View Full Version : Sorta OT: knitting for a guy (longish)

10-24-2006, 02:01 AM
Ok,o the reason I said it was OT was cause i need to give some background for you guys to understand the unique relationship I have iwth this guy and his friends.

THe guy that I am interested in is Walter, and we have been dancing around the issue for about two years. I gave him a letter two years ago saying that I was head over heels for him and would like to get to know him better, but more than that, I had wanted to build him up. I am a christian, and firmly believe that this leter was from god's heart through my fingers to his eyes.

Anyway, he told me that he wasn't interested in entering into a relationship at the moment, but that he would love to get to know me better, yada yada.

So we have had this odd sort of relationship where he always hugs me when he sees me and before I go home, and we are always dancing around the issue of whether we like each other or not. It's really hard to explain, but it seems like there is an undercurrent whenever we get together.

So, onto the next conversation. His friend Ryan (who is also my friend) and i went to Drumheller this past weekend to see the dinosaur museum there. On the way there, I had told Ryan that i am planning to go to disneyland a yr from this christmas, and thought maybe he would like to join me. He said he would get back to me on that.

So then, on our way back, this is our conversation:

Ryan: If things work out between you and Walt, maybe you should invite him!
Me: Can you back up about twelve steps to where I am?! I dont even know if he likes me!
Ryan: But, you know, Katy, Walt and I were just talking about you the other day, chatting about how we'd like to get together with you, and Walt said to me: You know Ryan, I think Katy really likes me!
Me: He's just figuring that out NOW! He's known for TWO years!
Ryan: completely baffled by this point.

So, my question to all of you who have read this long meandering thing is this: I am knitting him a scarf and hat set based on the Irish Hiking Scarf, and have wanted to enclose a little card explaining the tradition of prayer shawls within the knitting community and how I have been paryaing for him throughout the knitting of this set. Would that be tacky? Would he understand that I am just trying to be honest?

Advice? Please?


Jan in CA
10-24-2006, 02:27 AM
Is he a christian or at least religious, too? If he isn't it could go either way. Some non-believers might be offended, others would be accepting. If you've known him for two years you probably know in your heart/head how he'd feel about it. I think it's a lovely idea though to give him a gift. :hug:

10-24-2006, 06:32 AM
The "I think Katy really likes me," comment... it may not be because he is just realizing this, but because it was the first time he shared it with Ryan, and he just didn't want to go into detail. By saying "I think," instead of "I know," he was able to get the message across to Ryan without having to explain why he knows you like him.

About the scarf and hat... I would be cautious. I'm sure you're familiar with the boyfriend sweater curse. (http://www.knitty.com/issuewinter02/FEATsweatercurse.html) If he's not ready to be in a commited relationship, he could get really freaked out that you would invest that much time and energy into making something for him. I think I'd wait, or maybe work on it and not give it to him until the relationship has been firmly established. JMO

10-24-2006, 10:30 AM
Does he know that you love to knit? If so I think it would be a nice gift.. the only part i would proceed with caution with is the note you mentioned.. I agree with Jan, some people would find it touching, others may feel uncomfortable... but you have known him for 2 years so you should be able to feel that part out! :wink:

10-24-2006, 11:56 AM
I think that the note with the scarf set is a great idea. He knows that you are a Christian, he knows that Jesus is a big part of your life. If it's in your heart to share this note with him, I say go for it! I pray for people constantly in my prayer life, I tell them that I am praying for them, too, hoping that this gives them comfort and that it plants seeds that we, as Christians are instructed to do. LOL, sorry about the sidebar, but I just wanted to let you know that I understand about your desire to share this note with him :wink:
fyi, I'll be praying for you and this relationship :wink:

10-24-2006, 06:26 PM
Although you didn't ask for relationship advice, only knitting advice, I'll drop this in: Take him at his word about the relationship. He told you that he wasn't ready. In Nice-guy speak, that means "no." He also told you he likes to know you, and he's shown that by being around you. If you like the friendship without the love, fine; just don't count on anything further developing. It might, it might not, but it hasn't yet. And he's aware of your feelings -- witness the conversation with the mutual friend.

So, on to the knitting question: go ahead and enclose the card. It doesn't commit you any further than you already are committed. It's true, and it's not too pressury. (As a non-Christian, I am not offended when people pray for me, and even touched -- unless they tell me they're praying for me to become a Christian. That bothers me.)

And post a picture of the finished objects when you're done -- they sound nice.

10-24-2006, 06:51 PM
Prayer should never be considered tacky and neither should letting the other person know about it and so letting him know is fine. However, what isn't clear is what exactly this relationship is and where it is going. It sounds to me like your friend has been trying to work things out in his mind too. Maybe the two of you should have coffee and talk about it. One thing for sure, its a disaster waiting to happen when one person sets about remaking another, even if it is in his best interest. Maybe when he sees that you like him just the way he is and you don't look at him as a work in progress he'll have the green light to proceed to another level of the relationship. Best wishes :hug:

10-24-2006, 11:53 PM
Thanks guys (and gals)for the comments. As far as the 'relationship' goes, we have none. We are very relaxed around one another, and can talk just like any other of my friends, so I am not worried about it being one of those awkward 'crush' scenarios. I knew when I gave him the letter that I would have to be completely ok with anything tha happened, and even though it sounds like I am not ok, I know in my heart that there is a likelihood of nothing ever happening.

So, that being said, I feel that I will give him the note, and yes, he does know that I am knitting. When we were hanging out last fall, he noticed my knitting for the preemies, and he said that a knitted hat would be nice, ergo the scarf and hat set. He really should be careful about what he wishes for!

I also wanted to come across as a friend who cares ,and not someone who is trying to push anything into being, so I think he will take it that way. Also, he knows from previous conversations that I have had with him that I want to be courted, and I will not be the pursuer; therefore, if he is never ready to move it on, it will never go anywhere, and that is fair enough.

We will always be friends, though, and that is really nice. And I am 100% ok with that being all.

10-25-2006, 03:50 PM
How old are you, and how old is he?

10-25-2006, 08:55 PM
He's 31 and I am 26. Why? Does that change things?

10-25-2006, 10:16 PM
He's 31 and I am 26. Why? Does that change things?

In my opinion, yes, it does. I agree with BillSpace - give him the gift, and the card, and know that you've given your friend a beautiful gift that he'll treasure for a long time. If you all were younger...I dunno. I'd be wary of the card only because it might scare him off. However, you know him better than any of us do, know what I mean?

Don't take this the wrong way, but I though you and this guy were younger....I only say that because it all sounded so innocent and sweet. That's nice. I think you should stick to being this person's friend, and embrace the friendship. You've made your feelings clear to him, so the ball is in his court.

side note: DH and I were best friends for over three years. It was totally platonic - we even shared a sleeping bag once, and it was like as if I was sharing it with my brother. Then, one day, one of us woke up and realized what we had....we've been married almost 4 years now. I'm not saying that that's what will happen to you, so much as just enjoy what you have now because friendships, especially with someone of the opposite sex, are so very rare.

good luck! And, yes, please post pics!

10-25-2006, 10:30 PM
I think that because he is sooo gentlemanly, it isn't hard to be friends with him. I was just writing and asking because I didn't want to be pushy or trying to tell him that I want an 'answer', so there are some good pieces of advice that I will definitely keep in mind.

10-26-2006, 02:31 PM
Him being 31 should know what he wants. The facts that it takes him two years and still dances around the issue...hm. In my opinion, at this point, I wouldn't say you giving him any gift of any meaning would scare him off, because you clearly told him in a letter you liked him. My advise is, do what your heart tells you because that is being you. If telling him your truth feeling about him would scare him off, then let it be. I think that's only fair to you, and to him. On the other hand, he should be honest with you as well. I would him how he really feel about you. I hope you don't mind if I ask you this: have you guys had sex?

10-26-2006, 10:07 PM

Not on your life! Just to give you more of an idea of the type of guy he is, we went to the shuswap (about an hour away from where I used to live) for a canada day celebration.

I had run into him by accident at a restaurant, and had asked if he was going to this shindig. As follows:

Him: Allison is picking me up and we are going together.
Me: (Because I dont drive) Well, maybe you could tell Allison I want to go, and you two can pick me up?
Him: Ok.

We then talked about inconsequential things, and by the end of the conversation he said 'I'll pick you up at two?'. I was left thinking, 'what happened to allison?'lol

So he picked me up and along the way we talked about relationships and what we want out of them (so he knows darn well what I want, and I am moe than willing to leave it in his hands...I just wish he would be a little more forthcoming), and he bought me ice cream.

ANyway, to make a long story short, he ended up driving me home at about 1030. I asked him to pick me up for church in the morning, and he said no. i was really hurt until the next morning when I was talking with one of my girlfriends ,and her response was to say that he is a real gentleman because he was protecting my reputation (as it were) so that people wouldn't talk (because we had been seen leaving together that night, being seen again togethjer the next morning would potentially start tongues wagging).

I think that is part of what attracts me to him-his chilvalrous, gentlemanly behaviour, always thinking of those things. Of course, he is tall dark and handsome too, which doesnt hurt.

Speaking of physical looks (seeing as you people are so willing to be dragged into this-lol) does a physically attractive person always go for a similar person? Just wondering, cause I am not tiwiggy!

Thanks for all the help guys and gals muchly appreciated.

As far as him being honest with me, I think I am going to wait it out, because I dont think he 'doesn't' like me, I just dont think that he is ready to do anything about it. We are getting closer, cause he always hugs me when I arrive and gives me a hug when I leave, and he is always calling me names like babe and darling and stuff like that. And then the other dayu he told me what he wanted in a girl (I fit some of that -and when he said a cutie pie, i said 'thats encouraging' sarcastically (remember I am not twiggy) and he emphatically told me that he wanted a girl to be cutie to him, and it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks) and he asked what I wanted in a guy-should I have said 'you'?-and i bombed cause I was completely thrown by it and couldn't think of qualities in him that are things that I would look for in another guy because honestly I am not looknig right now anyway.

So, I hope this helps, and I hope I am not throwing myself away on this guy, cause that would be sad.

10-27-2006, 04:37 AM
It sounds like you are crazy about him way more than he is for you at this time.

I say plan your days and not especially around him. If he's meant to be with you then God will bring him around.

Have you ever heard the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? The author has been on tv a lot and even tho its not a Christian book it has some wonderful wisdom in it. When I was reading your posts thats what came to mind.

You don't have to look like Twiggy to be loved either. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not onto your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

The scarf and card sound like a nice idea.

10-27-2006, 12:08 PM
I will give you an example from my life. I was living and doing just what Quiltlady said, leaning on the Lord and had finally decided that I didn't want or need a man, I was happy the way that I was, and I told God that if and when He had a man for me that was cool, if not, that was cool, too, because I was happy as I was, living for God and I gave it all to Him, I "Let go and Let God."
Well, it wasn't too much longer before my now husband, Lonnie, and I had our 1st "date." (Lonnie was a new member of our church, I had known him as a teenager because he was in a band and too cool, but he had no idea who I was because, frankly, he had been too cool to notice me back then :wink:) Both of us having been married before, we had kids, so we took them to the St. Patrick's Day parade, this was March 17, 1989, we were married May 13, 1989.....I had decided that I was happy without and man and was very happy to put my life in God's hands...boom, God sent Lonnie to me!
I'm not saying this will happen to you or anyone, but, I guess I'm trying to say just what Quiltlady said, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not onto your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." :muah:
I'm still praying for you :wink:

10-27-2006, 12:15 PM
Have you ever asked him why he isn't interested in being in a relationship? Is he waiting until he finishes school or something? Don't take this the wrong way but if he's being vague about it, it seems like he might be stringing you along a bit, maybe unconsciously, maybe not. But by continuing to "dance around the issue" as you put it, it's like he's giving you these little glimmers of hope when he really should be encouraging you to find someone else (assuming he doesn't plan to change his mind any time soon). You know? I'm probably completely wrong about this, but I'd hate to see you "wait" for a guy who may never come around. Have you thought about dating other guys?

mrs desert rain
10-27-2006, 12:30 PM
I think many of us gals (and the guys, too) have found ourselves totally enamoured with someone, and if it's not fully reciprocated, it is sometimes hard to accept and understand why.

That said, make him the scarf, but only under the pretense that it's a friendly gift. To push him to love you *might* push him away. :wall: It sucks that it sometimes works that way.

Re: the letter. I read through the other posts, but never got a clear answer on whether or not he's a Christian. It's a very thoughtful and *personal* gesture to put in writing your praying for him... and while I don't think he would find it offensive (assuming he knows your faith), he COULD find it a little over-bearing (I might, but only because I'm very personal about this sort of thing...).

So, I'd make sure your intentions are honest: If it's really just a friendly gift, make sure it REALLY comes off that way. If not, well... this, coupled with your vague insistence on a relationship, could drive a small wedge between what sounds like a great friendship.

I write my opinion in complete understanding of where you are with him emotionally. I scrambled after a great guy friend once, and it didn't work out. And while I still care for him, I sometimes wish I had just moved on (emotionally) sooner than I did... after meeting my DH, I realized he really wasn't "all that." :teehee:

I hope this helps! :heart:

11-05-2006, 01:18 AM
That said, make him the scarf, but only under the pretense that it's a friendly gift. To push him to love you *might* push him away. :wall: It sucks that it sometimes works that way.

Hence the reason I wanted to ask the question in the first place, and you nailed it. I didn't want to send him the note and have him thinking that I am trying to push anything, because in all honesty, I don't want that questions answered anyway right now. I want to be able to enjoy getting to know him and let HIM make the first move.

We are both Christians and he knows hat I am a firm believer in being courted, and for me to be courted, he needs to make the first move, so I am trying hard not to push, but still let him know that I am interested. Very fine line, and I hope I am staying in bounds.