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View Full Version : SO SAD ABOUT MY DAD WHO JUST LEFT


VictoiseC
08-28-2007, 02:18 PM
Hi. I'm in such a funk I had to lay down for 2 hours. My 84 year old dad just left after a 10 day visit. This was the third summer we did this since my mum died. Each summer it's gotten worse worse worse.

I try so hard to make him happy but everything keeps going wrong. Every single restaurant we took him to... the fish wasn't crispy enough, the pizza was too hard, the ribs didn't have enough meat. He stabs at his food in restaurants like a baby to protest how awful it is...and throws things over his shoulder (wetnaps when I ask him to wait til I'm done eating coz the smell is yukky) He yelled an obscenity at me on the street when I asked him if he could help pay for a few meals. (quite an ugly one too)

He wants to watch tv all day and all night with the volume waaaaay up coz he can't hear... which I've sort of got used to... It's just so sad. We had several arguments even though I went to church and prayed we wouldn't this time. He says he has no money yet he always has enough for lotto to which he is addicted and has to play everyday.

Then he gets real sweet the next morning and wants to kiss me.

Oh man. How do you love a parent when they are mean to you? I had all these plans to show him around the city ... but he didn't want to go then he complained we didn't show him the city!!!! aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee

thanks for listening oh geez, good ol' ranting....

Ingrid
08-28-2007, 02:28 PM
Getting old's a bitch, ain't it.

:hug:

stitchwitch
08-28-2007, 02:28 PM
I know what you're going through, truly I do. My dad is bipolar and a mix of other personality/mental disorders I can't remember and you never know what you'll get with him. One minute he's laughing, the next minute he's cussing you out. It makes for some real stressful visits to my parent's house and each time I leave I just cry. I can only offer you a hug, even if it's just an online one, I hope it helps. :hug:

Sara
08-28-2007, 02:35 PM
Dealing with an aging parent is tough. Dealing with an aging parent who has personality problems is nearly impossible.

Hugs to you!:hug:

Luvmyrottnboy
08-28-2007, 03:20 PM
Where does he live? Does he live alone? Is there family nearby?

He is showing classic signs of dementia. He needs to be evaluated.

My mom was always on the meanish side. When she got Alzheimers her behavior went off the charts.

mulene
08-28-2007, 04:15 PM
For years, nothing was ever right for Dad. To this day I still feel that he detested me and that I had always only ever let him down. Mum disagrees and says he was proud of me and loved me, but he always argued non stop.

In my entire life he only ever said well done once, and even then it was interjected with "now don't feck it up" when I got a really great job.

I don't know what to suggest to you, other than to accept he will never be happy no matter what. It ain't easy and I sympathise greatly :hug:

aineepooh1
08-28-2007, 06:45 PM
I agree.. sounds like symptoms of dementia... although Im not a doctor.. but the angry outbursts, mood swings...classic signs
can you get him tested?

newamy
08-29-2007, 12:42 AM
My first thought was dementia and depression-related to your moms death and being alone. Getting that checked on if possible would be good. Some of his out bursts could be a way for him to cover that he's forgetful at times, and some of it could be just him. He may have been not so nice to your mom when she was alive and maybe you never knew. Sometimes spouses are good at keeping the other on the right track and no one, not even the kids, know what troubles there are. Someone I once worked with said " the more we age the more we become ourselves" I think that makes a lot of sense; older people often strongly express their true natures.

knit.newbie
08-29-2007, 07:37 AM
just like a couple of the repliers before..a hug is all I can offer :hug:

I also want to say that it's so nice of you wanting to show him around and stuff even though things were the way they were..and that you paid for all his food and just let him watch tv loud and all... and good job really on being patient :thumbsup:

and here's "blooby" trying to cheer u up! :blooby::blooby:

dakatzmeow
08-29-2007, 07:52 AM
i'm sorry it's so hard. i have a similar, but milder, relationship with my dad. he's young, but growing up, it was hard to get a compliment out of him. maybe that's why i try so hard to please people. hm.

VictoiseC
08-29-2007, 08:33 AM
Thanks so much you guys Truly, the online hugs do help.

StitchWitch, sorry you have to go through it each time you visit. Try not to cry! At least you go visit for god's sake. And Mulene, yes, sorry for you too, what a drag, how hard to not be appreciated. (did you see that Johnny Cash movie with Joaquin Phoenix and how his dad treated him when he went home? good example)

My dad lives in Arizona and I'm on the east coast so I only see him when he comes to visit in the summer. My husband said he can't come anymore. (he actually broke a tooth at our last lunch he was just so upset, not used to yelling)

Well, my dad went to visit his sister in Michigan before me, and she has full blown dementia. So, maybe he is on that road already. He does compliment me a lot, and really admires my life, says I'm the only one who turned out ok (my sisters both got divorces last year). Soooooo. He is happy at his Senior Citizens center each day,plays pool all afternoon. I guess that's the best thing for him.

Funny note: last night I called to see if he got home ok. He started ranting about my sister's teenage daughter who is being taken away by her husband (custody I mean). Then he said "It's all because of Women's Lib. That's what started everything." Is that funny or what?

THANKS AGAIN REALLY, MUCH APPRECIATED

debinoz
08-29-2007, 01:47 PM
Enjoy it while you can because one day he'll be gone and you'll give almost anything to hear him yell at you just one more time......