PDA

View Full Version : speak up or stay quiet?


vaknitter
10-05-2007, 08:53 PM
A couple we know is getting married next month and my hubby is in the wedding party as is one of his ex's....rumor has it that the plan is for them to walk down the aisle together. Is it wrong of me to be angry that the bride would put them together so that their picture is taken together and they have to dance together and have to sit together at the head table? I should mention it is a huge wedding party so plenty of other girls he could walk with. Do I ask my hubby to mention that he thinks that would be inappropriate or do I keep my mouth shut?
My hubby will laugh and say I have nothing to worry about and I'm too sensitive...

Knitting_Guy
10-05-2007, 08:55 PM
I would speak up, but then I do enjoy causing trouble.

Ingrid
10-05-2007, 08:57 PM
I would explain how it would make you feel, regardless of his lack of feelings for her. Hopefully, your discomfort with the situation will be enough.

jjminarcik
10-05-2007, 09:16 PM
I would say something, too. The bride may not have seen it that way, or the lineup may have been setup by a wedding coordinator based on height or something like that. But it should be an easy thing to change.

dagny
10-05-2007, 09:31 PM
I would say something. Don't keep your feelings inside! I would find that situation quite awkward myself. Good luck

vaknitter
10-05-2007, 09:50 PM
:heart: :muah: Thank you so much for not telling me that I am crazy !!

I promise I'm not a crazy jealous wife -

knitgal
10-05-2007, 11:02 PM
I would definitely say something, at least to your husband. Even if nothing else happens, he'll know and respect your feelings. If you don't tell him, you may get more upset seeing them together, and this way he'll be able to keep himself in check. The bride may have not had anything to do with it! If you're good friends with her, I'd mention it, if you're husband is closer to them, get him to say he's not comfortable with it.
This is just what I would do, but you don't have to listen to me...I'm pretending I'm married because I'm afraid of what some old guy will think!:roflhard:

momwolf
10-06-2007, 12:11 AM
I would say something.How could she even think that would be ok?

Pat in Ca
10-06-2007, 12:22 AM
I agree, it is either a mistake or a cruel joke...I would politely say that you assume it was a mistake to someone who can change the situation..wedding planner?? Brides' mother?

Dangles
10-06-2007, 03:03 AM
I would say something as well. Tell your husband how you feel and let him deal with it from there.

misstialouise
10-06-2007, 07:37 AM
IMO It's completely disrespectful of the bride to allow this to have happened (whether it was her or a co-ordinator). "Her" day or not, to dompletely disregard the inappropriateness of it is just ... just ... I can't even find a word that portrays how rude I think it is.

Speak up. It would be better that you not be involved/go to the wedding than feel like you are feeling.

zazzu
10-06-2007, 12:07 PM
Just one more reason why I hate weddings. Besides the insufferable boredom, that is...:wink:

Yes, tell your husband. Don't tell the bride yourself - this is your husband's responsibility.

And, of course you are not a crazy jealous wife. The bride is just being thoughtless and careless or she has a very cruel, twisted sense of humor. Either way, she wouldn't get more than a crappy gravy boat as a wedding gift from me (but that's just me).

Good luck on this. FWIW, you're exactly right. :)

iza
10-06-2007, 12:51 PM
:whoosh:this is completely ridiculous and inappropriate. You should definitely say something to your husband. Or have someone else have a little talk with the bride and groom.

I'm with you zazzu, I hate weddings. Most of weddings I went to had some levels of drama because of "family/friends politics", or the ego-inflation of the bride and/or groom. And it's supposed to be a celebration of love. right. :wall:

KnittingNat
10-06-2007, 04:59 PM
I'm with everyone here, you should talk to your husband and explain your feelings. I think it's highly inappropriate. It's like asking you own ex to be best man or something. Plain tasteless and tactless! On our wedding we did the sitting arrangements and made sure there were no awkward situations between relatives and friends to avoid dramas and eventually everyone had a great time. If you're throwing a party on your wedding day and invite people, first thing - be thoughtful, they come to enjoy themselves and they should.

Sorry, been to a crappy wedding lately...

dustinac
10-07-2007, 10:05 AM
I would say something as well... hopefully it's just a mix up and the bride will realize she wouldn't like her future husband in the same situation...:thumbsup:

annomalley
10-07-2007, 11:21 PM
I have to agree with what everyone else has said. Say something to your husband.

ecb
10-08-2007, 01:41 PM
are they friends of both of yours, or just his
if the bride is only friends of his, then her placing him with his ex may be an attempt at nostalgia, making the wedding more like a reunion to celebrate the past, instead of a celebration of the future
STILL not in good taste (or outright WRONG)
just putting in my 2c

vaknitter
10-08-2007, 02:40 PM
thank you for all your replies. I asked hubby last night if he knew she was in the wedding party and he said no, but he thought she might be so he would deal with it. He mentioned that the bride might throw a fit and I allowed as how after she made a scene at my wedding reception I had no problem making one at her rehearsal. I think he got the point.

letah75
10-08-2007, 03:57 PM
thank you for all your replies. I asked hubby last night if he knew she was in the wedding party and he said no, but he thought she might be so he would deal with it. He mentioned that the bride might throw a fit and I allowed as how after she made a scene at my wedding reception I had no problem making one at her rehearsal. I think he got the point.

This bride sounds like someone I wouldn't want to have anything to do with, let alone participate in her wedding.

Personally, I think your husband should let her know that it is inappropriate of her to pair him with an ex-girlfriend.

If she throws a "fit", I think that he should let her know (kindly) that he would be happy to attend her wedding, but that he will not participate in her wedding as a groomsman.

She sounds like someone who has no concept of correctness or appropriateness, especially if she made a scene at your wedding.

chiricahuagal
10-08-2007, 06:35 PM
He mentioned that the bride might throw a fit and I allowed as how after she made a scene at my wedding reception I had no problem making one at her rehearsal. I think he got the point.

a smart man would...! good luck, you're on the right track here.

Jenn_Knitter
10-11-2007, 02:25 PM
I would speak up, but then I do enjoy causing trouble.

Bwahahaha you sound like me.

I have to agree that it was kind of an error in judgment for the bride-to-be to place your husband with one of his ex's. I know how I feel about my DH's ex and I would probably pitch a hissy fit if I found out they were walking down the aisle together in a wedding. But, then again, your circumstances may be different from mine. I have quite a few reasons to dislike my husband's ex. But if it truly makes you uncomfortable then speak up. It may be her day, but this is your marriage.