View Full Version : Oh boy! In Laws rant. LONG!

07-13-2009, 04:27 PM
I just need to vent a little. I am having my in laws stay with my daughter while my husband and I go out of town for a weekend. My parents were not available and circumstances do not permit us taking her.

Once, I had a D&C a few years ago. They were staying with us to "help out." They were a big help but my father in law brought this big bottle of Scotch in the house and it was nearly full. When he left two days later, the bottle was really close to being empty, about a shot left.

Another time, my husband had surgery and they both started having cocktails wehn I got home from the hospital and then went to go see DH and went out to dinner and had more drinks. I was not there so I don't know how many.

At their home, they have drinks in the evenings every evening but I really don't know how many.

My MIL asked for an insurance card and a letter of release in case they need something, God forbid! I sent a message back saying that I would leave the info and for one of them please not to drink in the evenings. My MIL sends back a message with a PS that says, " Why do I get the feeling you think we are irresponsible when it comes to having a drink??"

So I just reply this, "Patti, it is just a matter of safety. If you have to drive around in a town you don't know, especially if there is some emergency and you are nervous anyway, it is just safer."

I really want to scream that I think they drink too much and that her dad was an alcoholic as well as her grandmother and all her aunts and uncles (I have heard from HER they were). I really want to scream that I am scared to death of my DH becoming an alcoholic, too, someday. I really want to remind her that my FIL drank all that Scotch when I got my D&C. I want to remind her of the time I was pregnant and FIL and DH drank 4 beers, got in the car, drove home, and then drank 2 more beers and a double Scotch each! But I do have to keep the peace since they are part of my family now.

However, I also have to keep my child safe! Did I handle the reply OK?


Jan in CA
07-13-2009, 06:54 PM
Yeah, I think you did fine. However, isn't there someone else you could leave your kids with in these situations? A good friend or something? I did that several times when my kids were young. My parents drink too much to IMO.

07-13-2009, 08:53 PM
Yes, I think you handled it just fine. It is your daughter and you have the job of protecting her. I was in a somewhat similar situation where I confronted my dad re: his drinking. My husband and I did not want our kids subjected to his behavior. He could have visited our home where we don't drink, but we wouldn't be visiting my parents if he chose to drink. He didn't talk to me for 18 months and didn't see my kids all that time. It was so hard because it made me the bad guy, but I think we did the right thing. Things have improved and he rarely drinks now. Alchoholism runs in my family too, so I know your concerns. I've seen too much of what it does......Hang in there.

07-13-2009, 10:42 PM
Jan, I wish there was someone else. We have lived 4 years in this area and, even though we have friends, there is no one we are especially close to. My parents were tied up.

Luckily, my MIL did not send another reply so I guess my answer was good enough.

My MIL drinks about 1-2 glasses of wine a night. Probably not a problem but if you are staying in a town you don't know, it might be enough to set you off kilter. My FIL is the one who doesn't have a stop button. Sadly, no one on DH's side of the family (including DH) thinks it's a problem.

I appreciate the reassuring responses.


07-14-2009, 12:08 PM
Wow, your in a tough spot! My opinion, I think it's pretty disrespectful of your in-laws not to follow your no drinking rule for a couple days while they watch your children.

My kids don't smoke and I still do; but I would NEVER smoke in their houses because thats how they want it. I dont even smoke in MY house when they come to visit me!

But drinking ..... while watching little kids. hmmm. You'd think they would know better, ya know? Or at least respect you enough to not drink.

And I think you handled her reply very well.

Good luck to you!

07-14-2009, 03:28 PM
Well, this is what MIL sent back:
Oh, well we don't want you to be worried about safety issues while we are there, so rest assured we will be VERY careful in everything we do. We haven't had any catastrophes with Haley over the past 4 years, and we want you and Scott to relax and have a wonderful time in Chicago!!! We can always call your cell phones if there are any concerns that arise. See you on Thursday afternoon around 4:00 ish?? If that is ok. I did stop at Trader Joe's and pick up the olive oil and crackers today and got some for myself as well!!

And this is what I replied:
I know things will be fine! I'm just a tad nervous for her since we've never even been away overnight. She's just my precious little doll.

All will be fine and since I stated my wishes, I believe she will comply, although FIL will probably still drink but hopefully not a whole bottle of Scotch.

This is fine. I don't want to start WW3, neither do I want to do and intervention on my FIL right now. I am going to have to live with these people as family the rest of their lives.

Next time, I will pray my parents are free or that we can take her.


Jan in CA
07-15-2009, 11:57 AM
That was a very nice response from her! I'm sure it does make you feel a bit better. :thumbsup:

07-16-2009, 09:06 AM
Actually, it is the best response I could have hoped for!