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Curlykat
10-26-2006, 02:22 PM
I just wanted to get another opinion on an issue I'm (potentially) facing, so hope y'all can help me out!!

DH and I are trying to get pregnant, but an opportunity has arisen in which I have a VERY good chance at getting a new job which is 3 minutes down the road (rather than a 45-minute commute) and pays $3 more per hour.

In Ontario, a woman has to work for her employer for 13 weeks to be able to get maternity benefits, so I'd definitely be able to get in my 13 weeks (considering I'm not even pregnant yet!!).

Now here is the dilemma: would you take a job, knowing full well you're planning to leave for a whole year, next year, if everything goes according to plan?? The new job would be at a small dental office, so it isn't the kind of place where people come and go all the time.

Sigh. Advice needed. Knitters - weigh in, please!!

ebrperk
10-26-2006, 02:28 PM
I would say if you only have to work there 13 weeks to get maternity benefits go for it. If you are only a few minutes away from home maybe you could work part time if you wanted and still go home to see the baby at lunch or something like that.

brendajos
10-26-2006, 02:28 PM
I would say take the job. You have no real idea how long it will take you to get pregnant and it would stink to lose out on that opportunity if it takes you some time to get pregnant.

I am probably the HR person's least favorite person for making that kind of suggestion but seriously....if you got pregnant "accidentally" it would reeeeeeeally be a different situation for them.

Curlykat
10-26-2006, 02:32 PM
I would say take the job. You have no real idea how long it will take you to get pregnant and it would stink to lose out on that opportunity if it takes you some time to get pregnant.

This is what DH says, but I guess I just would feel bad for this poor little dentist, who thinks he's hiring someone to be a good employee and then all of a sudden, I take off for a year!!!

cookworm
10-26-2006, 02:33 PM
Just my humble opinion :wink: but I'd say go for the new job. If it's much closer to home and it pays more, why not? If you're planning on working through the pregnancy, you will appreciate that shorter commute greatly as you get farther along and you're tired at the end of the day (I had a 2 hour commute each way when I was pregnant the first time...it's no picnic!). It's true that you're looking to leave not so long in the future if things go according to your plan, but think about the fact that the same thing could happen if you took this job and you and your husband maybe weren't planning for a pregnancy (maybe a little "surprise" happened), and you'd have to leave in that circumstance, too? I'm all for trying to be fair to an employer, but you also have to consider what will work best for you and your family, too. Plus, if you're considering maybe going back to work and they would hold the job for you, it will be nice being so close to home. Just my humble opinion, though. Good luck! :heart:

Quiara
10-26-2006, 02:49 PM
I agree with everyone else. It really just makes good sense. Plus, $3 more/hr = MORE YARN MONEY. How can you say no? :twisted:

Curlykat
10-26-2006, 03:16 PM
I agree with everyone else. It really just makes good sense. Plus, $3 more/hr = MORE YARN MONEY. How can you say no? :twisted:

Oooh, you bad, bad person, you! I just sorted out my meager stash and have realized that I have inherited, through various places/people, a really crappy bunch of acrylic. Need more, and better, yarn!!!!

brendajos
10-26-2006, 03:37 PM
I agree with everyone else. It really just makes good sense. Plus, $3 more/hr = MORE YARN MONEY. How can you say no? :twisted:

Oooh, you bad, bad person, you! I just sorted out my meager stash and have realized that I have inherited, through various places/people, a really crappy bunch of acrylic. Need more, and better, yarn!!!!



okay that just sent me into a fit of giggles...

Quiara
10-26-2006, 03:40 PM
I'll just sit here quietly and pet the mmmmmmalabrigo I got in the mail today. *pet pet* Not that I'm trying to tempt you or anything . . . Not me. Nope. *petpet*

janelanespaintbrush
10-26-2006, 03:49 PM
Maybe I'm a weirdo, but I personally would have some qualms about it. I don't think he can legally ask you about that sort of thing, but I would want to be up-front about my future availability anyway. For all you know, he may appreciate your honesty so much that it works in your favor. (Who doesn't want an employee with that quality?) Then again, that might blow it right there. But you know, that's just me, and it's easy for me to say that when I'm not close to the situation. I can't help but think that if I were the employer, I'd feel frustrated (even deceived), if my employee had to leave after a short time, especially if I found out later that it wasn't an "accident."

Curlykat
10-26-2006, 03:51 PM
I'll just sit here quietly and pet the mmmmmmalabrigo I got in the mail today. *pet pet* Not that I'm trying to tempt you or anything . . . Not me. Nope. *petpet*

I've never had any mmmmmalabrigo, maybe I should invest in some?!? :thumbsup:

Curlykat
10-26-2006, 03:52 PM
Maybe I'm a weirdo, but I personally would have some qualms about it. I don't think he can legally ask you about that sort of thing, but I would want to be up-front about my future availability anyway. For all you know, he may appreciate your honesty so much that it works in your favor. (Who doesn't want an employee with that quality?) Then again, that might blow it right there. But you know, that's just me, and it's easy for me to say that when I'm not close to the situation. I can't help but think that if I were the employer, I'd feel frustrated (even deceived), if my employee had to leave after a short time, especially if I found out later that it wasn't an "accident."

Yes! That's how I've been feeling about the situation, but wanted to get some feedback from others.

Quiara
10-26-2006, 03:54 PM
Realistically, though, she's looking at almost a year before leaving. There are the 40 weeks of pregnancy as well as however long it actually takes them to get pregnant. I don't think it's honestly a hardship to the employer in this case, though I am more apt to think it will work against her to be upfront. There are laws against asking about that sort of thing because it is a prejudicial point. She isn't pregnant yet; she just wants to be. If she were 3 months pregnant and then looking at doing this, then that'd be one thing, but I think she's ethically in the clear not telling him, because frankly, the fact that she and her husband are trying to conceive is really no one's business until and unless she wants it to be. But that's just my opinion.

brendajos
10-26-2006, 04:04 PM
*nods* I would have had a different answer if she were already pregnant.


Funny story...A friend of mine and I were starting to work at a brand new business and she took me to lunch one day and swore me to secrecy because she was pregnant. (okay that looks weird but i am amused by it so not changing it!) She couldn't figure out how to tell our boss because he was a very very nice dad-like guy. We seriously had no business coming in and there was nothing for us to do so her being gone really wouldn't be an issue. (it was his job to get us business not ours!) Anyway I told her that it shouldn't be that big of a deal since we sit around all day doing nothing....she said "I am not worried about that! I just don't like giving people confirmation that me and my husband do, indeed, have sex!"

:roflhard: :teehee: :roflhard:

Jeep_Girl
10-26-2006, 04:12 PM
I would NOT say anything about your plans for a family. A) you don't know if you will be able to get pregnant or how long it would take you to get pregnant and B) it just MIGHT affect if they will hire you.

Quite frankly, it is risk that any employer takes when hiring a woman - they just may become pregnant someday.

Lisa Kay
10-26-2006, 04:51 PM
I would NOT say anything about your plans for a family. A) you don't know if you will be able to get pregnant or how long it would take you to get pregnant and B) it just MIGHT affect if they will hire you.

Quite frankly, it is risk that any employer takes when hiring a woman - they just may become pregnant someday.

I agree completely!

It might be a different story if you were already pregnant. But you aren't. If you are the best person for the job and get hired, they should be glad to have you and be willing to deal with maternity issues that come up in the future.

janelanespaintbrush
10-26-2006, 04:56 PM
Realistically, though, she's looking at almost a year before leaving. There are the 40 weeks of pregnancy as well as however long it actually takes them to get pregnant. I don't think it's honestly a hardship to the employer in this case, though I am more apt to think it will work against her to be upfront. There are laws against asking about that sort of thing because it is a prejudicial point. She isn't pregnant yet; she just wants to be. If she were 3 months pregnant and then looking at doing this, then that'd be one thing, but I think she's ethically in the clear not telling him, because frankly, the fact that she and her husband are trying to conceive is really no one's business until and unless she wants it to be. But that's just my opinion.

All excellent points, and I totally agree with you on every one of them, but it's one thing to be ethically "in the clear" and another thing to feel good about it. If it were me, I know I'd want to tell him, not so much out of obligation, but to assuage my conscience. Of course, now that say it that way, it sounds a little selfish, strangely enough, and part of me now thinks that maybe Curlykat should put what's right for her family first. But still, I can totally see where she's coming from, because it would bother me too.

Dilly
10-26-2006, 05:05 PM
It's discrimination for them not to hire you if you are pregnant or might become pregnant, and you could report them for that. I say go for it!

I'm in New Brunswick, and maternity leave here is only paid at 55% of your regular income, unless the employer supplements it, which rarely happens. I would suggest you apply for the new job, especially because of the opportunity for a pay increase. 55% of $3 more per hour will add up over the year!

You future family plans are none of their business!

zazzu
10-26-2006, 05:08 PM
It might be a different story if you were already pregnant. But you aren't.

A friend of mine hired a woman who hid her pregnancy (with clothing) for the interviews. Once hired, the company was required to provide her with maternity leave. This was in California, so there was no "13 week" rule and it really put the other employees out, since it was such a small office.


If you are the best person for the job and get hired, they should be glad to have you and be willing to deal with maternity issues that come up in the future.

Exactly. Most employers realize that this will be an issue when they hire women of child-bearing age. That's partly why I didn't feel too bad for my friend who unknowingly hired the pregnant woman. I asked why they didn't hire a man, if it was such a concern. She said, "We can't afford a man's salary. We had to go with a woman." :roll:

Julie
10-26-2006, 05:20 PM
I asked why they didn't hire a man, if it was such a concern. She said, "We can't afford a man's salary. We had to go with a woman." :roll:

o m g

can you hear my blood boiling all the way over here???

:wall: :wall: :wall:

brendajos
10-26-2006, 05:25 PM
I asked why they didn't hire a man, if it was such a concern. She said, "We can't afford a man's salary. We had to go with a woman." :roll:

o m g

can you hear my blood boiling all the way over here???

:wall: :wall: :wall:


okay i would seriously have to make that person not be my friend anymore after that! (seriously that is no judgement on you just that i would have been so mad i wouldn't be able to talk to her!) And the idea that she wasn't offended just saying it is amazing to me.

Jeep_Girl
10-26-2006, 05:41 PM
It might not have been her friend but the hiring practices of the company. And unfortunately, this type of inequality in pay and jobs still exists and probably will for a long time.

10-26-2006, 06:17 PM
I asked why they didn't hire a man, if it was such a concern. She said, "We can't afford a man's salary. We had to go with a woman." :roll:

o m g

can you hear my blood boiling all the way over here???

:wall: :wall: :wall:

That just made me want to smack someone. I must channel this annoyance by knitting some more.

My opinion, go for the job. It's none of their business what you and your hubby are planning. Things happen, women have babies and companies just deal with it. It's the circle of life.

(scratching chin, I suddenly feel the urge to sing a song. :teehee: )

brendajos
10-26-2006, 06:37 PM
It might not have been her friend but the hiring practices of the company. And unfortunately, this type of inequality in pay and jobs still exists and probably will for a long time.


Yeah I know but that doesn't mean it isn't annoying!

Jeep_Girl
10-26-2006, 06:54 PM
Trust me. I've been on the receiving end of that practice! I know how annoying it is!

dustinac
10-26-2006, 09:37 PM
I would take it too.. cause like posted before you don't know how long it will take for you to become pregnant.. :hug:

nikic
10-26-2006, 10:12 PM
I would take the job, and like the others said, do not mention it at all.

SandraEllen
10-27-2006, 07:43 AM
I agree with everyone else here. I think it would be totally deceitful to not tell them if you were already pregnant, but i don't think you need to feel dirty about not telling them about your future plans. Pregnancy plans may not work out how you are planning to, and, heaven forbid, you might even change your mind.

Since maternity leave there is a government mandated and regulated thing, I'm sure employers have to deal with this all the time and that's why there is minimum working time before they have to pay out.

cara
10-27-2006, 10:05 AM
take the job and don't mention it. Imagine if they were looking to hire a man. The employer would 'assume' that he would not be taking any parental leave. But we know that leagally in Canada he is entitled to 32 weeks of it. So how is it any different?

I recently took a job (I've been self employed for years thus don't qualify for EI/Maternity benefits) and I told them up front that I wanted to be on a 'payroll' so that I would qualify for maternity benefits for my next baby. The were totally cool with that. Mind you the company is run and owned by women/moms. So they GET it. you know?

Men don't always get it.

Legally they can't ask you what your family plans are and you are NOT entitled to tell them.

Take the job, deal with the rest when it happens.

Curlykat
10-27-2006, 10:05 AM
Thanks, everyone, for your input. :muah: I had a long talk with DH and my MIL last night. That isn't as weird as it sounds, she's retiring at this office and will GREATLY have a say in who replaces her. Yay nepotism!!

Anyway, I decided to go for it and see what happens!! Wish me luck!!

janelanespaintbrush
10-27-2006, 10:58 AM
I've never seen someone cheer so whole-heartedly for nepotism. :teehee:

Hey, you didn't mention the MIL aspect before. If she's for it, definitely go for it. I'm sure she has the office's interests in mind, as well as your's. Who knows -- maybe she will want to pick up some extra hours while you're on maternity leave.

GOOD LUCK! :cheering: :muah:

zazzu
10-27-2006, 12:20 PM
It might not have been her friend but the hiring practices of the company. And unfortunately, this type of inequality in pay and jobs still exists and probably will for a long time.

At the time, I felt it was a bit of both. My friend was done raising her kids and didn't have a lot of tolerance for co-workers who had child-oriented demands. That's why I asked (defensively) why they didn't hire a man...I was put off by her attitude that pregnant women/young mothers didn't belong in HER office.

It's sickening to me that so many women in the workplace sabotage other women instead of being the least bit supportive. :verysad:

I'm glad that in Curlykat's case this doesn't seem to be a problem :D

janelanespaintbrush
10-27-2006, 12:24 PM
My friend was done raising her kids and didn't have a lot of tolerance for co-workers who had child-oriented demands.

Wow. That's surprising. I've heard of women who had that attitude because they gave up the chance to have kids in order to further their careers, but you think she'd be more sympathetic having raised some herself. Maybe she thinks other women shouldn't have any advantages that weren't available to her.