View Full Version : OT-Bad time at work...

02-09-2007, 08:04 PM
Sometimes I wish we had a "waah" page for when we want to post all our :!!!: 's and :waah: 's.

I have been having such a hard time with my new job (been there just since August) and it seems that some days I am so up and then WHAM, by day's end I am an emotional wreck.
I had worked in such a toxic unhappy environment that only got worse as the years rolled on in my last job that after 11 years I finally had the guts to feel worth enough to find another job. It's been hard for me to learn new tricks because my last job was so mind numbing. I went into this one feeling like I would just put all the old habits and feelings behind me, be quiet and start out on a great foot. Because there is so much to learn, along with my horrible need to be perfect at my job that I get so stressed, emotional, and upset that I am a blubbering pile of tears at least once a week in my car on the way home or I crawl into bed and cry. I have made several friends but there are some that make me crazy for the cliques they have developed and when I vent to my friends about it, someone hears, and the next thing I know my team leader is telling me if I have issues I need to pop into her office and talk about it. Translation: don't gossip. This actually just happened today and I am now in a horrible mood thinking that I am going to get fired or get poor job performance reviews, etc. when the people around me that act so superior get no talking to for being the way they are. I guess my problem is I vent and I cannot keep it to myself. They say tht you have to talk to your management if you have problems but it seems to me that I can't just b!tch to my boss without soundling like a whiner, but the way I am getting this off my chest is not doing me any good. I can't understand why I keep getting myself deeper and deeper into being perceived as such a sucky person, but I feel like it is all my fault and that I can't take better control of my bad habits.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I am always told, "dont' worry about it, get over it" but I feel like if this bothers me this much, is it really me or is everyone around me really this crappy? I'm sick of feeling like such a loser. It seems like all I get is "you need to... you should do...." and basically everyting negative and rarely anything positive. "you are too hard on yourself, you take too much crap from people, you try too hard, it's not your job to...you make too big a deal out of things"
I don't criticize or point out other people's shortcomings because it's not my place. I work in customer service on the phones, we are monitored and I figure if my work mates say or do something wrong, the quality folks will hear it and deal with it. but other people have no problem telling me if they feel I have said or done something i shouldn't have. which i might add is usually a procedural mistake and not that I ever say or do anything offensive or inappropriate...
How do you boost your self esteem when you have somehow established yourself as a dork? Am I doomed to be labeled as a loser?

Thanks in advance to any brave soul who reads this diatribe and even more thanks if you chose to respond... :verysad:

02-09-2007, 08:49 PM
:hug: I can give you a hug!!!

02-09-2007, 08:51 PM
:notworthy: Thank you oh wise one!
Did you know on of the Mason-Dixon gals is knitting an "Ingrid" Sweater?

02-09-2007, 08:52 PM
Is there any place I can get a look at it???????????

It better be made of something good! :!!!:

02-09-2007, 09:00 PM
I get a total kick out of these two on their blog, they are neat writers.
She shows the sweater in progress, I think if you search the blog you may find a link to the pattern or perhaps what book it's from...

Mason-Dixon Blog (http://masondixonknitting.com/)

02-09-2007, 09:04 PM
I've found a sense of humor is the best defense against the crazies of the world. Don't take life, work, or yourself so seriously. It's all just one big cosmic joke anyway.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

It's all small stuff.

02-09-2007, 09:07 PM
:hug: I'm sorry you are having such a hard time in work... and I think we all feel like a dork sometimes :teehee: the only thing I can say is what I do... I step back from situations and ask God to take control and lead me... if I'm to learn a lesson during this hectic and crazy time for him to show me the lesson fast so we can move on...

02-09-2007, 09:10 PM
A few silly little one-liners to always keep in mind:

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease
to be amused.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.

02-09-2007, 09:18 PM
Thanks guys!
I guess I feel that every day I walk into work saying I will just mind my own business and not care and keep my own doorstep clean and then in a matter of hours I have done something wrong and feel like such a failure.
I make friends easily, but I also know that you have to be careful how social you get with people. Some of us newbies have already joined up together and there are a few that almost immediately have become friends outside of work. That in itself is great, however when some hang out in bars after work or whatever and make like they are some sort of "in" crowd at work, it makes me feel like being in highschool. I like to think that I am mature because at the old job, if someone was fighting with someone outside of work they would take it out on them at work and I prided myself in not getting too involved with people outside of work so that things at work would be cool. I try not to snap at people and judge what they do for this very reason, and yet they think they can offer their opinions and I'm supposed to be all, "Oh thaannnkkk you for putting me in my place your worship!" There's one person in particular that is the dept. commedian and all around Mr. Popular that apparently the girls all adore and he has to have the last word in everything. We had a training class today that we played a game in and it got kind of boisterous and he made a comment and someone "shushed' him and he gets all,"don't hush me" He chimes in when not wanted but god forbid anyone else do the same to him. I don't tell people when they are wrong and I guess I deserve the same. So, then I go and complain to my friends, somebody overhears it and then I get MY butt kicked for it and he gets nothing. Why do I always get my hand caught in the cookie jar? :!!!:

02-09-2007, 09:20 PM
Knitting Guy, one of my fave quotes from Dilber...
"Everyone is someone else's weirdo..."
Ain't that the truth! :teehee:

02-09-2007, 09:22 PM
Office politics can be quite trying. I did that crap for more years than I care to recall, including being the "head honcho".

That's why I now drive a truck for a living. I got tired of that garbage.

Best advice? Keep yer yap shut, do your job, and be better at it than your boss. Avoid the office politics at all costs.

02-09-2007, 09:23 PM
Do you feel bad that they've made friendships outside of work, or go out together? Maybe they think you don't want to go with them? That's happened to me. I felt excluded because people went out to lunch and such and didn't specifically invite me. I guess my 'reserved' manner came of as not wanting to be part of the group. :shrug:

02-09-2007, 09:24 PM
I agree with knitting guy.

Have you ever heard of Maxine? Well, I have one of the calandars with her little jokes all throughout. This one I had today in my purse says, "I thought about getting a daily planner. But it seemed like a drag to write "Don't get involoved" 365 times." :roflhard: Oh...I love that one.

02-09-2007, 09:30 PM
Knitting Guy, one of my fave quotes from Dilber...
"Everyone is someone else's weirdo..."
Ain't that the truth! :teehee:

Very true indeed! :rofl:

02-09-2007, 09:31 PM
I agree with knitting guy.

Have you ever heard of Maxine? Well, I have one of the calandars with her little jokes all throughout. This one I had today in my purse says, "I thought about getting a daily planner. But it seemed like a drag to write "Don't get involoved" 365 times." :roflhard: Oh...I love that one.

Love it. :rofl:

02-09-2007, 09:32 PM
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time at work. I knew that all too well. I don't have any specific advice... people can be buttheads.

02-09-2007, 09:33 PM
people can be buttheads.

Hey! I resemble that remark!

02-09-2007, 09:41 PM
Before you said you worked at a call center I thought maybe you worked with me :teehee: , all the cliques and stuff.

It's taken me a while to get to the point where I don' :wall: when some people are getting all highschooley. I definately know what your saying, I'm a perfectionist and want to do everything right the first time. Because I alway say to myself "I can totally do that, it's not impossible to do everything right the first time". But then I remember a quote a teacher wrote on the board in highschool, "If anyone tells you nothing is impossible, tell them to dribble a football" (think about it) :teehee:

Do you have someone at home you can vent to? Or a friend you can go outside and call on a break? I don't vent to people at work about people at work, because even though I have some who are dear friends, I don't know who will hear or sometimes things just slip and your friend doesn't want you to get in trouble but they mistakenly repeat something.

Remember that while yes you have to be somewhat happy at work to be happy at home, work is and always will be work. Home after all is where the heart is. Hokey I know.

It's always hard coming into a new situation/work/school, whatever, and trying to learn the lay of the land. Every job has it's own politics and problems. Sounds like you're more upset about the social stuff, becuase, if your supervisor thought you were doing you job incorrectly she would have said so. Basically, I don't think she was 'busting your butt' but she was trying to give you a suggestion to save you aggravation later on.

I hope it gets better, and remember work=work, home= :heart: , and KH=sympathetic ears.

02-09-2007, 09:50 PM
I can't beleive I'm going to share this but here goes. I work as a 911 operator, I've been doing it since 1994 and I'm very stressed. It's hard enough to deal with the bad calls but right now we have a lot of turmoil in management. I decided to put myself on a mental health vacation because I recognized how much it was effecting me. So, I'm home, I'm knititng and I'm all happy again. I think we all know how stressful work can get. Don't let it get you down too much.

I'm all for finding the funny parts of life. Trust me, there are plenty of things to laugh at. :rofl:

02-09-2007, 11:08 PM
OOO, Pink, I couldn't imagine how stressful your job would be!!!! :pout: I have been in a customer service type job for so long I almost don't know anything else. I think I am jealous of the "kids" that have cliqued but I don't really want to go bar hopping with them. I'm over that part of my life. But what bugs the tar outa me is how people in one group sort of treat those not in their group differently. One guy just seems to really be the center of attention and a couple of the girls practically fall over themselves in his presence. one day things were a little more relaxed and one of them felt if appropriate to hop his lap. while dirty jokes or slight off color behavior doesn't bother me, there is a time and a place and this borders on potential less appropriate behavior. and yet i get a finger wagged at me for being overheard venting about being angry at how someone is behaving. I get stressed out when i bite my tongue and can't verbally retaliate when this coworker thinks it's fine to say "jodie, you give people too much info." when this person doesn't realize that what I told a customer was totally correct. he has a superior attitude and apparently it doesn't dawn on him that i may just know something he doesn't. this eats away at my assertiveness and people think i'm a big wimp. i'm really not if you push me,but i have also been cursed by my father's belief in perfection and also his view that you don't cause a scene and you do what you are told even if you don't agree. combine that with my mother's strong will to not shut up and i can't believe i don't have an ulcer! :grrr:
customers more than occasionally tell me that i am nice and helpful and so on, so that makes me feel great, especially when i feel like i am talking out my @ss half the time.
I have made several friends and i certainly think it's great when people can become friends outside of work too. but when that friendship causes you to be perceived as treating others differently or possibly cause you to retaliate at work if you don't get along in personal life (this actually would happen in my old job), it makes it a sucky place to work. at my old job, we would get together for drinks or whatever after work. one of the gals who was married with kids still was sort of the afterhours party type. she would get smashed, dance like a stripper, but then would get pissed if anyone would bring up how silly she acted. she sometimes simply didn't remember what she did due to the booze, but then she also had a hypocritic attitude anyway. i chose to limit this social interactions and they knew it was for my own sanity. one gal would cry to me constantly about her money problems and how she filed bancruptsy but would run to by a new shirt on her lunch break because someone pointed out that she had a spot on her shirt or would parade her new car or whatever. again, i am not going to judge someone with money problems, but i can't deal with both sides of someone's issue. we spend 8 hours or more with these people so it really affects us more than our home lives, which is sad. i vent to my mom, but she thinks she needs to solve the problem and really gets too "Dr. Phil" about it and my poor husband is going to go mad listening to me. sometimes i get so wound up about it that i dream about work or wake up thinking about it.
sometimes i feel like all this goes on around me and i have to accept it but that no one cares what i'm about.
i do love that i can come here and just spew and blather abou it all... folks here are the best!
office politics are the worst, but i do maintain that i can handle working WITH idiots, but it's worse to work FOR idiots. god, i need to get on some meds, i worry way to much. i tried it before but i don't want to again cuz that messes with other parts of life if you all know what i mean and i don't need that for dang sure...
well, back to our regular scheduled programming.
Anyone who wants to vent about their work woes please do so so i am not hogging the whiner rag chewing soap box

02-09-2007, 11:14 PM

02-09-2007, 11:28 PM
Gosh you sound like me when I worked for the Post office :pout:

Does your employer have any kind of Employee Assistance Program? Usually bigger employers will and there are counselors you can talk to, if for nothing else but just to RANT :grrr:

I do agree with the stay out of office politics.. it's the fastest way to frustrate yourself and piss off others. Go to work, do your job, ignore the others and most importantly.. leave it all at work when you go home.. don't carry it with you ;)

:hug: :heart: :hug: :heart: :hug: :heart:

02-10-2007, 12:02 AM
Oh my goodness. You just described my last job to a T. I completely empathize with what you are going through. I put up with it for 2 years and when it got to the point of me coming home and crying on my hubby, I knew it was time for me to quit. I know most people can't do that and at that time we really couldn't either, but it was either that or I admit myself into the psychiatric hospital.

I'm not kidding either.

That place completely drained me. Emotionally and mentally I mean, which in turn became physically.

Everything from the "high school" co-workers to the occasional vent to the receptionist. She was great to vent to, but I never really knew her either so who knows what she spread around. :shrug:

I know this doesn't help your situation at all, but just know that I know your pain and I don't think you're whining at all. You can't help how you feel. If you can, look for another job. I personally haven't gone back to work and I'm climbing the walls, but I needed this time to heal from the emotional torture I endured while I worked there.

This one girl took to hating me the first day I started. She never once took the time to get to know me. I smiled and said hello everyday and all I got back was a grunt. For 2 years she treated me like slime and I never knew what her problem was. She even rearranged my desk!! Can you believe that? For like a week I'd come in every morning and have my stuff moved all around. The mentality of her and her click was just beyond me. She just hated me. After a while I just learned to ignore her stupidity, but she was still around me and it still drained me.

I wish I could give you a hug but this'll have to do :hug: :hug: :hug:

02-10-2007, 12:25 AM
I know how you feel about the customer service on phones thing. I work as a technical support supervisor, and take escalations of customers who are less then happy with our company (wether we did something wrong, or it was the customers fault). SO after 40 hours a week of having people yell at you all the time, you start to feel it. We are always told not to let it effect us, cause its the company the customer is mad at not us personally, but its hard when the customer is using vulgar language directly at you, unfortunatly at my place of business you can't disconnect a customer for doing that, and we are reminded that we are paid the so called big bucks to take this behavior.

I too am also considering a job change cause I need to do something were Iam not feeling like Iam being pressured from both the customers and our management. I often feel like our company doesn't value us. But it is to hard to find a job that pays this well in our city, and there are atleast 10 people behind me willing to take my spot at a drop of the hat.

I personally would not vent at work, its not a good thing. Possibly seek outside therapy, wether it be a gym membership or seeing a professional.
I tend to not build relationships between co-workers and home, as Iam a very private person and other then acknowledging that Iam married and have a daughter, thats about it.

I recently moved, so I don't have much of a private life-friends etc outside of the house, it seems as I get older, it's harder to meet people who share the same interest, or have the motivation to build a friendship.

Anyhow enough whinning from me, try and cheer up, grab some coffee, tea, chocolate or all of the above and try to focus on the positive in your life, maybe consider yoga or meditation, or sometimes donating your time helping someone else , makes you forget about how hard things seem and puts them into perspective. We could always be unemployeed and homeless after all.

02-10-2007, 01:26 AM

I think it's probably safe to say that most of us have had jobs like your's -- me included.

I learned, after about a year at my last job, just to keep my mouth shut. I figured out that "talking" to management did not help. They were a huge part of the problem.

After much prayer, God dropped the perfect job in my lap...I didn't even apply for it.

I went into the job with the decision that I wouldn't do office politics, and I don't. I am so much happier. I do my job, have gotten close to a couple of people, and go home to my family.

Let immature people have each other. Go within yourself and don't worry. People will think you are being rude and anti-social. Who cares. You are there to do a job...not win "Ms. Popularity."

Hang in there!!!

02-10-2007, 11:45 AM
Binky :hug: I'm sorry about work. I know how you feel, and I often feel that way myself, but when the emotion is gone I can see that I was too hard on myself and that the jerks that made me feel bad WERE the real losers!

In everything in life (work, relationships, traffic :D) we have no control over what others do, only over our own reactions. The real losers in this world are people who, in order to feel better, they have to put others down.

:pray: I'm praying for you.

02-10-2007, 12:30 PM
Jodie, I'm truly sorry that you're having such a bad time at work. :hug: I can TOTALLY relate to what you're going through. For years, I worked in an office environment as a secretary, with other women, and it was BRUTAL--the backstabbing, the gossiping. After a while, I just withdrew from everybody because I couldn't take it anymore, and then of course, I became the "outcast" and everybody gossiped about me.

Everybody's already given excellent points and advice. We sound like we have the same personality in that we expect people to be like us--we expect them to be friendly, kind, and loyal...the problem is that in an office environment, this is rarely the case. There is more backbiting going on in an office than any other place that I know, particularly where women work together (I'm ashamed to admit this of my gender, but I've yet to be proven wrong in any workplace I've been in). Having worked in an office environment, I'd say that what I learned most valuably is (my two cents' worth):

(1) Never tell ANYBODY ANYTHING about ANYONE else in the office. If you need to scream, cry, vent, clench your fists, whatever--the bathroom is your friend! :teehee: When I was really frustrated, I'd go into the bathroom, have a quick silent cry, and then come back (and never let anybody see you cry, because some people really get off on making others cry). No matter what you say, it will ALWAYS find its way around the office. There is no "office loyalty". Or if you're able to take a quick break, even walking around outside to clear your head can be really helpful. Also, as it was mentioned earlier, if there's somebody else not work-related that you can vent to, that would be best.

(2) I always treated my job as just that--a job. If these people weren't my co-workers, would they be people I would choose to hang out with? Mostly no, and so I never felt guilty about not going out to lunch or bar-hopping with co-workers. It's just a job; it's not my life, so I don't need to spend lots of time with the people I work with--8 to 10 hours a day was plenty of time for me! True, it can be kind of lonely and ostracizing to have to eat lunch alone and stuff, but in the end, I always discovered that it's better than having to endure endless conversations about people's intimate lives and then expected on making a judgement on it. Honestly, do I really care about what somebody at work does in their free time, no matter how "scandalous" it is???

(3) I think that the best thing is to try to be friendly, polite, cordial, and respectful to the people you work with (because it promotes a much healthier work atmosphere)--even if they don't reciprocate this type of courtesy--but remember that again, it's just a job, and you don't have to be best friends with them or even like them. It's okay.

(4) Try to keep your nose to the grindstone and do your job the best you can (and as Mason said, try to do it better than your boss--that will guarantee job security! :teehee: )

(5) I always found that when I had difficult people to work with, there is something that somebody has an interest in that they like to talk about. See if you can strike up a conversation with them and find out what it is--if you can bring up their interest, it can deflect some unpleasantness, and they may treat you better. For example, one guy that was pretty sarcastic and nasty that I used to work with had an invertebrate aquarium, so I would always ask him about it--he was pretty proud of it. After that, we would have a decent working relationship enough where it wasn't painful to have to talk to him or ask him questions when my boss would send me thee. :teehee: Again, we weren't best friends, but he wasn't hostile towards me anymore.

(6) There are two quotes I have hanging in a prominent place in my home (unfortunately, they've both been accredited to many different people, so I don't know who truly said them): “Be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak, because someday in life, you will have been all of those”, and “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle”. Regardless of the tough exterior some people choose to put forth, everybody is vulnerable, insecure, wants to be respected, needs to be loved, and wants to be accepted. Some people are fighting excruciating battles at home or elsewhere that make them difficult people in the work place. Time and time again, for people that I've had conflict with or people that I felt were really unpleasant and difficult to deal with, it's been revealed to me in one way or another what they had in their lives that helped to contribute to the person they were. This made it easier for me to have some compassion for them, and it made it MUCH easier to deal with them, knowing that they were really having a hard time. It's not always easy to think about somebody that's being petty or just plain rotten as being a hurting or vulnerable person, but it helps to try to look at them in that way...we're all human beings, made the same way, with the same basic needs/wants. Chances are, that superior attitude they're putting forth is a big cover-up for something else. It's also very possible that the people you work with may be insecure of you because you are more professional than they are, or maybe because you know your job better than they do.

My sister just started a job where she's the youngest one there, and there's this high school mentality amongst the other employees, and they treat her pretty badly, and she's going through the same kind of things (the backbiting, clique-iness, etc.). It's never easy.

Feel free to PM me if you want to during the day to vent if you ever want to. :heart:

02-10-2007, 12:46 PM
Thanks some more everyone... KG, you really know how to make a person laugh!
I guess I always go into it with good intentions, but something happens to put me on the defensive and then I feel that I am irreversably pigeonholed into a certain perception of who I am. At that point, any change I make would go un-noticed by those people. Last night I decided to send an email to my boss to lay down the issues that she told me that I could come to her about, be it by email or to stop in. I don't want to dread my whole weekend worrying about Monday morning. But sometimes the only way I can get out all my thoughts is to write them down. I feel so foolish for letting my old behaviors get the best of me as that is what I changed jobs for in the first place. Sometimes I feel like everyone is nuts and nobody behaves right, then I realize that it's just me. That I am the problem. But I cannot behave like these people becuase it's wrong. I would never get in someones face and tell them my opinion of them if it's a criticism, I like to know why people think they can do it to me. One gal did that to me last week. She did apologize the next day because after the comment I turned and left. But that still doesn't amend the fact that some people think they are so assertive that they can slam you to your face and think that will make you change your ways. I mentioned this to my boss and perhaps if I just suck it up and tell her that if we are to be a good team, that I will refrain from runnig to my friends to vent, which can cause the chance of being overheard because I guess this company has a "no gossip" policy (whatever that means), and that she needs to tell us all as a group that we are to be civil to each other. I've been at this job long enough where people's true personalities emerge and you either come together or stay apart and I don't want to be the black sheep. I would rather go unnoticed by coworkers that be labeled as the dept head case. I make a way bigger deal out of things than I need to and I can thank my old boss for that. Since I left in August after 11 years, 7 people in our dept have quit, 3 of them to come work at the company I am at. What does THAT tell you? Gossip and unrest were everywhere but nobody could go to the management, they didn't care. Because of that, I have not yet learned to fully trust that management can be good.
So, on that note... time to warm up the car... it's :!!!: cold here for like 2 weeks and I am getting a little stir crazy. I have an oil change to get to since I'll be going out of town next weekend, so ta ta for now all!
Thanks again! :heart:

02-10-2007, 07:32 PM
Sometimes you just have to cut loose and have a good time.


02-10-2007, 07:56 PM
:roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard:
Things to do:
1. Buy a tiny guitar
2. Get cameral film
3. Wake up the cat


02-10-2007, 09:50 PM
A little bit of amusing entertainment:




02-10-2007, 10:34 PM
Sometimes you just have to cut loose and have a good time.



Where do you get these pictures?? They are too funny. :rofl:

02-10-2007, 10:36 PM
Sometimes you just have to cut loose and have a good time.



Where do you get these pictures?? They are too funny. :rofl:

Google is your friend :teehee:

02-10-2007, 10:41 PM
OMG, that's the greatest picture! My cat looks similar to that if you just add about 10 lbs. :teehee: I swear, come 3 a.m. that's what's she's doing in our living room...or so it seems. I have yet to meet a cat that suffers from insomnia.

02-10-2007, 10:43 PM

Here is my favorite cat picture on the internet. How cute is he/she?! :roflhard:

02-10-2007, 10:58 PM




02-10-2007, 11:09 PM
If my cats start doing that, then we do have a problem! :roflhard:

02-10-2007, 11:11 PM
:roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard:

02-10-2007, 11:24 PM

02-10-2007, 11:31 PM
That's pretty much how I feel right now.

Well, I'm off to bed now. Have a good evening everyone! Thanks for keeping me company. :muah:

02-11-2007, 12:29 AM
Yeah, me too, thanks for another day of moral support! And kitty pics, dogs are not discriminated against mind you.

Mason, ever seen the Bad Cat book? I have another page a day calendar of it this year, it's a hoot the pics people get of their cats :roflhard:

Example from the website: :roflhard:

02-11-2007, 12:37 AM
Yeah, me too, thanks for another day of moral support! And kitty pics, dogs are not discriminated against mind you.

Mason, ever seen the Bad Cat book? I have another page a day calendar of it this year, it's a hoot the pics people get of their cats :roflhard:

Example from the website: :roflhard:

No, I haven't seen it. I just surf the web for amusing pics where I can find them. I'll look for it.