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View Full Version : OT: Would you be a little hurt? (updated on pg. 3)


PinkRoses
04-30-2007, 11:47 AM
I found out I was pregnant right when I was four weeks. A co-worker of mine just told me three weeks before that she was pregnant with her second child. I've been with the same job for 10+ years and I have no children. I'm 36 and for people at work who know me, this is unexpected though my husband and I just started trying and didn't tell anyone.

I told my co-worker about my pregnancy because she is pregnant as well and I told her NOT to tell anyone just yet because we want to make sure everything is o.k. before we start spreading the news. I went for my first appt. but they decided to wait on the sonogram until I was eight weeks along. So, while I was just on my two days off what happens? Right, she told EVERYONE :psst: we work with and it was a surprise to no one. She even told my boss and he approached me this morning.

Do you find this to be a big betrayal of trust? I consider myself an easy going person usually but what if there were something wrong with me or the baby? There is a reason why we didn't break the news just yet and this will be my only pregnancy because we only want one child. I made this very clear to her. Would you be furious too :grrr: or am I making a big thing out of nothing? I just found out on my way out of work this morning so I've not had a chance to say anything to the big mouth who couldn't keep it to herself. :pout: I hope to God we don't have a miscarriage or anything because I'll have to go back to everyone and tell them something like that. :grrr: Would you bring it up to the co-worker or just try to let it go?

Abbily
04-30-2007, 11:51 AM
Lisa, first, congratulations!!

Yes, I would be PISSED. Pregnancy, especially your first, is BIG news, and you deserve the chance to share it yourself! I would definitely say something to the bigmouth, but I'm not sure what. There is no way I'd be able to let it go, though.

That said, just remember that pg hormones can make you a little crazy, so you might have work a little harder to handle this in a rational way. :)

and, once again, CONGRATULATIONS!! :D

Mommy22alyns
04-30-2007, 12:02 PM
Yes, I would be bothered. She has no right to go and spread your news, especially after you told her in confidence!! :grrr: I'd just talk to her and let her know what you just explained to us - that you had your reasons for not wanting the world to know already.

Sorry she's a bigmouth. :hug: :hug:

Stick in there, little baby! :heart:

suzeeq
04-30-2007, 12:08 PM
Well, yes, she probably should have not said anything, though maybe she was excited for you and wanted to share, or said it inadvertently. I think though, that if you didn't want anyone to know, you shouldn't have told even one person.

sue

PaperGirl
04-30-2007, 12:09 PM
:!!!: That was YOUR news to share. Im sorry she messed it up for you.

Congartulations! :hug: :hug:

Chel
04-30-2007, 12:10 PM
I would feel hurt and betrayed. HOWEVER, I certainly would not let that overshadow the joy and peoples warm wishes.

Personally, I would make it a point to NOT share any personal info with the blabbermouth from this point on. Let HER be the last to know.


But really, congrats. A baby is a complete and wonderful miracle and you are so blessed.

redwitch
04-30-2007, 12:10 PM
That was a HUGE betrayal and she had no right and I would be SPITTING. No way would I let it go I would do everything I could to make her life miserable for as long as I was working with her including telling everyone how you swore her to secrecy and the reasons why you did so and make sure everyone knew what an evil thing she did and how she lied and told you it would be kept in confidence and how terrible you feel now. And I would never speak to her again. And sign up her e-mail to spam addresses every single week. And put smelly glue on her office chair when no-one was looking.
Okay maybe not both because if everyone knew how angry I was they'd know I was the one playing tricks on her. Either lots of mean pranks OR letting everyone know how she betrayed me. And she would deserve every bit of it. You have every right to refrain from telling people about it. That was not her decision to make and she knew how you felt and had no excuse or reason to blab.
But in reality it will make your work difficult to do this and your life will be more complicated if you do and you are probably a bigger person than I am. The sensible thing is to let it go or just tell her calmly what a betrayal that was and you want nothing to do with her. She is not worth jack **** and not worth stressing yourself over such a pathetic mean b**ch. And you don't need stress now! I am absolutely spitting for you. I hope she has the most long painful labour ever and gets really fat permanently and gets terrible stretch marks and morning sickness. Meanwhile karma is on your side and you will have NONE of those things because sometimes the universe is fair. I personally would bring it up with her and make sure everyone knew what she did but that doesn't mean it's what's right for you to do. The most important thing is your pregnancy not wasting time on such little things because YOU ARE PREGNANT CONGRATULATIONS!!! If it helps, every time you get fuming mad again just think about this happy event, I hope that makes you able to forget about the b**ch and be happy.
Congratulations I am so happy for you and now you have another excuse to knit! Ooh little baby bootees in animal stripes and how exciting! :cheering:
Best wishes for you :muah:
Sarah
P.S. Good call on just the one sprog.
P.P.S. Tell everyone at work that her husband is not the baby's father.

Sara
04-30-2007, 12:13 PM
wow.

zazzu
04-30-2007, 12:14 PM
Congratulations! I'm sending good vibes that you'll have a fabulous pregnancy. :muah:

Try to look at this as a lesson learned. Your co-worker is NOT your friend. She can't be trusted and you'll need to watch your back with her. Not a great situation, but certainly not an unusual one.

Likely, this woman will ask you a lot of questions about your pregnancy. If I were you, I'd freeze her out. Be civil without really telling her a thing.

Try not to let it spoil your happiness during this time, okay? :D

PinkRoses
04-30-2007, 12:17 PM
Well, yes, she probably should have not said anything, though maybe she was excited for you and wanted to share, or said it inadvertently. I think though, that if you didn't want anyone to know, you shouldn't have told even one person.

sue


Yes, I think this is 100% accurate. She was completely thrilled when she found out. I'm sure she didn't tell anyone just because she wanted everyone to know she was the first to know. I really should have kept it from her too until we were ready. I told her she was the only one I shared this with because she was just three weeks ahead of me. Oh well, I will certainly say something to her. It's very hard for me to trust anyone and this is one of the first times at work I told someone about something so big. I'm really not good at this kind of stuff. Well, I guess I should have never opened MY big mouth. :doh:

Thanks for the congratulations. :hug: I'm sure everything will be fine. It's just first-time jitters.

snowbear
04-30-2007, 12:20 PM
FIrst.. Big Bear Hugs... I understand the reason you wanted to keep it quiet. Sharing w/ her at the time I'm sure was exciting, and I would have. However, since she violated your trust.. I would let her know that now she showed she couldn't be trusted.

Explain to the boss why you hadn't spread the work.. Bosses usually understand she probably has done that before.. spread the word in confidence.


Lastly... Rise above it.. share your thoughts with us.. write yourself letters.. whatever.. and don't lower yourself to tell her anything you don't want the world to know..

hugs againg.. and congrats! :hug:

brendajos
04-30-2007, 12:21 PM
okay some of that may be a leeeeeettle over the top. :shock:


I guess the thing is that the lesson here is that you now know what kind of relationship you really have with this woman. it sucks that you didn't get to make the announcement yourself and I do think that you should say something to her. However the good news is that you have a very exciting event to look forward to and there is nothing that this can do to dampen that excitement unless you let it.

Congratulations on the new baby! at least you got to announce it to US yourself! ;)

GinnyG
04-30-2007, 12:23 PM
First, CONGRATULATIONS!!

Your coworker was wrong but one thing I have learned over the years is that some people JUST CAN'T KEEP a secret. No matter how hard they try somehow it just "slips out". I think I would consider it a lesson learned (don't tell her anything else) and let it go. Being upset isn't good for you or the baby and at this point there is little you can do to change the situaltion. I agree with snowbear, rise above it!!

PinkRoses
04-30-2007, 12:26 PM
Congratulations! I'm sending good vibes that you'll have a fabulous pregnancy. :muah:

Try to look at this as a lesson learned. Your co-worker is NOT your friend. She can't be trusted and you'll need to watch your back with her. Not a great situation, but certainly not an unusual one.

Likely, this woman will ask you a lot of questions about your pregnancy. If I were you, I'd freeze her out. Be civil without really telling her a thing.

Try not to let it spoil your happiness during this time, okay? :D


You know, this advice seems excellent. I don't see myself going nuts at work but this seems to fall right in line with how I should proceed from here. I think you're right on the money. I wonder if she felt even a little guilty after I told her like 10x not to talk because we were worried about health issues. If I carry to term and all goes well I'll be 37 when I deliver. You bet I'm worried about health issues but again, going back to what the other poster said, I should have not told anyone first. It should have been an all or nothing thing. Live and learn I suppose. :pout:

syndactylus
04-30-2007, 12:27 PM
I would just have an extra big exciting party of announcement with everyone not connected with work once you find out everything is definitively perfect.
(but it is confirmed already?)

she is bad.
bad bad bad!
maybe get her one of those non sequitur cards - that are kind of creepy. I know they have one about people talking who shouldn't be, I think it is a girl with no head, and her head is around the corner and then something about how sally was listening or something.... they look like kids' stick drawings and then say something superficially non sequitur-ish, but actually pointed. I wish I could remember. she couldn't get mad then, and you would make your point....

anyway, congratulations!!!
are you going to find out whether you'll have a son or daughter or surprise yourself?

PinkRoses
04-30-2007, 12:34 PM
My Husband and I both agree on two big things. We both want 1 child and we both want to find out the sex when I'm further along. He used to always say he wanted a boy and I always said I wanted a girl but once I got pregnant, we don't care either way. We just pray for a healthy, happy baby. :muah:

CarmenIbanez
04-30-2007, 12:40 PM
I'd be totally pissed.

superlaura
04-30-2007, 12:46 PM
I would be COMPLETELY pissed.

But congrats anyways :muah:

KnittingNat
04-30-2007, 02:34 PM
First thing's first - CONGRATULATIONS :heart: !

I definitely agree about ignoring this little chatty lady, though she'll probably start asking you about the pregnancy and give you tips and advice...I would listen and show no reaction and then sorting it all out to myself :)
My hubby and i agreed that when we get to the baby issue, we won't tell anyone, even parents, till 3 months pregnant. And so at work, because i need to tell the boss 5 months ahead...
About the one child issue - i guess you have your reasons, but i was alone till age of 5 and i begged for a sibling (that's the word, right? :teehee: ) and when my sister arrived i was the happiest person on earth. We had our ups and downs, but still, when putting parents aside - we're the closest family we got! My mom was an only child and she's very sad about it... hope i didn't push my nose too much :??

cookworm
04-30-2007, 02:48 PM
Lisa--CONGRATS!!!! :cheering:

I think you have a right to be hurt, but in my personal experience, I haven't been able to trust people I've worked with in the past with private matters...they ALWAYS wind up spread all over the company. So I've just learned that I don't say anything to anybody about things unless I'm ready to share them and ready for everybody to know. To try to interpret what her motive was (was she being spiteful, or was she excited) is kind of irrelevant I think. Whatever her reason was for doing it really doesn't matter; your secret is out, and you can't go back and change it. We also really never truly know what is in another person's heart, so it's unfair to speculate what their motivations are. You also have to be very careful about what you say because things tend to come back to haunt you later on. A woman I worked with was angry because her husband didn't want to start a family yet and she did. We were talking one day, and I admitted that I wasn't sure I was ready to become a mom at that point (I was a few years younger than her). Well, my husband and I weren't exactly being careful, either, and I got pregnant. I was elated when I found out, but she was pretty snotty and I found out later that she was telling people, "Well I thought she wasn't ready to start a family, and she's pregnant now!" Well, so what, right???? The point is, I shared an intimate detail with her that I probably shouldn't have, and now it was "fair game" I guess to spread it all over the office. I'm very careful about what I tell people, whether it was on the job, at church, whatever. I would consider it a lesson learned, not just necessarily with this lady, but perhaps with sharing things at your workplace. Unfortunately, it seems that most people just love work gossip, and can't resist sharing it. I'm sorry this happened to you. It should've been your beautiful news to share with people at work, not hers.

bobi1218
04-30-2007, 02:53 PM
Congrats!!! Here's to a happy and healthy 9 months!! (And lots of knitting to do!)

I'm sorry about your co-worker. That would annoy me too, especially the part about your boss. Its hard enough to tell your boss you're going to need a bunch of time off, its even worse when he/she hears it from someone else. Just make sure he or she knows why you didn't tell him directly (waiting until the end of the first trimester is perfectly legitimate, I've done it twice now), and don't share any more intimate information with this co-worker.

iza
04-30-2007, 02:57 PM
Telling your BOSS before you had the chance to tell him/her is, I think, totally unacceptable. Yes words can slip out sometimes, but if everybody knew already, it means she deliberately told everyone. Maybe it wasn't clear in her mind that it was a secret, maybe it's an honest mistake. But she has to understand that what she did could lead to serious consequences!


This being said, CONGRATULATIONS!!! :cheering: :heart: :hug:

mrs desert rain
04-30-2007, 03:27 PM
i'd be angry, too.

and, i'd let her know. doing so doesn't require being confrontational, unless your hormones get the better of you, and you just explode! :doh:

if it was me, i'd say, "hey, i don't appreciate you sharing my news with everyone." and i'd leave it at that! (i think)

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU! wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!

Kaydee
04-30-2007, 04:28 PM
CONGRATS!!! :cheering: :muah:

That being said, I'd be mad too. Don't let this women take away any of the joy and happiness that you have though. At least you still have all of your family and out of work friends that you can personally share with (hopefully she can't ruin that).

dustinac
04-30-2007, 05:15 PM
:cheering: Congrats that is wonderful!!!

I would be upset too.. but I'm wondering if she didn't do this on purpose ya know?? which then I wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction that she got me.. I'd prolly say something but pick my words wisely...and go on with out a care in the world.. I have trust issues though and maybe she didn't mean that but is just a big mouth :roflhard:

Mariblue
04-30-2007, 05:38 PM
:hug: :hug: :hug: Congratulations! :hug: :hug: :hug:
I'd be angry about that too. But I also wouldn't want to let her know that, like dustinac said, about giving her the satisfaction. I'd probably just say something like, "Well, I guess I can't trust you now," in a slightly sarcastic offhanded way, shrug my shoulders, and walk away. No long drawn out conversations, etc. Why bother? You've got some "baby" knitting to do!

mks22300
04-30-2007, 07:17 PM
Congratulations!!! :hug:
I'm sorry you weren't able to tell the people at work your wonderful news, but at least you got to tell us and you get to tell all the other people in your life! :hug:

dawnk777
04-30-2007, 07:34 PM
Congratulations, on your exciting news! Sorry your co-worker ruined your surprise, though.

Quiltlady
05-01-2007, 04:40 AM
Congratulations to you. :cheering: Sounds like she is the kind that cannot be trusted to keep a secret. I wouldn't let it ruin working with her but I'd not tell her anything again that I didn't want everyone else to know.

I had a friend like that. After she broke a confidence for the second time I moved on from that friendship. I don't miss her. My only sister is the same way. I have to have a relationship with her but I only tell her things that I do NOT care if everyone else around her finds out. And she wonders why we are not "close". :wall:

DQ
05-01-2007, 05:18 AM
Congratulations :hug: I hope your pregnancy is healthy :hug: It's a shame about your co-worker. I don't know her so I can't comment on her intentions but I'd definitely be more wary of her in the future.

mulene
05-01-2007, 07:04 AM
First, as everyone else has said, congratulations :)

Second, I would be furious. More than furious I would probably tell everyone at work "woah you know? Wow if you want a secret kept make sure you don't ever tell *whatshername*"

When I got engaged, I was 22. I was looking forward to saying to people "hey we got engaged" and showing the ring with a nice big grin - my fiance told everyone before I even had a chance to. I was pretty mad - he totally took away the joy of telling people *together* As it turns out I never married the guy - he was a jerk in more ways than can be re-counted here but it was a lucky escape :teehee:

I would be really really mad at my co-worker, I'd let her know it too and I'd make sure everyone knew never to share a secret with her again.

PinkRoses
05-04-2007, 10:09 AM
So, the very next day I very calmly spoke with my co-worker. I told her I had heard that she told all of the day shift employees. She said, "No I didn't!" I reminded her that in every conversation I told her not to tell anyone because we wanted to make sure everything was going good. I told her that if God forbid, we lose the pregnancy, then I now have everyone at work knowing what I'm going through and I can't do this somewhat private. I told her all along I wasn't sure when I would break the news and that I only told her because she's pregnant too. I also told her her that the #1 thing I was upset about was that my boss congratulated me before I was ready to tell him. He did that while he was with a long-time gossip sitting right near him so I didn't get a chance to really say anything to him about what happened.

What did she do? She kept snapping that she didn't tell anyone and said that one of the employees 'just knew' :noway: and said he kept hounding her for info. on my days off. I find that hard to believe. That person is a guy and he's not a really good friend of mine. We get along fine but we just work different shifts. I work with mostly all men and trust me, these guys don't really care. I've been working there for 12 yrs., I'm 36 yrs. old so the thought that someone just "guessed" that I'm pregnant when I was only about 6 weeks pregnant is kind of off the wall if you ask me. I told her how hurt I was becuase I thought I could trust her. She started snapping that the "day shift" people always get her in trouble and she can't believe they put her in the middle of this. She's 32 yrs. old so I really feel that you need to take responsibility of your actions at that age, that's for sure.

I'm over this now, but the thing that really frosted my behind was that she did not appologize and now she's not even talking to me. She had the nerve to say, "Lisa, I'm really sorry they did that to you, that wasn't right." :noway: I said, "That they did this to me??? You're the only person I told, how is this their fault?" So like most the posters said, I'll never tell anyone at work anything personal. Lesson learned. I don't want to carry around any hate with me, this is really over now. I honestly thought most people on this board gave me excellent advice. On the positive side, if this is the only negative thing that happens to me during the pregnancy, then I'm very lucky.

Thanks to all the other day for your supportive thoughts! :muah:

GinnyG
05-04-2007, 10:22 AM
It is unfortunate that this happened. But I hope for your sake and that of the baby you can let go of all the negative feelings an d move on. This is a HAPPY WONDERFUL time for you and only thing you should be feeling right now is JOY.

I very much believe that babies in utero are very tuned in to our feelings and you don't want your baby to be feeling the anger and stress created by this situation.

People, being what they are-human, are going to always dissappoint and frustrate you. Focus now on this wonderful experience and let the rest go.

HollyP
05-04-2007, 10:27 AM
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hug: I am so sorry she is being such a b@#$&%!
Hopefully that is the worst thing that happens for you in this pregnancy! I hope you have a very healthy and uneventful pregnancy.
And again congrats!!!!!!!

redwitch
05-04-2007, 10:31 AM
Congratulations on being such a big person (no pun intended) and being over it. Now on to the important stuff... WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO KNIT!!

http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/archives/2005/07/22/stop_me.html ooh!

http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/archives/2005/07/21/small_wonders.html
weak knees...don't know why

seriously any thoughts on what you might knit for the sprog later?

Sarah

zazzu
05-04-2007, 10:40 AM
On the positive side, if this is the only negative thing that happens to me during the pregnancy, then I'm very lucky.

Yes, YES! That is an excellent attitude. :thumbsup:

And now you know you're working with a snake in the grass. Better to know now then after you've told her a bunch more personal stuff.

Okay, back to happy about baby! :happydance:

Nobones
05-04-2007, 10:59 AM
OOOHHH a baby.. How wonderful. I wish you, your hubby and 'bump' all the best wishes in the world. You most so exicited!! I'm sorry it started badly with that person, (couldn't bring myself to call her a 'lady'). I can't believe someone would be that mean. Especially seeing as she was expecting herself so you would have thought she'd have understood a bit more. You're better off not being around such people.

Best wishes for a happy and healthy 9 months
:muah: :hug:

nadja la claire
05-04-2007, 02:50 PM
First:CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!! :happydance: :cheering: :mrgreen: :lol: :yay: :woot: :woohoo: :clink:

Second: Yes you should be pissed, I'd be. I hate it when people do that.:grrr: :!!!: You shouldn't even have to ask her not to tell anyone. It's your business and you should be the one to choose who to tell and when, not her.

Well at least you know how much you can trust that person to keep your confidences.



:muah: :hug:

Nadja xxx

PinkRoses
05-04-2007, 03:09 PM
This may sound strange but I just went out and bought a huge skein of 100% cotton from Bernat. The color I bought is pretty pastels. It's got white, pink, lavendar, mint green, yellow, blue and it's so pretty for babies. :happydance: I'm going to make a bunch of little baby wash cloths. :cheering: I've been working on some sweaters and what not but these will go by nice and quick when I'm really not dying to make a whole big project.

PinkRoses
05-04-2007, 03:13 PM
http://www.bernat.com/pattern.php?PID=2392

Oh my, I just found this pattern on their site! Now I'm going to be looking forward to making a little bib! Has anyone made these yet? They look perfect.

Pixywhispers
05-04-2007, 06:13 PM
Congratulations! Wonderful news!

I have learned if I dont want anyone to know, I dont tell anyone. Not even my dh or bestfriend, cause things slip.

Also welcome to the world of parenthood also known as nothing ever going as you plan! heh Get used to that.

Our world gives the illusion of control. Which makes parenting so much harder later. Ive had friends plan the sex of their baby and be disappointed, plan a healthy baby, and be disappointed at the birth of a sick child another who planned a pain free birth and was disappointed and then held it against the baby.

If you can forgive and embrace the unpredictablity you are well on your way to being a great parent!

hellokitty165
05-04-2007, 06:17 PM
Hi ...

I understand your anger... i am chinese and we will not break the news till 3 months later... cos it our religious beliefs that nothing go wrong with the pregnancy... i hate people who cannot keep a secrets.. we all live and learn from the mistake... next time be extra careful... all the best to your baby and congrats ...

Hildegard_von_Knittin
05-04-2007, 06:57 PM
Don't waste your energy waiting for her to apologize or staying mad about her reaction; sometimes it's better just to let it go.

Congratulations.