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View Full Version : OT: Toxic "friends"


Crycket
06-17-2010, 07:35 PM
What do you do when you have a toxic friend?

The obvious answer would be to get the person out of you life, but how do you do that without a scene, or can you?

This person is in my life, and other I know don't want her around. She is generally unreliable, unresponsible and generally irritating. I am just not that person to shut people out of my life, but I am afraid, it may get to that...

Any suggestions?

N0obKnitter
06-18-2010, 12:48 AM
I just stop talking to them and hope they get the hint lol. My problem is, the toxic person in my life is my mother!

hookedonknitting
06-18-2010, 01:04 AM
I call it temporary disassociation. I unfortunately have a very long list right now, which is rather depressing, but they are all my family. It involves forgotten return phone calls, and general no contact. If I am face to face i remain polite, then go on my way. I don't want to totally burn the bridges but at the same time I can't be around them. It is usually followed up after a few years of temporary association....back and forth... I guess that is absolutely no help :( I just find taking some time away from these people helps me cope better, and if we find each other again, then the relationship will be better for the break, If not then not more hurt feelings.

cftwo
06-18-2010, 09:09 AM
I find other things to keep me busy and just slowly cut the person out of my life. In most cases, it does not good whatsoever to confront a person like this. The only time I remember confronting someone, I was hoping that the behavior would change, and it didn't, so I basically said "I can't put up with this anymore" and walked out. It did end the relationship abruptly and finally, but it was a lot harder emotionally than just deciding to ignore the person.

sylvia
06-18-2010, 09:13 AM
hi
dont waste time
remove yourself from the situation
life is to short to spending time with someone who is toxic
they never change
so move on
sylvia

sylvia
06-18-2010, 09:17 AM
and by the way my eyes are crossed
i wiped my screen a couple times before i realized that isnt a real bug
too funny
sylvia

N0obKnitter
06-18-2010, 09:37 AM
The bug appears to be popular lol.

MellieThePooh
06-18-2010, 09:39 AM
Temporary dissociation is my strategy too...and it would work even better if not for facebook.

N0obKnitter
06-18-2010, 02:35 PM
I just removed a guy friend I've had for years on Facebook. I'm tired of the way he treats me so I cut him loose. Deleted him from skype/gmail/msn too. Life's too short to keep people around that only bug the crap out of you.

Crycket
06-18-2010, 04:17 PM
The sad thing in all this, is that we like her husband. Unfortunately ignoring her means ignoring him too...*sigh*

Oh well. Can't divorce just the one of them...

ArtLady1981
06-18-2010, 11:23 PM
I just get 'too busy' to do anything with them, and my "too busy" isn't a lie. I really get TOO BUSY.

Then there's no guilt.

Knitting is a good way to be too busy.

Busy is good.

And you won't spend any more time fretting about it when you're too busy to think about her! :wink:

And all this is said with the knowledge that you are already quite busy, but you know what I mean.
Get "busier". Be unavailable. Move on, move up. Don't look back. The future is in front of us. No lookin' in the rear view mirror.

WandaT
06-19-2010, 08:16 AM
I agree with the rest - it's something you need to do to take care of yourself but it's always easier said than done. Lots of us have been there. It's hard and it hurts - I confess, one relationship I had to end years ago still bothers me now and then, mainly because I know she still doesn't understand why I had to end it. But there are people you can't reason with and they will never understand or "get it." As far as her husband is concerned, it's his choice to keep himself surrounded with such a person. I can understand not wanting to cut him off too but if that's what you have to do to keep your mental health positive, then ya have to do what ya have to do.

Crycket
06-19-2010, 10:43 AM
We can get busy for our D&D sessions...but Girl Guides will have to be another matter. My other leader doesn't much care for some of her behavior. That matter would have to be brought up and have her removed. I don't imagine there is any pretty way to do that...*sigh*

Irishmam
06-19-2010, 05:40 PM
As one Leader to another, I just wanted to wish you luck with that one - a tricky situation.

Crycket
06-20-2010, 12:05 AM
As one Leader to another, I just wanted to wish you luck with that one - a tricky situation.

Thank you!

I don't know...She is fine with the girls, and I trust her for most things, she can just be really unreliable. There are other issues when it is at home, but with the unit, it is just that...unreliability!

It is because of that that you become bitter at having to pull more than your own weight.

Not only that, but then you have to get other people involved.

UruzPhoenix
06-20-2010, 03:28 PM
had one of those.... i started by sending all of her calls directly to voicemail (my cell doesn't even ring when she calls because of that!). I don't respond to her e-mails and i don't make the drive to visit.

Once you get em out of your life, you'll realize just what a drain they were on you... both energy and luck wise.

Irishmam
06-20-2010, 05:14 PM
And it is hard enough to find committed Leaders at the best of times! Is there any one else you could bring in? We have 3 Leaders for our Brownie pack so that if one cannot do the session there are still 2 present. But if she not pulling her weight with the planning and actual hands-on 'leading' it can be very tiresome - especially if they have been there a long time.

Crycket
06-21-2010, 08:34 AM
That is very true. We are three with her. I haven't felt like I could take a night off just simply between her inconsistancy and the fact that my other leader was new, I didn't feel comfortable having that night to myself.

I guess I will let it go one more year, but it does make it kinda difficult to weed her out of my life!

melmac51
06-23-2010, 04:02 PM
The bug appears to be popular lol.

I want to see the bug!! (have to try at home...can't see it here at work)

melmac51
06-23-2010, 04:05 PM
Crycket,

I've been there...it's sooo hard. Best of luck with it.