. I am on meds for depression, and I also suffer from axiety....and I've tried the Curves thing. I think I only attended for a week, before deciding I didn't belong. Did they make you take that hateful figure analysis, where the toothpick sized woman measures what feels like your entire body at the time? I came home and cried like a two year old to my husband.

Well, I'm off to bed now, but tomorrow, I'll tell you something that happened to me when I was a teenager. That is, if you want to hear it.

Jennifer

I was measured last week, that was pretty horrible, but the girl who did it wasn't a size 2 either, so that helped. :lol: I'm thinking of calling today to ask for my money back. Wish me luck.

I'd love to hear your story, Jennifer. Thanks for sharing. ;)

jdee
04-28-2006, 03:30 PM
I really admire you for going for it (Curves), and who knows, you might find out that you like it more than you thought you would. I just never did. I felt like I was surrounded by thin, beautiful people, and I just never got comfortable. Forgive me if my post last night sounded rushed. I was getting ready for bed, but I just had to write something before shutting down my computer. The year I tried Curves, I swear, I could have written the same things you wrote. I felt like I was reading my own book.

Anyway, here's my embarrasement story. :oops:
I can't believe I'm telling this, but here goes...

I don't remember how old I was, but I know I was still in high school, because I was living in Irving. Our house was kind of old, and my room was located at the end of the hall. Across from my room, was a back door. I guess because the house was old, the door would sometimes rattle, and make noise, when the wind blew hard enough.
Anyway, I was in my room one night, a windy night, and the door was rattling really hard. I don't remember exactly why, but I got really spooked. I was scared to open my bedroom door, because for some reason I thought someone was in the hall. (I have a very vivid imagination, by the way) Finally, I mustered up enough nerve to leave my room, and make a run for it. As I turned the corner to go into the living room, one of our cats jumped out at me. I guess she was in the mood to play, or something, but it scared the daylights out of me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, and peed my pants.

Now if that wasn't bad enough, the fact that my Mom's brother was visiting from Houston at the time, and saw the whole thing, made it almost unbearably humiliating. :roflhard:

04-28-2006, 04:15 PM
Anyway, here's my embarrasement story. :oops:
I can't believe I'm telling this, but here goes...

I don't remember how old I was, but I know I was still in high school, because I was living in Irving. Our house was kind of old, and my room was located at the end of the hall. Across from my room, was a back door. I guess because the house was old, the door would sometimes rattle, and make noise, when the wind blew hard enough.
Anyway, I was in my room one night, a windy night, and the door was rattling really hard. I don't remember exactly why, but I got really spooked. I was scared to open my bedroom door, because for some reason I thought someone was in the hall. (I have a very vivid imagination, by the way) Finally, I mustered up enough nerve to leave my room, and make a run for it. As I turned the corner to go into the living room, one of our cats jumped out at me. I guess she was in the mood to play, or something, but it scared the daylights out of me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, and peed my pants.

Now if that wasn't bad enough, the fact that my Mom's brother was visiting from Houston at the time, and saw the whole thing, made it almost unbearably humiliating. :roflhard:

Oh my dear, I'm so sorry that happened to you, but that sounds like something that would happen to me! I'm so cursed its not funny. :rofling:

Thanks for sharing, I feel a lot better. Even if I didn't actually do it, it still looked that way!! Oy vey...