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suecq
07-16-2008, 09:46 AM
Has anyone read Dear Abby today? She said that in her opinion it is rude to knit, crochet or do quilting at a meeting or public gathering. Any comments?

KnitsAway
07-16-2008, 09:56 AM
I have a friend that knits during family gatherings like Thanksgiving. It does sound rude and anti-social.

I know it bugs my mother when my sister takes her knitting to family functions.

I can't bring myself to do it, but when I think about doing it, it doesn't feel rude. Does that make sense?

But I think non-knitters find it rude, so I don't do it.

HollyP
07-16-2008, 09:56 AM
:!!!: That's crazy! She is obviously not a knitter! I have a feeling she's going to be getting a few angry letters from knitters, crocheters and quilters.
When I knit at events it is always something easy so I don't have to keep referring to a pattern. I wouldn't knit at say a wedding or funeral but I have knit at lectures at my church. No one was bothered and it helped me stay alert. I think more people were disturbed by the guy a few rows behind me playing on his cell.

mwhite
07-16-2008, 10:03 AM
I think it depends on the situation....we had a party last Saturday and I was the cook....no time to knit although part of the time we sat around and just talked. Since I do lace, it's hard to concentrate except in solitude but one of the ladies was working on simple dishcloths and was able to knit and join the conversations... so for me, as the hostess, it would have been difficult, rude and inappropriate because I was in charge of serving, but for Alice, it was okay. I don't think it would be proper to knit in church or somewhere that your purpose for being includes your attention and involvement. I knit at work when we are slow but do it in my sewing room area so that if a customer comes in, they get my complete attention. There's a time and place for everything. Just my opinion...

knitgal
07-16-2008, 10:10 AM
I can easily see how it would be seen as rude to a non-knitter or even a knitter. Sometimes it IS rude to knit at a meeting and public gathering.
Some bosses are probably okay with it, but I don't think I'd want to knit in a meeting, no one would think you're paying attention. Plus you're at work...shouldn't you be working?
Public places it's different, like on the bus, or at a park, but I doubt that's what she meant. She probably meant at public gatherings like concerts or a play, which would be very rude. The performers would probably be insulted because it looks as though you are bored or ignoring them.
All in all, I think we all have to be aware of the situation when we knit in public and make sure we don't do it an innapropriate times.

Does anyone have a link to it? I couldn't find it online.

suecq
07-16-2008, 10:25 AM
I don't have a link, but I read it in both the Tampa Tribune and the St. Petersburg Times this morning. It was the last letter.

knitgal
07-16-2008, 10:27 AM
DEAR ABBY: Is it rude or inconsiderate for a person to knit, crochet or piece a quilt while attending a meeting or other gathering? -- CURIOUS IN THE SUNBELT

DEAR CURIOUS: Although I may get some argument about this, I do think it's rude. When someone is attending a meeting or a social gathering, it is considered good manners to give the speaker or other attendees your full attention. And while I expect to hear from readers who say they can "multi-task," to do so sends the wrong message.


I have to agree with her this time!

cindycactus
07-16-2008, 10:42 AM
I saw it and it does seem rude the way it was framed. She did say she expected letters to the contrary. I think it is fine to knit in public if you are alone or with friends who don't mind. :knitting:

Tropicflower24
07-16-2008, 10:49 AM
That's why I am thankful I listen with my ears, not my hands. :wink:

figaro
07-16-2008, 10:50 AM
I would think it was rude if the person who was knitting or crocheting was not able to participate in the conversation, was having to concentrate on a row or just plain ignoring me, yeah that would be rude. But if the person was talking with me and not missing a beat, not only would it not bother me but I would also be very impressed cause there is no way I could no that!

knitgal
07-16-2008, 10:53 AM
It's such a short letter that it's hard to decipher what the person meant. I'm sure she didn't want to ask if it was rude to knit or crochet while alone in public, but rather while with others.

Crycket
07-16-2008, 11:01 AM
I used to knit at work to purposely avoid certain co-workers (likely the reason my boss let me do it!)

I could hear them and participate fine, I just chose to let them believe I was concentraiting. *smiles* It also allowed me to keep my eyes buried deep in my knitting rather than them having to make eye contact. Although I know I can knit stocking st endlessly without looking at it...they didn't know that!

So I guess that was the opposite of what you wanted to hear...in that scenario, I was knitting purposely to be rude....(if you knew these two - out of four - co workers, you wouldn't dissagree) **I would also like to qualify that with I had to sit 8+ hours no more than 2-3 ft away from them, it wasn't a walk around and avoid situation...**

I would say as long as the meeting or situation warrented it...I mean, a work board meeting...yes rude, a social gathering with friends who knit, not rude. Could it be portrayed as rude with non knitters? Perhaps....but more likely only with ppl that need constant eyecontact, or don't understand that you can listen and knit at the same time...

To that end, I would only have a mindless project on me at the time, even when I was trying to be rude, my projects were always very simple....(socks for the most part)

kellyh57
07-16-2008, 11:17 AM
I think it totally depends on the situation. If you can make eye contact while knitting, then go for it. Part of having a conversation is eye contact and if you're looking at something else, you're not participating to the full extent. If it's a big huge meeting that you don't care about all of the other things there (you know the type where you want to listen to Person D talk, but not A, B, & C, but you have to sit through them anyway!) why not? You're not disrupting them. If you're loud and clicking in a perfectly silent room, maybe. If others find you distracting, what the heck are they looking at? Why are they watching you and not the person they are supposed to be. It's their own darn fault!

Kelly

PS Here's a link: http://www.arcamax.com/dearabby

Wanda Witch
07-16-2008, 11:55 AM
I am not certain it would be 'rude' but rather inconsiderate. As a few of you have stated: there is a time and a place for everything. I mean, one would not manicure their nails, look at photos in a magazine, etc., during a social or business gathering. I envy those of you who can knit without looking at the work but am wondering how many can. People who don't knit would not understand you can talk and listen and still not look at them. We are strange creatures sometimes.

knitpurlgurl
07-16-2008, 11:58 AM
I think that if the reason you are going to a meeting or social gathering is to listen to a speaker or participate in a discussion then it would be just as rude and talking on the phone or texting.. but I think if it's a casual gathering where people are mingling, swimming, playing games, and other various activities - it would be fine. If I go to a WW mtg or to a medical assisting conference, I do not knit during those meetings. But if I go to a lawn party where there are various activites and the party doesn't require everyone's personal attention, then I think knitting is fine. I think it just depends on the situation. It's the same with cellphone ettiquete.

Jan in CA
07-16-2008, 12:30 PM
I have to agree with what many others said. It depends.

If it's a serious meeting where people have out their notebooks, are supposed to be looking at a presentation or interacting with with others then it's inappropriate. If it's one of those casual meetings where you are mostly just listening then I don't see a problem. I think one should always ask the head/boss in the situation of they mind first, too.

As for casual gatherings of friends let the situation and friends be the guide. You can probably help them feel more comfortable with your knitting if you do talk and respond appropriately so they know you're listening and can knit and keep up at the same time.

And always, always keep the project simple so you don't have to stop and count 300 stitches at intervals. :teehee:

ETA: Texting, playing games on the cell phone, or chatting is entirely different. Those require your brain to be elsewhere. Most of us can listen and knit. If you haven't reached that point then you probably shouldn't.

G J
07-16-2008, 12:32 PM
I TOTALLY agree that it depends on the situation and your knitting. I usually have at least two projects OTN. One is mindless, no-looking knitting. That's my take-along project for appropriate places. My at-home knitting is usually more complicated.

Situations differ, too. I went to a conference DH was hosting. I asked the keynote speaker if he minded if we knit during his sessions and he was all for it. In fact, he said he doodles, and he didn't see a difference. I have no problems knitting during a concert if I am not visible by the performers and not distracting anyone--including those around me. If I'm with my family, I sit in the middle, and if not, I'll ask the person I'm seated next to if they're okay with it. No one has ever objected.

Cynamar
07-16-2008, 01:07 PM
Knitting in a public place is definately not rude but I can see where folks would think it is at a gathering where you are expected to mingle or talk or pay attention to something. I love the St. Louis Knitters Guild meetings! Everyone is knitting while we listen to our speakers. AWESOME!!!

booskibabe
07-16-2008, 01:48 PM
I agree with the others - it depends entirely on the situation. I wouldn't knit during a church service, a wedding, formal meeting, etc. However I knit at family get togethers all the time. I take an easy project and continue to participate in the conversation. People are actually suprised when I don't knit at such events.:wink:

Spikey
07-16-2008, 06:29 PM
I KIP quite often, at conferences and meetings, and have gotten nothing but positive comments.

As others have said it is highly situational. For me, having busy hands frees my mind to focus on the discussion or lecture.

That being said, I stick to simple patterns that don't require counting, use my Harmonies (so no clack, clack) and always maintain eye contact with the speaker.

vaknitter
07-16-2008, 08:10 PM
While I would never knit at a work meeting, funeral, wedding.... I do knit at just about all other gatherings. If we have a cookout at the house and sit down to watch a movie - I knit, if we are at the river and everyone sits down in lawn chairs to have a beer - I knit, if we are at someones house for Thanksgiving or Christmas and everyone adjorns the table for the TV - I knit. I still manage to participate in conversation and will put it down if someone talks to me. I find that in more situations people will ask what I'm knitting and share their own stories about knitted items etc.
The hubby is a non-knitter so he doesn't hesitate to tell me if he thinks I should leave the knitting in the car.

iza
07-16-2008, 10:46 PM
Well, I definitely think it depends, but personally I think it's important to realize that communication is not only about YOU. Some people will be uncomfortable to communicate with someone who is knitting, and we have to respect that, in my opinion. :shrug: Personally when I feel someone is busy doing something while I talk to them, I just stop talking. In fact, I hate that! :teehee: The person might "listen" or "be focused", but my perception is that this person isn't listening to me. Whether it's true or not doesn't really change anything - I might interpret it as rude, even if it's not what the person intends.

So unless I know for a fact that nobody mind me knitting in a gathering, it's not something I will do. And I agree there is a place/time for everything, even if I'd love to be able to knit instead of work! :teehee:

Debkcs
07-17-2008, 02:06 AM
We go to a weekly Bible study, or 'Small Group' in a private home. No one minds that I knit, because I participate fully.

To me, this is kind of like the breast feeding issue, which I thought had been put to rest years ago, but no. If it feels right for you to knit in public (or breast feed your baby, modestly) than by all means, IMO, do it.
Guess you just have to choose your venue wisely.

susi
07-17-2008, 02:14 AM
Gota agree with everyone else (just about everyone i think) that it depends totally on the situation you are in.

i know it drives my da mad that i knit whilst talking to him so i deliberatly do it, and even say hang on a sec even though i dont need to :teehee: . but thats to get my own back on him hehe.

I wouldnt knit in a work inviroment as i do think thats bad manners, but i think lunch break in the caffee is just fine. if people dont like it then tough, its YOUR time not theirs, but hey im getting stroppy in my old age hehe

marlajap
07-17-2008, 12:52 PM
I think that there is, indeed, a time and place for everything. I am lucky enough that, although I do work full-time, I am part of a virtual team, so all of our meetings are by telephone and/or document sharing applications. I have one 60-90 minute meeting each week in which I need to participate (speak/respond) for about 3-4 minutes. I generally knit during the rest of the meeting, because if I try to actually do work, I lose track of the conversation. If I knit, I hear and understand what's going on. Now, I would certainly hesitate to bring the knitting into an in-person meeting, conference or training, no doubt. But I really mean I would hesitate - it depends on the situation...

I do knit when the family eats out, but I also participate in the conversation (if there is one) or comment about the sports news being watched on the big screen, etc. I would *not* knit at a religious function, be it services or study. I might knit at a homeowner's association meeting, though, because I really can listen and knit. And I *might* tuck a simple, small project into my purse when off to a wedding or something similar, but judge whether it's "ok" to knit once the reception starts. Most of the weddings in my area are "cake & punch" receptions or perhaps "finger foods & punch", so generally pretty casual, but I'd still have to know the people around me *really* well to have the nerve to bring the needles out.

But that's about the only time I can think of that I wouldn't... oh, and I wouldn't knit anytime I'm in the dark, like at a movie, play or concert, just because I am night-blind and wouldn't be able to see my stitches at all. :)

GinnyG
07-17-2008, 02:21 PM
While I would never knit at a work meeting, funeral, wedding....

hahahaha, my first thought when I read this post was that the only place I would not knit is a wedding or funeral. I DO knit during work staff meetings and no one complains. I knit just about everywhere else as well.

I am involved in several community organizations, Fire Company, Ambulance Squad, Search and Rescue Team, Community Hall etc. Each one has a monthly meeting and I take my knitting to every meeting. I don't think people would know what to think if I showed up empty handed. I think the key is CAN YOU KNIT AND PAY ATTENTION. I only knit things that I can do without alot of effort and I always pay close attention, making eye contact with the speaker, speaking when appropriate and participating in discussions.

I take knitting to social events, picnics , dinners, in restaurants, at the movies etc but as I stated above I make sure that I am social and pay attention to those around me. I think there is a huge difference in burying yourself in your knitting to avoid those around you and knitting just to keep your hands busy while still paying attention to what is going on around you. I take small projects and don't draw attention to what I am doing. Usually a small item tucked in a project bag, I don't haul my big knitting bag overflowing with a yarn and tools around.

A lady in my knitting class said she takes her knitting to church.......... I'm on ambulance duty every Sunday so haven't been to church in awhile but I think I might hesitate to do that.

As far as I am concerned it is far less rude to sit and knit than to carry a cell phone and answer it ever time it rings!!

Debkcs
07-17-2008, 03:32 PM
Ginny, don't even get me going on cell phones! A year ago April I was rear ended by a teenie with a cell phone to her ear.

Yesterday, it almost happened again, only this time I was on foot. This woman was smoking and holding a cell phone to her ear. Try holding a steering wheel straight while doing that, she came up really close to the curb just as I was stepping off, with the light.

Once again, I think you just have to choose the right place to knit or crochet,but you should never be talking on a cell and driving.

GinnyG
07-17-2008, 05:30 PM
This is the HONEST TO GOODNESS TRUTH;
This summer while driving to SC I saw a man, old enough to KNOW BETTER, driving down 81 going AT LEAST 70 miles an hour holding a cup of coffee in one hand, a cell phone in the other, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and using his elbows to hold the steering wheel!!:zombie: :zombie: :zombie: :zombie:

Crycket
07-17-2008, 10:43 PM
Ginny, don't even get me going on cell phones!

Hear hear!

I recently worked in a box office...(for 10 long years) and the pic below was taken on the last day....

I can't tell you how many times I had ppl at my window on cellphones.

To a certain degree, it was preferable to have someone deal with someone quickly on the phone, rather than have them come back several times trying to exchange tix, but we got along without them fine in the past....come with a few "for sure good" dates, and then pick the best of them!

I actually had someone come up to me on the phone, and talk for the ENTIRE transaction!...The whole thing...I wish I had the guts to just get up and walk away when ppl did that...

And the only ppl that noticed the sign...were those who wouldn't dream of using a cell phone at the window!

tokmom
07-18-2008, 01:23 AM
I knit when I got to a girlfriends house to visit. I don't take difficult knitting, just something simple that I don't have to concentrate on. Family gatherings, I think it's ok, though my mom was angry at me because she felt I didn't give her my utmost attention. (Long story)
I DO maintain eye contact, will put down the knitting and give more than a 110% concentration when warranted.
To knit in meetings, concerts that are formal, things like that, no. I would not.

kova
07-18-2008, 02:53 AM
Though I do agree it depends on the situation, I would err on the side of others instead if I feel it's right.

For example I was at a wedding reception and the hall manager was there knitting (didn't ask why she didn't go to another room to knit). Of course she had nothing to do with the wedding and was in a babysitting role but several people commented on it. She tried to be discret in a corner but it did look out of place. Had she had a book or been text messaging it would have been the same.

I may be alone but I rarely knit in public. Only if I'm waiting for transportation. Even then I'm more likely read a book instead. No matter how little attention you want to draw to yourself it's near impossible in practice. Even though I'm a knitter I do think some knitters (even if they multitask and can concertate on both) can go to far. Sure bosses and coworkers say it's ok but they might just be saying that. If they are sincere is of course by a case by case basis. Point is I would err more on the rude side in every situation unless I knew for sure it was okay (like if people in the exact same situation is reading a book or knitting).

Crycket
07-18-2008, 10:56 AM
I may be alone but I rarely knit in public. Only if I'm waiting for transportation. Even then I'm more likely read a book instead. .

It is fun to do both....If my project is simple enough...I can jump on a street car....pop my iPod on with an audio book, and knit away happily....

Best of both worlds!

knitpurlgurl
07-18-2008, 11:08 AM
It is fun to do both....If my project is simple enough...I can jump on a street car....pop my iPod on with an audio book, and knit away happily....

Best of both worlds!

Gosh I love me my iPod!! I could not live without my iPod (and knitting podcasts of course) and my knitting needles and yarn!

Debra Michelle
07-18-2008, 12:45 PM
I have a similar situation to Marlajap -- I work in an office building with other people, but our home office is across the country in Portland, OR. Every month we have several two to three hour meetings where a groups of us are sitting in a meeting room listening to a speaker phone with nothing else to look at or do. Management started to bring toys (rubik's cubes, koosh balls) to these meetings so that we would have something to do while we listened. So one day I aksed if I could knit and my boss agreed. I've also proven that I pay attention better when knitting so she now allows me to knit in other meetings as long as I continue to interact, put it down when needed, and seem to be paying attention.

But I agree, you have to consider the time and place and who you are with. My family thinks it's cool that I knit so they don't care, but I can see how some people would be offended by knitting at Thanksgiving etc.

GinnyG
07-18-2008, 12:52 PM
With all the "rudeness" that happens in our world I find it amazing that ANYONE could consider knitting rude behavior ANYWHERE!!

I think about the everyday rude encounters that we endure every day, co-workers that eat your lunch out of the fridge or take the last cup of coffee with out making a new pt, someone pulling out in front of you in a car, pushing ahead of you in the store, the person who stops right in front of you in the grocery store to answer their phone, the constant stream of telemarketer calls, people who scream at their children in restaurants, the store clerk who continues her conversation on the phone with her boyfriend despite the fact that you are waiting....................... oh my gosh just stop me before I get carried away, the list goes on and on.

How could sitting quietly making something with your hands EVER be "rude"??????

rachael72knitter
07-20-2008, 05:29 PM
I knit with my family, but we are all very casual. I do agree that it probably shouldn't be done at a meeting just because you might give the impression that you aren't paying attn or have better things to do.

There is a time and a place for everything. . . I guess.

Tropicflower24
07-21-2008, 03:57 PM
I take "idiot knitting" with me when I'm going to KIP. (Not for Idiots, I promise, but something simple enough for me to knit w/o looking. i.e, the back of a hedge hog, scarf, poncho, hat, ect)
I've had some funny looks, but once they get a smile and explanation, they usaully accept it as part of who I am. And I wouldn't knit at a funeral or wedding...... but probably just about everyother place. The big deal (IMO) is eye contact. You have to have eye contact. If you are staring at your knitting, and HAVE to, then no, I wouldn't. But if you can actaully participate in a conversation..... It's your desicion, not theirs.

Hildegard_von_Knittin
07-23-2008, 10:50 PM
what's Dear Abby know? :!!!:

Ronda
07-24-2008, 07:11 AM
I don't think it's rude, but my husband does. I wanted to take my knitting with me on Christmas day when we went to visit his family because all we do is eat and then sit in the family room for HOURS on end. I thought I could get in some good knitting time, but he was very offended. Needless to say, I left my knitting at home.

G J
07-24-2008, 09:58 AM
When in doubt, ASK! Whether it's a family gathering or conference, ask those involved. ANY no, means no. Otherwise, get a feel for the event and make a choice!

As far as boring family "sit around and do nothing" time....others may be relieved to have something to talk about--your knitting!

rachael72knitter
07-24-2008, 02:50 PM
I went out to eat with some co-workers for my birthday and one of the girls sat there at the table and texted on her phone. She then proceeded to do this at the cocktail party at my house and even spent about an hour outside on her phone! Then she came in to say goodbye and thanks and I thought, "why did you even come?"

I thought that was incredibly rude and if I am expected not to pull out my knitting at a restaraunt table, then the people I am with should not text or talk on their cell phone.

The.Knitter
07-24-2008, 03:11 PM
When I was to attend my DGD's birthday, my DD told me straight out that I was "not allowed" to knit during the party. She looked horrified when I brought my knitting bag into the house before the party. I obeyed my DD's request, but sat there all afternoon doing not much, so I took pictures instead!

I can see that there are times where it would look rude to knit when your attention should be elsewhere, but I don't much like being told I am "not allowed" to do anything at my age!

Crycket
07-24-2008, 03:28 PM
Yeah...but you know...it is exactly what you said....

There is a time to knit and a time to enjoy...and it was good that she was forward with her wishes...but it probably could have been put nicer...."I know you enjoying knitting but it is-enter DGD name here-'s day, and I would appreciate if she had the attention today" or something along those lines! Not "you're not allowed"...like everything in life...a little tact goes a long way!

But one thing we can all agree....it would be rude not to knit amounst a bunch of ppl knitting *smiles*

psquidy
07-24-2008, 05:03 PM
People don't understand that serious knitters don't sit alone in a silent room knitting all day. We knit and talk to our spouses, we knit and watch tv, knit and listen to music....knit and have cocktails!!!!! So if we knit during a outing we are in out element. I have often thought of asking my boss if i could knit during team meetings. It sounds nuts but it's that or i fall asleep! Knitters are people with busy hands, and maybe we don't want to just sit and talk or listen, maybe we NEED to do something productive as well! I don't think its rude at all-just misunderstood. HOwever, the non knitters do seem to get thier undies in a bunch over it. My spouse has always forbade it. Lets leave them all and start a knitters only community! C'Mon everybody!We'll call it knittopia.

foxyroxy912
07-24-2008, 05:14 PM
As a knitter with diagnosed ADHD I can tell you knitting helps me very much. When I have to "just" sit and listen I get so antsy and restless and irritable if I don't have something to do with my hands. And it helps me in group gatherings because I am less likely to blurt out something on an implulse and more likely to absorb what people are saying because my mind is not thinking about what to say in response before the person is even done talking. It has been very helpful for me during my support group.
If I was attending a family gathering I would kind of feel my way on whether to knit or not. I don't think the majority of my family would be offended because many of them knit, crochet, or cross stitch. So they would be very interested.

Roxanne

mwhite
07-24-2008, 05:41 PM
People don't understand that serious knitters don't sit alone in a silent room knitting all day. We knit and talk to our spouses, we knit and watch tv, knit and listen to music....knit and have cocktails!!!!! So if we knit during a outing we are in out element. I have often thought of asking my boss if i could knit during team meetings. It sounds nuts but it's that or i fall asleep! Knitters are people with busy hands, and maybe we don't want to just sit and talk or listen, maybe we NEED to do something productive as well! I don't think its rude at all-just misunderstood. HOwever, the non knitters do seem to get thier undies in a bunch over it. My spouse has always forbade it. Lets leave them all and start a knitters only community! C'Mon everybody!We'll call it knittopia.

:cheering: :cheering: :cheering: :woot: :woot: :woot:

Save me a spot there-:thumbsup:
I can just hear my ranting hubby telling his buds why his wife left him...:teehee: :knitting: :knitting: :knitting: :knitting: :knitting:

GinnyG
07-25-2008, 07:29 AM
When I was to attend my DGD's birthday, my DD told me straight out that I was "not allowed" to knit during the party. She looked horrified when I brought my knitting bag into the house before the party. I obeyed my DD's request, but sat there all afternoon doing not much, so I took pictures instead!

I can see that there are times where it would look rude to knit when your attention should be elsewhere, but I don't much like being told I am "not allowed" to do anything at my age!

HA! I would have said LOVE ME, LOVE MY KNITTING!!!!!!! As a close relative I would not have hesitated to "discuss" this with her further....... what exactly does she object to about your knitting??

I brought this up at my knitting class this week, while everyone did have a place or two that they would not knit at everyone agreed that there is nothing rude about knitting in a casual situation whether that is a restaurant of party.

Maybe we should forward this to "Dear Abby"!

rachael72knitter
07-25-2008, 10:11 AM
As a knitter with diagnosed ADHD I can tell you knitting helps me very much. When I have to "just" sit and listen I get so antsy and restless and irritable if I don't have something to do with my hands. And it helps me in group gatherings because I am less likely to blurt out something on an implulse and more likely to absorb what people are saying because my mind is not thinking about what to say in response before the person is even done talking. It has been very helpful for me during my support group.
If I was attending a family gathering I would kind of feel my way on whether to knit or not. I don't think the majority of my family would be offended because many of them knit, crochet, or cross stitch. So they would be very interested.

Roxanne

I hear you. I am that same way. I always say knitting "anchors" me.