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View Full Version : Shopping with men. *sigh*


trollgirl
11-01-2007, 05:20 PM
Sigh.

How do you go shopping with a guy? I'm going shopping with DBF after work tonight and I predict that it will be a frustrating and possibly fruitless endeavor. He hates shopping and compares it to getting a root canal. We are allowed to dress casually at our workplace, so he's happy in jeans and sneakers. Add to that the fact that his mom still buys a lot of his clothes (he's 23) and he's never had to worry about shopping.

I would normally just not deal with it, but we have a company function on Monday and I'd like him to at least get a shirt or something. And a pair of slacks. And shoes. Dress shoes. He only has one pair of shoes. Hiking shoes/sneaker type things that are slowly going; one of the loops that holds the laces has snapped. I think if he just gets one pair of dress shoes he doesn't have to do it for another five years because he can just wear them whenever he needs to dress-up a bit. Like, you know, at Christmas or when we go out with family or at work functions.

Anyway, I am going to try to make it as quick and painless as possible but I don't really know how. I'm not sure what he may look good in except his usual jeans and Gap sweater. I don't really know what men wear for smart-casual or formal events. I know when a guy looks good but I couldn't put together a man's outfit without a lot of help. I've tried to go shopping with him before but he looks like he's in so much agony I've given up and just gone home empty-handed. And I've only done this twice in our two-year relationship so it's not like I'm always dragging him to the mall against his will.

I guess I'm just looking for advice or a listening ear or something. I know you can't make a guy like shopping, they just don't like it. I'm terribly grateful that I have a boyfriend who isn't vain and into expensive clothing like some guys, but the flip side of that is getting him to dress up makes me feel like a bad, evil person.

Oh well.:shrug:

laptop_knitter
11-01-2007, 05:41 PM
The men I've met have only actually willingly gone shopping when they can go in like an Army manoever - they know what they need, where they can get it, and what colour it needs to be.

Smart-casual can be a shirt (long sleeve) over a neutral colour t-shirt, slacks and decent shoes. Formal is button-up shirt, dress slacks, tie and maybe dinner jacket. Mind, I've learnt what I know from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Extreme Makeover !

If he throws up a fuss, get him to get his trousers, jackets and shoes himself, then buy him some nice shirts next time you go out alone. Failing that, set him onto the gap.com website, get him to point stuff out he likes.

iza
11-01-2007, 05:57 PM
Do I ever understand you! My ex boyfriend was TERRIBLE for that. Luckily my current boyfriend has a lot more taste. He hates shopping, but at least he can recognize more or less what looks good on him and how to dress in various occasions. It's good enough for me! :teehee:

You are totally right, a decent pair of shoes, pants and shirt can be used for so many things. Since he hates it that much maybe he should go for something simple - maybe a black pair of pants (good for a wedding, funeral, interview or dinner in a restaurant :teehee:) and a nice, not too formal shirt. With that he will look ok in most situations. A suit and tie is always a good thing to have for a man, but I know how much it can be hard to convince them of that! :teehee:

stitchwitch
11-01-2007, 06:09 PM
You can't change him, make an exact list of what he needs right down to the aisle it can be found in and the amount of time it will take to find it. Save your sanity!
I have lost all of my shopping gene since getting married. I used to have my sister in law to go with me but since my brother's divorce I lost her as a sane partner. Now, I am in full combat mode when I have to shop for clothes, just like a man. I hate to shop because my husband is always with me lurking around like he has to go to the bathroom, looking at his watch, shifting his feet. I make a mental note of exactly what I'm looking for and a substitute in case I can't find it at the one store I pick out for my torture. I then find the item, try it on, pay and leave in a total of 20 minutes. I seriously need a shop friend. :roflhard:

marykz
11-01-2007, 06:20 PM
some clothing sites show entire outfits you can look for and/or buy. I think Gap does it. Land's End too. having a plan really helps.

(but I'll admit, I buy stuff for my hubby w/o him ever coming along. if I'm concerned about a size issue, I buy 2, and return the one that doesn't fit. since he hates shopping he doesn't complain.)

trollgirl
11-01-2007, 06:23 PM
I seriously need a shop friend. :roflhard:

You mean an enabler? :teehee: I have one of those. Well, two really, but one of them is my mom and we don't live in the same country. We do go crazy when she visits. Hehe. I don't go shopping often unless I really need stuff, but I do enjoy it on the rare occasions that I go with my enabler. It takes me a while to get warmed up to the whole idea of spending money but I eventually get into it. She usually spends more than I do though and it sometimes feels as though I end up buying stuff so she doesn't feel so alone in her purchases. Weird, I know.

Good thing I shop for yarn online or on my own though. :)

sinistral_needler
11-01-2007, 06:32 PM
Take him to Sears. There is a lot of very nice men's clothing there (including the aforementioned Lands' End) ..........



and you can bribe him with TOOLS! Craftsman Toyland, ahoy!!!:thumbsup:

vaknitter
11-01-2007, 06:35 PM
Where to begin .... I had to dress my brother when he got his first job and we went all chino's, polos, button down shirts and a nice pair of brown leather clarks. As for your BF's mother still buying him clothes at 23, my MIL is still buying the hubby clothes and he's 31...I don't complain b/c it saves me all kinds of money and the agony of shopping.
What I have learned over the years is DON'T ASK QUESTIONS - say "try this on with this and this" Then counter with "it's a keeper" or "nope, try this". DO NOT ask his opinion...
I also find that shopping later at night or on a Monday our stores have fewer people in them so I just walk right into the changing room with him (sometimes he doesn't try everything on !!)
Good Luck :roflhard:

cdjack
11-01-2007, 06:52 PM
I have this problem too. My dh hates shopping AND is extremely picky. Everything I pick up is either too short, too long, or has a logo on it. So, buying things myself and then bringing home doesn't work any better :wall: .
But, I have found one thing that does work: compliments. When your dh or dbf tries something on and you really like it, tell him how handsome he looks. Because really that's why he's at the mall in the first place: to look good for you.

MellieThePooh
11-01-2007, 06:55 PM
What I have learned over the years is DON'T ASK QUESTIONS - say "try this on with this and this" Then counter with "it's a keeper" or "nope, try this". DO NOT ask his opinion...

This is true! The easiest way to deal with an unwilling shopper is to take command. Think of it as a military operation where you have to carry him off the battlefield, wounded and in ratty clothing...


And be glad you don't have my DH. I won't let him go into Walmart anymore because it's a never ending chorus of: "Look at this! It's cheap!" and then I say: "What would we do with that? We don't need it and it's ugly." "But it's cheap!" Oy ve.

trollgirl
11-01-2007, 07:12 PM
What I have learned over the years is DON'T ASK QUESTIONS - say "try this on with this and this" Then counter with "it's a keeper" or "nope, try this". DO NOT ask his opinion...
Good Luck :roflhard:

Thanks for that piece of advice! I'll have to keep that in mind. I usually try to be the nice person because I don't want to push him, and I'll ask him if he likes this or that, or whether it's comfortable and he usually shrugs because he doesn't have much of an opinion on these things. Maybe if someone takes charge we'll get through quicker. Things can always be returned anyway if we decide he doesn't like them after all.

:woot:

Rorshach
11-01-2007, 09:46 PM
As it was mentioned earlier, Keep it simple. I, like other guys, do not care to spend more time in a store than absolutely necessary. Not because there isn't anything I'd like, but more to the fact that most guys have better things to do than to shop.

panchita
11-01-2007, 10:14 PM
It could be my boyfriend who shops the clearance rack and buys what he likes... EVEN IF IT DOESN'T FIT!!! He has XXXL shirts, and then sweatpants from the boys department that don't fit either. Thank GOD he doesn't wear them outside the house. He reads this now over my shoulder and says "Well, they're on sale."

HELP!

Buy him things. Have him try them on at home.

Rorshach
11-02-2007, 12:51 AM
hehe I have a friend who does that, and it's not just clothes either, he'll buy something whether he needs it or not, because its "on sale". I once found a perfectly good toaster that he was throwing out because he never used it, and that was his reply when I asked him why he bought it in the first place.

flea
11-02-2007, 03:15 AM
I just wish I could get my husband to get RID of some of his stockpiled stuff so I can replace it with new. I buy a replacement belt for one that he's worn to the point of the leather splitting? I replace the raggedy one with the new one on his belt keeper thing in the closet and toss the old one on the box of stuff that'll be either thrown away, sold, or donated. The next time I look in the closet he's put the broken one back on the belt keeper. :eyes: I just don't get it.

He's the same way with the television he had before I moved up here. It's smaller than the one we have now, has a built in VCR, and weighs a ton. It's in a closet. Guh.

Nobones
11-02-2007, 08:28 AM
I have this problem with my DH, I use bribery! He gets to go in the nice big book shop at the end of the trip, he gets 10 mins for every clothes shop.

I recommend black or dark pants, if he doesn't like the idea of a shirt and tie, get a smart t-shirt/ polo shirt and dress it up with a nice jacket.

My DH refuses to own a suit, I have tried but some men just don't feel comfy in them. He now has 2 smart jacketss, and a few smart t-shirts that are worn for best. A rollneck sweater could be nice too.

Good luck, if you freak out about it, he will to.

stitchwitch
11-02-2007, 08:50 AM
I just wish I could get my husband to get RID of some of his stockpiled stuff so I can replace it with new.

I feel your pain, my husband just got rid of his Miami Vice look alike pants and that was only after I pulled them out of the closet and repeatedly said "no" to him. He has this aversion to throwing stuff away. There must be 25 stained t shirts in his drawer because "those are good for yard work". Unless I'm never doing laundry again, he only needs one or two stained tshirts. I know it's bad but sometimes I just do it myself, he doesn't notice. :roflhard:

cftwo
11-02-2007, 09:06 AM
I prefer to go shopping without whichever male I'm shopping for: get their sizes, know what colors look good on them, buy the stuff, bring it home, let them try it on there and return what doesn't fit. Much much easier. Then again, just about all the men I've shopped for hate shopping so much they won't even buy their own socks and are thrilled when sister/girlfriend/mother/spouse buys them for him.

So, in this case, I'd head to someplace like Penney's, find a nice pair of slacks, a dress shirt and tie, a jacket for formal occasions, and a sweater for not-so-formal occasions. I'd probably order the shoes from Zappos (free return if they don't fit) so he wouldn't have to go there, too. He'll have his new clothes, and won't have to set foot in a store or make any decisions between items I'm sure he sees as identical.

dustinac
11-02-2007, 09:13 AM
I usually go without my dh...I pretty much know what he will wear and won't along with his sizes...:teehee:

The.Knitter
11-02-2007, 09:20 AM
Don't feel badly, my dh is 59 and his mother and sister STILL buy him clothing. It is usually something too big and not really a nice style. I have taken over and take him to the store. I pick the clothing, send him to the changeroom and when he comes out I say either "yes that make you look wonderful" or "go try the next thing on". Then when he comes out with the clothes, I just drop what I liked on him into the cart and away we go. He usually does not complain and he sure does look better now that I am doing it! Good luck!!!

cindycactus
11-02-2007, 11:35 AM
The only clothes my dh willing buys are jeans, Tshirts w/pockets and Athletic shoes. Everything else is a struggle.:gah:

Songbirdy
11-02-2007, 01:26 PM
I just take Dh's measurements or a pair of existing clothes that fit well (or don't) and then enlist a good salesperson to help.

Keep the receipts and don't buy if you can't return.

It works great. Dh takes about 10 minutes at home, tries things on and we go from there.


It does require more time from me and initially more cash to buy the extra clothes, but... he's happier this way and... if I can manage to get the grubbies out the door (he'll pick them out of the garbage and as we have to sort our garbage its never in with gross stuff, just paper...) He has no choice but to wear nice clothes! :teehee:

knitknitknit
11-02-2007, 01:50 PM
The best thing to do is shop online before you go. Look at the standards like bananarepublic.com or jcrew.com so at least you will have and idea of what you want him to try on to make it less painful. Jcrew sells mens shoes so if you go there you could have just a one stop shop which would be much less painful for both him and you.

Sharly
11-02-2007, 03:00 PM
You can't change him, make an exact list of what he needs right down to the aisle it can be found in and the amount of time it will take to find it. Save your sanity!
I have lost all of my shopping gene since getting married. I used to have my sister in law to go with me but since my brother's divorce I lost her as a sane partner. Now, I am in full combat mode when I have to shop for clothes, just like a man. I hate to shop because my husband is always with me lurking around like he has to go to the bathroom, looking at his watch, shifting his feet. I make a mental note of exactly what I'm looking for and a substitute in case I can't find it at the one store I pick out for my torture. I then find the item, try it on, pay and leave in a total of 20 minutes. I seriously need a shop friend. :roflhard:

Again, Stitchwitch, I'm in the same boat as you! Since I lost my very best shopping partner, Hubby is having to do. We live in a rurual area, so when we come "to town", we are usually together. He does nothing to enhance the shopping experience, so I have just started letting him wait in the car.

I think the Sears suggestion is a good one...Hubby will do almost anything for tools! :)

Knitting_Guy
11-04-2007, 07:58 AM
It's a genetic thing. Most of us guys have a built in aversion to shopping. We can't help it, that's just the way we're wired.

When I need something I go in, get what I need, and get out as quickly as possible. That's pretty much normal guy shopping.

I was with my last GF for 7 years and she did like to shop. I would go along with her and let her wander the stores as much as she wanted. If I got too bored I would wander over to the tools or electronics or whatever seemed interesting to me, but usually I remained on hand so that she could ask my opinion of various things.

For me it was a trade off as she would then spend time doing something I wanted to do without complaint. Perhaps you should entice him in such a manner. Offer to spend some time doing something he wants to do in exchange for his patience shopping.

As for smart casual, the weather/time of year has a lot to do with that. A nice pair of khaki slacks, dress shirt, and sweater can look quite good on a guy this time of year.

KnittingNat
11-04-2007, 08:37 AM
Would you all kick me if I'd say my DH loves shopping with me:teehee: ? He actually helps me to choose clothes for myself, he's got a great taste:happydance:
Now, stop throwing tomatoes at me and pointing :hiding:

Rorshach
11-04-2007, 02:22 PM
actually, KnittingNat, I do the same for my wife, but generally when it comes to lingerie shopping, not gonna say any more since you get the idea. :angelgrin: I don't like going shopping in general, partly because I'm usually shopping for stuff my parents need and my wife usually goes with me. On the other hand if it's stuff that I or she needs then I can grin and bear it.

KnittingNat
11-04-2007, 06:39 PM
We just don't get to see each other a lot, due to my DH's shifts, so we look at shopping as quality time together. We can talk about stuff, discuss recent events etc., especially if it's grocery shopping.

Matdredalia
11-06-2007, 04:00 AM
I won't even try to take DH 1 shopping. He throws an absolute fit and is absolutely impossible. No matter who is doing the shopping, or what it is for, he acts like a two year old. He drives me insane!

I'd rather just go buy him something decent and then make him wear it whether he likes it or not, lol.

P.S. Just had to note -- Yaye, another Gamer-Knitter!! Trolls rock. And the cake is indeed an untouchable, well-lit lie.

MMario
11-06-2007, 12:59 PM
The fact of the matter is:
The 'Y Chromosome HandBook' specifically states that shopping is strictly a "only when absolutely necessary" activity. Grocery shopping can be exempted under some circumatances as groceries = food = neccessity of life. But shopping for clothes when you've got a perfectly good shirt that you've finally managed to get into a COMFORTABLE state after 12 or so years of wearing it is not.

Jeremy
11-06-2007, 08:14 PM
I hate to go clothes shopping, for me or for anyone else. If I see something I like, I can buy a suit in under ten minutes, including trying it on. The very best solution is buying online. My wife buys me some very nice clothes, including suits and shirts from Landsend and LL Bean. There is a greater variety too. Both of them have very liberal return policies and great customer service. I recently got a great overcoat and suit from Jos. A Banks. This way its a win win. I don't have to go shopping and she picks out the clothes she likes.

DQ
11-08-2007, 11:33 AM
Would you all kick me if I'd say my DH loves shopping with me:teehee: ? He actually helps me to choose clothes for myself, he's got a great taste:happydance:
Now, stop throwing tomatoes at me and pointing :hiding:

Mine is great like that too :mrgreen: