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Pixywhispers
06-08-2006, 03:26 PM
My sil and bil's adoption of thier son is going through soon. The families are throwing a party afterwards. I have always tried to be very sensitive about how and what I say etc as they have gone through years and years of infertility while I just have had no problems. But I have to admit I'm scared about this party. I dont know what to put on the cake (I was thinking"Welcome to the family Name here" and this baby wants for nothing, but I was thinking about a nice big story book, like Winnie the Pooh and just having everyone sign it.

Does that sound right? Am I on track? Any thing else I'm missing?

Thanks.

Julie
06-08-2006, 03:30 PM
That sounds fine for the cake...I think I'd just treat it like any other bab-welcoming party. :D

I have a friend who's struggling with secondary infertility right now, and when she has another baby (crossing fingers!) I am totally going to get her this: http://www.uncommongoods.com/item/item.jsp?itemId=13369

:D

newamy
06-08-2006, 03:57 PM
My daughter is adopted, but this is by choice. I am not infertile. So when I meet other adoptive parents who have struggled with infertility I'm never sure what to say. Generally I just avoid that whole discussion and if people ask me about it I tell them that it was personal choice etc...but you know that is a really personal question or topic to bring up with anyone. If they volunteer the information that is different.

As for the party don't focus on the infertility, focus on the happiness, they have a son! An addition to the family. Give clothes and toys and knitted things. Rejoice with them. Learn to avoid statements like "You're lucky you didn't have labor" adoption entails a completely different sort of labor. Or statements about the child not being "their own". I always say my daughter is mine as much as my son. She and I sometimes like the same things so we say she "gets that" from me, or if it applies, from another family member.
Adoptive parents are carefully screened too, what a lucky baby to get parents with a seal of approval- many babies are born to homes with less than ideal circumstances. The cake could say "welcome home" or "welcome to the family" or just the childs name or "God Bless so and so". This child is your new family member too so welcome him as such.
Adopted kids fit right in and as a parent of a biological child and an adopted child I can tell you first hand that the love feels the same. The bonding process is a bit different but the end result is the same. I also feel for my daughter that I really have to do a good job. How could I face her birth mom (if I ever had the opportunity) or the agency if I had not cared for her well? It's a huge responisbility adopting a child. But you will soon see that this child will bestow so many blessinging on the parents that they will discover that it is they who are truly the lucky ones. Congratulations to your family.

Ingrid
06-08-2006, 03:58 PM
That shirt is adorable!

As soon as they bring the baby home, it's part of the family and their baby. Treat them as if they had just come home from the hospital (without the soreness!)

BinkyKat
06-08-2006, 07:56 PM
We have a gal at work who adopted a precious little girl from Guatemala. It was hard when we all finally knew that she and her dh were waiting for 5 months to go get here when there were other pregnant women in the office and such. She frets a little about finding the right daycare and that the agency didn't really keep any "baby book" type on info for her daugher so that portion of the book they started is so bare... but when her daughter finally came home, we threw here a shower and just gushed all over her and the baby. I personally make an effort to ask her questions like I do my two sil's with my baby nephews..."how's she sleeping? is she doing (fill in the blank)?" and so on so that hopefully she feels like the other moms do about reporting to the gals about how the baby is developing. she's a very shy but darling young gal and i don't think she always feels right about joining into all the "my kids did this..." talk that a lot of moms do.
We did a cake that said "Welcome Baby Mora!" on it and basically showered her like any other mom with a new baby. She is more than happy to tell us about their trip to SA to get her and such..it was very enlightening!
:thumbsup:

snowbear
06-08-2006, 10:45 PM
I was adopted. When they brought me home... my parents had less than 24 hrs notice.. lol after a 8 yr wait.. long story.. anyway... One day I was introduced as "their adopted daughter",, my calm, quite reserve mother went postal... "She is my daughter". was her reply very very loudly and went on to inform her of that. In later years my Mother forgot I was adopted.. literally.. I had to correct her... So.. long story short... treat her as her daughter.. she is... welcome home... sounds great... ask the Mother & Dad all the same questions... what color do you plan for the nursery? Do you prefer pink or purple... What motiff? Believe me... that baby will grow in her heart.. just because she didn't grow under doesn't mean a thing.

geekgolightly
06-08-2006, 10:56 PM
It's so wonderful that you have a new addition to your extended family! I think your ideas are lovely. :D

brendajos
06-09-2006, 12:10 AM
i too am an adopted child and couldn't have asked for better parents. i think the only thing you have to remember is that this baby is special just like every other miracle and they are parents just like all other parents. I don't think my parents could have loved me any more if they had given birth to me and it will be the same for your family. You obviously have a great family for them to have been lucky enough to be chosen to be this one's parents and for you to be as concerned as you are. Your family will love this baby just like one that was born into it.


:heart:

dustinac
06-09-2006, 08:21 AM
:cheering: Just wanted to say Congrats to the new addition and think the ideas are great!! My cousin is in the process of adopting her 2nd (he is the brother to her little girl) hoping he will be hers by the end of summer :cheering: .. both kids are thought of little miracles they waited so long and went through so much... I'm sure everything will go fine and everyone will have a wonderful time at the party!!

Pixywhispers
06-09-2006, 04:29 PM
Thanks Ladies.

We are excited! It's really neat cause this new baby was born just a few days before my daughter, so we are getting to watch these two cousins grow together, it's really neat. I think my sil feels the same. I'm sure in other families it could go another way, but we count it all joy!

My dh was also adopted but is a man of little words when the topic comes up :(.

Thanks for all the well wishes, and helping curb my paranoia.

CarmenIbanez
06-09-2006, 04:48 PM
Okay, the "worth the wait" shirt reminded me of a funny one that my friend received. She was having twins. So she received a pair of matching shirts that said "Stop Copying Me"

Secksiebrat
06-09-2006, 04:51 PM
My sister was adopted. She's from Soul, South Korea! We got here (hehe like a present or something :-P) when she was 15 months old. I was in the 5th grade at the time. She is now 14 (will be 15 in october) and is learning to be an only child for the first time. My brother is almost 22 and living on his own in Virginia while my parents have moved to Texas to be closer to me and their first grandson!

We were always upfront with Caiti about being adopted. They would tell her she was the most beautiful adopted baby a mother could have. My parents decided to adopt after meeting a family who had 2 children of their own and adopted 2 more. My mom didn't have fertility issues, it was just a personal choice.

It has taught me a lot to have an adopted sister. Back when I was going through all the doctors and surgeries b/c of my endometriosis, they told me I might not be able to have children of my own. So I felt having an adopted sister showed me that even a child might not be biologically yours, you can still love it as if it was. Thus far my hubby and I have had one healthy son ( almost 21 months) and hope one day to have another. But if not, we are both very open to adoption and I truly feel that's why God put my sister where she is today!

Just an idea, you could get everyone to bring their favorite story booksand sign them so that the family could have a nice collection of story books for the new baby. We did that for a friend for her baby shower and she LOVED all the books and the beautiful notes written inside it!

~danielle~

samm
06-10-2006, 04:13 PM
I have two adopted sons and two stepsons, and all four are loved and "mine". I don't believe in owning them, but they are my heart. When the first adoption happened, I was so fortunate, because my family treated me no differently than they would have a child I had borne. I also adopted by choice, and sometimes forget the boys are adopted, as in when giving medical histories etc. The nicest thing happened while we were awaiting our first. A woman I had known a little bit at church had a birth son and then had had medical problems and adopted their daughter. She came to me one day and told me that the feeling for her son and daughter were equal. Her love for them the same. But that when her little girl was given to her, she felt such a huge gratefulness that she hadn't felt with her son. And it was true for me as well. Nobody has to let you adopt. You are kinda helpless during the process, and when that baby is handed to you, you realize what a miracle he/she is to be with you. Hard to explain this. All babies are miracles. Adopted ones are as much your own as others. Glad your family is so happy about the new little one!!!! Congratulations! samm