PDA

View Full Version : HOW DO I GET RID OF THIS BUG?!?!?!?!


knittingymnast
01-18-2008, 10:03 PM
A friend, whom I have talked about before, says that her parents deprive her of yarn. She loves digging through my yarn bag to find all of my yummy yarns, which I allow. However, I cross the line at USING MY BEST YARN IN THE AWESOMEST DYE LOT EVER!!!! She dug through and pulled out a pair of metal needles and this really pretty wool blend in the color Delft. She then proceeded to CO 25 sts and start a baby blanket piece. After that, I have not seen the yarn nor needles, and she claims that they, again :grrr:, are hers. She said she will keep the yarn and needles until she is finished, which will be never. She always wants MY yarn and MY needles. I really wouldn't care if she gave up knitting for good just so that my yarns would stay mine! If I want the awesomest yarn ever back, (the needles are junky, I don't care) what should I say/do, or what should I not say/do?

Spinto
01-18-2008, 10:08 PM
I don't think there's anything you can do now, short of breaking in and looting her house. In the future, don't let her take your stuff. If you keep it out of her hands in the first place, you won't have to go to the trouble of trying to get it back.

nitewyngs
01-18-2008, 10:09 PM
:psst: Good gosh! This depends on the age of said miscreant! By her parents deprive her of yarn do you mean to say that she is in middle, high school or slightly above? The age will make a difference in your approach.

*KnitPixie*
01-18-2008, 10:44 PM
Kick her @$*:evil: No J/K violence is not the way to go..but I do agree with what was said above it depends on her age but let me tell you I would get it back, I would:tap:

Ingrid
01-18-2008, 11:19 PM
If someone took my nicest yarn, they'd end up with a bloody stump!:!!!::!!!:

Seriously, buy her some less expensive stuff for her own, and hide yours.

iwouldratherbeknitting
01-19-2008, 01:50 AM
Clearly, she is young enough to be living at home and her parents providing for her-- since, they aren't buying her yarn. It appears that she is still young enough that .. this might work?

So, you need to go to her house and talk to her parents and either get the yarn back and the cost of the materials from her parents (including the yucky needles that you don't mention that they are yucky- they still need to be replaced).

She is not treating you the way that a friend should treat another friend.

YarnKitten
01-19-2008, 02:56 AM
Sounds like a kid to me. They've got to be put in their place about WHAT they can and cannot have. Next time, tell them no. If you don't want to be mean about it, tell them you already had plans for that material which is why you bought it in the first place.

knitmama
01-19-2008, 04:20 AM
What they said. Also, keep your good stuff where she can't have access to it. Hide it when she's coming over. Politely explain that all the supplies you have are necessary to your craft, and that the yarns you purchase are all special to you. If she keeps taking things or refuses to return what she already has taken, then go to her/your parents and get them involved. A real friend wouldn't mooch off of you so much. It's one thing if have generously decided to gift some thing to her, but it's quite another to just take what has not been offered.

Nobones
01-19-2008, 06:20 AM
[quote=Ingrid;1045608]If someone took my nicest yarn, they'd end up with a bloody stump!:!!!::!!!:[quote]

I have to agree, I wouldn't put up with that. Yarn doesn't just fall in your lap, someone is paying for it. You must either get the yarn back, or get reimbursed for it by her or her parents.

I'd be hiding my stash whenever she was around. I also agree with others, that's not much of a 'friend' you have there.

knittingymnast
01-19-2008, 08:44 AM
:psst: Good gosh! This depends on the age of said miscreant! By her parents deprive her of yarn do you mean to say that she is in middle, high school or slightly above? The age will make a difference in your approach.

shes actually, in 5th grade. :roflhard:

holamiis
01-19-2008, 09:13 AM
Um, wow, 5th grade you say? How old are you? I know you don't want to get into a she said/he said match but are you young enough that your parents are buying your supplies for you? If they do and they remember buying that particular yarn, maybe they can go to the girl's parents and explain the situation?

Jeez, good luck! I hope it turns out. And I second what everyone else said about keeping YOUR stash away from what you might be willing to let someone else see.

knittingymnast
01-19-2008, 09:18 AM
yah, my parent buy my yarn/supplies because I CANT DRIVE YET!!! :noway:

dip's mom
01-19-2008, 09:30 AM
if she is in 5th grade she might not know the value of what she has taken. I would give her a bill for the supplies she took and give a copy to her parents and see what happens.

knittingymnast
01-19-2008, 09:32 AM
if she is in 5th grade she might not know the value of what she has taken. I would give her a bill for the supplies she took and give a copy to her parents and see what happens.

oh she knows more than she shows
she acts all innocent but shes not
she knows the value of it to me :doh:
why did i have to know her :noway:

Songbirdy
01-19-2008, 09:53 AM
First of all,

Move your stash so that it can no longer be browsed and taken by anyone.

Second, your friend is well into the age of being responsible. In my house, my 8 year old and 6 year old are learning to appreciate $ value because I make them put either $ or sweat equity into almost everything I purchase for them. My daughter is currently putting 100 hours of sweat equity into earning the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl doll. The doll is sitting on our China Cabinet to keep my daughter motivated. My son is doing the same to earn back his Game Cube that he lost by repeatedly swearing at me and others.

So, give her a chance. Be fair! She's your friend, she deserves a chance. So talk to her one on one. Give her a concrete time to return or replace in cash the value of the yarn and needles.

Next, if and assuming that doesn't work, approach your parent/care giver. Explain the situation again and ask them to witness you talking to her again and asking for either the yarn back OR the cash value so that you can replace said yarn and needles.

The third step is to go above and beyond your friend and have you and your parent approach her parent. This, in Grade 5 terms, does mean you have all out war, and you will likely loose this friend (but your stash will be safe from further raids).

Just... know that you may never get this yarn back or the cash value. I'm sorry but there are unkind people in this world. To put it lightly.

This is one of those learning experiences we all hate to have but do all experience.

Best of luck.

Btw, I work every day on an Elementary and Middle school play ground as Yard Supervisor, so... I'm well aware of what the consequences might be for you regarding this situation. Best of luck!:hug:

WandaT
01-19-2008, 09:58 AM
If my daughter's friend did that (especially at that age) I would step in myself and replace the expensive yarn with something else, or tell the girl's parents they need to give her some $$ to go yarn shopping. But that's just me - sorry the mother bear syndrome kicks in.

knittingymnast
01-19-2008, 10:29 AM
its alright
thanks though

knittingymnast
01-19-2008, 11:38 AM
bump! :yay:

knittingymnast
01-19-2008, 12:01 PM
i forgot to add, I have this other friend who loves knitting (yay! :yay: ) but whenever I tell her she can't use my yarn, she makes the huffy face and makes this little annoyed "mmmm!" noise! It is sooo annoying! What can i tell her? P.S. She is 6 MO younger than The Bug. :gah:

knittingymnast
01-19-2008, 12:09 PM
Sounds like a kid to me. They've got to be put in their place about WHAT they can and cannot have. Next time, tell them no. If you don't want to be mean about it, tell them you already had plans for that material which is why you bought it in the first place.

first of all, i didnt GIVE it 2 her. she took it. Plus she is a kid. she 10

knittingymnast
01-19-2008, 12:21 PM
bump!

YarnKitten
01-19-2008, 01:18 PM
It doesn't matter that "she's a kid". She still doesn't have the right to go "borrowing" your stuff and then not bring it back and refusing when you ask for it. And ... since she's ten, her parents are legally responsible for it, so yeah, they'd better be doing something about it. It's not really worth it to sue them over yarn (though, legally, I'm sure you could), but if they're not going to do something about it, frankly, she doesn't sound like she's going to become the kind of person I'd like to hang out with in later years.

Crycket
01-19-2008, 02:15 PM
After reading a few posts here now...nobody is going to use my needles!! Evar!

*smiles* well...at the very least..they are not leaving my house unless I am with them...every second!

raederle
01-19-2008, 03:04 PM
Chica, I think that songbirdy has given you the best advice in this matter.

YOU have to decide that her friendship is worth this aggravation. If your worth to her is as a free source of yarn and needles, then accept that if you want to continue this relationship.

If you do not want to continue this relationship, sit down, and write her a letter. Either write two, or make a photocopy and send it to her parents' house. List carefully the details of the yarn and needles taken, or photocopy the receipt (NEVER SEND ORIGINALS). And sleep on it. Revise the next day if your language is too strong. Never make threats you can't back up.

What do you do? Stand up for yourself. You obviously knew that she cast on. What did you say? "Give me back my yarn?" What did she say? Laughed in your face? Is this someone you want to cultivate an acquaintance with? Why are you still hanging around her? If you let yourself be a carpet, why are you surprised when people walk on you?

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but these are the training grounds of emotional warfare you are traversing right now, and how you deal with schoolyard spats has TONS to do with how you handle disputes with your boss, the telephone company, or the hypothetical situation of a LYS that offers classes that you pre-pay for then cancels them without warning and doesn't offer a refund. You need to build these dispute resolution skills now; this situation is excellent practice.

There's such a thing in the customer service complaint world as the Executive Email Carpet Bomb. Once ALL normal channels have been tried without success, talking with her, asking another older trusted friend to mediate, trying any other low level way to resolve this, you go straight to the top.

Get any and all email, physical, telephone, cell for people with the authority to change this. Notify everyone just once, but let it be known what happened, calmly and without any abusive language or heat, and what you would like to do to resolve this, and the timeframe in which you would like this to happen. Registered mail with delivery confirmation is expensive but scary for the recipient. Prefer written to verbal, and things with a copy to single versions.

Or just show up at her house while she's out and walk into her bedroom and take it back. Bring a receipt and know that you might get into serious trouble for this if it goes sideways. I recommend that this not be done if you've already informed her parents that you want the yarn back and they've done nothing. Obviously, they don't want to get involved at that point.

Very few people report to no one. Once you find out who presses their buttons, and you can influence that person, you have the key to getting what you want. Does she have little friends that you could do some a la Political Candiate Dirty Tricks with? Spreading mailicious truth or the threat of it sometimes gets results. It also sometimes hardens positions into granite.

And I think more than one *bump* might be excessive, sweetie. People will read this if they have a willingness to, not if it's near the top of the forum. However, I appreciate that a) I am not a mod to say anything to you about this, b) it's hard when you're young and feeling like nobody's on your side not to go for more feedback as quickly as possible. With age and experience comes patience. Take everything I've said with a grain of salt, as I only know what you've said here, and have not been there in your shoes.

e

knittingymnast
01-19-2008, 03:32 PM
Chica, I think that songbirdy has given you the best advice in this matter.

YOU have to decide that her friendship is worth this aggravation. If your worth to her is as a free source of yarn and needles, then accept that if you want to continue this relationship.

If you do not want to continue this relationship, sit down, and write her a letter. Either write two, or make a photocopy and send it to her parents' house. List carefully the details of the yarn and needles taken, or photocopy the receipt (NEVER SEND ORIGINALS). And sleep on it. Revise the next day if your language is too strong. Never make threats you can't back up.

What do you do? Stand up for yourself. You obviously knew that she cast on. What did you say? "Give me back my yarn?" What did she say? Laughed in your face? Is this someone you want to cultivate an acquaintance with? Why are you still hanging around her? If you let yourself be a carpet, why are you surprised when people walk on you?

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but these are the training grounds of emotional warfare you are traversing right now, and how you deal with schoolyard spats has TONS to do with how you handle disputes with your boss, the telephone company, or the hypothetical situation of a LYS that offers classes that you pre-pay for then cancels them without warning and doesn't offer a refund. You need to build these dispute resolution skills now; this situation is excellent practice.

There's such a thing in the customer service complaint world as the Executive Email Carpet Bomb. Once ALL normal channels have been tried without success, talking with her, asking another older trusted friend to mediate, trying any other low level way to resolve this, you go straight to the top.

Get any and all email, physical, telephone, cell for people with the authority to change this. Notify everyone just once, but let it be known what happened, calmly and without any abusive language or heat, and what you would like to do to resolve this, and the timeframe in which you would like this to happen. Registered mail with delivery confirmation is expensive but scary for the recipient. Prefer written to verbal, and things with a copy to single versions.

Or just show up at her house while she's out and walk into her bedroom and take it back. Bring a receipt and know that you might get into serious trouble for this if it goes sideways. I recommend that this not be done if you've already informed her parents that you want the yarn back and they've done nothing. Obviously, they don't want to get involved at that point.

Very few people report to no one. Once you find out who presses their buttons, and you can influence that person, you have the key to getting what you want. Does she have little friends that you could do some a la Political Candiate Dirty Tricks with? Spreading mailicious truth or the threat of it sometimes gets results. It also sometimes hardens positions into granite.

And I think more than one *bump* might be excessive, sweetie. People will read this if they have a willingness to, not if it's near the top of the forum. However, I appreciate that a) I am not a mod to say anything to you about this, b) it's hard when you're young and feeling like nobody's on your side not to go for more feedback as quickly as possible. With age and experience comes patience. Take everything I've said with a grain of salt, as I only know what you've said here, and have not been there in your shoes.

e

plus im not a teen

miccisue
01-19-2008, 05:41 PM
i forgot to add, I have this other friend who loves knitting (yay! :yay: ) but whenever I tell her she can't use my yarn, she makes the huffy face and makes this little annoyed "mmmm!" noise! It is sooo annoying! What can i tell her? P.S. She is 6 MO younger than The Bug. :gah:
Forgive me for being dense here, but why do you appear to have friends that like to knit, but count on you as their yarn supplier? If they like knitting so much, why don't they bring their own with them when they come over....what got them started on using yours?
I'm guessing you're 11 or 12....a tough age, for sure. But, I wish that when I was that age I'd have learned to stand up for myself instead of trying to please everyone else and being unhappy. If "the bug" refuses to give you your stuff back, talk to her parents. It may be that she won't be your "friend" any longer, but who needs friends who steal from them? As for friend #2....ask her over to have a knit along or whatever, and tell her to bring her own stuff. Again, she may get mad, but you have to decide what makes you happier - if this behavior is really getting to you, then maybe you need to find some new buddies.

knittingymnast
01-20-2008, 09:39 AM
she loves to knit but hates it when i tell her no :gah:

miccisue
01-20-2008, 10:25 AM
she loves to knit but hates it when i tell her no :gah:
When you tell her "no she can't knit" or "no, she can't use my supplies"? There's a HUGE difference here.
You are NOT obligated to supply your friends who like to knit with the materials to do so. If they want to knit when they are at your house, at school, or wherever, the can darn well bring their own materials. AGAIN......this is NOT your job to keep them in knitting supplies.
If this is bothering you as much as you say it is, then do what you have to do, and then kiss these so-called "friends" goodbye. Personally, I would think that people who "LOVE" to knit so much would be carrying stuff with them if they knew they had the opportunity to work on a project.
You say you can't wait to get rid of them.....so just do it now. These can't be the only 2 people on earth that you can be friends with.
Get your stuff back. Talk to your parents, talk to their parents, whatever it takes. Then, walk on and don't look back. These girls sound like they are honing their skills on using people for what they want without giving a darn about the other person. These are people to avoid like the plague.
But, if you are willing to continue things as they are, then you need to stop posting and asking for advice that you don't want to hear and follow. Sorry if this seems rude, but you've gotten message after message after message telling you to get your property back (and how to do it), but you persist on whining about it. Decide which you want - to be their supplier, or to get your stuff back and possibly lose their "friendship" (and I use that term loosely - they really don't appear to be friends as much as users). Make your choice, act on it, and don't just moan and groan about how you're being taken advantage of. You can only be taken advantage of if you let it happen.
Act or don't act........but multiple postings are not going to solve your problem. If you don't want to take the advice given you here, fine, but please, if you decide to be the doormat stop whining about it on the boards.
Thank you.

md21
01-20-2008, 05:06 PM
Talk to your parents, or talk to her parents. Don't let her touch your things. Short of telling you that, there is not much else any of us can do for you.

knittingymnast
01-20-2008, 09:49 PM
Talk to your parents, or talk to her parents. Don't let her touch your things. Short of telling you that, there is not much else any of us can do for you.

okay thanks, but that sounded wrong!! :roflhard:
ok nvm :flirt:
thanks

knittingymnast
01-21-2008, 04:13 PM
oh plus,
theyre buggin my eyes out! they say the rudest things!

Quiara
01-21-2008, 04:39 PM
You've been given all the advice you need on this topic. Either your yarn/needles/craft is important enough to you for you to take a stand on this or it's not. Either the behavior is really annoying and you need to do something about it OR you just wanted a place to vent. If the second bit is the case, you might try blogging. It's a great forum for that kind of thing. But in the end, whether this is a serious issue for you or not is something only you can decide. Repeated bumping probably isn't going to get you a different answer.

knittingymnast
01-21-2008, 04:45 PM
ok im sorry
geez :sleepy:

psquidy
01-21-2008, 04:45 PM
My best friend is like that . She thinks that everyone is on this earth to give her whatever she likes. I can't stand it. I feel for you.

knittingymnast
01-21-2008, 04:47 PM
i understand you too
:hair:
they make you mad, dont they?

nitewyngs
01-21-2008, 05:30 PM
A 5th grader? No 5th grader is going to get to keep my stuff. As a middle/high school teacher understand this age group. They often start to "smell themselves" (act out atrociously for attention). Don't give it to her. Speak to her parents. If that does not work get your parents involved. It is difficult to reason with someone so MUCH younger than you. If she was in your same age group I could see reasoning. But with this age difference that will be nearly impossible. Best of luck!

2sweetgirls38
01-21-2008, 06:12 PM
Repeated bumping probably isn't going to get you a different answer.

Thank you.:yay:

knittingymnast
01-21-2008, 06:19 PM
that you all for the good advice!! :muah:

shifio
01-22-2008, 04:48 PM
tell her to get a job and buy her own yarn

CountryKitty
01-22-2008, 08:08 PM
It sounds as tho' just talking isn't going to get thru' to these 2 girls, so I would go with the 'hide the stash' idea---but I'd do it in several sessions. Hide the needles and really good stuff NOW, then in a week hide some more, then even more the next week. Then when they start asking where it all went, just tell them some 'friends' kept taking stuff when you weren't looking. (If they say you should buy more, say it takes money...and besides, they'd just take it again.)
Don't let them know it's hidden.

:hug: I sympathize. Friends aren't perfect, and yours still have a lot of growing up to do. Sometimes it's hard to really put your foot down with people you like, because you care how they feel.

LilHuskiesFootBallMom
01-22-2008, 10:30 PM
I would make her work it off... children can make such wonderful "pets" when they're busy working off something they've done wrong...

Next time don't let her in your stash, explain to her that since your things tend to go missing, NO ONE gets to touch it anymore but YOU.

It makes me wonder at her parents though.. has she actually asked them for yarn and such? even my 7 year old knows to STAY OUT of mom's yarn bins without permission (even though he has a couple skeins in there!) and to touch my needles is to invite trouble... (he has his own of those too).

LilHuskiesFootBallMom
01-22-2008, 10:39 PM
there's also another option here...

Talk to your parents about the situation and tell them that you'd really rather not have these girls over to your home because of things going missing and ask if it would be possible to have a locking cabinet (you have one key, your parents the other so they know you're not hiding anything that they should be worried about) so that your things no longer go missing.

I have a feeling the bug is lying about being deprived of yarn... is it yarn in general or just the uber pricey stuff? as for "miss huffy", sounds like a spoiled brat who needs to learn the meaning of NO.

Would it be possible to arrange a shopping trip with your mother, the bug, and the bug's mother to get some yarn and such? seperate carts, etc (obviously!) and checking out at seperate lanes, not to mention travelling in seperate cars so that things don't get "mixed up".

knittingymnast
01-23-2008, 09:09 AM
thanks!

knittingymnast
01-23-2008, 10:03 PM
thank you all for all the suggestions of things for me to do in the future. the needles have been returned (not the yarn! :hair: ) but i will NEVER let her near my yarn again! thanks again!