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stitchwitch
09-12-2007, 03:56 PM
My husband turned 50 in March, my parents sent a card, no gift, no money. We were totally cool with that, they are retired and to be honest we didn't expect them to do anything.
I turned 40 this past Saturday, my parents sent a card and I expected it to be the same thing as when my husband's birthday came around except this time my mom stuffed a $40.00 check in the card. I could tell my husband felt a little odd, not necessarily at the gift aspect because we don't need the money but at the fact that my parents send me money and not him. I feel weird too, in my opinion it's kind of rude. Thoughts. :hmm:

sinistral_needler
09-12-2007, 04:00 PM
Well, is this a normal birthday gift from your parents or did they send you the gift knowing that your DH's parents didn't send a gift? Do the sets of parents have a history of being competitive against each other?

I would say don't take it too seriously and enjoy a nice dinner out with DH.

Edit: Oops, I misread the post. I would say that since you turned the big 4-0, that is really why they sent the check, since it can be a bit of a milestone birthday! :)

Mariblue
09-12-2007, 04:02 PM
Have they sent presents/checks to him in the past?
I'd have a nice dinner out with the hubbie, too. :hug:

kemp
09-12-2007, 04:02 PM
I don't really think that's out of line (since you're their daughter). I'm sure they didn't intend for it to be insulting or rude to your DH...probably didn't even occur to them that it could be taken the wrong way.

stitchwitch
09-12-2007, 04:06 PM
Hubby's parents are deceased so no rivalry there.
They have sent money and gifts to me occasionally, but never hubby or at least not for years.
I was thinking of just going out to dinner with it, that way it won't be so weird.

Sharly
09-12-2007, 04:07 PM
I wouldn't be too offended by it...naturally, your birthday is more meaningful to them ;) - don't let little things like this affect your relationship with your parents. You won't have them for forever...

Mariblue
09-12-2007, 04:11 PM
Hubby's parents are deceased so no rivalry there.
They have sent money and gifts to me occasionally, but never hubby or at least not for years.
I was thinking of just going out to dinner with it, that way it won't be so weird.
Well, than I would say that it's normal for them, and I wouldn't worry. Just share it with your hubby, it'll all work out. :thumbsup:

iza
09-12-2007, 04:23 PM
It's not that strange to me either. You are their daughter, it makes sense if they're on a limited budget to give you a gift and not your husband.

However, I'm not a gift-oriented person AT ALL. I way prefer to do an activity with family and friends than buy a gift for a specific occasion. There's always so much politics around gifts... I hate it! :zombie: And it defeats the whole purpose! :shrug:

PurlyGyrl
09-12-2007, 04:47 PM
I am with the others--not too strange since YOU are their daughter--maybe they didn't think (parents have a way of doing that you know ;)) Or maybe since it was a milestone birthday-40-and they sent your 40 bucks, maybe they thought they were being clever. :mrgreen:

marykz
09-12-2007, 05:09 PM
my Dad always says I owe my Mom a gift on my birthday- without her, I wouldn't have one!!! LOL!

but seriously- that is status quo here: I get cards and small gifts from in laws, more meaningfull stuff from my folks. the DH gets meaningfull stuff from his parents, and mine give him cards and a starbucks gift card.

just my 2 cents.

Quiltlady
09-12-2007, 05:17 PM
To make everyone feel better...give you dh half the money. Then you both can be happy.:cheering:

stitchwitch
09-12-2007, 05:18 PM
Thanks for the help everyone. It was just kind of weird for me since DH and I always try and do the same for both of my parents. What we do for one we do for the other. I can see why they did it now after reading your responses. Thanks.

Jan in CA
09-12-2007, 05:18 PM
I'd feel a little odd if my parents did that, but I can certainly see the other points people have made. When money is an issue sometimes people just give to immediate family. I'd think they consider him immediate, but who knows. Don't worry about it. :hug:

auburnchick
09-12-2007, 07:09 PM
Well, I guess I'll be the odd one here. I do think it's strange. I don't know how they've treated him in the past, so that would be part of the answer.

My mom has done the same thing for years. She usually does something smallish-range for my birthday, but I usually get a check. Dh is lucky if he gets a card.

For Christmas, she gets the kids a few things, gets my dh and sister's dh (our dh's are married, by the way) one thing. But, she LOADS us down with gifts. Granted, they're not expensive, but she walks in with arm loads of presents. Even the kids go :tap:

So she basically treats my sister and me like we're still 12. :teehee:

Now, on the other hand, dh's parents have ALWAYS spent the same amount of $$ on everyone. Once you marry in, you're included. They either decrease the total amount they spend or increase it to accommodate the new person. His grandparents do the same thing too.

I will treat everyone equally when my kids grow up. I do not want to make my children's spouses feel uncomfortable. If I can't afford to do much, I might consider sending them a joint gift, but I will NOT leave anyone out. That only leads to hurt feelings.

I don't think your parents did this intentionally...it was, more than likely, an oversight.

GinnyG
09-12-2007, 07:25 PM
I guess I'm in the "not rude" camp. My Mom is dead and never knew DH but HIS MOM gives him money for his birthday and not me. I guess it never occurred to me that she would, I'm not her daughter......

I had a boss once who told me to "Always assume positive intent". I'm sure your parents did not mean to be rude it just may not have occurred to them to give you husband money.

Take your gift and treat your DH to dinner or a movie OR BOTH:happydance:

Mulderknitter
09-12-2007, 07:31 PM
I have this argument all the time in my head. My DH's family absolutely does not remember bdays, anniversary's, etc. mine does. I used to get mad when my DH's parents wouldn't remember his bday or xmas or ANYTHING, but my family always remembered to include him in the cards/etc. I have learned that it is how his family is, and the more mad I get, the worse for me, not them....

stitchwitch
09-12-2007, 07:48 PM
He hasn't said anything to me about it so I don't think it bothers him, if it has he's not saying. His mom died last October and almost to the day she died she would always send us guys the same thing for our birthdays and holidays. It was that way from the day we got married and actually before when we were engaged.
I guess it's just not something I would do, but then again I'm always looking over my shoulder to see who thinks badly of me. :teehee: I would feel bad if I did that but that's just me.
Anyway, we have reservations Friday for our favorite restaurant. We'll go enjoy and I'll call my parents to tell them what we did and to thank them again. No harm, no foul and no point pondering it.

Knitting_Guy
09-12-2007, 08:45 PM
Just a thought but perhaps they intended to put a little something in his card and simply forgot?

debinoz
09-12-2007, 09:50 PM
If they used to put something in his card, but stopped, maybe they simply can't afford it. Now MY MIL on the other hand, sends the kids $20 each, DH $40 and I usually get $20. She doesn't send my oldest, her step-grandson anything at all. Which, when he was younger, really bothered him. She doesn't like me much and she's not my parent, so I guess I'm lucky to get anything.

dagny
09-12-2007, 10:59 PM
I don't really think that's out of line (since you're their daughter). I'm sure they didn't intend for it to be insulting or rude to your DH...probably didn't even occur to them that it could be taken the wrong way.

I agree and that's pretty well how it works in our family too.

brendajos
09-12-2007, 11:29 PM
]gets my dh and sister's dh (our dh's are married, by the way) one thing.


I don't have anything new to add to this but it could be because I am completely distracted by trying to figure out what this means. :teehee: either it's obvious, (well of course they are married to you and your sister silly.) or it is extremely oddly progressive (in that they are married to you AND eache other.)

either way i am amused...lol

dagny
09-12-2007, 11:34 PM
either it's obvious, (well of course they are married to you and your sister silly.) or it is extremely oddly progressive (in that they are married to you AND eache other.)

either way i am amused...lol

:lol::roflhard: that WOULD be progressive!

auburnchick
09-12-2007, 11:58 PM
:lol::roflhard: that WOULD be progressive!


:rofl:

Sorry for the slip-up. I've been working on a loooonnnnnggggg essay/mid-term today, and my brain is totally gone. I guess I didn't proof well enough, eh?

I meant to say that our dh's are brothers. :doh:

Good thing I didn't write something like this on my mid-term, eh? Course, it is a pol sci class...:teehee:

ritaw
09-13-2007, 02:42 AM
I am in the same boat as you , My parents only give me something and not my husband.

It does make me feel very uncomfortable every time , but i have got used to it.

It is a shame but what can you do.