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dakatzmeow
08-19-2007, 10:56 PM
when a guy decides to break it off/he’s not interested, why does he just leave a girl hanging? in my opinion, an ADULT would make a call/email/text message/whatever and just be honest. “this isn’t working for me. ” “i want to see other people.” “i feel the need to pursue other relationships.”

am I wrong? http://dakatzmeow.wordpress.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif :gah:rant over.

Knitting_Guy
08-19-2007, 11:04 PM
Depends on how long you were seeing each other and how serious it was. Steady dating for a while, yeah he should man up and break it off. Just a couple of dates? No big deal.

auburnchick
08-19-2007, 11:06 PM
Mason, when I read the first sentence of your reply, I read "serious" as "sensuous."

:roflhard:

Can you tell I've been working on this computer way too long today?

Knitting_Guy
08-19-2007, 11:08 PM
Mason, when I read the first sentence of your reply, I read "serious" as "sensuous."

:roflhard:




Yeah that factors in too :rofl:

jeanius80
08-20-2007, 12:07 AM
i agree dakatz. when i was 20 i very briefly dated a guy who was divorced with 2 kids. it freaked me out and i wasn't ready to be a mom to someone else kids (she was not around at all). i 'manned up' (;)) and told him i just wasn't ready for that big of a commitment or relationship. i think being honest is always more mature and fair.

jjminarcik
08-20-2007, 12:37 AM
I agree with jeanius, you should "man up" and be honest about it whether it's the guy or girl that wants to break it off. Most of my boyfriends were jerks and didn't have the you-know-what's to do that. DH is the one guy who is honest with me, I think he's the exception to the rule.

Except for you Mason, you usually tell it like it is! :yay:

Mason, when I read the first sentence of your reply, I read "serious" as "sensuous."

:roflhard:

Can you tell I've been working on this computer way too long today?

:roflhard::roflhard: Whenever I hear the work sensuous it's usually DH saying "Sensuous up, grab me a beer". :clink:

orcoastknitter
08-20-2007, 01:35 AM
Well about 10 years ago, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with over the phone. He called said "we need to talk." I said are you breaking up with me and there was no answer so I hung up. He never called back. The last boyfriend was hauled off in a cop car, need I say more?

Rorshach
08-20-2007, 02:04 AM
Personally, regardless of how long you were going out, I think the Significant Other, or more likely in this case Insignificant Other, should at least give you the obvious truth. Leaving you hanging like that is a stupid and spineless thing to do.

mulene
08-20-2007, 06:25 AM
I would much MUCH rather people say "I'm not interested" or "this isn't working for me" or whatever.

I dated a guy, who the day we 'broke up' if you can even call it that he was horrendously rude. He had been very unrude previously. I went to his house, picked him up paid for a cab to take us to the cinema, went paid for us to go in to see the movie (Jerry McGuire - his choice) paid for the cab back to his place and when we got there he just said "cya" and got out the cab ran indoors and that was that.

He didn't have the guts to tell me he was no longer interested and he didn't have the courtesy to even offer some money towards the last night out. He didn't once even put his hand in his pocket - its not that I was forceful its that he navigated it that way.

We arrived at the cinema, he got out of the cab and walked off so I had to pay. I followed into the cinema he was in the line I stood next to him then when we were about to reach the tills he said "have to pee brb" and disappeared off. I paid because I was at the front of the queue and he had chosen which movie queue to join so thats the one we went to see.

I always have to have a drink when I see a movie, I find the cinema too hot and end up being thirsty so I went to get a drink. He came along grabbed bags of sweets, popcorn and the biggest drink you've ever seen - put them in front of me and walked off leaving me to pay.

The guy had been nice before but he behaved in such a jerkish way and was a spineless loser in the end. I was glad in a way that I saw him for what he was, but I was also annoyed that he was so spineless and couldn't just say it outright.

At least if you're gonna break with someone don't be so rude to take them for a night out and make them pay for everything! Just call it.

blueeyes28
08-20-2007, 07:03 AM
I think some guys are afraid they are going to tell you they are not interested and you are going to fall apart or something and I think others figure if they don't come out and tell you then maybe if there is nothing better to do one weekend they can call you and say "oh I have just been busy I wasn't avoiding you." I hate to say this but it seems that there aren't a whole lot of stand up guys around anymore. But they are out there ladies, they are the guys that women usually say are too nice or just a friend when I first met my husband I said oh he is not my type but I was wrong! Give these guys a chance and you won't be dissappointed I went through a lot of frogs before I found my prince.

mulene
08-20-2007, 07:51 AM
I'd be happy to give one of those guys a chance, if they just let me know they are interested. Thats the problem I have - terminal shyness but then if someone is way OTT hitting on me constantly it puts me off

I need a guy who can let me know without being over the top =D

dakatzmeow
08-20-2007, 08:01 AM
case in point: talking to a guy. we'll call him emt/rescue dude. he works at 2 fire stations. his main job is further away. his other job, he works at a tiny little town (closer) with their volunteer fire station, once in awhile, just to help out. so on a day when he was in the closer town, we set up that i would swing by after work for a coke and a chat.

so i pull off the highway and call ahead to see what he wants to drink, my treat. the guy that answers the phone says, "he didn't work today." okay fine. i drive home.

cell phone: no answer, voicemail is full.
work phone: don't know which one he is working, so i don't call b/c i feel like an idiot.
email: sent a message saying what happened and that i would be around and would like to reschedule. no answer. has been online since then.

it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to go forward. why not just say what's on his mind?

the weird part is that we got along really well, had a lot to talk about, even spending more than an hour at a time on the phone. if he wasn't interested, why spend an hour on the phone? just doesn't make sense.

dating. ugh.

Kaydee
08-20-2007, 09:07 AM
I have a friend who was dating this guy for almost 6 months, things were getting a little rough with them so she called him one day because she wanted to talk things out. He didn’t answer his phone or return her call. That was it, nothing.
Personally I think that whether you’ve only gone on a few dates or were in a relationship with the person that the party doing the breakup should have the decency and courtesy to let the person know face to face that they want to end things. Sure, it may be uncomfortable for you to face that person and say its over or whatever but as an adult those are the situations you face sometimes. I think it’s just about being respectful of the other person’s feelings and letting them know what’s going on.

Knitting_Guy
08-20-2007, 09:36 AM
I don't disagree that the right thing to do is for the disinterested party, whether the male or the female, to be up front about things, but my only point was that it's far more important if you have been seeing each other on a more than casual level.

I've had women go out with me a couple of times and then just never hear from them again. No big deal to me. I've had some that I've gone out with a couple of times and have never heard from me again. No big deal.

The more serious relationship deserves more serious consideration. But that's just my opinion.

Eloewien
08-20-2007, 10:17 AM
The guy I dated just before I met my husband was a bit of a jerk. I was in college, he was back home. We dated over the summer, and when I went back to school, I didn't hear from him for about two and a half months. In the meantime, I met my (now) husband. Then over thanksgiving break, the guy back home FINALLY calls me and then accuses me of cheating on him....
umm... you didn't return my calls for a few months and you consider that a relationship? as far as I was concerned.... he had dumped me.
From what I heard, he still accuses me for making him so depressed that he went and slept with a random girl and got her pregnant... just goes to show I made the right choice

knitwit88
08-20-2007, 11:50 AM
I agree! As a teen, it's really hard to think you're still going out with someone and not be able to date someone else, then be out with your friends and see him on a date with someone else.

Silver
08-20-2007, 12:27 PM
I'm no dating expert, as I've been off the market for 17 years, and before that I was just 17 years old... BUT... I think if they don't have the decency to call and tell you that they're not interested, who needs em? Don't let them get to you, and just remember that you're more mature and considerate than they are. Which is probably why you're not a good match in the first place!

stitchwitch
08-20-2007, 12:40 PM
I've always preferred honesty no matter how bad it hurts. To leave someone hanging is a sign of immaturity and cowardice in my opinion. I would so much rather have some man say to me "you're not what I want" than to keep dragging me along or worse simply disappear and leave me going over in my head the course of the relationship to see where I failed. To have someone tell me what they didn't like is so much easier than my mind telling me I'm just plain worthless. For all I know, he simply could not like my cooking or something.
Thankfully I'm married although that brings about a whole new set of adventures. :teehee:

Knitting_Guy
08-20-2007, 01:59 PM
I'm no dating expert, as I've been off the market for 17 years, and before that I was just 17 years old... BUT... I think if they don't have the decency to call and tell you that they're not interested, who needs em? Don't let them get to you, and just remember that you're more mature and considerate than they are. Which is probably why you're not a good match in the first place!


Bingo! Give the lady a cigar!

Rorshach
08-20-2007, 02:10 PM
hehe Mason, you should give up Truckin' and go into Dating advice :)

minkoo
08-20-2007, 03:03 PM
I dated a guy in hs for a long time. We went to his prom and everything. One day he just vanished.

Then we ran into each other in college and he asked me out again. It was very hard not to laugh!

aineepooh1
08-21-2007, 07:09 PM
I got one for ya~:waving:
How bout when they act so interested and insist they want to give you their number... then you say ok. Then when you do go out with them halfway through the date he gets an "urgent' phonecall... that he has to go pick up his friend who is too drunk to drive right now~( another female).. and says I will call you back~!

WHATEVER~!:biting::biting::biting:

kbagel
08-23-2007, 02:01 PM
I love this post! If you think about it, everyone's dating capades are really funny. I guess that's why Sex in the City is such a sucessful show. I dated in NYC for 1 year before I met my boyfriend of 2 years. Lets just say most of the stories I have are not appropriate for a knitting forum. Nor would I want them on the web. Guys in this city will charm you with their good looks, high powered jobs, and nice apartments. One story comes to mind that involves a 30 year-old, high-powered corporate attorney at the biggest law firm in the world with a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights. These kind are usually the worst kind avoid them at all costs!

On the flip side I've been guilty of blowing guys off. I once got caught. I went out on one date and then ran into him on the street a couple months later, and he called me out on it. I felt bad and apologized.

msoebel
08-24-2007, 11:27 AM
I would so much rather have some guy tell me, "I'm just not that into you" than to just disappear, or only call me when it's convenient for him. I don't care if you hurt my feelings (which seems to be the biggest excuse for this behavior - "I didn't want to hurt her feelings!"), I just want you to treat me like an adult and be honest with me.

I have been dumped once over the phone (by an idiot in high school who has since become a good friend in adulthood). Every other boyfriend who chose to dump me was at least considerate enough to do it face to face.

I think it's ridiculous to dump someone through a note, phone call or email. Especially after the 8th grade! Although, I will admit that when my "serious" boyfriend in 11th grade told me that he was breaking up with me and, by the way, he had been cheating on me too, I did punch him right in the gut.:oops:

There was one instance where we didn't officially break up, but just kind of stopped talking to each other. I don't who really was respsonsible for it, but it happened. We were freshmen in college and we were taking a walk around the campus wildlife trail. He was mad because the night before at church, I didn't come over and say hi. I pointed out that he hadn't come over to say hi to me either, and that he was busy talking to his friends, while I was busy talking to my friends. He left first. He then insisted that I didn't say hi because I didn't want anyone to know we were dating.:whoosh:I said I wouldn't be going out with you if that were true. We got in to a heated discussion, and then we went to our classes. That was early November, and we didn't talk again until January. When I started dating someone else. Come to think of it, neither of us was very mature.

Misty:???:

Chel
08-24-2007, 11:38 AM
I am not very good a the dating thing. At this point I have been alone so long I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in a serious relationship let alone that whole (gag) dating scene.