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View Full Version : OT: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus material


amy
05-07-2006, 11:07 PM
I put this link to John Gray's new online video material in my sig last week, and I'm wondering if anyone's watched any of the videos.

I love the relationship material personally, I've gotten a lot out of his book, it helped me to communicate with Sheldon, and understand him far better (and my Dad as well). I also learned the wonderful art of how to ask for what I want without it being a big deal. His video stuff on relationships looks great, much in line with his books. I know some people dislike the material, I think you either relate to it or not, and since he speaks in generalizations it can rub folks the wrong way if they don't relate. But if you do relate, it can be very useful material.

I'm reading and watching his health/wellness material for the first time. I take it with a grain of salt. He's got a doctorate degree, but it's not in the medical sciences, and he admits he's not primarily a scientist, but a gatherer of information. It's a bit frustrating, because I'd like to hear more of the background and science behind his statements. For instance he attributes chlorine to being a major cancer-cause in our modern world, and then proceeds to describe chlorine as an acid, and it's not, it's got a neutral PH according to Sheldon, who says it's a salt, not an acid. I don't know if this glitch affects his argument or not, and I can't tell from his statements. I have an open mind about it, but I'd love to hear more facts. Anyone hear anything to back up or dispell any of his claims?

Any other fans of his relationship material out there?

knittingdoula
05-08-2006, 01:20 AM
Well, here's another perspective on John Gray.

I'm an Orthodox Jew. A strict one. Like the Jews one might see wandering around Brooklyn. My husband looks like a rabbi (and gets mistaken as one constantly, which is always amusing), and we live our lives (well, we try to, anyway) in accordance with the Torah.

Part of Orthodox Judaism is listening to our leaders in the Torah world, known as Gedolim (which basically means Great Rabbi). We go to them with religious questions, concerns, etc. I have personally asked questions ranging from if a particular chicken was kosher to how I should best educate my child to marital issues. My husband and I pay a lot of attention to these wonderful leaders.

Having said that, I will say that I've heard quite a few of these very religious men suggest John Grey's books. They praise his approach because it recognizes the inherent differences in men and women and how each can endeavor to communicate more effectively. While John Grey is certainly not a religious writer, he certainly has the respect of many great religious leaders.

So there you go. I like the book and its' positions, for the most part. He probably stretches beyond his true knowledge base a little more than he should, but whatever. A lot of his ideas are terrific.

Alison

iza
05-08-2006, 11:20 AM
See, I think the fact that he can be completely wrong about something like chlorine and cancer makes me think that one should be REALLY careful when reading this guy's books. When I flipped through his book, it's pretty clear that he writes about things people WANT to hear and WANT to believe, which is why these books sell very well... but it doesn't make these things TRUE. Being a woman in engineering and working with men all the time, I must say reality is more complex than what you can find in these books. Personally, I suffer from statements such as "women are like this, men are like that", because I can generally not relate to the definitions and yet I do "feel like a woman", thank you very much. I'm a knitter after all! ;)

If you relate to the author's generalizations, it can be a way to better know yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. But I think the danger is when you try to use them to understand people around you. In my opinion, people should be free to be what they want to be. It makes life more complicated of course, because instead of going in books to know people around you and limit yourself to highly hypothetical descriptions, it requires an effort from your part to REALLY know and understand them. But I think it is the only way to fully respect people you interact with. Anyways, this is only my opinion, of course... :oops:

amy
05-09-2006, 12:10 AM
LOL Iza, like I said, you either love or hate his material. That's cool, I respect your point, and I've heard it from other friends as well. I think educated people intuitively have a knee-jerk reaction to being categorized, because they understand how confining categories can be. That's smart, in my opinion, steryotypes can be harmful, and I think it's great to break them often and avoiding creating them is even better! :D

I guess the reason I like this material, it because I understand it to be a tool for bridging differences, not a tool for establishing rules or stereotypes. Certainly the attitude of the author is all about bridging differences in communication styles, with the goal of eliminating missunderstandings, so that trust and love can thrive between people with different communication styles. He never says or even implies that men should be one way and women another. That's not the point at all. To me it's sort of like learning another language. You don't assume everyone will speak it, but it comes in handy to know it when you do encounter it, things make more sense. I use "Martian language skills" very often, with both men and women, and it's just helped me to expand my perspective, because I didn't have those skills before.

As far as his health/wellness material, I'm glad to see John Gray sharing ideas about general health, certainly most of what he says that I've read is common sense to me, and excellent info. I just wish he would embrace the scientific model a bit more when explaining his more unique ideas. He does very well in explaining things in laymans terms, but if you want to follow up and read more, you're in trouble, because there's zero footnotes in his health book. Arrrrghhhhh. He has very fascinating ideas though. I'm hoping someone open-minded but critical will watch some of the videos, because I'd love to discuss some of the topics.

His ideas on weightloss are apparently very successful, that's how he came to partner with the co-host of the show. She ran a weightloss study, and was intrigued that his methods were more successful than several others they tried.

Freyja
05-09-2006, 12:56 AM
I have friends who love his books. They also enjoy reading self-help books. I tend to gravitate to art, literature, folk, and knitting books. I am looking at my shelves and most of what I have, are books that inspires me, in one way or the other. If his books insprie you, more power to them. :thumbsup:

mulene
05-09-2006, 04:54 AM
I've not read his books.. the weightloss thing though when you mentioned Acid immediately made me think of "Dr" Joshi - he who treats Gwennyth Paltrow and a host of other "starlets" and of course the ordinarly layman/woman.

I am wondering if "Dr" Gray makes the same assertions in his health program.. Does he talk about our bodies being more acid than alkaline and that we need to reach a slightly alkaline state rather than a slightly acidic state? Is it a common sense detox program he is talking about?

Basically, "Dr" Joshi has a similar program, and one of the big things he tells people to cut out is wheat products. I am very very very much a sceptic on 'alternative' healthcare methods - long story behind why I am a sceptic but there is good reason for it. I have to say though, in a state of dispair and desperation, on recommendation from a colleague, I went to see "Dr" Joshi and have been following his program with surprisingly successful results.

Joshi does make similar strange assertions to things being acidic

I have heard many people praise Men are from Mars Women are from Venus for relationship 'gap bridging' - I have even had it recommended to me along with "How to win friends and influence people" as good management training books.

amy
05-09-2006, 01:24 PM
Thanks Freyja. I used to read a lot of self help books, but I've not been into them for years. Of all the ones I've read, only a couple really stood out and had a real positive impact on my life. John Gray's book was the most impacting on my life. I guess I just related to it.

Mulene, yes John Gray does talk about how to avoid a very acid state in the body, by cutting down sugar primarily I think, and he also states that an acid state in the body increases cancer risk dramatically. OH! Maybe THAT's what he meant by chlorine, maybe his point is that the body reacts by creating acid, not that it was acidic. Actually, I think that may be true, so THAT makes much more sense. Well, I'm glad to at least get that puzzle figured out in his reasoning!

It seems I'm in the minority in appreciating John Gray's relationship material. It's baffling to me, because his main Mars Venus relationship book was a #1 & #2 bestseller worldwide for years! I mean, it's baffling that I've not encountered more folks who are enthusiastic about his material, when it was such a popular seller. Perhaps it sold better outside of the US or something! :?? It's nice to read your warm and supportive replies, though. Thanks for being so respectful of what I value. :heart:

Here's my sig with the John Gray links, for the record. If anyone does watch any of the videos with an open mind, feel free to PM me, I'd love to hear your thoughts!
-------------------
~Amy

John Gray now has a free online video series, check it out (http://www.verticalawareness.com/)!...This stuff is just excellent relationship know-how. His book (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060574216/sr=8-1/qid=1145845435/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-8333216-2618415?%5Fencoding=UTF8)is why Sheldon and I are happily married. He's also got a new health/wellness book, and some of these free online videos are on that topic.
http://www.knittinghelp.com/knitting/images/forum-posts/graynattras.jpg (http://www.verticalawareness.com/)