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View Full Version : DH to be my step-brother


Lindsey H
12-18-2007, 08:43 PM
Now that I have your attention, has this happened to anyone else? It looks like my mom and my FIL are going to get married. Both are widowed. My mom for 5.5 yrs and FIL for 11yrs. It is just very weird and I am having problems with it. Most of my issues are typical because my mom will be married to someone who is not my dad. My other main problem is that they want to announce it at a family Christmas dinner on Saturday night. We are not sure that dh's brothers even know that they are serious much less that they are even dating. DH is going to talk to his dad tonight and try to get them to delay the big announcement until after the new year. I am an only child so I have plenty of issues on my own.

debinoz
12-18-2007, 09:38 PM
My uncle was also my step-grandfather..... making my grandmother my step-aunt. I had problems with it in the beginning, but now that I look back on it, I'm glad they got together and had over 20 years of happiness together. I know it may be akward, but just because they are our parents doesn't mean they don't deserve some kind of life and companionship. This is just my opinion, which has gotten me into trouble before.

fibrenut
12-18-2007, 09:40 PM
Back when we lived in California, our pastor and his wife got married and then their parents, his father and her mother, got married to each other. It was kinda strange at first but they were wonderful people.

Ingrid
12-18-2007, 10:45 PM
At least there aren't any strangers coming into the mix. :shrug:

suzeeq
12-19-2007, 12:20 AM
Yeah, nothing like keeping it all in the family.... ;)

auburnchick
12-19-2007, 01:30 AM
Although it will take some getting used to, try to focus on your mom's happiness. I'm sure, given the reverse, she would be thrilled for you.

BTW, my sister and I married brothers. We have very nice, cozy family get-togethers. Plus, I always get to see my sister at our in-law's.

CountryKitty
12-19-2007, 08:51 AM
Dearheart, while it may seem odd at first, you have to ask yourself--is this a good thing for them or not? If you don't think they are compatible for one another for some reason, then there are grounds for concern. Otherwise, the problem is in your perspective of the relationship, not the relationship itself.

After all, if a relative had objected to you marrying your DH because THEY were uncomfortable with the match, wouldn't you have felt that it was YOUR relationship not theirs to worry about?

If the only reason to object to the announcement is the potential discomfort of the rest of the family, support your parents decision. Instead of telling them to wait til after the holidays, have DH call the brothers and let them know that Dad is really serious about someone and has an announcement to make at Christmas--and that y'all don't want them to be really thrown for a loop by who he's dating. Christmas is a time for family to gather and celebrate, and for your Mom and FIL to be told they shouldn't tell people how happy they are to have found one another will be unfair to them.



Another point of view: Told my DH that the subject of the post was someone uncomforable with being her husbands stepsister and he announced, "Tell her to move to Kentucky, we'll welcome them with open arms!"

Yarnlady
12-19-2007, 09:01 AM
Another point of view: Told my DH that the subject of the post was someone uncomforable with being her husbands stepsister and he announced, "Tell her to move to Kentucky, we'll welcome them with open arms!"
:roflhard: Are we talking about family trees with no branches???

If your mom is happy, then be happy for her. It's very hard living alone.

auburnchick
12-19-2007, 09:28 AM
"Tell her to move to Kentucky, we'll welcome them with open arms!"



Or Alabama. I grew up in a very small town, and one of my classmates (one of the 18 in my graduating class) was related to everyone in about three or four counties. I mean, we would start talking about so-and-so, and she would say, "Oh, that's my grandfather's uncle's cousin's daughter..."

:passedout:

It's a wonder she found someone who she wasn't related to for a dh.

:teehee:

When people's jaws drop about my sister and me marrying brothers, I tell them we're from Alabama. Case closed. :thumbsup:

dakatzmeow
12-19-2007, 09:48 AM
i think it's wonderful they found happiness. just ignore the whole step-sibling thing. if your parents are happy, that's a good thing.

Luvmyrottnboy
12-19-2007, 10:18 AM
When you get older you will see this stuff is not worth the angst we get from it.

If they are happy and free to be available to each other that's all that matters. Celebrate their happiness with them.

cftwo
12-19-2007, 10:42 AM
How wonderful for them! Am I correct in guessing that they essentially met through you and your DH? I know it feels odd, but I wouldn't take away from them the joy of wanting to share their special happy news on Christmas. If they're good for each other, give them your blessing (if they want it) and wish them well.

msoebel
12-19-2007, 11:16 AM
I understand where you are coming from. If my mom wanted to marry dh's dad (or his mom wanted to marry my dad)...well, ew!!!!! It would kind of freak me out. I understand that they aren't related to each other, but my dh and I are...and so the whole thing would FEEL weird!!!!

That said...I don't think you can really expect them to deny their own happiness just because it makes you feel weird. They aren't having an affair, they aren't marrying someone much younger than them...Try to come to terms with this new development, and even in your freaking out moments, try to be happy that your parents have found a way to be happy. When you really love someone, their happiness becomes more important to you than your own.

Of course, it's not my parents, so it's easy for me to say all of that!:wink: Good luck!

letah75
12-19-2007, 03:16 PM
Awww, if they're happy.....then focus on their happiness. Not to say that it won't feel wierd for a little while.

My FH's aunt is married, his sister married her uncle's brother, and his other sister is dating his other brother.....it's wierd and hard to keep track of whose who, and I've known the family for 23 years. lol.

My neighbor growing up, his dad married two sisters (not at the same time) so the brothers were 1/2 brothers and first cousins. After the second divorce, dad married the first cousin of the two moms...needless to say, family reunions were a bit awakard.

bailsmom
12-19-2007, 04:49 PM
Awww, if they're happy.....then focus on their happiness. Not to say that it won't feel wierd for a little while.

My FH's aunt is married, his sister married her uncle's brother, and his other sister is dating his other brother.....it's wierd and hard to keep track of whose who, and I've known the family for 23 years. lol.

My neighbor growing up, his dad married two sisters (not at the same time) so the brothers were 1/2 brothers and first cousins. After the second divorce, dad married the first cousin of the two moms...needless to say, family reunions were a bit awakard.


I'm sorry but for the life of me I can't figure out what "FH's" means!!! And it's driving me nuts :teehee: Help!

Sharly
12-19-2007, 04:57 PM
I think FH=Future Husband... ;)

I agree with many others here...try to be happy for them!

letah75
12-19-2007, 04:59 PM
:aww: yup, FH=future husband. :woohoo:

bailsmom
12-19-2007, 05:02 PM
Lindsey,

This is just my opinion, but I think you are COMPLETELY entitled to feel the way you do. I would feel the same way no matter how happy my mom was. The fact is, is that this affects you, and you are having a tough time with it. That is perfectly natural.

I know most of the posts have said, just leave it alone if your moms happy then let her be happy. I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with all of that. Sure, eventually you will come to terms with it, but it is a strange situation, I'm sure anyone (minus AL and KY folks ;) ) would feel the same way you feel. Of course some woudn't admit it, but they would. It is completely natural. So don't feel badly for how you are reacting to it. Just keep talking about it, openly. That's the only way to get through things. Talk. Talk. Talk. If you don't, then things will fester. Trust me, that was my life growing up, just be quiet Cathy, they would say. I was shushed my whole life.

Keep the lines of communication open. Can you tell your mom how you are feeling? Can you talk to her in private without getting her on the defensive?

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation, it's tough. Many :hug: to you.

bailsmom
12-19-2007, 05:03 PM
:aww: yup, FH=future husband. :woohoo:


Oh, bless you!! I can be at peace now. :wink: :teehee:

Sharly
12-19-2007, 05:14 PM
I'm sure anyone (minus AL and KY folks ;) ) would feel the same way you feel.

Hey! I haven't been married to a relative since my 3rd husband!

Just kidding - I'm not offended...it's all in good fun...right? (And, I'm married to my one and only dh, and we aren't related at all!) :)

Lindsey H
12-19-2007, 05:45 PM
Thanks for all your replies and support. I am trying to be happy for my mom and FIL's sake but it is just weird. DH and I have started saying "cue the banjos". My mom is not an open person so as a result we have just avoided the subject :roll:. This is just a crazy week to have this kind of news dropped on me. It's Christmas and my major hormone week so let's just say I'm a little unstable. :wink: :shock:

knitncook
12-19-2007, 06:19 PM
My aunt through marriage had her mother marry her sister's ex dh and her father married his ex wife's sister! So her aunt became her stepmother and her uncle became her stepdad and her dad became her uncle. Sort of. Kind of. In a weird "my life is odder than a soap opera kind of way"

bailsmom
12-20-2007, 12:07 AM
Hey! I haven't been married to a relative since my 3rd husband!

Just kidding - I'm not offended...it's all in good fun...right? (And, I'm married to my one and only dh, and we aren't related at all!) :)


Oh good heavens yes! I was just kidding around. Hence my winking smily. I only wrote that because of what CountryKitty wrote about what her DH said about Kentuckians. (If that's what they are called. I never know which suffix is supposed to be used when talking about different states.) Forgive me if that's not the right word.

And CountryKitty, I laughed so hard at what your DH said. That sounds like something my dad would say. :teehee:

bailsmom
12-20-2007, 12:10 AM
My aunt through marriage had her mother marry her sister's ex dh and her father married his ex wife's sister! So her aunt became her stepmother and her uncle became her stepdad and her dad became her uncle. Sort of. Kind of. In a weird "my life is odder than a soap opera kind of way"


I'm totally confused, I keep re-reading it and I just can't get it. :teehee: Although, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so that may have something to do with it. :teehee: Or as my Dad says, A truckload of gravel short in the driveway of life. :roflhard: Where do people come up with this stuff!! :roflhard:

Lindsey, :grphug: :grphug: :grphug:

Sharly
12-20-2007, 10:01 AM
I'm totally confused, I keep re-reading it and I just can't get it. :teehee: Although, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so that may have something to do with it. :teehee: Or as my Dad says, A truckload of gravel short in the driveway of life. :roflhard: Where do people come up with this stuff!! :roflhard:

Lindsey, :grphug: :grphug: :grphug:

:roflhard:

cftwo
12-20-2007, 11:08 AM
Some things in your later post got me thinking - it sounds like you're mostly surprised (because your mom isn't a big one to share and them POOF she's engaged!) and stressed about all the other things going on in your life. I can see how that would make this big change more difficult than it would otherwise be. Hang in there!

msoebel
12-20-2007, 11:12 AM
Like I said, I would be a little freaked out by the situation, in your shoes.

Of course, when my grandmothers 3rd husband passed away, she married his older brother (whose wife had just passed away). They've been married for 25 years now.

Families are just weird...even the "normal" ones.

ElenTikvah
12-20-2007, 03:05 PM
I can certainly understand the conflict...honestly, it would bother me, too...
...though on the lighter side, I have to admit, that reading all the variety of convoluted familial relationships contained in this thread, I couldn't help but recall a silly song that my brothers and I learn as children, titled, "I'm my own Grandpa!" Which proceeded to describe the ridiculous interrelations between couples when the father of one married the daughter of the other, eventually resulting in the singer realizing that he had become his own grandpa.
That said, I hope that you will be blessed with peace and stability during the holiday season, and continue to seek a place of understanding for your parent, and their desires.

~Tik

Sharly
12-20-2007, 03:11 PM
I can certainly understand the conflict...honestly, it would bother me, too...
...though on the lighter side, I have to admit, that reading all the variety of convoluted familial relationships contained in this thread, I couldn't help but recall a silly song that my brothers and I learn as children, titled, "I'm my own Grandpa!" Which proceeded to describe the ridiculous interrelations between couples when the father of one married the daughter of the other, eventually resulting in the singer realizing that he had become his own grandpa.
That said, I hope that you will be blessed with peace and stability during the holiday season, and continue to seek a place of understanding for your parent, and their desires.

~Tik

:) My Dad used to reference that, but I don't think I've ever heard it!!