View Full Version : UPDATE! OT: Too early to leave baby?
03-27-2010, 12:15 AM
Sorry I have been absent lately, taking care of a baby has taken away from my knitting and internet time :) I know a lot of you are mother and grandmothers and I want your opinion about this..
Hereís the story. My husband and I live away from family. I have not left our baby with anyone ever. My husband is new to the whole baby thing so heís not a huge help (I wouldn't tell him that) His family lives about 6hours away and have only seen the baby for about a month when he was born.
My husband decided he wanted to go on a couples vacation in May. A cruise to Alaska to be exact. I have never flown, seen the ocean, or been in a boat, so it will be a lot of firsts for me. He has it all planned out. We will leave our baby (he will be 6 months old) with grandma for the week. We will spend 2 days with our baby at grandmas so he can adjust.
Grandma is in her early 50's, good health, and I do trust that she will take the very best care of him. She loves him dearly and cannot wait to spend the week with him.
I feel extremely guilty. Not many moms leave their 6 month old, let alone with someone they arenít used to. I am worried he will either have so much fun being spoiled by grandma that he will forget me or he will be so scared to be in a different place around different people that he will be sick the whole time. I don't know how much fun I am going to have because I know I am going to miss him a lot. On the other hand, I do not want to neglect my husband. He says this will be the last opportunity for us to take an adult vacation. Since our baby was born I hardly sleep in bed with him because I end up in the chair with baby, and it has been hard for him to adjust to all the changes.
The tickets are bought, we got insurance on them so we can cancel.. but I will feel bad for that too. What should I do?
Jan in CA
03-27-2010, 12:42 AM
I think it's okay as long as the baby is comfortable with grandma. He won't forget you. A week is not near enough time for that. :hug:
You need some time to reconnect as a couple and you'll be better parents for it. If you have the chance to go I think you should. I think ships have internet access plus you can call a few times. He'll be fine. :thumbsup:
03-27-2010, 07:03 AM
GO! And enjoy.
As a 50 something Grandmother I can tell you that I would LOVE LOVE LOVE the opportunity to take care of my Grandbaby for a week.
As Jan has already said, the healthier you keep your marriage the better parents you will be. Too many people focus solely on the children and wake up in 18 years to realize "their" relationship is gone.
03-27-2010, 09:29 AM
I know how you feel. The first time I left my son with my sister and mom to go to dinner, and he was two months old... I was on the pay phone at the gas station where we had stopped to tank up. I was on the phone the minute we got to our friend's house. My sister was in tears laughing. Until she had her first child...
I think that your plan is very sound and I think that, at 6 months, your baby will be able to handle a few days without and and Grandma will :heart: :heart: :heart: having the baby all to herself for a few days. Nothing like snuggling and loving and spoiling a baby then handing them back.
Go, enjoy yourself, miss your little bundle of love, but enjoy the time with your husband. Trust me, moments like those will be few and far between for the next 13 years.
03-27-2010, 11:18 AM
Congratulations to you both!!!
I can practically FEEL you stressing out over this! Poor girl! And I know your attention is all for the baby and the trauma you're anticipating about leaving him, etc., etc., etc.
I'd suggest that, without putting aside your concern for your child, you put at least as much thinking time into your relationship with your husband. In a monagamous society, the only acceptable person for him to create romance with is you, and vice versa. So if you don't create that with and for each other, life just loses so much of its spark and sizzle.
Yes, you've gone through lots of changes in becoming a mom. And there will be lots more to go through... first tooth, first day of school, first girlfriend, first car... and on and on. How much better if you have a close and loving partner to share all that with.
So take this time to cultivate that and re-energize the wonderful and loving relationship that created that gorgeous child!
Best of luck!
03-27-2010, 11:27 AM
I couldn't. . .and didn't. . .do it! Good luck with your decision!
03-27-2010, 06:01 PM
I won't be a mother until June, but I gotta say I don't think I could do it. I have trouble leaving the dog when we vacation places we can't take her...
Having said that, baby will not forget you so if you trust grandma and want to see Alaska then go ! Our honeymoon was an Alaskan Cruise and Land tour and it was unbelievably cool. Take a good camera and rain coat.
Let Grandma spend time spoiling baby, let baby have a chance to be doted on my Grandma, let your darling husband spoil you with a once in a lifetime vacation, and enjoy every minute of it! What an opportunity for all of you! Don't feel guilty about it and don't pass it up.
You and your husband were together before the baby came along, and after the baby's all grown and gone it will be just the two of you again. You two need each other so you can be the best parents for your baby.
Have a wonderful time, and make sure to share some pictures with us here after you return! I can pretty much guarantee that is a trip I'll never have the chance to take, but I'd sure enjoy seeing pictures!
03-28-2010, 10:17 PM
I have a 17 month old son, and am expecting my first daughter in june. At 8 or so months my husband and I had to leave our little boy for 4 days or less can't remember to go to a business conferance. Our son was left with 4 women all over 50 that spoiled him rotten. All 4 of the women were either realitives or very close freinds of family. I felt guilty but not as guilty as my husband felt. the first day I watched my cellphone like a hawk I'd call here and there and was told "Have fun we are too". By day 4 we were both looking forward to seeing our son, only to pick him up from grandma's and to be ignored. We spent a week more or less being snubed as it were. By the end of the week I think our son had forgiven us. Its hard to leave but sometimes you have to or need to. Good luck only you can decide what to do.
03-29-2010, 03:53 AM
We've raised 5 children! So I know how you're feeling!
GO! Your baby will be fine in the arms of his grammy! It will be a great bonding experience for both of them. And the alone time with your husband is also very "bonding"!
Enjoy the cruise!
03-29-2010, 04:26 AM
Please, go, and remind your husband why he married you; stare at the ocean, have breakfast in bed. As someone else said, too many couples focus on the kids and drift apart when the kids are gone. We see it time and again in counseling.
Our son did not mind staying with close friends when he was six months old, or his grandmother when he was eight months old.
I've read many adages over the years that basically say, "If the parents relationship is healthy, the kids will be fine."
03-30-2010, 01:47 PM
Thanks for your advise everyone :muah: I feel so much better about going now. There is no way I can back out now anyway.. grandma is already counting down the days until hes there! I know I am going to miss him a lot, but there is no one I trust more to watch him than grandma. :)