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cookworm
08-18-2009, 10:46 AM
I've seen there are some books out there, but I was wondering if anybody is familiar with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and if there has been anything particularly helpful for them in dealing with a loved one with NPD.

Quiltlady
08-18-2009, 11:18 AM
I've seen there are some books out there, but I was wondering if anybody is familiar with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and if there has been anything particularly helpful for them in dealing with a loved one with NPD.
I don't know anyone with it..but did you Google it? They say Princess Diana was like that. I still liked her. :teehee:

cookworm
08-18-2009, 11:34 AM
I didn't know this about Princess Diana--that's interesting!

Yeah, I did Google this, and while the articles I came across were interesting to read, I'm hoping more to find resources on how to manage and cope with somebody with this.

Jan in CA
08-18-2009, 01:32 PM
Googling about coping brought up a whole slew of links.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=coping+with+narcissistic+personality+disorder&btnG=Search&aq=f&oq=&aqi=

Debkcs
08-18-2009, 01:37 PM
This is one of three diagnosis that my mother has. (Our childhood was wonderful! :shock: )

If you go to WebMd, they have many listings for it, and links to other sites. It's a very difficult disorder to get a diagnosis for, and if you do, it's almost impossible to get anyone to try to help, after all, the person with it is ALWAYS right, and will never let anyone tell them any different. You can ask until you're blue in the face, "Why is everyone else wrong, and you are right?" Well,it's just that way; they CANNOT see things in any different way.

This may be why I spent fourteen out of my thirty five years as a nurse working psych units.

GinnyG
08-18-2009, 03:07 PM
I was married to one for 17 years (really). In the end we divorced and the therapist told me He was surprised I lasted as long as I did.

They are NEVER wrong, the bad things they do are transferred to you and YOU are the one doing them. For example, my ex was never faithful, from almost the moment we married. I was always faithful and yet he was continually accusing ME of having affairs. When he got caught there was always a justification.

It was 17 years of hell, there is no medication that I know of and since they don't perceive anything to be wrong with them couseling only helps you deal with it.

I never heard that about Princess D and I don't belive it!!!

Debkcs
08-19-2009, 12:30 AM
I don't believe it either,Ginny. Her actions weren't those of one with that disorder.

That you stuck it out with your ex for seventeen years amazes me, I swore I'd leave if anything like that ever popped out in my marriage.

cookworm
08-20-2009, 08:23 AM
There hasn't been an official diagnosis, and I suspect there won't be; as you guys have aptly put it, if a person is always right and everyone else is to blame, why seek help for yourself, especially when you're the victim and everybody is out to get you? :wink: I had just hoped to find some information on the internet about how to effectively manage a relationship with a person affected by this disorder; things are getting worse, and it's getting harder and harder to deal with it. Everything I had searched for on line was informative in giving information about it, but not on how to effectively deal with it.

GinnyG
08-20-2009, 09:49 AM
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My way was to just walk away. Believe me I tried everything possible. That may not be possible for you, in which case you need to take care of yourself.

Hopefully it isn't someone you have to deal with on a daily basis. I'm not sure there is a effective way to deal with it, which is why you couldn't find anything. Other than recognizing that THEY are the one who have the problem not you.

You will certainly never convince them there is a problem.

I did look on line for any reference to Princess D having NPD and was unable to find anything. Everything she did and stood for is in opposition to the definition of NPD so I suspect that where ever that information came from it is faulty.

knitfan
08-20-2009, 10:05 PM
My story is similar to GinnyG, only I was married to him for 26 years. He also had antisocial personality disorder and borderline personality disorder, which can overlap with narcissism. Borderlines are also very difficult to treat and he did not want treatment. He told me he 'liked himself the way he was'. There are a few books in the library I have read on borderlines, which does incorporate narcissisitic traits. One book that was very helpful to me was "Borderline Personality Disorder: a Guide for Professionals and Families" by John G Gunderson, MD.

rachael72knitter
08-21-2009, 07:17 AM
I was in a long relationship with one as well. It was a very difficult time. There is actually a forum for those involved with ppl that have NPD, a sort of self-help forum with ppl dealing with these issues (not for the NPD's themselves). I think it is a Yahoo group called Narcissistic Abuse. I would find it for you, but don't have time right now.

Is this a parent/family member, or a significant other? You don't have to tell me, but the different dynamics make dealing with them quite different in how you handle them. I dealt by getting out of the relationship, which of course would be different if it is a family member.

rachael72knitter
08-21-2009, 07:20 AM
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My way was to just walk away. Believe me I tried everything possible. That may not be possible for you, in which case you need to take care of yourself.

Hopefully it isn't someone you have to deal with on a daily basis. I'm not sure there is a effective way to deal with it, which is why you couldn't find anything. Other than recognizing that THEY are the one who have the problem not you.

You will certainly never convince them there is a problem.

I did look on line for any reference to Princess D having NPD and was unable to find anything. Everything she did and stood for is in opposition to the definition of NPD so I suspect that where ever that information came from it is faulty.


Yeah- I don't believe it. Maybe Prince Charles. . .but Diana does not seem to have the symptoms of a narcissist.

Lighting57
08-23-2009, 03:14 PM
Isn't this also one of the symptoms of a sociopath?
They see themselves as above and better than others too.

rachael72knitter
08-23-2009, 05:07 PM
Isn't this also one of the symptoms of a sociopath?
They see themselves as above and better than others too.

Yes. . .but narcissists have that symptom combined with other symptoms that are not like a sociopath. Narcissists actually have very low self-esteem and this leads to them being unable to accept criticism or disagreement. It is a defense mechanism, they start to believe they are better than most, have an irrational sense of entitlement, and are often very materialistic. This enables them to not have to accept any criticism. They are also often delusional. They are often liars as well. They work very hard at presenting their ideal facade to others and if this facade is threatened, or there is any chinks in it spotted by others, they become very hostile. I could go on and on about the symptoms, but will refrain.

Debkcs
08-29-2009, 06:39 PM
Everything you said, Rachel. My Mother is 87, and she's going to outlive both my brother and I, who are in our 50's.

BaumChele
09-07-2009, 08:17 AM
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652

knitfan
09-07-2009, 02:52 PM
Thanks BaumChele for the webpage for that. I found it very informative and can see why NPD can be confused with Borderline PD, which is what I thought my ex has and my daughter, but now, not sure which. Neither of them will get a psychiatric evaluation to get an actual dx. Only have had psychologist surmising.

BaumChele
09-07-2009, 05:01 PM
Thanks BaumChele for the webpage for that. I found it very informative and can see why NPD can be confused with Borderline PD, which is what I thought my ex has and my daughter, but now, not sure which. Neither of them will get a psychiatric evaluation to get an actual dx. Only have had psychologist surmising.

Actually, it's a little harder. BP1(Bipolar) has violent tendencies while BP2 doesn't. Distinguishing NPD from normal teenage behavior, aggressive behavior or a person with an inflated ego is rather difficult. General borderline personality disorder(BPD), on the other hand, is used to classify nearly everyone that they can't classify as something else. BPD and BP are a rather common diagnosis and mental health professionals are very quick to diagnose anyone with either. Everyone in the world will be diagnosed with one mental health disorder or another. There is no such thing as normal behavior in this world.

How you deal with your ex is up to you but for your daughter, family therapy, individualized therapy, or just some quality mother daughter time might help you. I'd stay away from the meds.

I was diagnosed with NPD, BPD, BP2, manic depression, and ADHD by several mental health professionals from age 9 to 25, went to the Mayo Clinic and found out there was nothing wrong with me. I was just angry with the world and had severe trust issues. I'm getting over it. I took myself off the meds and found things to keep e occupied. Crochet and knitting helped me believe it or not, I had to focus on the project instead of what was making me so hateful.

Best of luck to you.

yaelbaruch
09-20-2009, 11:12 AM
Wow, that's really intersting, actually.
I'm really into medicine and as such, and I've NEVER heard about this disorder.
It's really interesting, because most OCDs are cured within therapy, but you obviously wouldn't be able to convince those people to go there, since they are perfect and do not need therapy.
Woah... I really hope it's just a phase, and not something permanent.
Oh, and for the woman who spent 17 years married to a guy with this disorder (Sorry, I'm new and I don't remember names yet lol) - KUDOS! Really, I wouldn't be strong enough (mentally) to stay with someone like that...