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bip
08-14-2007, 10:05 AM
I am kind of laughing and kind of sad about something that happened recently, so I wanted to share it with you nice people. My MIL and I get along great. I have been with DH for almost 10 years and we've been married for almost 4. I know she was upset that we never had a wedding (I am not a wedding kind of girl), but since my dad donated DH a kidney she has always been very nice to me. Of course, this is all probably beside the point.

About 4-6 weeks ago, DH was on the phone with her and asked me, "Do you want to take a mosaic knitting class in Alburquerque on August 17th?" (I live in Boston, she lives in ABQ). His mom is a fabulous crocheter, and knits, spins and weaves as well, so I was really excited. DH was going to be visiting them for 2 weeks during that time, so I made my airline reservations and took 2 days off work (the class is on a Friday, and I have to travel the Thursday before).

About 3 weeks ago his mom asked me through DH if I had signed up yet. I said I thought she was taking care of that. He told her that and she went to the store to sign me up. They wouldn't let her because I had to be there in person. She went back a second time to speak with the owner and talked her into letting me in.

The class is this coming Friday, so last night I asked MIL what materials I need. She said any DK-worsted weight yarn in two contrasting colors and the right needles. I asked her what she was going to use and here's the punchline:

She said, "I'm not taking the class, I have to work." She owns a preschool and classes started Monday so she can't do it. She always knew this. She was never planning to take the class with me. In fact, now that I think about it, she never said she would take the class WITH me. I just assumed.

According to DH, this is typical of his parents. It is so funny, I have to laugh. But on the other hand, I am really disappointed and a little hurt. It does explain a lot about DH though ... Oh well, I was going to visit ABQ anyway and even though I probably could have learned mosaic knitting from a book, the class will probably be fun.

knitncook
08-14-2007, 10:15 AM
Have fun and this will probably become one of those quirky family stories!

dakatzmeow
08-14-2007, 10:56 AM
interesting situation. i wouldn't be sure how to react either.

scout52
08-14-2007, 01:20 PM
all i can say is. Wow strange woman. but on the positive side, i bet the class will be fabulous and you get to take time off of work.

iza
08-14-2007, 01:34 PM
:?? Strange indeed. I'm sure you could find a class in Boston. If she knew she wasn't taking the class, why making you fly all the way there? :shrug: Maybe she genuinely can't go to the class but wanted you to go visit her?

Well, it's definitely better to laugh about it. :teehee: I'm sure the class will be fun!

bip
08-14-2007, 01:57 PM
Yes, I think she didn't think I would come visit unless there was a "reason". Silly because I was going to visit anyway. I like my in-laws and I think time with the family is important!
that. But her boys are that way, so maybe it is a foreign concept to her that I would come to visit HER and not just come for some other reason and "oh, by the way, visit the parents". That's a little sad when you think about it.

All of their family lives in India, and they've been here basically alone for 35+ years, so maybe they just aren't used to visiting "just because". Going to India is a huge production, and they've only done it a few times since they've lived here.

Lol, now that I think about it, MIL invited me to go to India last winter but I couldn't go. I wonder if I would have ended up going alone, lol.

Actually, now that I think about it, she was in India when we were scheduled to visit her in ABQ. I had asked when she would return and was told some date, so I made arrangements to come after that. Then three days before we were supposed to go visit, I found out that she wasn't going to be there until the last 2 days of our 6 day stay ... In the end I got a 48-hr stomach flu (the nasty one that went around at Christmas) and DH's plane got diverted and stuck him in Phoenix for 2 days and by that time he just wanted to go back home.

Now I remember. These people cannot communicate to save their lives. It is part of their charm, but sometimes drives me nuts.

Sara
08-14-2007, 02:03 PM
It's nice that she thought enough of you to suggest the class and she knows you'd enjoy it. It sounds like she genuinely can't go. I'm sure you'll have a good time. She did go to the effort of talking you into the class with the owner. Who knows, this could be an overture of friendship on her part.

BTW, she really SHOULD be kissing the ground you walk on for the kidney thing.:teehee:

:notworthy: --> to your dad!!

KnittingNat
08-14-2007, 02:38 PM
I wouldn't know how to react as well, but try not to take it too hard. Maybe she just wanted you around and it's hard for her to admit that. Maybe she's shy... Sometimes families act very differently on the same subject. I even have a recent example :happydance: - I'm going to visit my in-laws in Haifa, which is a 1:50 hour drive. We do that about once in a month. So this time, due to compulsory vacation at work (university stupid rules:wall:), i've decided to spend 2-3 days at their place. My MIL's partner is retired and i thought to go to the beach with him would be nice :) So i asked him if it's ok if we could come and if i could stay. He almost shouted at me :"You don't ask these questions here!"... Funny man! And i knew that he meant that i'm very welcome. That's it! In my family i do ask, because i respect my parents' (and not only their) privacy and free time. But for him children are the most important thing! I know it's been long, sorry, just trying to tell you not think about it too much. There are much worse MILs out there:shock:!:muah:

bip
08-14-2007, 02:49 PM
There are much worse MILs out there:shock:!:muah:

Isn't that the truth! I do love my MIL, I know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings. She never knew that I thought we were going together since we usually communicated about it through DH. I'm not hurt, I understand that there is nothing to "read into" this, she just thought I would like the class and wanted to help me take it!

Now my mom's MIL? She's my grandma and I love her, but she is an AWFUL MIL. She once had her youngest son bury the leftovers from a meal my mom made at her house. Not even good enough for the garbage disposal! (and then there's the uncle who buried the food. What grown man buries food because his mom tells him to?!)

KnittingNat
08-14-2007, 03:10 PM
Isn't that the truth! I do love my MIL, I know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings. She never knew that I thought we were going together since we usually communicated about it through DH. I'm not hurt, I understand that there is nothing to "read into" this, she just thought I would like the class and wanted to help me take it!

Now my mom's MIL? She's my grandma and I love her, but she is an AWFUL MIL. She once had her youngest son bury the leftovers from a meal my mom made at her house. Not even good enough for the garbage disposal! (and then there's the uncle who buried the food. What grown man buries food because his mom tells him to?!)
:shock::shock::shock: That's a weird MIL story.... I always try to talk to my MIL directly, so we won't have any misunderstandings and i think she actually enjoys our talks. My DH is an only son, so she kind of got a daughter. :cheering: for great MILs!

AnnaT
08-16-2007, 03:54 AM
Bip, donating a kidney wouldn't make any difference with my mother-in-law.

I'm sure you will have fun on the trip and have something interesting to do while you're there!

Another thought: whenever I depend on my husband to pass information along to me, I am always sorry. :mrgreen:

AnnaT
08-16-2007, 03:58 AM
Now my mom's MIL? She's my grandma and I love her, but she is an AWFUL MIL. She once had her youngest son bury the leftovers from a meal my mom made at her house. Not even good enough for the garbage disposal! (and then there's the uncle who buried the food. What grown man buries food because his mom tells him to?!)



Oh, my goodness. That sounds like my life. My MIL hasn't buried anything I've cooked (yet), but she probably would if she thought of it. At family gatherings, she just usually tells everyone else not to eat whatever I contributed. :nails: I am going to stop thinking about her now because I am too young to get high blood pressure.