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View Full Version : OT: Grieving over a lost opportunity


caviar
04-05-2007, 05:28 PM
Wow, I hate posting something so off topic; I try to limit OT posts to searching for tips on things such a varied group of people may have experience with...you know, buying electronics, dealing with wisdom teeth, etc. I try not to use it for group therapy. BUT.......


My husband and I have been looking for a house on acerage or just plain land so he can farm like he's always wanted to. We've been looking off and on for about five years, and a year ago we got really serious about it. We have very specific needs, since he has certain things he wants to do with the land...we're not just looking to plunk down a McMansion in the middle of a tract to pretend we're the only people around. Long story short, I happened to find a perfect place yesterday. I came home and told my husband I had found the place I wanted to raise our kids and spend the rest of my life. He went and had a look, and it suited his needs too. We called our agent, and....the place had been sold two days before.

Now, I am not an emotional person. (Well, not unless I'm hormonal.) I don't cry when people move away, and I don't think I even cried when my kids were born (although I plead staidol...I don't really remember much of anything). But all day today I've been in tears. Even with a firm belief that anything we want and don't get wouldn't have been ultimately good for us, I'm having trouble with this.

My question is this...have any of you experienced actual grief over a mere opportunity? Something that was never even concrete? Is this normal? How do you deal with it? Thanks in advance for sharing any thoughts.

Okay, my four year old has been waiting patiently for me to finish so she can do some emoticons. Here we go!

Kirstin

:sun: :roflhard: :eyebrow: :star: :whistle: :eyes: :balloons: :sleepy: :aww: :yay:

Braden
04-05-2007, 05:42 PM
I'm sorry!

suecq
04-05-2007, 06:08 PM
Many years ago my husband and I were looking at property in Michigan. It was being sold witht he mineral rights. Wetold the agent we neede to sleep on it. (This was about 6 at night.) Called the agent about 9 AM the very next day to say we wanted the property and were told it had been sold. We moved away and never thought much about it. Several years later we were in the area visiting. Rode by the property and they were pumping oil (pumping, not drilling) on it. Talk about missed opportunity.

aineepooh1
04-05-2007, 06:10 PM
I think everyone has grieved over a lost an oportunity and i think the reason we do that is because we are grieving over the loss of a dream for us. I lost my day ( among many others)last year and it has been very traumatic and so i bought a book called Life After Loss~ it has been printed and reprinted for over 10ys. anyway~ he talks about diffenrent types of grief: loss of loved one, loss of a beloved pet, loss after divorce, loss after moving/losing a job, and loss over all sorts of events that come in a life time. I think what you are feeling is very normal b/c you have invested alot of emotional energy into this dream of yours. I think what youre feeling is very understandable. Even though you are no an emotional person ~ per se~ it is ok to feel this way and to cry and to let it out :pout:
:hug: :hug:
Ainee

BostonBecca
04-05-2007, 06:12 PM
I would have your agent continue to check on the property and see if you can make an offer. Deals fall through all the time. I know you said it sold, but there are many steps in a real estate transaction, and there is usually a period where the property is sold but it is still pending based on financing, etc.

I hope it works out or you find another place perfect for you.

Jan in CA
04-05-2007, 06:15 PM
Awww I'm sorry! Make sure the agent keeps you in mind if the deal falls through..that does happen. Also give her/him the specs you're looking for and see what they can come up with or watch for you.

Jill A.
04-05-2007, 06:38 PM
We had a very similar thing happen to our family. We wanted to purchase my husband's grandmother's house after she passed away. He grew up next door to her, and had worked the fields and orchards for many years. We were sure we would get the house, and spent an entire weekend planning crops and where we would need to move fences, etc. Long story short - the brothers sold it to someone else! We were heartbroken! BUT, since then (10+ years) the road has become very busy and wouldn't be a great location. Sometimes things work out even though we don't think they will. Be positive and something will come your way.
:muah:

ChroniclesofYarnia
04-06-2007, 08:30 AM
I about cried the other day when I didn't get a Lendrum DT spinning wheel on ebay for 350.00. Haven't seen one that cheap ever. :(

I think that being upset over a house is a very common thing. I think in America we associated homes with alot of very deep, emotional things, and so we get attached pretty easily.

Now that you found THE house, you know what you are looking for. :) And remember, God has one picked out just for you. :heart:

Carla1019
04-06-2007, 08:35 AM
So sorry to hear about your lost, but you need to look at it another way.

I am alway saying.. "if It is met to happen, it will happen, but if not then there is another plan for us." :hug:

Good luck on the land hunt.

Braden
04-06-2007, 09:06 AM
That's never happened to me, but I sure hope everything works out okay.

zazzu
04-06-2007, 10:53 AM
My question is this...have any of you experienced actual grief over a mere opportunity? Something that was never even concrete? Is this normal? How do you deal with it?

It sounds like you're feeling this way because you're so ready to move forward with your plans. You really want to jump - you just need the right landing spot.

Trouble is, if you keep looking for the absolutely perfect place, you'll never find it. Sometimes we have to adjust our dreams just a wee little bit to fit in with real life. After all, this is Earth, not Heaven. :wink:

Keep looking with open eyes and an open mind. You'll get there. :D

nonny2t
04-06-2007, 11:20 AM
I agree with Jan. Get with that agent and make sure they know that you want it if the deal falls through. Just because it is sold doesn't mean it is a done deal. I would also tell the agent to keep a lookout for something very similar for you to look at.

It is not unusual for women to get upset about something like this. I think we all grieve over lost opportunities. Keeping my fingers crossed that the deal does fall through or that you find something equally as nice!

hellokitty165
04-06-2007, 11:57 AM
Wow, I hate posting something so off topic; I try to limit OT posts to searching for tips on things such a varied group of people may have experience with...you know, buying electronics, dealing with wisdom teeth, etc. I try not to use it for group therapy. BUT.......


My husband and I have been looking for a house on acerage or just plain land so he can farm like he's always wanted to. We've been looking off and on for about five years, and a year ago we got really serious about it. We have very specific needs, since he has certain things he wants to do with the land...we're not just looking to plunk down a McMansion in the middle of a tract to pretend we're the only people around. Long story short, I happened to find a perfect place yesterday. I came home and told my husband I had found the place I wanted to raise our kids and spend the rest of my life. He went and had a look, and it suited his needs too. We called our agent, and....the place had been sold two days before.

Now, I am not an emotional person. (Well, not unless I'm hormonal.) I don't cry when people move away, and I don't think I even cried when my kids were born (although I plead staidol...I don't really remember much of anything). But all day today I've been in tears. Even with a firm belief that anything we want and don't get wouldn't have been ultimately good for us, I'm having trouble with this.

My question is this...have any of you experienced actual grief over a mere opportunity? Something that was never even concrete? Is this normal? How do you deal with it? Thanks in advance for sharing any thoughts.

Okay, my four year old has been waiting patiently for me to finish so she can do some emoticons. Here we go!

Kirstin

:sun: :roflhard: :eyebrow: :star: :whistle: :eyes: :balloons: :sleepy: :aww: :yay:

I am sorry that you had to went thru this...maybe god has a better plan for both of you ... you might find a better one... all the best to you ...

Kaydee
04-06-2007, 12:59 PM
Awww I'm sorry! Make sure the agent keeps you in mind if the deal falls through..that does happen. Also give her/him the specs you're looking for and see what they can come up with or watch for you.

I agree, you never know what's going to happen. I can't speak from first hand experience but my parents were buying a place in Maine about 2 years ago and made an offer on a place they liked. The seller said they were going with a higher offer, but the a few weeks later my parents got a call that their offer was accepted and they got the place. Things change, so maybe something will come along for you. Good luck!

GinnyG
04-06-2007, 01:02 PM
I spent three years looking for the perfect piece of land. I finally found it. It was everything I ever wanted. I signed a contract and started shopping for a modular. I was so excited I could hardly stand it. Then suddendly TWO DAYS before the closing the excavating company did the perk test and told me that there was no way I could put a septic system in without spending almost 50,000. Luckily my contract was contingent on perk test passing. I had to call and cancel the deal .

I WAS DEVASTATED, I cried for days. It took another 6 months but I did find a piece of land to build on and in the end I like the place I am now BETTER than the first piece of land. The moral is EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, hang in there it will happen!!!

mimi
04-06-2007, 05:58 PM
I'm sorry for you. But don't cry over anything that can't cry over you.


Something else even better will come along.

janelanespaintbrush
04-06-2007, 06:19 PM
:hug:

caviar
04-10-2007, 11:44 PM
An update! :cheering:

First of all, thanks for all your positive vibes and good advice. And I'll have to second everyone who said "Call the realtor in case things fall through."

Because second of all, I did that, and apparently the other offer fell through. So we have a crack at it this time! We have to think and pray and number crunch and make decisions, but we can do it a little more cool-headedly now. After all, we already lost this thing once; it's a lot easier to hold it loosely now.

So whether we end up making the deal or not, I'm glad to have grieved it. It reminds me that it's "only a thing" as a friend of mine says, and that it's not as if we really own anything permanently anyway. The only thing I'm guaranteed to keep my whole life is my own soul.

Anyway, thanks again, all. Both the advice and the happy thoughts were of practical use to me this week!

Kirstin

marykz
04-11-2007, 09:06 AM
I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!! I really liked the previous poster who said you need the the right place to land now that you are ready to jump to a new phase in life. I'm glad you were able to call the realtor and now have a second chance!!

Hildegard_von_Knittin
04-11-2007, 11:14 AM
wow, something almost exactly like that happened to me and my husband a few months ago.

We'd been tossing the idea of farming and sustainable living places for a while, several years. Then, we found out that the park district in our town was selling the *perfect* piece of property... 2 acres, with a house that actually used to be in my husband's family--it was the "old coss dairy" which was a pillar of the community in the 30s-70s. My FIL actually lived in the house and helped build the garage, outbuildings and corn crib. We were SO excited. The house was gorgeous--in need of some repair and a new furnace--but otherwise FABULOUS, with old country charm, large rooms, a fireplace and great view. Even more fabulous was the fact that the lot is surrounded by park district property; no worries about sub-divisions or crappy neighbors moving in close to us. It laso has some pear and apple trees on the property.... It was perfect.

We put in a bid, and i was dreaming of raising alpacs, opening a yarn store on property, and generally being domestic, and my husband was excited about building a "real" workshop, instead of having stuff in the garage, and having a large plot of land for vegetables and other "stuff" so we could be self-sustaining.

It was a private sale, and as the weeks went by, word leaked out that the PD was selling it. I called three times a week, making sure we were still the high bidders, and arranging for the inspections and all that. Then, the PD calls us out of the blue and says that they decided they don't want to lose that land, and that they'd sell us the house for 100 bucks, as long as we could MOVE THE HOUSE to another location! :grrr: . We were SO upset. We didn't have the means to move the house, let alone a plot on which to put it. This was back in December, and we were just crushed.

As of now, the house is still there, empty, (maybe with squatters) , and the land is sitting there uncultivated. Everytime we drive by I get teary.