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View Full Version : OT: Ever had a REALLY bad year?


TwoLeftNeedles
06-18-2006, 02:54 PM
This isn't a plea for sympathy or advice. You don't have to think of anything nice or helpful to say. I'm just hoping that by putting a few things down in print the emotional pressures within will ease up a little.

DS7 was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. The school and I got pretty sick of seeing each other this year. BUT -- I focused on how high functioning he is, how fortunate we are to have worked out our marriage issues before this hit us, how lucky we can afford to get him help, and how generous the response was on this forum that lead us to some really good help.

Then DH's cluster headaches came out of remission and he had to be out of work for two, almost three, months. BUT -- focused on the fact that we recovered some of the lost income through short-term disability, and thanked God for the Family and Medical Leave Act that kept him from losing his job entirely.

Now, at the ripe old age of 47, I am told I have Parkinson's Disease.

I absolutely cannot fall apart. DH panics if I'm anxious or unhappy -- for him to be able to help me, I have to stay calm, optomistic and assured. I don't want to be a sad sack with a litany of woes to recite every time someone asks, "How are you?" The soap opera of my life just isn't that interesting to someone not living it.

In fact, unless I decide to pay someone to listen to me feel sorry for myself, I can't think of a soul it would benefit.

So why am I telling you? Because I felt compelled to tell SOMEBODY, and you have the advantage of being able to escape with the click of a mouse button without having to worry about seeming rude.

Ingrid
06-18-2006, 03:10 PM
:heart: :pray: :heart: :pray: What else is there to say? :(

Sara
06-18-2006, 03:15 PM
First-- :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: MAJOR hugs for you!!! :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

And---
This is the place to come for a shoulder and a ready ear. I have had some really crappy years (decades) and I wish this forum had been around for them. Everybody here would probably hate me, but oh well.

Is DH back at work? Do you have a treatment plan for the Parkinson's, or are you in the early stages of investigation?

Keep your chin up, don't be afraid to ask for sympathy or advice. :heart:

Amber
06-18-2006, 03:30 PM
(((((hugs))))) :heart: :heart: :heart: My grandmother had Parkinson's Disease. I know that they are making advances all the time and I hope and pray that they find a cure very, very soon.

I'm with Sara in offering you my shoulder or ear whenever you need it!

Celine
06-18-2006, 04:21 PM
I'm so sorry for your bad year. Take one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other and you will get through it.

I have arthritis and I hurt every day with it and some days are worse then others. Sometimes having a quick cry helps me. I have a strong faith in Jesus so I talk to Him about it and I take one day at a time.

May God Bless you and your family . :lol:

TwoLeftNeedles
06-18-2006, 05:38 PM
Thanks for your kindness, ladies. Celine, faith is my greatest joy.

I 'overdid it' at the computer one day almost a year ago and ended up with an aching shoulder. I assumed that if I laid off the mouse and stuff, it would get better. My husband and I made a marriage retreat a month later which involved a lot of writing, and I blamed my lack of progress on that. Mom was convinced it was knitting that was keeping me from healing.

By Thanksgiving family were commenting on the tremor I'd developed in my right arm. I'd also lost the ability to write legibly. My husband kept nagging me to go to the doctor, but I would say that a doctor would just tell me not to use the arm til it healed, and I could do that myself.

At Christmas a dear friend visited, and she said she'd had repetitive strain injuries that felt similar and showed me some stretches that her physical therapist had given her. They helped with the pain somewhat.

It wasn't untili April that we had DS's situation at school somewhat under control and DH's cluster headache bout was starting to wind down enough for him to resume work. I decided I could sneak a doc's visit in for myself. The doctor didn't like the tremor and referred me to a neurologist. I finally got in to see one on Thursday this week.

The neurologist thinks I had the cart before the horse.. that it was actually the beginnings of rgidity from Parkinson's that set my shoulder up to be injured. Now, of course, I flash back to wondering wny it was hard to manipulate the mouse with normal speed and precision (blame the cordless mouse), and how annoyed I was with my blurry vision that a new prescription didn't help with (blame dry eyes from computer use) -- both subtle warning signs of Parkinson's.

In the end, I have two options:

1.- Have Parkinson's and wallow in misery, or
2.- Have Parkinson's and make the best of it

As not having Parkinson's isn't an option, it only makes sense to choose the second (even if I did take a moment there to wallow in it).

I feel a bit like Blanche DuBois -- depending on the kindness of strangers. Your gifts of caring mean much. You gift not only me, but those around me have their burden of support eased a little bit as well.

Treeling
06-18-2006, 06:11 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your rough year and your challenging diagnosis! It sounds to me like you've already proved your strength and grace when dealing with life's curve-balls, and I imagine they are going to stand you in good stead as you develop plans and strategies for living with Parkinson's.

Keep venting (I'd call it "coping aloud") and I (and I'm sure many others) will keep sending up good thoughts for you.

sara_jayne
06-18-2006, 06:24 PM
:heart: :heart: :heart:

CarmenIbanez
06-18-2006, 07:22 PM
It isn't easy to be the one who has to keep the stiff optimistic upper lip in the family. I am that person too, so I sympathize. But here you can lean on us all and let us be the optimistics!

rebecca
06-18-2006, 07:24 PM
I'm so glad that you came here to chat about this, we are friends here ;)
I'm so sorry that life hasn't been so peachy this year. Please know that I am praying for you and your family...I am here to chat anytime that you wish.
I'm also happy to see that your disposition is so good, that's marvelous, and, speaking from experience (I'm 47 and have been disabled for 20 years) I will tell you that having a good attitude and faith (especially faith) will see you thru the rough spots. Please don't hesitate to pm or email me should you feel like it...you are in my prayers :heart:

Shandeh
06-18-2006, 08:21 PM
:pray: :angelgrin:
:angelgrin: :pray:
:pray: :angelgrin:
:angelgrin: :pray:
:pray: :angelgrin:
:angelgrin: :pray:
:pray: :angelgrin:

callmesusan
06-18-2006, 08:33 PM
:crying: :crying:

Here is hoping you will find peace in every present moment. :heart:

AnreeAce
06-18-2006, 08:39 PM
:heart:

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Since you can't fall apart at home, go ahead and do it here. We're all here for you.

All my best wishes for you! Be strong.

abby001
06-18-2006, 10:22 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about the rough time you're having. I thought my year was bad until I read about yours.

DH had a mild stroke in late March. He's run over 100 marathons and eats very healthily so this was a shock to us. He has atrial fibrillation and that's being blamed for the stroke. Then the day before Mother's Day our 16 year old Lab, Abby died. The good part of that was that we got to have her as a member of our family for such a long time, she only had one bad day before she died, and we didn't have to make the decision to end her life.

I'm glad you can find support here and know that we care even though all we can provide is moral support.

Hugs to you and your family.

KellyK
06-18-2006, 11:05 PM
I absolutely cannot fall apart. DH panics if I'm anxious or unhappy -- for him to be able to help me, I have to stay calm, optomistic and assured. I don't want to be a sad sack with a litany of woes to recite every time someone asks, "How are you?" The soap opera of my life just isn't that interesting to someone not living it.

In fact, unless I decide to pay someone to listen to me feel sorry for myself, I can't think of a soul it would benefit.

First, Im sending the BIGGEST HUGS I can muster. :heart: :heart: :heart:

Second, I work with seniors and, while you are not one, I see people and their families who have multiple challenges to face.

I can tell you that caregivers absolutely MUST take care of themselves.... physically, emotionally and spiritually, if they are expected to take GOOD care of their loved ones. I've seen people that, without meaning to, get burnt out taking care of someone they really love, and it affects not only the care they are able to give, but the quality of time they spend with that person. Relationships suffer and no one benefits.

It sounds like you are going to have a circle of care-giving at your house. If you are to take care of your son and your DH and do it WELL, if your DH is going to take care of you and your son like he will want to, you HAVE to take care of yourselves individually, too.

It sounds like you are ready to face your medical care plan head on...and GOOD for you! And, Im SO glad that you found that KH is the WONDERFUL community that it is....I have felt the compassion and kindness of friends here too many times to count already.

But, please dont be afraid to seek professional help as well. The most emotionally healthy, stable person in the WORLD would be knocked on their butt by all that you have had to face in the last year, and the promise of what's to come in the future for you, for your son, and the uncertainty of your DHs condition.

Your whole FAMILY is going to need all the strength you can gather. You are going to use all kinds of resources along your journey. Asperger's specialists and community organizations for your son, Parkinson's for you. Dont forget about the emotional support resources that will be available to you, as well.

Even when a family is fairly healthy, who says they cant get even BETTER and STRONGER together? Anything to avoid the possibility of burnt-out, you know?

I wish only the best for you... and Im sending MORE HUGS! Those are ALWAYS available here! :heart: :heart: :heart:

Jan in CA
06-18-2006, 11:40 PM
Big hugs to you! :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

dustinac
06-19-2006, 07:49 AM
:pray: Prayers to you and your family :heart:

mulene
06-19-2006, 07:57 AM
:heart: :heart: and ((((HUGS)))) to you. :pray:

Not much else to say but that bad years suck moneky hoo has and that even the Queen of England had an Annus Horibilis. Some years just blow, I hope that the next 12 months will allow you a more peaceful time of it, and I agree there are times when carers need to step back and care a little for themseves.

Lana
06-19-2006, 08:29 AM
When I saw your subject title, I thought of 1979. All but one of us ended up in the hospital, multiple times. If bad things really do come in "threes", we knew when we got to four, more was in store.

You sound like you have the ability and determination to learn coping skills to move you forward. I believe attitude has a lot to do with how well we manage and cope with the unexpected things that arise in our lives.

My suggestion is to learn as much as you can about the things that affect your family. From personal experience, the school system might end up being your biggest challenge.

VictoiseC
06-19-2006, 12:48 PM
My prayers and love go out to you and your DH.... yup, one day at a time.
:heart: :heart: :heart:

Vic

burnsie9999
06-19-2006, 02:38 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. :pray: