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kmaclean
01-21-2011, 03:46 PM
So, my cousin is expecting a baby (due in mid February), so I thought I would knit a few little things for her and gave them to her along with a few other things at her baby shower last weekend. I haven't had a chance to upload the pictures I took yet, but will post them when I have a chance.

I had knit a ribbed/cabled hat and matching mittens using some yarn I had on hand (KnitPicks Shine Sport, not that it really matters). As I was knitting the hat, I noticed that a few rows back I had accidently purled a stitch that I should have knit. I really hate to rip back for something small like that (if I had noticed the mistake while still on the same row, I would have gone back and fixed it but I didn't want to go back several rows), and I figured that no one else would notice, so I just left it.

A few days after the shower, I heard from my sister that my cousin had noticed the one wrong stitch and was apparently disappointed/bothered by it. She even went so far as to ask my sister to get me to fix it! Now, if I didn't want to go back to fix it when I was only, say, three rows past the mistake, why would I want to rip out half the hat to fix it now?? And secondly, doesn't that seem a little unappreciative?

I'm not particularly close with this cousin, and am feeling even less inclined to want to fix this one stupid stitch now that I've heard what a big deal she's making out of it (especially considering she didn't even have the courtesy to speak to me personally about it!). I have no desire to make anything else for her, as I feel like I would be wasting my time making something for someone who doesn't appreciate it.

I realize that was kind of a long rant! :teehee:

I guess my question is, do you all think I'm over reacting to this whole situation? Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it?

Jan in CA
01-21-2011, 04:53 PM
Yes, that is really shallow of her. If it really was a big deal to her she could just say thank you and then put it away. You don't ask someone to "fix" a hand knit gift for one little stitch. If there was a big hole or seam had come loose that's one thing, but this..not so much.

That said... I think I personally would have fixed it in the first place because it was a gift. I'm maybe weird that way though.:shrug:

suzeeq
01-21-2011, 05:04 PM
Yeah, a gift for someone else I would probably fix it if it was obvious. For just one st you don't have to rip back all the rows, drop the sts over it, do the one correctly and bring the sts back up.

But it was a little petty of your cousin maybe, she could have been more tactful about it.

kmaclean
01-21-2011, 05:34 PM
I suppose I should have just fixed it in the first place .... it was hardly noticeable the way that it fell in the ribbing pattern (you would have had to have been examining the stitches relatively closely) and I was trying to finish it in time for the shower, so I guess I took a short cut that I probably shouldn't have since it was a gift after all. I guess it just seems odd to me because if I had been in her position I wouldn't have thought anything of it.

Perhaps I shouldn't look at the situation so negatively .... maybe I'll just fix the thing and be done with it rather than wasting any more energy!

I think maybe one of my knitting resolutions this year should be to learn how to fix mistakes more efficiently! I've never been able to do the whole "drop one stitch down" fix very well .... I could definitely use some practice with things like that. :knitting:

suzeeq
01-21-2011, 05:42 PM
Well you can take some leftover yarn and cast on about 20 sts and make some mistakes in it. Purl a stitch that should have been knit, or put an accidental YO in or drop down 2 sts to put in a decrease.

kmaclean
01-21-2011, 06:09 PM
Well you can take some leftover yarn and cast on about 20 sts and make some mistakes in it. Purl a stitch that should have been knit, or put an accidental YO in or drop down 2 sts to put in a decrease.


Yes, I think I might make a practice swatch to try out some mistake fixing techniques! :knitting:

suzeeq
01-21-2011, 06:13 PM
The tips page has some Fixing Mistakes videos, besides dropping sts on purpose, there's how to reinsert a needle after you rip out and a couple others.

Breezed
01-21-2011, 07:27 PM
I don't think you are over reacting. I think you are venting out of frustration from making a mistake, not fixing it and feeling guilty, and then have it rudely thrown in your face.

Honestly, I think it's very rude and unappreciative of her and she'd never get another thing from me. I can not imagine 1 stitch causing an entire piece to cause such drama. Maybe you should reach out to her directly and just mention you thought it would be something special and if it's a big deal, she can donate it where it will be used by it in a nice way.

I think all of your posted work is great. Knit items for someone who may find a mistake and consider it their own special part of you. It's a reminder someone made this for you because it meant something to them.

Don't beat yourself up over not fixing it. Everyone takes a shortcut at times. Learn from it and move on and know you are talented and appreciated elsewhere.

kellyh57
01-21-2011, 07:33 PM
Legend has it that the Amish purposely leave in a "mistake" in every quilt to let the receiver know that it's handmade. I go by that rule with my knitting. If I see a mistake a few rows down and it's not tooooo bad, I'll leave it in and if anyone notices it, I'll tell them "it's so you know it's handmade." I will fix it if it's too horrible, but I leave in most of the little things thinking nobody will notice...or at least not point it out! (Yeah, the cousin was rude! It's not like you wouldn't know it was her who brought the hat back to be fixed! DUH!)

kmaclean
01-21-2011, 08:13 PM
Legend has it that the Amish purposely leave in a "mistake" in every quilt to let the receiver know that it's handmade.


I have heard that about Amish quilts before! I guess that could apply to anything hand made ... thanks! :hug:

Crycket
01-21-2011, 08:22 PM
I think your cousin is being rude.

I think it is rude to expect everyone to come bring you gifts just cause you are getting married/having a baby/moving into a new house etc. So when someone goes out of their way to give you something, it is pleasant unexpected gesture, not an expected demand of a gift.

I know that there are people who really appreciate handmade gifts, those who are indifferent, and those who don't like them at all (my SIL is that way, but was nice enough to say "I don't really wear knitted things, I will let you know if I need something"). But for someone to just sit back and critize, is disrespectful. IMHO of course...*smiles*

Antares
01-22-2011, 06:54 PM
I agree with most posters here: she's being tactless--okay, RUDE!

If she does give it back to you to "fix," I would politely tell her that you'll give it to someone else. Then, I'd be done with it!

I'm sorry if that sounds mean, but I've learned this lesson the hard way: Only make gifts for people who appreciate them.

KathleenG
01-23-2011, 12:11 AM
I thought that the Amish deliberately make a mistake to show that they are not perfect, that only God is perfect.

Jan in CA
01-23-2011, 12:21 AM
I thought that the Amish deliberately make a mistake to show that they are not perfect, that only God is perfect.

That's what I heard, too. Either way though they leave a "mistake" on purpose. :thumbsup:

Debkcs
01-23-2011, 11:06 AM
She is being rude. If it bothers her that much, she can crochet or buy a little flower for it, and stick it on.

Or just tell her you're joining an Old Amish order, and won't be speaking to 'the English'. :)

kellyh57
01-23-2011, 04:03 PM
Oh it is the perfect thing. Someone else said the thing about letting you know it's handmade. I always get my little old tales wrong!

Sunshine's Mom
01-24-2011, 04:56 PM
I agree with both Breezed and kellyh57. My husband thinks the mistakes are charming and let people know that it was made by me especially for them.

I also like the idea of asking her to give it to charity if she doesn't like it. That should shut her up.

By the way, is this her first baby? I don't have children myself but I understand that one little purl stitch on a warm baby hat won't make a bit of difference in her life once she's just trying to keep the baby clean, fed, warm and happy. She's a bit ego-centric at the moment and that's all about to change in a big way for her.

Laugh this off and don't fix it. If she doesn't like your "signature" pieces there are plenty of others who will.

wellslipmystitches
01-24-2011, 07:12 PM
My Dear, I wonder, like Sunshine's mom, if this is a first baby for your cousin? If all that concerns her in the last weeks of her pregnancy is looking for other people's tiny mistakes in a gift given with the best intentions, a gift that will no doubt be graced with every possible body fluid and relegated to the "doesn't fit bag" in a month or so. Wow, this lady needs a big reality check!

However, you asked about your reaction. Well, that's a very personal thing; it's YOUR reaction. It's what it is! Obviously you gave the gift and you're suffering with all sorts of feelings - hurt ones - if I read you correctly.

If's and maybe's are just like coulda, woulda, shouldas. There are zillions of those in the past (I know I've had lots), but you're in the now. So what will it take to make you feel better and resolve the issue? (These days I just consider, DO I REALLY GIVE A RAT'S HINDQUARTERS IF SHE SHOWS UP AT MY FUNERAL?!!!)

I'm thinking, IT'S A STITCH FOR THE LUVVA MIKE!!! You don't want to hear the rest.

I wonder if your cousin "you're not very close to" is a knitter and maybe thinks you gave her a reject because you don't care that much? Who knows? Maybe she has hurt feelings too.

I know I wouldn't swim in these feelings for long. I'd call her and tell her I had no idea there was a mistake. I'm a much better knitter than that and ask, "How can I fix it?" I'd go with that.

Then I'd sit back and contemplate (only in my mind of course) how much I'd love to send her husband a sympathy card on their anniversary. After all he's the poor schlump married to a perfectionist. Think he'll ever be happy?

Then the poster who suggested sticking something. Perhaps I'd consider something like that but not as nicely as Debkcs did. I'll think whatever it takes to make me smile. Oh my, I should never get started, but then - can't be arrested for our thoughts. . . . as long as they're not in our computer history. Oh damn! I did it again. There's another one of my shoulda, coulda, woulda's wasted!
Jean
P.S. When I give a gift I've knitted I always tell the "givee" that I've made the gift especially for them - it's probably flawed (just like me) and unique (just like you) and that makes it unlike any other in the world. I've never had a problem like yours.

flhusker
01-25-2011, 11:04 AM
I kind of agree it was really shallow of her. Yes I prefer to give things that I make perfect but we all make mistakes - that is what makes it uniquely from us. A hand made gift is always the best in my opinion.

My husband has a Aunt when we were young and having our children and she loved to crochet. The only problem was that everything was always crooked. We would always gratiously thank her for the gift and then later - much, much later I would unravel the item and use the yarn for something else.

I think it very poor taste for your cousin to do this.

flhusker

kmaclean
01-25-2011, 11:52 AM
I wonder if your cousin "you're not very close to" is a knitter and maybe thinks you gave her a reject because you don't care that much? Who knows? Maybe she has hurt feelings too.

P.S. When I give a gift I've knitted I always tell the "givee" that I've made the gift especially for them - it's probably flawed (just like me) and unique (just like you) and that makes it unlike any other in the world. I've never had a problem like yours.


She is certainly not a knitter ... in fact, I doubt she has ever made anything by hand and probably has no idea what kind of time and work goes into these sorts of things.

I suppose it's possible that her feelings were hurt ... but knowing her as well as I do, I feel like it is much more likely that this was her way of throwing my mistake in my face and garnering some attention for herself among our other family members who perhaps don't see through her behaviour quite as well as I do.

I love your explanation of how your knitted items are usually flawed and unique and therefore made especially for someone! This probably wouldn't have worked on this particular cousin, but I will certainly remember it in the future! :hug:

wellslipmystitches
01-26-2011, 04:40 PM
If this lady is not a knitter, how did she ever find one wrong stitch? I think she had help. Doesn't matter. What's important?

The part of my message that said, "What will it take to make you feel better(I know you're still privately seething) and resolve the issue?" is the most important. No sense getting ulcers over such a little thing.

You've had many nice comments from people trying to be helpful but, you will have to be the final judge. Sooner is better than later.

I don't know your age, but if you are young, what will you think about this in 10 or 20 years. My point? You probably won't be thinking about this in 10 or 20 years. By all means let us know how this is resolved.
Sincerely, Jean

TekoaKnits
01-27-2011, 01:52 PM
I think your cousin was very rude.
Just like the Amish and Indians, I leave mistakes purposely in my work so that I don't pride myself in perfection. Helps to keep me humble.
Tell her that you did the mistake on purpose and if she doesn't want her baby wearing something that's not perfect, to just give it away or give it back to you.
Then let this roll off your back, take the higher road and never make her anything again. I'm sure there are plenty of other friends and family who cherish your work - so don't let this one ungrateful family member get you down!
Good luck! Let us know how it turns out :-)

Lana
01-28-2011, 08:07 PM
Well, this beats the "H-E-double hockey sticks" out of the "I bet you whipped that up in one night." But at least that wasn't said to me by the recipient of the baby gift, but another shower guest.

Saying this gal was rude and unappreciative is an understatement.:grrr: :fingerwag:

Amish cross stitch samples are always missing one letter, usually the N. Their philosophy is that Only God is Perfect.

Someone should mention that to her, before she starts raising a child.

kmaclean
01-29-2011, 06:42 PM
The part of my message that said, "What will it take to make you feel better(I know you're still privately seething) and resolve the issue?" is the most important. No sense getting ulcers over such a little thing.

I don't know your age, but if you are young, what will you think about this in 10 or 20 years. My point? You probably won't be thinking about this in 10 or 20 years. By all means let us know how this is resolved.


You're certainly right, Jean! :hug:

While I didn't go back and fix the stitch, and I probably won't be putting any serious time into making anything else for her in the future, I'm certainly not going to make a big deal out of the situation or hold a grudge.

I spoke with her about what had happened, and explained that I had found it a little bit hurtful that she was that critical of a gift that had been handmade for her child. I even brought up a few of the points mentioned in this thread (such as that little mistakes like that are how you know that something is handmade and that there are people who go out of their way to ensure there is a mistake in every piece they make to show that they are not perfect). :teehee:

I'm not sure whether she completely believed everything that I said, but she did at least apologize for her behaviour. Hopefully there is something to be learned here for both of us: perhaps she won't be so quick to criticize next time, and hopefully I won't be so quick to over react and take it personally!

Thank you all for your supportive words and suggestions! :hug:

Mokumegane
02-07-2011, 04:08 PM
Better yet... fix the mistake by sewing on a patch or something over the mess-up. It can be some kind of teddy bear or whatever.. there's lots of shapes out there. Yes, it's shallow of her to have said that... but it's very possible she doesn't really know the work that comes into it and is one of those people who when they don't know, they say or do shallow things. I've seen those people.... they don't try to be mean... they just put their foot in their mouth... a lot! You didn't overreact... you made all that stuff and really, it's more the thought that counts. Heck, SHE could put a little patch over it, even... or a decorative flower or something! Btw, overreacting would be hanging on that little hurt for too long or taking it out on someone, including her.

wellslipmystitches
02-07-2011, 08:22 PM
Dear kmaclean, I'm so glad you resolved this by communicating with your cousin. Words are much better when a hammer won't do! I'm still wondering if this is her first baby? She may be so introspective and nervous about the birth that she's not very cool about her responses.

I certainly never tried to be hurtful but I'll admit to days when I only opened my mouth to exchange feet! Holey Moley, I wouldn't want to add up those days!

I think the best thing that could come out of this would be teaching your cousin how to knit. Perhaps that's the best way of giving her an idea of what goes into creating a handmade gift.

I'm reminded of remarks to my students when I taught. 'Some people just don't know any better . . . and
All of you have gifts. Please try to display them to me. Otherwise, the grade I give you will not be one of them.'

Share your gift of knitting with her. Might be good for both.
Course, give her some time to regroup after the new arrival - otherwise she might want to hang and burn you in effigy :<(
Oh Bother!
Jean

kmaclean
02-08-2011, 12:32 PM
Dear kmaclean, I'm so glad you resolved this by communicating with your cousin. Words are much better when a hammer won't do! I'm still wondering if this is her first baby?


Yes, this is her first child .... so perhaps you are right!

I appreciate your wise advise, Jean! :hug:
Perhaps in a few months (once she's had a bit of time to adjust) I'll give that a try!

Mokumegane
02-08-2011, 09:43 PM
Yes, this is her first child .... so perhaps you are right!

I appreciate your wise advise, Jean! :hug:
Perhaps in a few months (once she's had a bit of time to adjust) I'll give that a try!

Offer to show her how a mistake can be covered so it looks good. There's a lot of stuff that would cover it and not be a problem for the baby. If you two can get together, you can actually do it with her and maybe also make another piece match by putting something similar on it in a good spot.

wholycow
02-15-2011, 04:51 PM
:heart: I don't think you are over reacting. I think you are venting out of frustration from making a mistake, not fixing it and feeling guilty, and then have it rudely thrown in your face.

Honestly, I think it's very rude and unappreciative of her and she'd never get another thing from me. I can not imagine 1 stitch causing an entire piece to cause such drama. Maybe you should reach out to her directly and just mention you thought it would be something special and if it's a big deal, she can donate it where it will be used by it in a nice way.

I think all of your posted work is great. Knit items for someone who may find a mistake and consider it their own special part of you. It's a reminder someone made this for you because it meant something to them.

Don't beat yourself up over not fixing it. Everyone takes a shortcut at times. Learn from it and move on and know you are talented and appreciated elsewhere.

:thumbsup: DITTO..I TOTALLY AGREE, and you were not overreacting imo..let it go tho,and just be carefull who you knit for in the future.

p.s.knitting has taught me to let go of any thoughts of being a perfectionist,and when/if I give something it comes wrapped w/love...that's more than a knitting machine made item that is perfect can do.

dddebbb3
02-15-2011, 07:40 PM
[QUOTE=kellyh57;1312955]Legend has it that the Amish purposely leave in a "mistake" in every quilt to let the receiver know that it's handmade.

I heard the mistake was left in because only God can make something perfect, and we humans should be humble enough to realize it.
Write your cousin's rudeness off to hormone imbalance and forgive her. Sew a flower or decorative button or something over the stitch!