View Full Version : Does anyone else want to be alone for awhile?
03-05-2008, 01:00 PM
I was reading Yarn Harlot's blog, and I can't help but be a little jealous. The idea that I could be alone, anywhere, for a few days sounds like heaven. Yes, I would miss my dh and dd terribly, but I am pretty sure I would get over it quickly.
To have the time to read, to knit, to sit and think. To exercise and not have someone ask me just as I start to sweat "When are you going to be done? I want to..."
To make whatever I want to eat when I want to eat is mindblowing.
I don't know...maybe it's the cabin fever talking (we are going into our 6th month of snow and winter here) or maybe it's the regret that I never lived by myself...I am just longing for a few days of alone time. I am NEVER alone. At work, I have people all around me. At home, I have my dd with me constantly (it's nice to use the bathroom in peace, but that rarely happens either!), and then my dh comes home. My life is all about giving to other people...I'm support staff at work, I'm a mommy to an only child, I'm a wife who is very involved with her husband's minstry (he's a pastor).
It would just be great to have a little ME time. It seems like everything I want to do is crammed into little nooks and crannies of time...in between all of the other things that need to be done for other people.
03-05-2008, 01:09 PM
I know how you feel. My dh works very strange shifts so there are times when he is home for a month at a time but then works for a week without coming home. When he's home I can't wait for him to go to work but once he's gone I want him home with me at night. It's a never winning battle since he doesn't have the "normal" work during the day be home at night schedule.
03-05-2008, 01:16 PM
I don't think I'd like being as alone as she is. The nearest person is, what, 8 miles away? But I do need my alone time. I'm lucky enough to have a few hours a day now when the sprout is in school and hubby is at work. If one of them is home on vacation or sick days I start to get antsy. LOL Denial of my silent solitude makes me crabby :P
03-05-2008, 01:29 PM
I hear ya! I am support staff at work as well, my husband tends to work late as that's when his clients can meet him and our only son is 2 1/2 and either attached at my hip or into something! I only get about 4 hrs. on the weekends to myself and that's if I'm lucky enough to have ds take a nap. It really takes alot for me to just sit down and either knit or scrapbook during that time because I keep thinking of all the other things around the house I could be doing instead, but I really do try to take that time for myself. I constantly tell myself that before I know it, ds will soon be old enough to go play at a friend's house or be by himself in his room without breaking something and that will give me a little extra time, at least that's the hope!
03-05-2008, 01:39 PM
I don't know what I would do for that kind of alone time .. but I would do what I whatever I could to get it! I am super jealous of the Yarn Harlot. A few days stuck out on the middle of the woods with no people or interuptions would be right up my alley. Just give me my yarn & needle projects, enough food, water and heat for a few days and a radio. Oh and probably some margarita mix and tequila!:clink: :mrgreen:
Ever have one of those stretches where you just run and run and run .. not only at work but afterwards .. to church and meetings and social and groceries and etc., and etc., and .. and .. and ... :zombie: :zombie: :zombie:
I need a vacation!!!!
03-05-2008, 01:41 PM
I know how you feel-I home-school my four children, youngest is 4 and the oldest, 13-and I too am jealous of the Yarn Harlot :teehee:
It's weird too, because I am always telling my DH I'm lonely! But what I mean is, I don't have any friends (that I get to see that is, EVER) outside my immediate family, except my mother. I love my mother of course, and I'm so glad we are friends and talk daily-but I mean girlfriends closer to my own age, going through similar life stages, ykwim?
Anyway back to the topic-I definitely would love to do ALL the things you listed-exercise when I want, read when (and what! lol) I want, EAT WHAT I want and especially-when I want, not waiting till its cold because I'm busy helping the kids or whatever-these things would be soooo lovely, if only for a little while :p
But even as I type this, I know with all my heart that when they're grown and gone, I will long to have them back under my wing again.
It's a cruel thing, ain't it? LOL.
03-05-2008, 03:22 PM
A pastor's wife's life is an especially hard one. You have to be on call all the time plus you are usually responsible for heaven knows what with regards to the church, ladies groups, meetings, retreats, the nursery, and such depending on your church size. Many wives are responsible for church music as they are the pianist or organist, which takes up their time.
I have a lovely friend who has been a pastor's wife with 4 children for many many years now and she says sometimes she just wants to scream to be left alone.
Have you talked to your dh about it? He above all people should understand being needed all the time and needed alone time once in awhile. I think you should discuss a time to plan to get away just for a couple days, make it a birthday, Christmas or whatever gift. Go to a decent cheaper hotel like Red Roof Inn or something that would only cost you about $100 or less total for a couple days. Take sandwiches, drinks, and whatever would make you happy to do and relax. Tell dh your cell phone will be off but if you are needed in an emergency to call through the hotel switchboard that way you know it would be him and it would be important. God created the world in SIX days and gave himself a day of rest and so he thought it was important too so you must try and do this for yourself. I hope you can find a time to have some me only time as we all need that.
03-05-2008, 04:18 PM
OMG, I sooo hear ya! I've been a SAHM for over 6 years now and for the past couple years, hubby has been going to school in the evenings, in addition to his 40+ hours a week job.
It gets so stressful sometimes, especially during the winter months! And, hubby was in a car accident on Valentine's Day so our truck needs repairs and they still haven't been done! He's been taking my car to work and school for over 2 weeks now and I've been trapped in the house. Last week (I think it was) my daughter stayed home due to a cold, then, there were 2 snow days and they were off that Monday as well so she only went to school one day that week. I was home, with no car, 2 kids and it was cold and snow was everywhere. And, it was a "bad" week for the kids...lol...They go through their spells, sometimes they play really well together, other times, just fight non-stop...That week was a fight non-stop week!
Sometimes I wish I had even just one day to myself. A day to skip all the housework and just focus on something I like to do whether it be my knitting, my writing, photography, or, even just relax and watch what I want to watch on TV for a day.
And don't even get me started on the exercise! LOL! Man, It just can't be done with kids around! One time I was exercising with my weights and before I had a chance to pick them up my son ran off with them and I had to pause the vid & chase him around to get them back...Once I did and started up the vid again, the kids were attacking me...LOL! They wanted to exercise with me, but, felt that I made the perfect exercise mat...Then, I finally get started again and hubby calls...Eventually I just gave up...lol...Of course my daughter is in school now, but, I cannot turn my back on my son (almost 4 yrs.) for 2 seconds.
The other day I was cleaning the kitchen and my son said he wanted to use the potty...I told him ok and he went into the bathroom and I was putting dishes away...Well, next thing I hear is him crying...I turn around to go see what happened and he's standing there with blood pouring out of his head...He decided that before going potty, he wanted to look at a scrape on his nose...He tried climbing on the sink, fell, and split his head open. I had to call hubby to come home from work (since he still has to use my car) and we had to take him to the ER to get stitches...GAH!
Er...lol...Sorry, this kind of turned into my own little vent! Guess I needed to get it out! LOL!
Anyway, yes, I agree, I would TOTALLY love some alone time!
03-05-2008, 04:25 PM
I can imagine that being a minister's wife is quite time-consuming and requires a strong ability to maintain the stability of the role. My heart goes out to you.
I must say, I love my husband and son dearly before I go on. I work with both of them in a fast-pace business. Yes, from daylight til around 5pm, I'm their complete coffeegetter, phoneanswerer, partsorderer, findthisnthat, gopher, lunchgetter, well, you get the picture. I do this 5 days a week and it gets quite trying. Tempers flare occasionally and it's difficult to remember that we are supposed to respect each other through all problems. I do my best and sometimes feel that I must put "Mama and Mary" aside and just be a secretary....separated from them as a relative. It's a state of mind that allows me to be submissive when needed and dominant as needed.
SOLUTION: Once a year, they both, together, take off on a 10-14 day fishing trip in Costa Rica! THEN, I get to eat like I want, knit when and how long I want, dance at 2am, shop whenever(granted there is $$ to do so), I AM IN HOG HEAVEN and love it. Sure, I miss them but I just place myself back in the shop and remember ALL the torture, oops, I mean all the times I spent doing what they want and I slap another piece of cheesecake on my plate! LOLOL! I love it! The cats think I'm nuts, up late, cleaning or reading or knitting but they can't do anything about it! NO FUSSING, NO DEMANDS, NO DIRTY CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR, NO EMPTY WRAPPERS ON THE COUNTER!!!! The house stays amazingly spotless and there are few dishes to wash.
Okay, better float back down...they've been home for about a month! They love me and miss me, too and love their "alone" time as much as I do. Mary
03-05-2008, 05:23 PM
I understand how you feel. I've been there and done that.
We go through phases in our lives where we're super busy and then phases when we aren't. As your daughter grows older, you'll find that you have more time to yourself. She'll be able to do more, and she'll spend more time with other friends. I realize that doesn't answer your need for alone time now, but I hope it gives you a glimmer of hope for what the future entails.
I, personally, do not like being alone. I've grown so accustomed to being with my children that I miss them...even though they are teenagers and annoying.
Hugs to you. It sounds like you are very overwhelmed right now. Take joy in small things like the car trip to work. Turn off the radio and "just be."
03-05-2008, 05:24 PM
I can't say that I would like to be that alone. I'm actually getting lots of semi-alone time right now. I let the kids have the run of the downstairs while I'm upstairs trying to bake the baby a little longer. Right now, they're outside shoveling snow (ahhh I love delegating!) while I'm on the couch knitting and watching something I want to watch for once.
It's been a hard transition from when we moved here. I've got no friends near by really. No one that I can call up and say "hey wanna go have lunch" or something along those lines. I miss people...the people I left when we moved to Canada. Sure, I have the kids and DH, but I want new people!
03-05-2008, 07:07 PM
When I left my husband last year, it was the first time I'd ever lived on my own... at 29 years old! I hated it at first, but after a while I loved it. I get lonely sometimes, but between the cats, knitting, TV, the net, schoolwork, books, and the fact that I am lazy with doing the dishes, I can usually find something to entertain myself.
ETA: My mom lives on the side of a mountain in WV ... her and her husband's closest neighbors are like a mile away. They had to start going to church so they could have some social interaction!!!
sue in canada
03-05-2008, 11:17 PM
Time alone or just time away from home occasionally is always good for the soul I think. However time alone in the cabin like the Yarn Harlot, no way. I don't think I would last more than one night, if that.
Mary, I love your SOLUTION paragraph. Sounds good to me, especially the cheesecake part!