View Full Version : what would you do?

06-20-2008, 11:08 AM

i descovered today that my brother (who is neraly 30) has stolen money from me.

i have no doubt that hes done it as i had 95 in cash in my jewellery box, this is the money i have each month to buy toys clothes yarn etc, so not a lot really. he has taken the lot!! i know its not missing as i put it in the same place everytime (ive never told anyone where) and the change is still there notes gone!!
he's the only person that has used my bathroom (where i keep it) other than myself and my 5year old ds who has no idfea what im talking about when i asked him if he'd seen anymoney (he never lies).

i told my mum who believes he would do that (he has a history of taking money and lies etc within the family).

she is adiment that i dont confront him, im in 2 minds.

what would you do?


Sunshine's Mom
06-20-2008, 11:22 AM
Why doesn't your mom want you to confront him? What's the harm in asking if he "borrowed" it and when he plans on returning it? And -find a new hiding place.

06-20-2008, 11:26 AM
I would confront him. You probably won't get the money back, but at least put him on notice that you know.

Then, find another place to hide your money...maybe lock it up.

So sorry for the violation of trust. :hug:

Jan in CA
06-20-2008, 11:26 AM
I think he's going to continue doing it if he thinks he's not being caught. Since you don't have absolute proof that he took it I'd personally want to confront him and let him know you have money missing and hope he's not the one that took it..and then find a better place to keep your extra cash like a locked safe or a bank. Maybe a less accusatory tone will appease your mom? If you're living with her and she will be a problem at least find the better place for the money.

06-20-2008, 11:29 AM
I would confront him. You probably won't get the money back, but at least put him on notice that you know.

Then, find another place to hide your money...maybe lock it up.

So sorry for the violation of trust. :hug:I agree. If not "confront", let him know you think he did and how very hurt you are over it! Then lock it up!

06-20-2008, 11:37 AM
I think something needs to be said, it's your home and your money. He can't be allowed to get away with it or where would end up? I can understand your Mum feels awkward but this really isn't on.

:hug: to you and I hope you get things sorted.

06-20-2008, 12:10 PM
I would definately say something. Maybe just say something about the money missing and see if he admits it. And move that stash somewhere else. I've never had this happen but if it did I would be very upset.

06-20-2008, 12:20 PM
I would let him know that the money is missing and he is the only one who could have taken it. I would also let him know that until you are able to trust him again, that he would have limited or supervised access to your home. If he needs to go to the bathroom again, walk him back there and wait until he is done then walk him out, it will be a pain but it might let him know that trust to you is important and he broke that trust.

06-20-2008, 12:36 PM
i think i will say something about the missing money and see if he owns up. i seriously doubt he will as he's not that honest.

i cant do the limited acess as this sint my house, its my parents. he's only here at weekends as dad and him work away.

im not living at home for that much longer so the p^roblem will go away as i wont be living in the same country as him.
its not a huge sum of money. i had it planned for my son mostly to take to england with him to buy himself some new toys etc. i rarley have money to buy him toys so this was going to be a huge treat for him. i'd been saving the money for months. typical hey. mums offered to replace it, but i just dont think thats right.

he has a record of doing this, he buys soo much stuff like dvds on play.com using my dads business card. my dad actually just found out so this is all up in the air as it happened last weekend. so this money is bad timing.

dont you just love families lol


06-20-2008, 04:17 PM
I would absolutely talk to him about it. People do things like that becuase they DON'T get confronted. Your Mother is so wrong, but then maybe that is why he is the way he is.

06-20-2008, 05:34 PM
i've told her tonight that i am going to say something, shes ok with it now shes thought about it properly. it was a bit of a shock when i found out it was gone.

she just wants to make sure everyone is protected right now until we are at the point i can take over his role (thats is happening in august time).

he's not home for over a week, i will say something then so he knows i know he took it.

thanks for your opinios, i just didnt know what i should do as he's my brother. anyone else i would have just had it out with them straight away

06-20-2008, 10:07 PM
Hmm, maybe put a note in the jewelry box and the next time he opens it expecting to find money, well, he'll have a little note from you instead...lol...Definitely hide the money elsewhere and definitely confront him. Family or not, what he's doing is wrong and it needs to stop. That is YOUR money in YOUR house and he has no right to steal it from you.

06-21-2008, 09:00 AM
I agree tell him you know and see what happens. Ya he is going to say he didn't but at least he will know he had been discovered.
Good luck.


06-21-2008, 11:02 AM
You know your brother better than me but I would play a little bit of a trick on him. INstead of confronting him about it just causually walk up and begin a conversation about the borrowed money. Maybe say something about how soon your son is to take his trip and what he will be using it for and when you will need it back. LOL, This tactic works for my BF on so many people I'm going to try it next time someone treats me like crap. He will hopefully see who he hurt and feel a bit guilty. Then he will at least learn from his actions without you breaking any family ties. You will have handled it in a cool fashion without causing a huge fuss but still letting him know he hurt you and your son. IN any case, You will feel better. he may return the money and he may not. If he doesn't he may need some serious help. This could be a sign of a larger problem if he is stealing from others as well. I wish you all the best!

06-21-2008, 01:11 PM
I KNOW how u feel........
When my brother was a teenager he did that ALL THE TIME. In addition to stealing my $ he even faked 2 robberies in my 2 former houses to pawn a laptop and other stuff. Sad huh...He actually got spray paint and painted every wall on 3 floors of the houses to make it look "real" enough for the cops......i'd clobber him over the head for sure!!!! He has no right to take your money!

06-21-2008, 07:18 PM
Elmore Leonard wrote a Quote my dXh loved to quote in his D&A group sessions
"a Drunk may steal your money, but a Junkie will steal your wallet, then help you look for it"

its an excellent example of peoples levels of dishonesty. I am a person who tries VERY hard to put trust in people, even when i do not trust them in my heart. People do not understand so I just pretend, and deal with the fear/anxiety quietly.

I am not saying your brother has a substance abuse issue, but with your moms knee jerk reaction, it seems he has some type of lack of guilt thing going on. Did you say he was younger?

06-22-2008, 06:04 AM
heather, omg thats terrible. i hope he got some help for that. i must admit i'd kill him of he did that to mer as well

ecb, no he's 30 i, october!! no teenage etc excuses. he should know better!! he does know stealings wrong, and would never ever do it outside family (he used my dads business bank card and wracked up a €500 bill last weekend on dvds and itunes!!).

i will leave a note in the jewellery box i think saying i know who took the money etc, and i have said to mum that i am going to say infront of him to her that i was planning to buy medication for my hosrse withit (kinda true, i do have to buy it just not with that money).

just looking forward to when i move out now. no more of this kinda crap. i thought it would be ds doing stuff like that until he understood not my 30 year old brother!!!

thanks for the ideas though


but then he goes and buys ds a whole load opf new toys and clotes with some of the pinched money. i cant win!

06-22-2008, 11:44 AM
You bet I'd confront him. You might not get your money back, but at least he knows you are aware of it being gone.