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Crycket
09-09-2008, 10:20 PM
Well...maybe not so much the wedding itself, but the planning...

And I have to say the MIL ain't making it any easier....

Anyone have any prewedding support, or horror stories?

Doodknitwit
09-09-2008, 10:36 PM
her future in laws are doing rehearsal dinner..
DD has planned all so far so good. :happydance: :yay:

auburnchick
09-09-2008, 10:40 PM
For me, the problem was MY mom and step-dad. We seriously considered eloping, but my mil very strongly urged us not to. I'm glad we didn't. Only, we instructed dh's parents not to give out the phone number where we were staying on our honeymoon. Sure enough, my mom called them to get it while we were gone. Can you believe it?

It's your wedding. Do what YOU want.

:hug:

JustAFloridaGirl
09-09-2008, 11:14 PM
I have a few horror stories:

My photographer took us around the town to take pictures, as opposed to just posing us at the reception venue. We were gone about an hour while guests were supposed to be partaking of appetizers and mingling. The church had kicked us out early so guests arrived a little early to the venue and the venue didn't have the appetizers out yet. When DH and I arrived back at the venue, my Matron of Honor greeted me with "Where have you been? Everybody's bored." Looking back, she was 7 months pregnant and I had several guests tell me afterward what a wonderful party it was, that I think she was projecting her own boredom onto everyone else. But at that moment it didn't make me very happy, it frustrated the heck out of me.

My MIL pitched a b**ch at the reception because she was having trouble corralling DH and me into pictures with all the out of towners from their side. The reason she was having trouble rounding us up? We wanted to dance to two songs that had special meaning to us (and happened to come on in a row.) For some reason she thought the photographer was leaving RIGHTTHATMINUTE and insisted we miss the songs in favor of these pictures. We actually had about an hour or so of the photographer's time left. I hadn't even tossed the bouquet yet.

Also at the reception, DH's Godmother somehow popped her replaced hip out of the socket. Yes, I had paramedics show up to the reception.

Finally, DH was so stressed out about the goings on with his family that I ended up at my wit's end, sitting at a table where my brother handed me a pitcher of beer and I cried into it. While I drank it, of course. (Luckily most of the guests had left by then.)

Needless to say, the honeymoon was my favorite part of the week. If I could go back, I wouldn't have stressed so much over the preparations because, honestly, when it comes right down to it, even the best laid plans can go awry. In the end it's about the choice you've made with your partner so just breathe, forge ahead, and enjoy yourself. :)

ladyjessica
09-09-2008, 11:35 PM
I don't have any stories personally, but I have always enjoyed visiting this site (http://www.etiquettehell.com) for reading about the worst of the worst brides, grooms, bridesmaids, mothers-in-law, and so on.

It really makes me wonder about some people, and gives so many things NOT to do if I ever get married. :teehee:

Crycket
09-10-2008, 01:32 AM
For me, the problem was MY mom and step-dad. We seriously considered eloping, but my mil very strongly urged us not to. I'm glad we didn't. Only, we instructed dh's parents not to give out the phone number where we were staying on our honeymoon. Sure enough, my mom called them to get it while we were gone. Can you believe it?

It's your wedding. Do what YOU want.

:hug:

Oh my goodness! That is one problem I am having right now....

My dear MIL is trying to convince us to stay over night at the same hotel as everyone...

Backing the story up a bit, we are getting married about 1.5 hours away from home. Every Halloween we throw a halloween party at my (matron of honour) Best friends house and we leave around 1 or 2 am every year. The venue is very close to this friends house, and the same distance away...

Now...some of the older folk are going to stay at aformentioned hotel because they don't want to drive home, want to drink...etc...
I myself want to go HOME....not only am I not keen on staying in hotels, I don't like the idea that everyone sleeping around me is going to be wondering about the "getting it on" situation in my room...kinda creeps me out. There is nothing more I would like then to go home...

MIL is all about "don't you want to thank everyone, you can eat breakfast with us all in the morning, and you have to take all your presents home" To which my reply has always been "NO, I do not want to see anyone from the wedding the night before..." and "I have a car, you have a van - you bring the presents home!"

Oy....It starts!

I want to elope sooooo badly at this point....but there is too much money invested...I can't do it...(and feel good about it - or be slaughter by MY mother)

But then...this is just the icing on the cake...there is much much more....but I just know I am going to enjoy the day...but I can't wait to get the planning over with!

KnittingNat
09-10-2008, 03:35 AM
We didn't drive home after the wedding, because we took a nice lodge (?ya know, romantic wooden country style with jacussi (sp?)), another one was booked for the in-laws. We were so tired and drunk that i couldn't imagine myself driving 1/2 hour home. In the morning we had a nice breakfast with my parents and the in-laws. I know that all you want is to get home, but think how tired you'll be to do that. So maybe you'll take a room not in this particular hotel, but somewhere else, and so you'll manage not to see the guests but rest in the same time :)
Wedding planning is always hard, because families are hard. This one doesn't talk to this one and the other hates this one. Just the sitting arrangements are a nightmare, but try to enjoy it, plan it the way you see fit and have fun. Don't listen to all the "good souls" telling what to do. The most important thing we both learned from our wedding was who is our true friend.

Debkcs
09-10-2008, 05:05 AM
I've probably catered a hundred weddings, and made cakes for many more. My favorites are where the bride and groom do most of the planning themselves. If the mother's get involved, there gets to be way too much tension.

Just enjoy the process and plan to look back and laugh later.

Nobones
09-10-2008, 05:09 AM
I sympathise with you. My mother was just horrible at our wedding. I cant even look at my wedding photos it upsets me too much. We wanted to elope, but it would have broke my Dads heart so we didn't for his sake. I really wish we did though.

I hope to renew our vows on our 10yr anniversary in 2 years time. That way we'll have a nice day to remember.

It's your wedding Crycket do it your way and don't be guilt tripped into something your not happy with.

:hug:

rachael72knitter
09-10-2008, 06:13 AM
Oh my goodness! That is one problem I am having right now....

My dear MIL is trying to convince us to stay over night at the same hotel as everyone...

Backing the story up a bit, we are getting married about 1.5 hours away from home. Every Halloween we throw a halloween party at my (matron of honour) Best friends house and we leave around 1 or 2 am every year. The venue is very close to this friends house, and the same distance away...

Now...some of the older folk are going to stay at aformentioned hotel because they don't want to drive home, want to drink...etc...
I myself want to go HOME....not only am I not keen on staying in hotels, I don't like the idea that everyone sleeping around me is going to be wondering about the "getting it on" situation in my room...kinda creeps me out. There is nothing more I would like then to go home...

MIL is all about "don't you want to thank everyone, you can eat breakfast with us all in the morning, and you have to take all your presents home" To which my reply has always been "NO, I do not want to see anyone from the wedding the night before..." and "I have a car, you have a van - you bring the presents home!"

Oy....It starts!

I want to elope sooooo badly at this point....but there is too much money invested...I can't do it...(and feel good about it - or be slaughter by MY mother)

But then...this is just the icing on the cake...there is much much more....but I just know I am going to enjoy the day...but I can't wait to get the planning over with!

You don't need to see them in the morning to thank them, that is what thank-you cards are for. You need your beauty rest after all the pressure and stresses of the big day, and time to be alone with your new husband. If MIL is being flaky about the gifts, ask someone in your wedding party with a big vehicle to be responsible for the gifts. Give them a key to leave the gifts while you are away, or have them drop the gifts off at your parents. If it seems to stressful for MIL have someone else take care of it.

Tell her there is no point for you staying at the hotel with everyone else, you are not going to see them anyway. A lot of couples do this, they stay at a different place from all the guests for the same reasons you mention. Keep it a secret. Tell her you guys are staying at a romantic getaway and you are not giving out the number or location. Then head back to your house.

Politely tell your MIL it is your and your fiance's day and that you are both going to do what makes you happy. Weddings are for family, but to a certain extent. The wedding night and thereafter is for you.

tarrentella
09-10-2008, 07:13 AM
My brother ended up banning our Grandmother from the wedding. She was interfering a lot and was threatening to cause a big scene on the day (she is an alcoholic with quite an argumentative/selfish personality). Thankfully she didnt show up but the staff at the hotel where the wedding was held were all informed that she was not invited and to refuse her entry.

Im sure you won't have to go to the extent of banning anybody, but you do have to be firm and know that even if it does ruffle a few feathers initially, when it actually gets to the BIG DAY, people will be to happy or enjoying themselves to much to worry about what went before. It is important you do what makes you happy.

dustinac
09-10-2008, 08:37 AM
:teehee: I won't go into too many details but let's just say we ended up eloping, thanks to the stress.

I didn't do this then and I should have but I have learned since being married and having kids...put your foot down. If you don't it will always be like this. Do it as kindly as you can but set the boundaries early :thumbsup:

Simply_Renee
09-10-2008, 09:12 AM
Sorry you're having a rough time- weddings are nerve-wracking, aren't they.

Here is a site I read a lot when I was engaged- there are weddings from hell, etc.
http://www.etiquettehell.com/

Just know yours can't go as bad as some of these!

ETA- I now see someone already suggested it- and I remembered something from my wedding that was funny. At that part "if anyone has just cause why these 2 shall not be wed... speak now" part his Great Aunt Rowena said "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR NOTHING HE'S SAYING!" Everybody gasped. It was actually pretty funny.

Simply_Renee
09-10-2008, 09:24 AM
MIL is all about "don't you want to thank everyone, you can eat breakfast with us all in the morning, and you have to take all your presents home"

:passedout:

Are you KIDDING ME? Holy crap! I think somebody needs to have a little talk with his mother.

Crycket
09-10-2008, 11:54 AM
I have managed to escape the problem and worry about seating plans. I am doing buffet style. Everyone can just mill as they please, there will be tables, but they won't be assigned.

It is just so many things to think about with so many ppl with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar. I am a bit agoraphobic (I can't be crowded in by ppl - kinda like claustrophobic of ppl instead of space) and even just ppl coming at me emotionally from all ends is really nerve wracking. I have less problems dealling with 10 Guide leader and 50 kids!

*deep breath*

I think I am bothering my mom too with all my sudden out bursts of "I can't wait til the damn thing is over with". But really....I can't wait...So much BS to deal with...

Last but not least, my aunt (you know the one that didn't spend any time with me as a child, but insists on getting involved now, cause she feels I am at the right point to accept her advice aunt)
insists on throwing me a shower after I very firmly relayed my want for not having one! And even better...when she asked me what I wanted to do for gifts...I said "make it a yarn party...I would like to get yarn" and she turned and said "No one wants to get you yarn, so what else do you want?" *grumble grumble grumble* Forced into the shower I didnt want, asked what I wanted to get (for all my pain and suffering eventually giving in) and being totally ignored anyway....*sigh*.....*curls up in a tiny ball in the corner of the room and starts rocking*

Sorry for the rants....I just really need to rant somewhere...!

Jan in CA
09-10-2008, 12:19 PM
I have been married for 34 yrs this month and while I can't think of any stories about the wedding off hand, the stories I could tell from over the years.. :zombie: Anyhoo.....

While I feel that compromise is an essential element of ones life your wedding really IS and should remain 'all about you' and your fiance. Sometimes people need to be reminded of that. Forcefully. Tell them that while you know they love you and want to do these things for you you really don't want them. These things would not make you happy and indeed make you very uncomfortable. Tell them you just want their love and support. Then stick to your guns! I know it's not easy and they might be ticked off, but they will get over it if they love you. :hug:

Crycket
09-10-2008, 03:26 PM
Unfornatly the shower proceeds as planned...I have toyed with the idea of not showing up a few times...but I couldn't do that....damn morals and values...

Someone explained it to me this way...a shower is a gift, not the physical gifts you receive, but the gift of support, and to turn it down is to reject the support. That little tidbit is what grabbed me most...

I have a soft spot for the "emotional gift"....in highschool..I believe it was my peer tutoring teacher (I was tutorer not the tutoree) said that a compliment is a gift. Whether you like it or not, you should graciously accept that gift. She went on to explain that as the giver of a gift, you wouldn't like it if handed that gift back to you or showed general distain for it. So as the receiver of this "gift" just act as if you would like to have your gifts received.

I am not sure why it really hit me hard...

Of course...now I am back to being bitter about the shower...but I understand that I really shouldn't turn it down...or reject the support....*sigh*...I just wanted my yarn party!

Jan in CA
09-10-2008, 03:47 PM
You know, that is an excellent analogy, Crycket. Since what's done is done just go and try to enjoy yourself. Chances are once you are there you will and the joy you give by smiling and thanking everyone will be remembered. :hug:

Sunshine's Mom
09-10-2008, 04:27 PM
A friend of mine from high school (the only friend from high school who I was in touch with at this point in my life) was invited to my wedding. I looked for her in the church and couldn't find her, but I had other things on my mind at the time and didn't really think about it.

I looked for her in the reception line at the church. Nope.

Got the reception venue and was hanging out with the wedding party in the room off to the side before they introduce us and up she pops. It was awesome. I hadn't even met her husband yet (because although I knew when she got married, I wasn't invited - whatever). They way she talked about him I'd have thought he was some hunk. Nope. Not even close to what she described, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Great to see her and meet him in any event.

At the reception, I sat them with my boss because he's a lawyer and she used to be a paralegal like me so I thought they might have something to talk about. She and her husband proceeded to get rip-roaring drunk and make jack asses out of themselves to my boss. Of course, I learned about that later.

My husband and I, our best friends (in our wedding), and Lori and her husband all stayed in a hotel near the reception hall so we could hang out and catch up, etc. My maid of honor and her husband couldn't stay with us so that was a bummer, but a blessing in disguise. Our husbands all went in to check us into our rooms and my two friends and I were outside talking about what a great day it had been. Then my high school buddy starts talking about how my maid of honor is such a stick in the mud and other unkind things and I was so stunned that I couldn't even say anything. She was acting like I agreed with her. ????? She's my maid of honor! I love her!

My other girlfriend diffused the situation nicely. All over? Nope.

We get to our room and high school buddy's husband goes to the convenience store next to the hotel and buys so much beer I couldn't believe it. It's our wedding night - we're not spending the whole night drinking with you!!! Then, I got into a fight with her husband when he was trying to tell me something about my boss that was untrue. I'll leave it at that. Literally, I almost got into a fist fight with this jerk, until my husband and his best friend got them out of our room.

Crycket, go home. Don't stay in the same hotel with anyone. If they want brunch they can get it themselves. It is nice to see the out-of-towners once more before they leave, but you can always meet them at a restaurant half-way the next morning. It's your weekend, don't let anyone else make you feel guilty.

bailsmom
09-10-2008, 08:22 PM
Oh my goodness, I have so many horror stories but so little time. My bottom line advice: Don't let anyone talk you into doing something you don't want to do. You'll remember it for the rest of your life if you don't do and have what YOU want.

Good luck and Best Wishes! :hug:

vaknitter
09-10-2008, 09:07 PM
I've only been married 2 yrs so I very clearly remember the horrors of wedding planning.
The biggest thing I remember about my wedding is that to avoid "set-up" fees I was picking my wedding cake up the day before the wedding and taking it to the reception site. Well we get there and it is HIDEOUS. I was just staring blankly and my mild mannered mother says - are you joking, that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen, I wouldn't serve that for a birthday cake let alone my daughters wedding !" So with less than 24hrs to my wedding I had to find another bakery to make my cake and missed the winery tour and tasting I had planned for all the girls while the boys were off playing golf. Actually ended up late for my own rehearsal dinner.
The caterer "forgot" to pour wine for anyone other than me yet opened a case and then yelled at my mother (don't worry I got her fired and a generous refund)
The DJ got drunk and whipped it out and peed in clear view of my guests (we had an outdoor reception). My father asked him to leave and he turned the music up and said "not until you pay me." Gotta love the daddy - he convinced him to leave.
My MIL promised to bring wine/beer to the rehearsal dinner (again outside) and then didn't. She brought water and tea.
As for where you stay for your wedding night - personally we opted to stay will our wedding party and family (this was not the same place we arranged for guests to stay). I really enjoyed getting up the next morning to see and have brunch with everyone. We said good-bye to a few guest and then spent the day with family and friends until we left for our honeymoon.

Try to remember that when it's all said and done you will be married and that's what is important.:muah:

Crycket
09-10-2008, 10:08 PM
Ah thanks everyone...it really is nice to have a place to come and vent! I feel so nerve wracked...

I just feel like everything going down is being made a bigger deal of then what it is worth....full blown rants and fusses being made over the smallest of items (not my fusses mind you) Everyone seems to have the best idea of how MY wedding should go....*sigh*

It is really funny to see how things progress though...I know at the beginning that my MIL to be, her parents were being very traditional...(ha they still think that I sleep in a separate bed when I come visiting on the weekend....HA) because it is a Halloween party and I decided he and I were dressing like Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley, the first thing to come up was "Grampa doesn't know who Harry Potter is..." which came along with the assumption that we might change our minds about the costumes....but then ppl surprize you too..cause the next thing you know...Grampa had read through the first 4 books and was watching the movies...*smiles*

I have been waiting for someone to say something about my copper and brown dress....I didn't want to go traditional white....we will see....there is still a month to go....*winks*

Thank you all again for all the support...I despretely need it right now...you are all my saving graces! :grphug:

saracidaltendencies
09-10-2008, 11:15 PM
That's awesome your wedding is going to be a Halloween party, that's what hubby and I did as well! Unfortunately we couldn't get Halloween (I think it was in the middle of the week and they were booked that night) so we got married on Oct. 25th 2002. I dressed up as the Bride of Frankenstein and hubby was Dracula, and, our wedding cake was a haunted house with 2 Living Dead Dolls as cake toppers :teehee:

Luckily we didn't have any trouble with anything (except trying to pay it all out of our own pockets; hubby's family refused to pay for anything and my family couldn't afford it since it was my second wedding...They paid everything for my first marriage...lol)

I've heard some horror stories though, my mom used to be a wedding florist and the stories she told me! Gah! Made me decide I NEVER want to have any job related to weddings...lol

I hope everything goes well for you and if it gets to be too much, lay down the law. Let your friends and family know you appreciate the help and/or advice, but, it's YOUR wedding after all.

Crycket
09-11-2008, 01:46 AM
Yeah...I am really looking forward to posting pics.

I am getting my aunt to make me a cake (lets hope it doesn't end up on the cake wreck blog) in the shape of a pumpkin....

My family can't afford it...but my mom plugs around paying for stuff anyway...and right now I am really upset, cause it doesn't matter how many times I say NO it seems I don't exist...

Funny I thought it was my wedding...I am starting to get to the point were I am just being blunt and firm...but it seems as though ppl thing I am just being modest "no don't get the rose petals for the flower girl..." No No...what I mean is "I don't want the Flower girl throwing f*#$ing rose petals, I want her to throw autumn leaves" and yet....

I could go on forever with stuff like that..."I don't want a shower" doesn't mean "it is ok, you don't have to go through all that fuss for me" it means "F&*$ off, I don't like sitting in a room with a bunch of old hens playing stupid and humiliating games for your amusement!" And yet...

I am telling you....I just want to cry...I have cryed...my eyes are welling up just thinking about it....

Unfortunatly I feel even worst coming out and being a bitch about things. I have, and then I feel horrible....so for me right now...it is just the old "pick your poison"

saracidaltendencies
09-11-2008, 09:51 AM
I totally understand the feeling horrible about being blunt, but, it seems no one is taking into consideration YOUR feelings and the fact it's YOUR wedding. You should have final say, if they want to have complete control over a wedding, they can have one of their own...lol...I dunno, maybe I have no room to talk as I've never been in that situation and can only imagine how annoying and frustrating it must be, but, I've heard so many stories of families interfering so much with weddings that the bride and groom end up miserable. That's not what a wedding should be about! It shouldn't be about stress and everyone else telling you what to do! Sure, they should be there for support and help, but not to take total control!

The thing is is your feeling badly either way and that's not fair. If you say something you feel badly about being mean, and if you don't, you feel you've lost control. I suppose at this point it's down to the lesser of two evils: which would make you feel worse, saying something or not saying something?

There are times in life where I think it's perfectly acceptable to be *selfish* and this is one of them. When it comes to your happiness you have every right to put yourself first.

I hope things smooth out for you, this shouldn't be a time of stress and frustration, and looking forward to just being done with it, it should be a time of excitement and happiness, and looking forward to it. :hug:

stacyk9
09-11-2008, 09:52 AM
Everyone here has given great advice, but I just want to add two more things. First of all, your fiance should put his foot down with his mother, not you. This would and could only create bad feelings between you and your new MIL. If the request to go home after the wedding comes from her own son, she may take it more to heart.

Second, try to remind everyone that they had a chance to plan their own weddings and now it's your turn to plan yours. This is a little trick I use with my family when they try to tell me how to raise my son. I simply tell them they had a chance to raise their children, now give me a chance to raise mine. I will ask for advice when I feel I need it. Works most of the time!

I think you will find that most people are trying to fix a regret they had about their own experience. Maybe your MIL really wanted to have breakfast with her family after her wedding and didn't have a chance, or maybe she did and really enjoyed it and wants you to have the same experience. Maybe no one gave your aunt a wedding shower and now she doesn't want you to miss out, or maybe she had a great shower and wants you to experience the same. Even though it doesn't always come across, I would think most people are just wanting to make sure you have the best time possible, but as the others have said, this is YOUR wedding, not theirs. If you want autumn leaves, get autumn leaves, even if you have to rake them out of your own yard and put them in the flower girl's basket yourself before she walks down the aisle!!!

Crycket
09-11-2008, 12:33 PM
That is a good point....my aunt eloped...cause my uncle didn't approve of mixing friends and family in the same room...although, saying it now...I can see his point....

MIL just likes to get her nose in where ever she can. Right now it is the wedding, after the wedding, it will be back to what the neighbours are doing...She is usually pretty good if you lay low...problem with a wedding is, you can't! That and this is her oldest sons wedding and I believe he is the first of his generation in the family to get married...so I am sure she is looking for bragging rights!

My family almost has the same thing going on...my lil sister got married first, but she literally disowned my side of the family to do it (which come to think about it, might also be why my aunt is fawning over me, because my sister didn't include them all...sort of a "see what you get" type deal) She was 20, he was 40, so nobody was approving - even my dad wasn't invited....caused a lot of rifts... So long and painful story short....I really am the first to get married as most of them may see it....

Parents are funny...they DO really want the best for you...but I guess it is because I am grown up, and don't need all the decesions made for me, that it is getting really frustraiting....

Jan in CA
09-11-2008, 01:39 PM
There are times in life where I think it's perfectly acceptable to be *selfish* and this is one of them. When it comes to your happiness you have every right to put yourself first.



Exactly. That was my point in saying that this is one of the few days that really is "all about you".

sarahzknitty
09-11-2008, 04:09 PM
That's exactly why Vegas is so popular!:teehee:

Puddinpop
09-13-2008, 10:51 PM
I've never heard of sticking around after the wedding. Why in the world would she think that you would want to see everyone when you are on your honeymoon? Put your foot down now and tell her it is yours and fiance's wedding and you will do this your way.

susi
09-14-2008, 03:08 AM
Its YOUR wedding, your hubby to be needs to have a chat with his parents to explain its yours and his day NOT hers.

I have told dp im eloping as i know what my mum and his will be like, rather OTT.

It is definatly the one day in your life that is yours not theirs. As you said they have to understand you arent' a child any longer (hard for parents i know) and you can decide things for yourselves and get it right, even if they think its wrong its whats right for you guys that matters.

If you want autom leaves i think you will have to sit them all down and say i AM having autom leaves not rose petals.

I love your wedding theme though, the idea of leaves is just so prefcet

Crycket
09-15-2008, 10:53 AM
It is funny...right now my facebook status says "Crysta is tired of saying "NO" and being ignored!"

My sister asked me why...so my mom jumped on and said "Mom is probably pissing Crysta off. She didn't want any real flowers but I went ahead and put in a small order anyway. I know she said no but I did it for me more than her. Oh well you can't please everyone all of the time. Soon she won't have to put up with me much longer. I'll still miss her though."

I replyed with "Many ppl...but mom got one right....Sometimes it feels like it is not my wedding...but the wedding of about 90 other ppl!"

But there you have it...proof that it was all about her....*smug smiles* I am having anxiety panics and it is all about what she wants...go figure....

You see the guilt trip in the works there too....happens every time...

knitpurlgurl
09-15-2008, 11:30 AM
I was a wedding planner (co-owner of Celebration Creations in Ohio) when I was getting married. I LOVE the planning. It is so timed, logical, and organized. I even told the baker which tips I wanted used for the leaf sizes on my cake. I had the music all mapped out before even meeting with the organist and the DJ. People were freaked out by my unusual organization of things. I wasn't a bridezilla, but I was definitely all about everything had to be done at the right time. I planned my wedding out 2 years to get the max customization out of my wedding. I found it quite enjoyable.. but I may have been a complete horror for everyone else involved.

It's just like when I wanted to get preggers with DD... I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility (http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Reproductive/dp/0060937645) (AWESOME book) so that I could conceive relatively quickly and hopefully with a girl. I had charts! I planned it every step of the way and VOILA! I got pregnant the first month we tried and had a girl. Of course, I prepped with charts (ovulation, cervical fluid, and temps) for 3 months prior so that I had a graph to work from.

I'm super fun at parties. :teehee:

tarrentella
09-15-2008, 01:24 PM
It's just like when I wanted to get preggers with DD... I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility (http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Reproductive/dp/0060937645) (AWESOME book) so that I could conceive relatively quickly and hopefully with a girl. I had charts! I planned it every step of the way and VOILA! I got pregnant the first month we tried and had a girl. Of course, I prepped with charts (ovulation, cervical fluid, and temps) for 3 months prior so that I had a graph to work from.

I'm super fun at parties. :teehee:



said with a big smile and a lot of love: YOU'RE CRAZY :teehee: im glad you were able to take charge and get everything planned so well. I wish i was as good at organising as you!


Crysta ... how about a gentle reminder to your mum that ' you do realise that even though you ordered those flowers doesnt meen I have to use them, don't you?' who is paying for all these extras that people (not you) want. If it is your money then you don't have to order them (and have the right to cancel things of they go over your head). If it is their money, well let them spend it. Some waisted dollars on things that you have said you do not want could be the hint they need to stop doing it.

Keep in touch with your florist, caterer etc infact anybody profesional person or business which you are using. Have a word with them and make sure they know what you want, and ask if they can contact you to confirm any arangements made by other people before going ahead with them. If somebody says they have gone and done somthing then feel free to go right ahead and cancel it or return it to the store.

Not a wedding, but i remember that for my 16th birthday, in the months leading up to it, my mother kept asking if i would like a mobile phone (they were starting to become very popualr then). I realy didn't. And everytime she asked i said no and explained my reasons. I did say that if she was worried about safety, then maybe she could get me a phone card so that i could always use public phones. She went quiet on the subject so i though it was settled. On the morning of my birthday i opened the box and there was a mobile phone. When she asked if i liked my presents I said, i'm sorry i don't, as i explained i do not want a mobile phone. I would much rather you returned it, saved yourself some money and i will just enjoy the pretty earings you bought me.
I felt like an ungreatful brat (and was treated like one, all my presents got returned). But it did make a point!

Hildegard_von_Knittin
09-17-2008, 02:02 PM
Sorry that things aren't going well for you. When I got married, we (as in my family and my future husband) did as much as we could ourselves... I did the flowers, the reception was at a relative's house, my bridesmaids and I made the favors and decorations, family all pitched in with food, my cousin made the cake... some people bought stuff for the reception in lieu of presents, like the beer, the DJ (who was a family friend)... we got some of my cousin's cousins (on the other side) and his friends to valet park for the guests...
Anyway, my point is, the more you can do yourself, the more it will be exactly what you want. My wedding was FABULOUS, exactly what I wanted, and the most fun wedding/reception I'd ever been to. The key, for me, was being lucky to have people willing to help out, people who will LISTEN and do it *my way* even if they have a different opinion or whatever... and the fact that I learned right away how to say NO to people. Oh, and my MIL, (we call her Psycho Grandma and Beastor, if that gives you a hint of her personality) was 800 miles away during the whole process :)
My only horror story is that the pictures didn't turn out, something wrong with the flash and the shutter not being in sync or whatever... but, there were enough people taking candid shots that we ended up with tons of pics anyway. AND now, that we're divorced, I'm glad we didn't spend that money, I guess. (not that I have it now, but at least it's one less regret). Anyway, this wasn't exactly horrific, just unfortunate and frustrating.

I think learning to say NO was the biggest tool for me... on the few occasions when people did offer "advice" I just said, no, that's not how I want to do it... and left it alone. No need to justify, no need to explain, no need to say "well, maybe..." Screw it, it's YOUR WEDDING. I wanted people to sit on hay bales instead of chairs, because we could get them for free... so that's what I did. (we got married in october, so we have a fall theme).

and congrats :hug:

Crycket
09-17-2008, 03:25 PM
It kinda felt like...the grinch that stole christmas,

My wedding plans are the decorated who house, and everything in it, and family is the grinch, kinda came in the middle of the night and left some scraggly old wire on the wall for me to deal with.

I know in the end it will all be fine...but wow what an emotional ride!

If it were up to me (and I did throw out that suggestion) I would have had a potluck. Because that is what we do every Halloween. About 10 of us get together and have a halloween party, everyone brings a little something, and we just have fun. It was the family that wheeled a 180 on me and said, "But a wedding needs..."

I think my biggest regret with this to date, was to say I wanted to have a big ceremony. I should have just said a back yard ceremony with a few ppl. (Like 25 or so) but there is ALWAYS someone else to consider, and I think really I do bear the burden of my sister disowning everyone cause ppl who couldn't be involved there, feel they need to be involved here.

Either way...it is way to late to change the things that I would like to...so be it. It is what it is. I think it is like going through the stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I feel washed in the last three...more of the 4th. Kinda all at once...it is weird...