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View Full Version : Need some advice-new update pg 3


angel4ever
12-06-2007, 07:59 PM
Okay all this is going to sound way weird, but here goes

I recently started my new teaching position in the public schools in my area. I became reacquainted (in a professional manner) with a former colleague at this new school. Very nice person, very smart. He always spoke to me whenever he saw me and was always pleasant.

I don't know what I did to him, but this week he barely acknowledged me. I think I may have given him a weird look one day this week by accident, but in my defense I was so deep in thought, I didn't realize he was there. In addition this week has been very stressful at my job because the state department of education was there doing major evaluations at my school. He sits on several committees and is also in charge of a particular department at my school.

I don't know why this is bothering me so, but it is. I'm a little hesitant to pull him to the side and speak to him because he has his PhD is psychology so I'm afraid he will be analyzing my every word. We aren't best friends, but it was nice being able to have some connection to someone at the school because I'm still basically a newbie.

If anyone could offer me some advice I would greatly appreciate it.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Knitting_Guy
12-06-2007, 08:03 PM
Go about business as usual and if the opportunity for a friendly conversation arises take advantage of it. Could be he just has a lot on his mind, or not, but engaging in a conversation would be the best way of finding out.

Just be yourself and see what happens.

auburnchick
12-06-2007, 08:05 PM
I would just try with honesty. Ask him if you offended him in any way and explain your preoccupation this week. Chances are good that he's also preoccupied with the evals and his work on the committees.

Honesty always works best, in my opinion. Don't worry about any analysis he might do on you. You can't control that.

Ryan
12-06-2007, 10:24 PM
I only can go off stories my parents (both teachers) say...but it seems teachers are just as bad with "clicks" as the students they teach. I say, keep on keeping on and you guys will be having your "chat" moments here and there soon.

angel4ever
12-06-2007, 11:08 PM
Thanks guys...

If I see him tomorrow I'll try to speak to him about what's been going on this week. If not, I'll wait until Monday. I hope that I didn't sound like a silly high school girl with my little rant but the whole thing just seems so out of character for him.

knitgal
12-06-2007, 11:11 PM
I would just try to smile and be friendly and maybe casually ask, "anything bothering you lately? you seem distant, just wanted to make sure everything is ok". Maybe something is wrong and you're misinterpreting it. Perhaps it has nothing to do with you.
I don't think you should worry about the whole PhD thing though. I'm sure that he wouldn't be analysing your every word.
Just be yourself and don't worry!

Shandeh
12-07-2007, 12:18 AM
I think he's probably just busy this time of year, especially with the evaluations.

Just be yourself, and go about your work as usual. He'll probably be back to normal after all that stuff is over.

debinoz
12-07-2007, 12:26 AM
Maybe he didn't want to seem to "chummy" with any of the teachers while the evaluations were taking place??

Knitting_Guy
12-07-2007, 01:10 AM
Thanks guys...

If I see him tomorrow I'll try to speak to him about what's been going on this week. If not, I'll wait until Monday. I hope that I didn't sound like a silly high school girl with my little rant but the whole thing just seems so out of character for him.


Honestly, from a guy's perspective, don't push it. Guys do not like to feel pressured or cornered, especially about any sort of emotional or relationship kind of stuff, even casual relationship stuff. Wait until a natural conversation opportunity comes up.

Shandeh
12-07-2007, 06:50 AM
Mason, that's so true. I've seen that many times with my male friends over the years.

angel4ever
12-07-2007, 06:08 PM
Honestly, from a guy's perspective, don't push it. Guys do not like to feel pressured or cornered, especially about any sort of emotional or relationship kind of stuff, even casual relationship stuff. Wait until a natural conversation opportunity comes up.


Thanks for all of the advice!
You are definitely right Mason. I thought about that on my way in this morning. I actually envisioned him getting all machismo on me (despite the fact that he's gay). I saw him in passing today speaking to the VP of the school. I did say good morning but they were engaged in conversation so I don't think anyone of them heard me.

I'll just let it go. I mean this week has been stressful for all of us and I have been receiving bad news all week. Soooo this is just a drop in the bucket. I'll remain as friendly as possible and continue to do my thing. I can't control how anyone else feels, I can only control how I feel, so we shall see as time passes.

Shandeh
12-07-2007, 09:26 PM
Good plan. :thumbsup:

Knitting_Guy
12-08-2007, 12:59 AM
I actually envisioned him getting all machismo on me (despite the fact that he's gay).

Gay or straight, he's still a guy and for the most part we're pretty much wired the same when it comes to the whole talking thing.

I can't control how anyone else feels, I can only control how I feel

Bingo! You can't really control how you feel, but you can control how you choose to react. You have no control over how that other person reacts. That's the secret to happiness that most people never figure out.

angel4ever
12-08-2007, 01:59 PM
Gay or straight, he's still a guy and for the most part we're pretty much wired the same when it comes to the whole talking thing.
Bingo! You can't really control how you feel, but you can control how you choose to react. You have no control over how that other person reacts. That's the secret to happiness that most people never figure out.

Thanks again Mason for providing me with a male's perspective :hug: :hug: . Everything you said is true. So as I said, I'll just let it go. I don't want to make things any weirder or make the situation worse than it actually is.

bjc1050
12-09-2007, 02:54 PM
Honestly, from a guy's perspective, don't push it. Guys do not like to feel pressured or cornered, especially about any sort of emotional or relationship kind of stuff, even casual relationship stuff. Wait until a natural conversation opportunity comes up.

Mason and Shandeh are RIGHT ON! Listen to them and stop worrying. Don't make such a big deal over it.

NancyO
12-09-2007, 03:19 PM
If he has a phd in psychology he should be educated enough to know people can be deep in thought. AND too for him to not take things personally. Too like Mason said, he could be deep in thought himself about the professionals coming to the school. Who knows how nervous he might have been.

Nancy

angel4ever
12-09-2007, 08:00 PM
Mason and Shandeh are RIGHT ON! Listen to them and stop worrying. Don't make such a big deal over it.


Uhhm, okay. :shrug:
I wasn't necessarily making a big deal out of it. I posted my situation here because I thought perhaps I was reading what happened incorrectly and maybe someone could help me just rethink the whole thing W/O making a big deal out of it. As I mentioned in the first post I was under a great deal of stress (from receiving several days worth of disturbing news) as were my coworkers and everyones nerves were on edge.

Shandeh
12-09-2007, 09:52 PM
I hope things are better for you now.
When will the evaluations be over?

angel4ever
12-10-2007, 06:58 PM
:/

Knitting_Guy
12-10-2007, 07:03 PM
Sounds like maybe he has a burr under his saddle about something. If I were you I would just continue to be your normal self and not react to his problem. See what happens.

That said, me not being in the same sort of work environment as yourself, I would simply grab my co-worker by the collar and ask him wtf is his problem.

But that's just me.

knitgal
12-10-2007, 07:06 PM
Ugh! Some people can be so immature. He really should let you know if something is bothering him, but in the meantime I think you should just continue what you're doing- be yourself. Continue to say hello and smile when you pass. Pretend nothing is going on. Even send a Christmas card. Don't let him win this ridiculous and childish battle.

angel4ever
12-10-2007, 07:48 PM
Sounds like maybe he has a burr under his saddle about something. If I were you I would just continue to be your normal self and not react to his problem. See what happens.

That said, me not being in the same sort of work environment as yourself, I would simply grab my co-worker by the collar and ask him wtf is his problem.

But that's just me.

I really would love to pull him to the side to say WTF? I am generally a very pleasant person and would never do anything on purpose to offend anyone. I was raised to be professional and pleasant at all times even if you are having a bad day. Him being a highly educated adult and acting so immature about the whole situation really is kind of funny. I may just give him his Christmas card and put a little note inside saying "if I've offended you, please let me know".

iza
12-10-2007, 08:23 PM
Some people exist only when they are in a fight with someone. Maybe this guy is like that. This situation happened to me - this girl was angry at me but she never told me why. She's had fights with everyone, so I guess that's just how she is. I gave her tons of opportunities to tell me what was going on and she never did. So I gave up. She seems to be an unhappy person, and I find it kind of sad.

Having a PhD in psychology doesn't really mean anything, I can tell you! I think fixing your own problems is very different than helping other people to fix theirs. My brother is going through a divorce right now, his wife is a psychologist. The number of stupid things she's telling him is just... :wall: I think she's just very troubled, and doesn't realize what she's doing. :shrug:

angel4ever
12-10-2007, 09:35 PM
Some people exist only when they are in a fight with someone. Maybe this guy is like that. This situation happened to me - this girl was angry at me but she never told me why. She's had fights with everyone, so I guess that's just how she is. I gave her tons of opportunities to tell me what was going on and she never did. So I gave up. She seems to be an unhappy person, and I find it kind of sad.

Having a PhD in psychology doesn't really mean anything, I can tell you! I think fixing your own problems is very different than helping other people to fix theirs. My brother is going through a divorce right now, his wife is a psychologist. The number of stupid things she's telling him is just... :wall: I think she's just very troubled, and doesn't realize what she's doing. :shrug:


You're right, having a PhD in Psychology doesn't mean that they know how to fix their own problems. It's just so weird because he was never like that before. Oh well:shrug: , it's all up to him now.

knitncook
12-11-2007, 10:02 AM
So now I will just say good morning out of common courtesy and nothing more. I'm even thinking of taking him off my Christmas card list because now he is just being rude.

Be the better person. Send him a card. Don't expect one back. Either he obviously has a problem that he is unable to voice with you OR you are reading into something that isn't really there. I had a similar experience once and it ended up being nothing. Just the other person being unobservant and dense.

angel4ever
12-14-2007, 02:28 PM
:/

iza
12-14-2007, 03:06 PM
Well... about what your friends told you, is that only rumors, or do you have proof of that? I would say to be really careful about rumors and over-interpretation. It can make things way more complicated than they are! Basically, it seems to me you have no idea why he reacts this way, and maybe you will never know. I think it's probably better to just go on with your life, and if he wants to talk to you, he will. If not... so be it. He has his reasons, and at some point, you have to respect that, in my opinion. Stay civil and polite, it's the only thing you can do. :hug:

angel4ever
12-14-2007, 09:40 PM
Well... about what your friends told you, is that only rumors, or do you have proof of that? I would say to be really careful about rumors and over-interpretation. It can make things way more complicated than they are! Basically, it seems to me you have no idea why he reacts this way, and maybe you will never know. I think it's probably better to just go on with your life, and if he wants to talk to you, he will. If not... so be it. He has his reasons, and at some point, you have to respect that, in my opinion. Stay civil and polite, it's the only thing you can do. :hug:

No, I don't have any proof at all that this is or isn't true. It's strange because neither of the two people I talked to about the situation do not know this man, do not know each other, nor do they work at my school. So for both of them to come up with the same thing about him possibly liking me is really bizarre:?? .

You're right about me possibly never knowing the real reason behind his strange behavior as of late. I may never find out. But I will continue to do what I have been doing which is be polite and civil.

Shandeh
12-14-2007, 09:41 PM
I agree with iza. Just go about your business, and wait to see what happens...if anything. Set your sights on your own personal goals, and life will be easier. :)

angel4ever
12-18-2007, 02:27 PM
Hi guys!

Things are back to normal now. Apparently there was some sort of misunderstanding on both of our ends. I just went about my business until he approached me this morning while I was waiting to speak to the VP of the school. Neither of us went into detail about what happened. But it seems to be straightened out now.

Thanks everyone for your advice and support! :hug: :hug: :hug:

Shandeh
12-18-2007, 11:34 PM
I'm glad it worked out. :thumbsup: