View Full Version : disappointment with a friend

05-02-2008, 09:42 PM
Hi there! I haven't been around the forum for a while. I've been kind of busy with school and work.... but I love to know I always have this forum to share and enjoy some knitting :inlove: And the "off topic discusssions" for when we need to vent what's in our hearts, among other things.

Well, I guess sometimes we get disappointed with our friends. Here is an example. My friend N took her Masters exams a few weeks a go. I knew about it and was very close to her, showing her my support, wishing her good luck, making her feel like she could do anything she want to do. I feel good about myself when I make people confident about themselves, ya know? Well, in N's case, she did not pass the exam, unfortunately. She immediately told me what happened and I felt terrible for her, we almost cried together. I was happy to be there to support her no matter what. Still, she was going to have the opportunity to meet the exam's committe to appeal the decision. Such meeting was going to take place last Thursday (not yesterday, but the last Thursday of April). I hear nothing from my friend until today. She signed in MSN. I was already there. I started chatting with her, just saying "hi". Her response? "I sign in here for just a couple of minutes. I've got to go". I said, "OK, just wanted to say hi". She replied that just so I know, she passed the exam after all, after appealing. I said, and genuinely felt, that I was happy to hear that. I started sending her little emoticons of celebration and party, etc. And she said: "I celebrated already".
I feel disappointed. Like, I was her friend when she needed to cry, but not when she had reasons to laugh and be happy. I felt like my friendship is not that important to her. Anyway... when you are a real friend, you are a friend no matter what, right? I just cannot stop feeling bad she didn't share her success with me.
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.

05-02-2008, 10:18 PM

Sometimes people are just like that, unfortunately. More than willing to share their sorrows but when they're feeling well again, they often neglect the people who were there through the worst of times.

I've often been in situations like that, where people pour their hearts out to me and I try my hardest to help them feel better and make sure they know they can talk with me. I know I've helped a lot of people, but, once they're back on track, I don't hear from them again until something is wrong again. However, I have learned to accept that and just move on.

I hope for your sake, she talks to you and maybe you can have a little get together of your own.

05-02-2008, 10:57 PM
I'm sorry she didn't include you in on her passing the exam. That wasn't very thoughtful of her since you were there for her when she initially failed. I have no clue what else to say except take pride in knowing that YOU are a great person and have a genuinely beautiful spirit.

I know that doesn't take the sting away but it's the truth. We need more people like you on this earth. :hug:

05-02-2008, 11:29 PM
thank you for your comments, guys... with experiences like this one that one learns to better know who really appreciates your friendship and do care about it. anyway, thanks again :muah:

05-02-2008, 11:57 PM
Poor dear! I'm so sorry. It's difficult when people don't reciprocate friendship in the same manner that we extend it.

I've always thought of myself as a good friend, although I've never had that many close friends. However, I have a friend who is totally the most thoughtful person I've ever know. I've learned from her what true friendship is.

If nothing else, your friend will remember your acts of kindness and support. Perhaps, one day, she'll be that kind of friend to another person.

I once had someone tell me, during a critical point in my life, that she did not have time to be a close friend to me...in the way I needed at the time. It still hurts to remember that, but now I realize that at that time in her life, she was very busy with her husband and young children (I was newly married without children at the time).

Not to excuse your friend, but perhaps she was overwhelmed with the stress of exams and such. Maybe she was even embarrassed.

Anyhow, I'm sorry. I hurt for you. :hug:

05-03-2008, 01:21 AM
:hug: Sorry to hear that.

05-03-2008, 04:12 AM
If we're open hearted, I think we expect others to be also, and it's not always that way, unfortunatley.

I'm sorry you had to have this experience.

Jan in CA
05-03-2008, 01:05 PM
I'm sorry you're sad. Before you worry anymore though I think you should talk to her about it. Let her explain her side of it.

05-03-2008, 09:40 PM
I hope this doesn't change the way you are toward others. She is just not there yet. maybe one day she will be as thoughtful as you.

05-04-2008, 11:49 AM
Hopefully, she will be there for you if you ever need her. Some people seem to be be more takers than givers in frienships and the givers get the brunt when it's not given back.:hug:

05-04-2008, 11:07 PM
I hope this doesn't change the way you are toward others. She is just not there yet. maybe one day she will be as thoughtful as you.

No, this experience won't change the way I am toward other people. And I agree with you... she is definitively not there yet. I will keep that in mind with her in particular. Thanks for your comments :grphug: