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*KnitPixie*
12-12-2006, 08:35 PM
I was knitting socks and My fiance's mom says "why knit them when you can just buy them" :!!!: Cause I want to you $%#@& Grr.. sometimes she can be sooo rude


Oh and by the way a week later she asked me how come I never knit her anything and she would really like a blanket. My reply was go buy one :teehee:

ecuzzacrea
12-12-2006, 08:37 PM
:roflhard: - your comment back to her was great!!!

*KnitPixie*
12-12-2006, 08:38 PM
yeah I meant to put this in that dumb comment post but I messed up oh well :teehee:

Jan in CA
12-12-2006, 08:38 PM
:teehee: If she says anything again I think I'd say that knitting anything is a lot of work along with the fun and you want someone who'd appreciate it. :doh:

cara
12-12-2006, 08:49 PM
My MIL was visiting and she was watching me knit. I was doing a hat for my neice. Just a simple ribbed touque. anyways, so she says, "I would love a hat. You could knit me one. You know what I would really like? A French Beret in Black"

WTF? first of all I think that she is too much of a snob to wear anything 'homemade' so she would never wear it anyways.

She said.. "I'll buy you a pattern and yarn".. I said... umm... "it isn't that simple.. I need to read the patter to find out what kind of yarn it calls for and it may not even be a kind I like working with!"

She doesn't knit, or needlepoint or sew or have any clue about how long it would take me nor how much work it would be. She couldn't possibly really appreciate it.

I feel for ya!!!!!!!!!! Aren't MIL's fun?!

UGGGGGGGG

*KnitPixie*
12-12-2006, 08:56 PM
You could knit me one. You know what I would really like? A French Beret in Black"

how rude :roll: what a way to volunteer your services? Thats how my future MIL is...demanding, it can be so annoying

Oh and I forgot to mention in my story she didnt want a throw or anything she wanted a king size blanket with little holes she said. soo basically she tried to volunteer me to knit a king size blanket with size 2 needles and didnt volunteer to pay for anything :shock: uh oh wait till I get married and the kids come..life is going to be hard

cara
12-12-2006, 08:59 PM
uh oh wait till I get married and the kids come..life is going to be hard

Luckily my MIL lives in Montreal.. an 8 hour drive from me. The upside.. .we don't see her a lot. :cheering: The down side, when we do see her, she stays for a week or more at a time. :wall:

we have a baby, and she is constantly dishing out 'info' on how to raise her better/differently. You have no idea how many times I have bit my tongue when I just want to tell her to STFU!

Eloewien
12-12-2006, 09:43 PM
Thankfully, my MIL loves whatever I happen to make her as long as it's in the right colors (reds, browns or golds), it's soft and I made it :) We have very similar taste, so it's not too hard. I'm actually going to make a victorian lacework shawl at some point for her.

aineepooh1
12-12-2006, 10:04 PM
:cheering: :cheering: to you for how you handled the situation.
However, I would suggest finding a way to set limits with her in a polite way so she can learn EARLY on that your knitting is a HANDMADE gift that is full of blood, sweats and a labor of love. Maybe THEN she can learn to be a THANKFUL recipient.! :doh:

jberry16
12-13-2006, 12:39 PM
I personally dont care for my mil and would tell her that if she wants something knit (esp a big blanket or even a damn hat) that I'd teach her how to knit-refer her to this site-which she'd have to get a computer and an isp and then she could knit her own :!!!: stuff...she drives me crazy- don't get me started because it would become a full on rant! :grrr:

nonny2t
12-13-2006, 01:38 PM
From the standpoint of being a mother-in-law (though I adore my dil and sil and they like me too) I think you need to be careful starting out on the wrong foot with her. I don't know her or her personality and I know that mother's of son's especially can be pretty difficult sometimes, but you don't want to have your whole married life in front of you facing attilla the mum.

She may never come around to being a wonderful mil, but you are going to have to deal with her your whole married life and being snotty to her even with her dumb comments will just make it harder for you to deal with her on any kind of basis. Pain in the behind MIL's have longggggggg memories and when you and hubby have a disagreement about her, and you will, she has ammunition to add to the fire.

I would make her something without her expecting it or seeing it beforehand. It doesn't have to be anything big or difficult, but giving her a surprise makes points at least with your fiance and shows him you are trying to get along with her and be nice to her.

I used to make things for my mil and we would go to visit her and she would be selling them in a yard sale! That happened more than once. I refused to let my husband make an issue of it, but changed my tactics and if I made her something, made it personal. She may have put it in a closet, but it had her name on it and she couldn't sell it. A few months before she died, we were there for Christmas and Jack and I had been married about 17 years. She gave me her wedding rings to hold for my dd even though she had a daughter and her dd had girls. She said she wanted my Kelly to have them. I could see it in her eyes that she understood that I had tried with her and she was really nice to me. I can honestly say, when she passes away just 2 months later on Valentine's Day that we had no bad feelings or words between us. On her wedding day my dd has those wedding rings sewn into a garter I made for her to wear and my dil wore it for her wedding too.

Us old ladies aren't always as sensitive as we should be and are sometimes down right stupid. Give her a chance. Jesus said that if a man needs your coat, give him your shirt too. Go the extra mile with her, she may never appreciate it but your fiance/husband surely will and you will be the better for it.

Faye

jberry16
12-13-2006, 01:52 PM
wow nonny, that's really great advice. I'll have to try it.

cookworm
12-13-2006, 02:04 PM
I'm very lucky about my MIL with knitting because she's been crocheting forever and her mother knitted, so I don't think I'd ever hear any comments hinting that knitting is "a waste" because you can just go buy the stuff (although maybe I'm wrong here). Also, she appreciates the time and work that goes into stuff, although I'm not so sure she liked the knitted item I made for her (then again, I'm not married to the favorite son! :teehee: ) I get little comments here and there about things about my decisions, but I try to ignore them. She obviously thinks I'm wrong for my decisions, so what good what it do to argue with her? :shrug:
I knitted something special for my MIL for a special event, and she didn't seem too thrilled about it (although maybe she was but just didn't express it; I caught her off guard by giving this to her), but I was prepared for this type of reaction. When I held that knitted item for the last time before wrapping it, I thought to myself, "Well, this is a gift, and you're supposed to give gifts freely, so that means if she doesn't get all crazy over it, that's okay...release her from the 'obligation' of having to make a big stink about it, and you won't be hurt, mad, or frustrated. It's a gift, and if she chooses to use it as a throw rug, that's her choice--don't attach any strings to this gift". So that's what I did. I chose to make her something special and that was that. If she chose not to appreciate it or whatever, then so be it.

I like to knit, and I may choose to make something for somebody that may not appreciate the time and trouble of what goes into it. Some people may surprise you and although they may not like "homemade" gifts, they do like "one of a kind" gifts--how many people do you know can get something as uniquely designed as "Fetching" (http://knitty.com/ISSUEsummer06/PATTfetching.html) from a retail store, maybe in a "their" colors (like Eloewien said)--I've seen that kind of reaction before from people that I was sure didn't like "homemade" stuff, but loved unique, one-of-a-kind things. In any case, because I like to knit, I may choose to knit something just for the sake of knitting, and if nothing else (the recipient doesn't appreciate it), at least I got in some extra practice in by knitting that item; if it's an item I've never knitted before, then I learned extra techniques and a new pattern. You never know--a MIL might appreciate a hand-knitted gift, knowing you took the time to spend knitting something just for her (a little schmoozing may go a long way!), although, I wouldn't go out of my way to make a whole entire blanket! :shock: I'd definitely keep it small. Even if MIL's don't appreciate the effort, we can know that we made the good Samaritan effort trying to do something thoughtful and nice. I think it's really common for DIL's to feel like they want to have a relationship with their MIL like they have with their own mom, but it's not a common thing to find (out of the years I've known other married women, only one woman I know loved her MIL more than her own mother and felt that her MIL was a better mom than her own). So maybe we set up too high of expectations of our MIL's? :shrug:

Faye/nonny2t, what you said really hits home and makes a lot of sense...it's great advice. :heart: I'm glad I read this post. I don't want to have any regrets when my MIL passes away; I'd like to know that I really tried to be as good of a DIL as I could, not feeling sorry that I "shoulda" or "coulda" done something else.

nonny2t
12-13-2006, 02:41 PM
Faye/nonny2t, what you said really hits home and makes a lot of sense...it's great advice. :heart: I'm glad I read this post. I don't want to have any regrets when my MIL passes away; I'd like to know that I really tried to be as good of a DIL as I could, not feeling sorry that I "shoulda" or "coulda" done something else.

To extend that a little, my sister rarely spent time with my mom, who could be difficult, never called her, bought her gifts, sent her cards or anything like that. Out of 4 children, I was the only one that spent time with her and it was no picnic, believe me. When my mom died unexpectedly of diabetic complications, my sister could not deal with the guilt. You shouldn't ever live with guilt. It can eat you alive. I make sure that either I get to the bottom of a problem, or usually I forgive them and let it go. It is no way to live your life with regrets. They are impossible to get over when you can't rectify the situation.

I have someone in my life right now who hurts me all the time never caring or thinking what she is doing. She can be rude and downright mean sometimes. I used to live with it day to day always being hurt and angry and then I came to realize that she would never change so I must. I had to let the things she did go because she is someone you can't talk to or reason with. I still get stung from something she does from time to time, but I get over it pretty fast. When I die, I can say that I never hurt her feelings, always treated her well and loved her with all my heart.

losnana
12-13-2006, 03:12 PM
Having been a dil, and beingt a mil, I totally agree with Nonny said. When it comes to rearing children, I think both sides need to realize that the opinions on what is the proper way to do this changes, as do most things, from one generation to the next. We didn't do things the way our mothers and mils did, and mothers of yojng children now don't do things the way we did. I bet they all come out okay, though, with plenty of love. We all need to remember that no wife is good enough for OUR sons, and no mil is as good, in most cases, as our own mothers.
When it comes to knitting, however, it is hard to make and give something to someone and not have it appreciated. I'm not yet at the point that I can shrug and just think of how much I enjoyed the knitting and learning. Maybe one day. I guess we all could use more patience. Do they sell that at most LYSs?

nadja la claire
12-13-2006, 06:11 PM
I was knitting socks and My fiance's mom says "why knit them when you can just buy them" :!!!: Cause I want to you $%#@& Grr.. sometimes she can be sooo rude


Oh and by the way a week later she asked me how come I never knit her anything and she would really like a blanket. My reply was go buy one :teehee:

:cheering: :roflhard: Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!! :roflhard: :cheering:

Nadja xxx

Debbie
12-13-2006, 06:43 PM
:) my first thought was ... you too may someday be a MIL :)

snowbear
12-13-2006, 08:27 PM
When my dd married, I put all the past dating problems behind me and refused to discuss it or let it hurt me. My sil is a Marine and they had had their fights. When the baby came I made sure to restate many many times. This is your child, Listen to your heart. If you want my advice, I'll give it, but you have to choose what the 2 of you want to do. I've stood by that advice.

His mother, is another story, lol and needless to say I've had a few 911 calls for info & advice. No bigee, and they have a beautiful 23 month old, and a soon to be born son,, when the granddaughter turns 2, ( I am saying prayers for my dd now)

I told my sil, the past was that, and the 2 of us have been able to forge a type of relationship that we can talk and even lol together. When his buddies asked how I was.. he replied.. "she's ok" that meant more to me than anything else.

We accept each other, and get on each's others nerves, but communicate totally , only when calm.

They first lived in VA< now live in CA.. I'm in kc, mo. So, I have an open invitiation anytime.. especially holidays... which i'm flying out in1 week.lol

His mother refuses to let them live their own lives, tries to lay guilt trips on them, and causes problems. Now, both her & his father are telling them when this child is going to be born, lol.. as if they can tell when the stork is coming.

anyways... long story short. Be communicative, pick your battles, you want to win the war... the little skirmishes don't always have to be won.

Eloewien
12-13-2006, 08:45 PM
I am incredibly spoiled with my MIL. Unfortunately, I have never ever gotten along with my mother. I spent forever picking out the right color and pattern for a scarf-- that she never wears. It's frustrating.

Thankfully, my MIL keeps me sane. Anything I make, no matter how simple, is at least appreciated for the love and time that went into it. I'm 99% sure that she'll go nuts over the scarf because even though it is simple, the color is perfect for her and it came out beautifully. She knows that I put time and thought into a project, and she is always excited to get a FO from me. She also loves hearing about any current project, so I just thank god every day for my MIL. I have no idea what I did to deserve her, but I'm never going to complain!!

cara
12-14-2006, 10:27 AM
My mother is the most amazing woman in the world. We live in seperate towns, but email and chat on the phone daily. My DH calls her 'mom' and calls his own mom by her first name as he does not have much of a relationship with her.

My mother has given advice but only when asked. my MIL has given advice ALL THE TIME and always seems to have something to say. She also LOVES her drinks... so often the time spent with her is while she is having some wine or whatever and we are quite annoyed by that. I love an occasional glass of wine or beer, but I don't drink every day. My husband has been dry for 2 years in January after 7 years of University (Undergrad and Masters and just too much booze) and she still insists on drinking around him. He does not mind, and we always offer drinks to our guests and have cocktail parties etc... but his own mother?!!?!?!?!?!? Damn.

Anyways... She means well I'm sure, but she is the 'stereotypical' MIL.

cozy
12-14-2006, 11:11 AM
nonny, that was great advice--and this is coming from a DIL who has a great MIL (my DH & mom get along great, too, so we're fortunate all around). I hope when my kids get married, I can be a good MIL, too.

stitchwitch
12-14-2006, 11:33 AM
Before I knew how to knit I used to say stupid things to people who knit. I had a girlfriend who knit up a really nice cardigan while we were in school. I can remember saying to her "knit me one!". I had no idea at the time what amount of skill, time and patience you need to produce something like that.
I've found that most stupid comments come honestly from people who are interested in the craft but feel they could never have the talent to knit and simply do not understand what it's all about. Kind of like me looking at someone who collects bugs or stamps or something. :shrug: