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GinnyG
09-30-2008, 09:50 AM
My granddaughter arrived 2weeks and 2 days ago. Ever since I learned that she was expected I have been knitting enthusiastically. I have mailed items, taken items when we went to visit and mailed more since getting home. I will admit to having gone a bit over board but I have been so excited over my first grandchild.

It has become fairly obvious that my knitted gifts are not being enthusiastically received, in fact they aren't even being acknowledge.:sad: Last week I sent a box with two sweater sets, made from Schaefer yarn as well as a box full of clothes I had bought. I also sent them keys to the house which we had accidentally taken home with us.

When I didn't hear from them I called to make sure the box arrived, my DIL didn't mention it at all so when my son got on the phone I asked him if the box had come and he said, yeah thanks for sending the keys:shock: :oo:

I am not a professional but I think the things I have made have come out presentably and I really loved every minute of making them. But now I feel really hurt that they don't seem to like them and wonder if I should keep knitting because I enjoy it or focus on other projects since knitted items seem to hold no apppeal for my son and his wife.

Normally if I gave someone a handnitted item and got a less than enthusiatic response I would simply not do it again. But this is my Granddaughter and I was looking forward to lots of years of Grandmotherly knitting. I keep thinking maybe, as new parents, they are just overwhelmed and that when things calm down they will like them.

The.Knitter
09-30-2008, 09:59 AM
Perhaps you could ask your son the next time you talk to him. Some people love knitted things on babies and some people do not. Perhaps your DIL is afraid to use them for fear of not knowing how to wash them? The only way you are going to find out is to ask.

I too knit like crazy when my first grandchild was born and got a less than enthusiastic response. I understand your pain! :hug: I finally just asked straight out. I still knit for my grandchildren, but I ask Mom first and let her pick out colours and style.

suzeeq
09-30-2008, 10:22 AM
Yes, they may be really overwhelmed right now (I was the first month or so) or think the clothes are `too good' since babies stay at home a lot at first and don't go out where you would `dress them up'. Or they may think twice about putting a handwashable on a newborn. It's probably better to make knits in about a 6 mo size than for a newborn, and to use machine washable yarn.

busyknitmom
09-30-2008, 10:30 AM
I received many nice knitted blankets and booties when my children were born. And I was scared to use them, they are so nice and hand made! What if I ruined the handmade blanket from her aunt? A priceless momento ruined by me, I was really scared to actually use them. Could that be it? I did respond enthusiastically though and always wrote a thank you note ... Did you include care instructions? And as the pp said, maybe ask your son. And again as the pp said, maybe ask your DIL about what she would like or send some pics and ask if she would like that for the baby?

And they probably are pretty overwhelmed. Even with my third I was still overwhelmed, tired and well, just not 100% myself.

And if none of that works, you are welcome to knit anything you like for my 19 month old. :wink:

GinnyG
09-30-2008, 10:48 AM
I guess at this point I am not really expecting them to be using the items (most are 6 month size) since she is only just born and the weather is still warm. I think what I am feeling hurt about is the lack of any kind of comment (or thank you) for my gifts.

If they expressed appreciateion for my gift, then put them away and never used them I would likely never know because they live far away. But it saddens me that they don't seem to even know the time and love put into them.

tarrentella
09-30-2008, 11:04 AM
maybe it is just a case of everything being a little chaotic for them right now and clothes are the last thing on their mind. I would gently ask them if the gifts were ok and see what response you get.
I know a good friend of mine when he announced that he and his GF were having a baby recieved a lot of crocheted baby things from his mum. He said thank you but also didnt want to bring it up to much as he actually wasn't to keen on what was being sent (they are rocker/punk types and frilly pastels just don't strike a chord with them). They didn't like to bring it up since it was sweet of his mum to do and they didn't want to offend her by saying she was off the mark.

nadja la claire
09-30-2008, 11:15 AM
I think it sometimes depends on whether the individuals receiving the items are crafty people. I knitted a poncho (my 1st poncho) for my granddaughter 2 years ago and her mother (not a crafts person) barely responded to it, in fact one day when I was visiting them I found the poncho balled up in a corner of my DGD's room. On the other hand I have knitted things for my DGSs and their mother (a major craft person) is very happy to get the things and takes very good care of them. I think my crafty DIL knows the amount of work and care and love that goes into making these things and even if the pieces aren't always perfect she appreciates them anyway. Is your DIL into crafts? If not she just may not understand the work that has gone into these things. Also they probably are overwhelmed with being new parents.

I wouldn't be offended maybe after they've settled into parenthood you can talk to them about how you feel and ask them if they would like you to continue knitting things for your grandbaby.

Puddinpop
09-30-2008, 12:50 PM
I'm sorry, but I disagree with everyone. If the parents didn't even acknowledge the presents, I wouldn't knit for them anymore. Now, when your grandchild gets older and expresses joy over knitted items, I would make things for her. It's such a lot of work and if it is going to someone that doesn't appreciate it, why bother. Other people would be thrilled with hand made items. Knit for someone that appreciates it.

cftwo
09-30-2008, 12:52 PM
You may have to be clear that it is OK to use the knitted things - give them washing instructions, or say that you plan on spoiling this baby with lots of knitted things and there's no way they'll be able to keep them all, so please ruin them! (The way that my sisters and I ruined some once-nice Madame Alexander dolls because my grandmother insisted that dolls were to be loved and played with. After being dragged around by their hair and "fed" with crayon bottles... well, they certainly aren't worth much money now.)

Daylilydayzed
09-30-2008, 01:10 PM
When I was knitting a baby blanket for a friend in a weather forum I belong to. I made sure to let the new mother know that it was to be used and not "put away for keeping it nice". I used a machine washable and dryable yarn. I also included a yarn lable with the washing instructions so she could read them for herself. I did this two times for 2 friends in different forums. Both mothers responded that they loved the blankets and one even sent a picture of the baby laying on the blanket. The other has not had her little girl yet.

Wanda Witch
09-30-2008, 01:52 PM
I certainly agree with Puddinpop. First of all, it is rude and shows a lack of manners for someone not to acknowledge any gift, whether it is wanted or not. I've only given one knitted item away since I began knitting again; no reply, not to mention a thanks. Well, that's that. No more, and when I say 'no more' that means gifts of any sort for that person. Just because we might be, as myself, older does not mean we can be taken for granted. Nope.

GinnyG
09-30-2008, 01:56 PM
I'm sorry, but I disagree with everyone. If the parents didn't even acknowledge the presents, I wouldn't knit for them anymore. Now, when your grandchild gets older and expresses joy over knitted items, I would make things for her. It's such a lot of work and if it is going to someone that doesn't appreciate it, why bother. Other people would be thrilled with hand made items. Knit for someone that appreciates it.


I guess I wanted them to express as much joy over receiving them as I had making them.


Whether they "use" them or not isn't the point, it's the (lack of) acknowledgement of of the "specialness" of the gift that hurts me.


Time will tell if anything is actually used, but I would actually feel better if they didn't use them becuase they recognized them as special rather than just ignoring them altogether. Although, I do want them to use them!


I'm supposed to start a class next week learning steeks and fair isle. The project I picked (and already have the yarn for) is a toddler sweater. I was so excited about it when I signed up, now some of the joy is gone.

evona
09-30-2008, 02:08 PM
Don't let their lack of consideration take the joy out of knitting for you. I do think that appreciating your gifts is the least they can do , no matter what it is. I was overjoyed to get hand knit items from my exes grandmother when we had our children and I wasn't even a knitter then. I would talk to them about it though. If you enjoy making things for your GD I wouldn't stop just because of them though. As your GD gets older you can make sure that she knows that the present is extra special for her because it was made by your hands and with lots of love. She will love them - and even if she goes through her terrible self interested stages like all children do - she will one day look back fondly and think about how wonderful those hand knit gifts from grandma were - and maybe even become a knitter herself :)

onb4050
09-30-2008, 02:10 PM
I'm with puddinpop. It was rude to not even acknowledge the gifts you put som much love and hard work into. I, too would feel hurt and would hesitate making anything more until the little one gets bigger and expresses an interest in something homemade from Grandma!

miccisue
09-30-2008, 02:24 PM
I'm with puddinpop. It was rude to not even acknowledge the gifts you put som much love and hard work into. I, too would feel hurt and would hesitate making anything more until the little one gets bigger and expresses an interest in something homemade from Grandma!

I agree. I will say this, though....if you want to knit something right now for your grandchild, knit a soft, cuddly, stuffed animal. Take a little time doing it, so the baby's a little older and can get attached to it. I know I crocheted (back before I knew how to knit) a stuffed panda bear for one of my nieces when she was very small, and she kept it for years. In fact, when she went to move out after college, she was going to take it with her, only to find out her mom had given it away. Even at 21, she was really upset with her mom over that.:teehee:

Luvmyrottnboy
09-30-2008, 02:36 PM
I am sorry but rude is not saying "thank you". It is beyond rude to thank you for sending the keys and not one word about the things you so lovingly made.


I give you credit for control, if it were me I would have said "and how about all the the gifts I sent? Did you get those too"

Kids are never too old to learn manners and compassion.

MAmaDawn
09-30-2008, 02:44 PM
I have had people not respond and I have been hurt too. I have still made things for some of the people, in the end the love that I put into it was more important to me than the way they acted, but some I have not... it really depends on my relationship with them. And if I could see a reason that they wouldn't...

Now being that the baby is so new I would ask them about it... They may have really liked it and just in the crazy time didn't remember, it's really crazy then and being their first can mean a lot of changes and it can be hard, so I'd give them the benefit of the doubt...

Since you already have yarn and a pattern and are planning on taking a class I think I'd talk to them about it even more so...

In the end you might just want to start making things that will fit her around 2 or older when she will be able to choose what she wants to wear... And making a cuddle toy is a good idea too... Jeremiah LOVES the bunny blanket I made for him.

Sorry that this happened, that they hurt you so... I do understand....

Jan in CA
09-30-2008, 02:53 PM
Personally, I think I wouldn't make any more for now, it sounds like she has enough for awhile. I think getting so many knitted things may have overwhelmed them, too. When you get a chance to talk to them again I would ask them about the gifts specifically and tell them how it made you feel. It really is rude to not acknowledge them at all and the way your son responded was not nice at all.

thecatsmother
09-30-2008, 05:46 PM
I agree that it is rude not to respond with thanks-how were they with other gifts you have sent-wedding,shower etc.It seems to be the norm now for folk not to send thank you notes.
I made a quilt for my nephews wedding gift and never received a thankyou note.
I also make baby gifts for family in Scotland and don't get any thanks from a couple of them not even to say they arrived-but I get such fun out of making them that I still keep sending them.
I also think it is a good idea to talk to your son about it and to let them know the care instructions.
I can understand how hurt you must feel when so much love is put into your gifts

GinnyG
09-30-2008, 06:00 PM
I agree that it is rude not to respond with thanks-how were they with other gifts you have sent-wedding,shower etc.It seems to be the norm now for folk not to send thank you notes.
I made a quilt for my nephews wedding gift and never received a thankyou note.
I also make baby gifts for family in Scotland and don't get any thanks from a couple of them not even to say they arrived-but I get such fun out of making them that I still keep sending them.
I also think it is a good idea to talk to your son about it and to let them know the care instructions.
I can understand how hurt you must feel when so much love is put into your gifts
Well quite honestly my DIL is a very sweet girl but has never been big on saying thanks. I have never received a "thankyou" from her for any gift, verbal or written. Even the wedding Thank you's were sent by my son (I tried to raise him right).

For the moment I will give them the benefit of being overwhelmed by parenthood but will also focus my knitting efforts on christmas gifts for other family memeber and a sweater for myself. We'll see what the future brings.

The package I sent also contained 5 "April Cornell" outfits, a lovely designer that is quite popular here. They are also kinda pricey, the sort of thing Grandmothers buy. My DIL never mentioned those either and my son's only comment was to ask if they were "Amish" dresses (they are old fashioned girly).

So I'm going to sit back take a deep breath and hope that when the "new baby dust" clears it will sort itself out. I was just sad because I was so excited by my grandbaby knits and wanted them to share my excitement.

Meanwhile, I have a daughter who loves everthing I knit for her!!!

evona
09-30-2008, 06:12 PM
. . .
The package I sent also contained 5 "April Cornell" outfits, a lovely designer that is quite popular here. They are also kinda pricey, the sort of thing Grandmothers buy. My DIL never mentioned those either and my son's only comment was to ask if they were "Amish" dresses (they are old fashioned girly).

So I'm going to sit back take a deep breath and hope that when the "new baby dust" clears it will sort itself out. I was just sad because I was so excited by my grandbaby knits and wanted them to share my excitement.

Meanwhile, I have a daughter who loves everthing I knit for her!!!

I was interested in who April Cornell was since I had never heard of her and I have to say that those outfits don't look Amish at all. I was imagining black dresses with white blouses and bonnets :rofl:
Those outfits look really cute!

I hope the dust settles and your hard work and time are more appreciated - not to mention output of money. I like the idea mentioned before about knitting your GD a stuffed animal or doll. Maybe for her 1st birthday.

I think focusing on the gifts for other members of the family is a good idea and I'm glad your daughter appreciates your hard work :)

bambi
09-30-2008, 06:27 PM
Ginny, I hate to say this but where is the thank you note? Even if I am not crazy about a gift I recieved, I still send a thank you note. It's just good manners!

I'm not sure what to tell you about gifting anything, let alone the knitting, for those who don't acknowledge the gift.

:shrug:

I hate getting things for my niece b/c she doesn't write thank you note nor does my brother make her. I only get a note if my parents are there.

Bambi

linknit41
09-30-2008, 06:57 PM
This is an issue with me,too. Every birthday or Christmas,i rarely receive an acknowledgment of gifts, and the only thank yous are email cartoons--guess that is better than nothing! but,yeah, to spend hours and dollars on handknits, your disappointment is understandable. hope it's just 'new baby distractions'! linknit41

bjhac2010
09-30-2008, 07:09 PM
Those dresses don't look amish...
more little house on the prairie. j/k :teehee:
They're very cute.

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. Mine would be too. My guess is their taste may be different than yours and they think by ignoring the issue altogether will spare your feelings.
Maybe it's the old 'if you don't have something nice to say...'
Either way the situation is being handled badly.

You have any pics of those nice baby things you've made?
I'm knitting for my 1st grand baby.
I've had items never worn. Seen items rolled up in a ball on the floor. worn to the point I'm sick of seeing them... and my DD is always complaining that I never finish anything for her (the baby)... not sure how she comes to that conclusion!

.kids.

LilHuskiesFootBallMom
09-30-2008, 07:10 PM
when i was pregnant the second time around the women on my crochet list sent me a baby shower in a box (the ones that wanted to would make something and send it to the coordinator who would in turn send it to the expectant mom). Now granted some of the things were impractical with a newborn (white garments for example) or didn't fit properly (he was a few months old and was a big baby when he was born) but i still took pictures of him in or with each thing (somet hings were baby toys) and uploaded them to my website and sent the ones that made the things a huge thank you message.

I have gone and made things that were unappreciated (ie: afghan for 1st stepgranddaughter wound up in the DOG CAGE) so I'm just not making them anything again until the child is old enough to know it's from Nana and that I want them to use it FOR THEM. There is a crafter at dh's work (she's a crocheter) who is thrilled i'm making something (she's also dh's 3rd or 4th cousin on his mother's side... they didn't even know they were related until a few months after dh started working there).

I told dh about the posta nd he said "non-crafters or people who don't live with crafters and don't see the work and love that goes into the items just don't know how to appreciate the item they were given."

Simply_Renee
10-02-2008, 03:28 PM
They are probably just overwhelmed. No excuse for not acknowledging the gift. Are they always kind of like that? Or is this an exception. (ETA I have since read that she is like that, so never mind.)

I know what you mean- it's like you pour your heart and soul into making them, then nothing. I have a sister like that.

And if they don't like it, you are officially elected to be my kids' grandma. I would love you, love you, love you!

I also agree with giving some care instructions. The stuff my mom crocheted (not blankets, I love blankets) I didn't use with my first because I was scared to ruin them. Knitted stuff doesn't seem as frilly fancy to me, so I do like it better. But not knowing what to do to wash it might scare them off.

DorothyDot
10-02-2008, 06:22 PM
I understand totally what you are saying. The hurt is very personal, somehow.

I made my MIL a wallhanging similar to this:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2248/2229138496_c1f8734dc5_m.jpg


except it was a white dove against a blue background. The dove had a leafy branch in its beak and was flying gracefully.

Know what she uses it for?? A mat to put the dogs' water dish on!

No more! Nadda!

Dot

GinnyG
10-02-2008, 06:29 PM
I understand totally what you are saying. The hurt is very personal, somehow.

I made my MIL a wallhanging similar to this:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2248/2229138496_c1f8734dc5_m.jpg


except it was a white dove against a blue background. The dove had a leafy branch in its beak and was flying gracefully.

Know what she uses it for?? A mat to put the dogs' water dish on!

No more! Nadda!

Dot

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!

Puddinpop
10-02-2008, 10:31 PM
I think I would rather have the person tell me that it is just not their style than to have them totally ignore the gift. I made a lot of outfits for my daughter when she was little. When she got a little older, she hated what I made for her. It wasn't like what she saw in the stores or on her friends. I understand that.

Some people are not familiar with the finer quality items and heirloom garments. They will never get how special these items are. Do you know what I am trying to say? One of my friends doesn't shop in the better department stores and would not recognize true quality, if she saw it. We are just more educated, because it is something we are into and enjoy. She likes quantity more than quality.

twoxover
10-03-2008, 09:14 AM
I've been reading the comments and i guess I'm torn...yes, they ARE new parents, however, they should know enought to send/to say thank you. When my MIL was alive (and OK, we will leave it at this...she was a tough tough person-lots of mental/alcohol problems) and bought my daughter something (never made..just bought!)...it could be "butt ugly"...but you know what? i ALWAYS told her how nice it was of her to do that for Katie. and, even if the ONLY place Katie wore it was to grandma K's...she wore it! I made sure that my MIL saw her granddaughter in whatever she bought.

So, at some point, I do think you can say to your son something about liking/non liking the gifts. and that you HOPE they were thanking other people for the gifts that were surely given to this new wonderful baby. Your DIL will certainly complain about you to her friends over it <g>...but she also might learn some manners.

betsey

ps--april cornell stuff is adorable! that and hand knitted things...you did GOOD!

GinnyG
10-03-2008, 09:25 AM
I am learning just how difficult being a Grandmother is!!! I've tried to be a "good" MIL, biting my tongue when any criticism springs to mind. All in all I have managed pretty well. My DIL has never really "warmed up to me" I think in part because we are so far apart but I had hoped that with the baby we could get closer.

But she doesn't seem to want that :-(. Now that she is home on maternity leave I have been trying to make a point of calling once a week when I know it will only be her home, hoping that we can get closer. When my son is home she can't wait to hand off the phone to him.

So I don't want to "rock the boat" by complaining. But, maybe at some point I can talk to my son about it. When we were visitng after the baby was born her mother made the comment to her to "be sure and take pictures of the baby in the outfits I made and send them to me". So maybe her mother will help.

Simply_Renee
10-03-2008, 09:31 AM
I think it is a challenge to get to know someone. Keep trying though. Tell her that you'd love to get to know her better- maybe you can visit sometime and spend some time just with her, or email her if she likes email.

Some people just aren't that personable or friendly seeming, to some it comes easy. She might be scared to death of you and feeling awkward too. I think it will just take some time for that bond to grow. If she thinks you like her, and sees the effort you're making, I think it will just take some time to grow that close relationship.

Good luck and I think you're doing everything right.

dustinac
10-03-2008, 11:21 AM
If it was something for them, then I would prolly say don't knit anything else...but since it's for your granddaughter, I think you should continue if you want to. When she gets older she may still have some of those items and know that you knitted them for her.

Also, when she gets older she may request things, my 4yr old doesn't understand why I knit anything else if it's not made for her :teehee:

If you see something and think aww I want to make that for her then I think you should...do it for her and not for them :hug:

Lisa R.
10-03-2008, 10:21 PM
But it saddens me that they don't seem to even know the time and love put into them.

I haven't read all the responses, but is it possible that they DON'T know the time and love you put into them? I'm assuming they know you are a knitter, but maybe they really don't realize what it takes.

Or possibly they thought it was just in with the other store-bought clothes and they didn't even realize??

Or, since they you had knitted and store-bought things in the same box as the keys, and he didn't say anything about either one, maybe he's waiting till his wife sends a think you note, or was busy on the phone or any number of other things.

At any rate, you'll have to decide now whether you want to just quit knitting for your granddaughter (at least till she's old enough to personally want knitted things from you!) or decide to actually ask whether you should continue or not.

Sorry for the lack of response. :(

mamapaulsel
10-06-2008, 04:49 PM
It is rude to not say thank you for a gift, no matter what it is. I do not have a very good relationship with my MIL even though I have tried hard for the past 15 years. You cannot force someone to have a relationship if they don't want one with you. All you can do is continue to be nice, not only for your son but for your granddaughter. Someday they will appreciate the fact that you went the extra mile to be nice and make the effort. As for the hand made gifts, some people are not crafty and do not appreciate something handmade. They just don't get it (the love, time and excitement that went into making the item) and probably never will. I have made the choice to not make things for people who do not appreciate my talents. I knit for charities and my own enjoyment.

AAngels
10-06-2008, 06:11 PM
Whether or not they r knitters a gift is a gift and I think some people don't know how to say Thank you now days.

I have gone to 2 weddings this past year, and do u think I have received a thank you for a gift.(non knitted items)

I sometimes think parents don't teach the proper manners.

Whether or not if she liked the knitting gift a Thank you is deserved.


Thanks
Kathy:yay:

teachermom
10-06-2008, 08:35 PM
GinnyG - I just want to reach out and give you a hug... please consider yourself hugged.

The posts that have said that people today don't know how to thank people any more is correct. Sad but true.

I can't speak for your DIL, but when I had my two children, I always thanked the gift bearer... I received more knitted blankets than my children could ever use... I still have them and can't part with them. I am thankful now because one of the knitters passed away a few years ago - I still pull out her blankets from time to time and am thankful for having them.

You could always knit something beautiful for your granddaughter and then hold onto it for when she graduates high school or college or when she gets married - then give it to her yourself. If her mother doesn't appreciate it, you can always 'teach' your granddaughter to appreciate the love and kindness in your work.

Another plus - when she's about 6 or 7 - have her visit you and then teach her to knit.
I feel blessed because I have a wonderful relationship with my MIL and FIL - they live a few hours drive from us and each summer want their grandchildren to spend a week or two with them. Maybe something that you could arrange with your son and DIL for when your grandaughter is older.

Maybe after your son and DIL have gotten into their routine as a new family and aren't so overwhelmed - have a talk with your DIL. Tell her that you want to make things for you grandaughter and that you want to make things that your grandaughter will like. It might open the doors for communication with your DIL in a non-threatning way. My guess is that your DIL doesn't even know that you are upset or that she should thank anyone for gifts she has received.

Best wishes... keep knitting.