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View Full Version : Changing Your Whole Life: Have you ever felt like now is the time & if you don't do it soon you will GO CRAZY?


VictoiseC
04-13-2009, 04:56 PM
I am going crazy doing the same thing day in and day out. Has anybody recently just changed their whole life and moved to another part of the country or something? I swear, it's something I want to do so bad and I can't convince my husband it's important. Am I crazy? I want to give up New York city after 30 years. It's a fantastic place yes it is, but I am so tired of it. I want/need country, a different lifestyle, swimming... no more cold cold winters... well I could go on but I won't. Having a sheep farm in Vermont or Maine sounds so sweet but I suppose it's hard as heck. Just ranting... and wondering if anyone else ever feels like this or actually made some changes. ???

MoniDew
04-13-2009, 05:17 PM
Do I feel this way? Yes, all the time! Does it ever happen for me? Nope!

I blame hubby, too. Mr Super Dependable has worked for the same company for 30 years! He works completely insane hours, endless days, goes through countless employees who can't keep up with it.

I raised 4 kids alone, without help, no family dinners together, no weekends off together, no summer vacations, etc, the whole time. I wanted to slash my throat!

When it nearly cost us our home, our family, our children, our marriage, he still wouldn't change. Will he ever? NO! It's who he is.

Do you need to leave your city, state, country, home, family, marriage, children, etc. in order to do that? Some people, maybe so. But you can also bloom where you are planted.

Or, sell tea....

VictoiseC
04-13-2009, 05:54 PM
Sell tea?:teehee: Is that what you do? Wow, I can just see what you went through. We haven't had a vacation for years either although we have a house in the mountains/country so that's where all the $ goes. But people do move!!!
Anyhoo, one thing I know is that you have to be prepared mentally for it so when it comes along you are ready.
That's absolutely true and has happened to me a couple times. So, maybe I'm trying to talk it into existence, or at least being ready. ha

evona
04-13-2009, 06:31 PM
I know just how you feel! I so want to have a sheep farm too. I am so sick of the city and the go go go go. Thankfully my DBF is of the same mind and we are just waiting until I'm done with school. By then my kids should be around 22 and 21 so I won't feel so bad moving away too.

vaknitter
04-13-2009, 06:52 PM
I think sometimes in life a big change is just what you need. I was lucky enough to make my change before getting married so I didn't have to consult anyone. I moved, took a paycut, went to grad school, bought a house, got a dog...

Jan in CA
04-13-2009, 07:55 PM
Funny, we've talked about going to NYC for a year.... except it's WAY too expensive and we have our house/family/life here. ;)

I think everyone dreams of doing this at one time or another.

cheley
04-13-2009, 08:23 PM
I am going crazy doing the same thing day in and day out. Has anybody recently just changed their whole life and moved to another part of the country or something? I swear, it's something I want to do so bad and I can't convince my husband it's important. Am I crazy? I want to give up New York city after 30 years. It's a fantastic place yes it is, but I am so tired of it. I want/need country, a different lifestyle, swimming... no more cold cold winters... well I could go on but I won't. Having a sheep farm in Vermont or Maine sounds so sweet but I suppose it's hard as heck. Just ranting... and wondering if anyone else ever feels like this or actually made some changes. ??? I'd Trade ya except I AM SO OVER COLD WEATHER:biting: ...my life is "very ho-hum" I don't work anymore....(out of the house) just everyday , housework, cook, garden (WHEN IN SEASON) laundry, (mommy) homework, gymnastics, school.. oh I then get to knit....Wish I was one of the SITC gals....

Plantgoddess+
04-13-2009, 08:38 PM
Being of a certain age with friends of similar age, we have all in the last decade been through the stages of menopause. A couple of friends bought property on the ocean ( we live 300 miles inland in the foothills of the mountains). One left her husband for a while. I've was very emotional and anxious and depressed and went on medication for it for awhile. The ocean lovers came back, the other went back to her husband and is back to normal routine and I feel mostly fine. We are all now well post menopausal. We are all taking more time to play together, we hike, kayak, bike ride, x-country ski, watch movies and talk on the phone to each other much more.
I do sympathize with you, I am living the life you think you might like and I can't disagree it is great except if you want to get away for overnight or longer. It's difficult to find someone to take care of your animals reliably. I sometimes miss all the conveniences of NYC.
Is there something locally you could get involved in with friends?

cftwo
04-14-2009, 11:17 AM
I'm a preacher's kid, so picking up and moving cross-country has never really been odd. It's just something you do when you need to. The hardest part of it is making new friends/connections in a new community. For me, each of those moves has had some sort of continuity, though. I'd move after accepting a better job in my field or something. So, moved, yes. Moved and changed my whole life at the same time, no.

Should you do something like that? I can't answer that. I will tell you that even though I live within 4 hours of Manhattan, I live in a rural area. And there are things that I can't find easily, or which I need to drive 50 miles north or 50 miles south to find. The nearest Thai restaurant? 50 miles away. The nearest Indian restaurant? 50 miles away. TJ Maxx? 50 miles away. The nearest church in the denomination I grew up in? 50 miles away. The nearest place that sells plain soy yogurt? 50 miles away. Nice yarn stores? You guessed it - about 50 miles away. I LIKE living here, but there are times when driving 50 miles for things can really get old. Living in the city, you have some advantages. It would be a big adjustment to live in a rural area.

Is there one small thing you could change which would help? Can your DH's job transfer to another part of the country? Would you consider a smaller city as a compromise?

VictoiseC
04-14-2009, 11:45 AM
Well those were great replies... thanks for taking the time.
(Jan, I'd be glad to show you around NY if you ever make it out here...)

I know it's important to be glad for what you got and we got a lot... an apartment right on Broadway (with GREAT Indian, Mexican, Thai, delis, seafood restaurants within 5 blocks) and we have a house in the mountains where I can have a garden this summer. I just feel lately the city is all about young people with their ever present computers/blackberries/ipods and it's so boring. I'm a writer who doesn't write enough... I've just started readdressing that seriously. I am really tired of this city even though I love it. I want a new part time job but I do not want to ride a subway to work in the morning like I did 10 years ago. NO way.

Plantgoddess, that's a funny tale about the ladies who left and then came back. I tried to leave my DH for London several years ago but changed my mind. Thank god. But yeah, what you're doing is exactly what I want to do... getting outdoors a lot in beautiful places, swimming and hiking and all. I don't have ONE friend here. Well, an older friend of my dh and I, he's 89 ha. But no girlfriends at all. That's one of the things in my novel that didn't get published yet, how women are much more friendly and supportive in London than here in NY. Everyone's too busy here period. Sure I could go knit a night here and there with the NYC knitting group but big deal.

I suppose I need to try harder to find some women who do things... meanwhile, I'll keep thinking of other places we might be able to move to. Someday. Before I die!

VictoiseC
04-14-2009, 11:46 AM
P.S. I was just reading an interview with Annie Proulx and she said how she never lives long in one place. It made me very jealous! To spend time in Newfoundland, then take off for Wyoming. But maybe I'm a hopeless romantic.

cheley
04-14-2009, 12:43 PM
Well those were great replies... thanks for taking the time.
(Jan, I'd be glad to show you around NY if you ever make it out here...)

I know it's important to be glad for what you got and we got a lot... an apartment right on Broadway (with GREAT Indian, Mexican, Thai, delis, seafood restaurants within 5 blocks) and we have a house in the mountains where I can have a garden this summer. I just feel lately the city is all about young people with their ever present computers/blackberries/ipods and it's so boring. I'm a writer who doesn't write enough... I've just started readdressing that seriously. I am really tired of this city even though I love it. I want a new part time job but I do not want to ride a subway to work in the morning like I did 10 years ago. NO way.

Plantgoddess, that's a funny tale about the ladies who left and then came back. I tried to leave my DH for London several years ago but changed my mind. Thank god. But yeah, what you're doing is exactly what I want to do... getting outdoors a lot in beautiful places, swimming and hiking and all. I don't have ONE friend here. Well, an older friend of my dh and I, he's 89 ha. But no girlfriends at all. That's one of the things in my novel that didn't get published yet, how women are much more friendly and supportive in London than here in NY. Everyone's too busy here period. Sure I could go knit a night here and there with the NYC knitting group but big deal.

I suppose I need to try harder to find some women who do things... meanwhile, I'll keep thinking of other places we might be able to move to. Someday. Before I die! Adopt me please:muah: :heart:

rojas1152
04-14-2009, 03:00 PM
Hello There:
I moved to the country 2 yrs ago after living my entire adult life on the water just outside of Boston. I divorced after 27 yrs. Raised 2 kids who are both married. 1 lives 1 1/2 hrs away the other a few thousand away, each have 2 children. I retired from 20 yrs with a small pension to relocate here with my husband of 10 yrs. We both miss the ocean outside the window. I don't miss the rat race @ all. I would like a PT job for a little xtra $$. I bought a ticket to London in the 80's and left my family for 2 weeks to stay with new friends there. A week each in England & Ireland was one of the most scary & exciting things I have ever done for MySelf. I have a lady neighbor I rarely see. I really treasure my peace but I can't understand why I don't move to make new friends & the effort to see old friends & co-workers. My guy lived in NY as a kid & hates it because he lived in the bowels but I love to visit for the food & museums. London is nice but noisy. The countryside is fantastic there & in Ireland. Don't we all think the grass is greener on the other side? I have a beautiful yard & flower garden but won't go in the garden since I found out the Garter Snakes are there! So, I am trying to overcome this fear. I am stuck on my 2nd sweater because knit the knit & purl the purl doesn't look like the picture. Look for a group trip to Europe, lots of women go & make friends & tell stories of their lives. I met a group @ the Hotel in Italy. We sat in the lounge over wine & had wonderful story telling. It was like Soap Opera only True!

bambi
04-14-2009, 10:52 PM
Victoise, I had an experience like that about 5 years ago. I felt the same way. Like something just had to change. I was a single girl with a condo living in Chicago. I was also dating someone who was not very compatible with me.

I got in touch with an old friend who I had never dated, dropped the boyfriend, got married and moved to FL. Now we are living in Savannah and I have a little girl. I supppose things will have to stay the same for a while due to my child being small. But that is OK for now. :)

Bambi

doc4dolls
04-15-2009, 03:30 AM
I'm a preacher's kid, so picking up and moving cross-country has never really been odd. It's just something you do when you need to. The hardest part of it is making new friends/connections in a new community. For me, each of those moves has had some sort of continuity, though. I'd move after accepting a better job in my field or something. So, moved, yes. Moved and changed my whole life at the same time, no.

Should you do something like that? I can't answer that. I will tell you that even though I live within 4 hours of Manhattan, I live in a rural area. And there are things that I can't find easily, or which I need to drive 50 miles north or 50 miles south to find. The nearest Thai restaurant? 50 miles away. The nearest Indian restaurant? 50 miles away. TJ Maxx? 50 miles away. The nearest church in the denomination I grew up in? 50 miles away. The nearest place that sells plain soy yogurt? 50 miles away. Nice yarn stores? You guessed it - about 50 miles away. I LIKE living here, but there are times when driving 50 miles for things can really get old. Living in the city, you have some advantages. It would be a big adjustment to live in a rural area.

Is there one small thing you could change which would help? Can your DH's job transfer to another part of the country? Would you consider a smaller city as a compromise?
I can relate to you in some ways. I moved from CA to OR a couple of years ago. I lived there for 3 years and moved there to be near my older parents, have some time with them while I could. But the cold and damp weather nearly did me in. I have FMS, spinal problems and arthritus in the spine and some joints. Problem no specialist in my area and even the nearest one who MIGHT take a new patient was 4 hours away. Turns out he wasn't taking new patients. My family doctor did his best but couldn't give me trigger point injections or other treatments that a specialist could give. I was almost in a wheel chair when I told my parents how sorry I was but I had to return to CA for the medical care I so badly needed. They understood. I've been back almost 2 years. In OR we lived way out in the country and it was an hour to any Walmart, large grocery store, forget yarn stores closest was maybe 2 hours. I had no car so depended on my son to take me. (He has left there now too).
Sorry, guess Im a city girl now. hee hee

Plantgoddess+
04-15-2009, 08:13 AM
I do feel blessed to have my friends. They have been better friends to me than I have to them for a long time. I don't have many friends and the ones I do have I've known for 30 years and it's just the last few years that I have made the effort to engage with them. I am learning that as I age things don't happen unless I make them happen. I force myself to call my friends and be the one who plans activities instead of waiting to be invited to do fun things.
I was focused for so long on keeping the bills paid and didn't make time to play with my friends and I'm lucky that they are still there for me now that I have free time.
A new location may not be the answer, but looking for someone you have interests in common with. I've learned a lot of new things with girlfriends. I studied Tai Chi with one friend for 5 years. I took up kayaking with another friend 2 years ago. None of them knit but are happy to get hand knit items as gifts.
I hope you can find a solution to your problem and know that we are all here for you.

VictoiseC
04-15-2009, 04:26 PM
Adopt me please:muah: :heart:


Huh? I guess it's a compliment! Thanks. :heart:

VictoiseC
04-15-2009, 04:31 PM
Hello There:
I moved to the country 2 yrs ago after living my entire adult life on the water just outside of Boston. I divorced after 27 yrs. Raised 2 kids who are both married. 1 lives 1 1/2 hrs away the other a few thousand away, each have 2 children. I retired from 20 yrs with a small pension to relocate here with my husband of 10 yrs. We both miss the ocean outside the window. I don't miss the rat race @ all. I would like a PT job for a little xtra $$. I bought a ticket to London in the 80's and left my family for 2 weeks to stay with new friends there. A week each in England & Ireland was one of the most scary & exciting things I have ever done for MySelf. I have a lady neighbor I rarely see. I really treasure my peace but I can't understand why I don't move to make new friends & the effort to see old friends & co-workers. My guy lived in NY as a kid & hates it because he lived in the bowels but I love to visit for the food & museums. London is nice but noisy. The countryside is fantastic there & in Ireland. Don't we all think the grass is greener on the other side? I have a beautiful yard & flower garden but won't go in the garden since I found out the Garter Snakes are there! So, I am trying to overcome this fear. I am stuck on my 2nd sweater because knit the knit & purl the purl doesn't look like the picture. Look for a group trip to Europe, lots of women go & make friends & tell stories of their lives. I met a group @ the Hotel in Italy. We sat in the lounge over wine & had wonderful story telling. It was like Soap Opera only True!

Thanks for writing! Funny, the one thing I want to do is move by the ocean! I'll bet you miss that. I just wanted to say I have had a fear of snakes all my life coz of my mother, I even wrote a long monologue piece and read it at a couple places. They drive me nuts but I won't stop gardening because of them. Do you have a cat or dog? That might help. Other than that, you just have to stomp around a lot and hm, there must be some plants they don't like. ?
I think they don't like straw/hay. Anyhoo, your trip sounded fun.

VictoiseC
04-15-2009, 04:34 PM
Bambi! Good for you! Funny, Savannah is one of the places I have been thinking about living in. That in Charleston. We visited both for the first time this past Christmas. I think the seashore and way of life, southern food etc. must be wonderful. Not sure about the humid summers... You have to keep me posted on how you like it if you have time. You must be glad to be out of Chicago, I mean the cold cold winters and the whole bigness of it. Congratulations on having a daughter too! How wonderful.

VictoiseC
04-15-2009, 04:42 PM
doc4dolls? did I get that right! So glad you got back to where you could get medical treatment and relief from pain. That would just be miserable, to not have it (I'm starting to get arthritic pains here and there) and well, it was good of you to make the effort to be near your parents.

Plantgoddess, that rings true what you said, you've got to make the effort. I don't do that enough. We fall into this daily routines and mine is often being in front of this computer way too much. It's totally different in the summer but this winter has seemed like 5 years long. ha It's always been hard to make women friends in Manhattan. Shouldn't be there's 5 to every male or more.

Grass is greener on the other side... yes yes but I just want the grass where it's warmer and I can swim often!
I have so much back pain and now some arthritis that I know swimming daily will cure it and somehow I've got to get there.

This has been a good discussion!

cheley
04-15-2009, 05:18 PM
Huh? I guess it's a compliment! Thanks. :heart: It was!!!! Aww but I shouldn't complain....I get very nice vacations (from DH) once a year....I changed my avatar from Venice Italy ('05) to SF ('07) and going to Napa soon...

Arielluria
04-15-2009, 06:35 PM
I know the feeling, and I live in the country, sometimes I wish I could go back to the big city just for the excitement that the country is missing. NOT that I don't love it here, I've grown to appreciate even the scorpions and snakes. I suppose it's a state of mind and part of appreciating what you have instead of looking always to something 'better'. I pray you and your hubby make a move that you're both happy with.

doc4dolls
04-17-2009, 12:06 PM
Yes, doc4dolls.
Thanks all. I'm doing verry well back in CA. I don't regret my move to OR I had a great time with my parents, miss them. But better for me to visit than live there. LOL They understand. My son loved it so much he bought a house recently in SouthEastern OR. Happy for him. I have a daughter in MN I visit during the warmer weather.
Some times that grass that is greenier on the other side, well when you get there you find out is is crab grass. Ha. But one some times must find out what is over there, you may just be happier. A person has to do what is best for them. Good luck!! Thanks for comments, nice to share.

YarnKitten
04-18-2009, 12:36 AM
Holy crap, YES. I am all of almost 23 and as much as I love my boyfriend to death, sometimes I wish I was single, too. I'd like to feel more freedom and less responsibility to people. (Especially considering he trusts me to do bills and whatnot, knowing I'm better with money. Sometimes I just want to be frivolous with it!)

At least I have the advantage that no matter what I want, he's pretty much willing to go along with it. We're half-planning to abandon a city of 60k and going to my dad's hometown, a city of 15k (maybe). He didn't even argue it at all when I said I wanted to move after school and a bit.

Sometimes I totally just want to up and LEAVE. Who cares about what's here? I want to go out and do stuff, not have so many responsibilities and enjoy my life. SEE things.

Plantgoddess+
04-19-2009, 08:03 AM
Yes, doc4dolls.
Thanks all. I'm doing verry well back in CA. I don't regret my move to OR I had a great time with my parents, miss them. But better for me to visit than live there. LOL They understand. My son loved it so much he bought a house recently in SouthEastern OR. Happy for him. I have a daughter in MN I visit during the warmer weather.
Some times that grass that is greenier on the other side, well when you get there you find out is is crab grass. Ha. But one some times must find out what is over there, you may just be happier. A person has to do what is best for them. Good luck!! Thanks for comments, nice to share.
That's where my friends moved to as well. South of Lincoln City. They stayed a couple of years and sold out and came back home. Being away from friends and family was hard and they got tired of the gray cool weather. I have a lot of family on the coast of Wa and I don't even like visiting. The views are nice and it's great to whale watch from your back yard, but the crowds and the traffic drive me nuts. I come back home with a renewed appreciation of how easy it is to get around my area. I also love the mountains and the snow.

VictoiseC
04-22-2009, 10:58 AM
I know the feeling, and I live in the country, sometimes I wish I could go back to the big city just for the excitement that the country is missing. NOT that I don't love it here, I've grown to appreciate even the scorpions and snakes. I suppose it's a state of mind and part of appreciating what you have instead of looking always to something 'better'. I pray you and your hubby make a move that you're both happy with.

I've been away from the computer for a few days but wanted to reply... I like that "state of mind" thing when it comes to snakes and scorpions. That's funny. I know what you mean. Thanks for your kind comments about our making a move. P.S. I love that avatar of your dog and scarf!

VictoiseC
04-22-2009, 11:03 AM
Sometimes I totally just want to up and LEAVE. Who cares about what's here? I want to go out and do stuff, not have so many responsibilities and enjoy my life. SEE things.


YarnKitten, wow well yeah at your age you should do that (not that I want to upset your boyfriend or anything!) I took off for Europe when I was your age and ended up working at theaters in London. It was the best time of... well, I shouldn't say that coz I have had great times with my husband! But it is important to do new things I think. Esp travel. I went to Greece, Italy France Switzerland the list goes on and on and I didn't have a lot of money either. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so antsy now, I stopped traveling 10 years ago.
Good luck anyhoo....

VictoiseC
04-22-2009, 11:04 AM
It was!!!! Aww but I shouldn't complain....I get very nice vacations (from DH) once a year....I changed my avatar from Venice Italy ('05) to SF ('07) and going to Napa soon...

I want to go to Napa too! ;)

VictoiseC
04-22-2009, 11:07 AM
Plantgoddess... dont' mean to keep this thread going and going but I just wanted to say yesterday's newspaper had an article about people who have friends live longer than those who don't. Not including family they said, a circle of good friends... makes sense I suppse.
Now if I can just create that (fingers crossed)

hookedonknitting
04-22-2009, 07:50 PM
well I have been researching how to move away for a few years now. I can't wait to do it the only problem is I've done it one before and it is so expensive and finding a new group of friends isn't always as easy as one would think. I have have done it in two of the most beautiful places in the world.... so really what your looking for may not be on the other side....But it does sound nice and feels good to dream of the exotic....But definatley travel :)

VictoiseC
04-23-2009, 12:49 PM
well I have been researching how to move away for a few years now. I can't wait to do it the only problem is I've done it one before and it is so expensive and finding a new group of friends isn't always as easy as one would think. I have have done it in two of the most beautiful places in the world.... so really what your looking for may not be on the other side....But it does sound nice and feels good to dream of the exotic....But definatley travel :)

Well now you got me wondering where those beautiful places were/are?! I'm afraid we won't be able to go too exotic but I am investigating and reading of other places to live. It will take some time. One of the reasons I want to move is that I DON'T have a circle of friends and I guess I feel elsewhere it might be easier but I suppose that's hogwash, ha. Btw, if anyone else is interested, this article on What Are Friends For? A Longer Life is pretty good. They even mention knitting! The ending is esp funny.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/21/health/21well.html?em

bambi
04-23-2009, 10:35 PM
Victoise, I have been in Savannah for a few years now and I like it. I do recall that you were coming down this way not long ago. As far as getting away from a larger city goes, it is just fine--lots of good restaurants, things to do, etc. The big drawback is the hot humid summer! There are days when all you can do is indoor things or the pool. :hot:

FL was much cooler b/c there was always a seabreeze in the afternoons. FL has some inexpensive real estate right now, too. Some friends of my mom's just bought a cinderblock and stucco house, about 2800 sf in the Tampa area for 250K. :thumbsup:

Best wishes with your decision.

Bambi

bambi
04-23-2009, 10:38 PM
Loved the article!

B

VictoiseC
04-28-2009, 01:18 PM
Bambi, glad you liked that little article. It makes sense doesn't it but isn't always easy to have a good circle of friends. I only got to see Savanna the one night at Christmas while we driving through... we stayed at a wonderful historic b & b right in the middle and walked around looking at all that spanish moss which I'm sure is much more beautiful when it's not December. I hope to visit again. That's interesting, that Florida is cooler because of the breezes... it's always breezy/windy at my motherinlaw's place in Ft. Lauderdale. Did you read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil? I want to read that but haven't located a copy. Will soon....

hookedonknitting
04-30-2009, 12:35 AM
I lived in Brasil and the warmest place in Canada... :)