View Full Version : Bad news yesterday....

12-25-2007, 10:18 AM
I think my pregancy is not viable. My numbers just plummeted. There's almost no chance for it to work. I'm so mad and so upset. It's bad any time but Christmas Eve? It's all so horrible that I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for the kindness you've shown to me. I guess I jumped the gun on the annoucement-I should have waited for more blood numbers. I'm sorry for that.

sue in canada
12-25-2007, 11:07 AM
So sorry to hear your news. Take care of yourself and try to take things easy over the holiday.

12-25-2007, 11:20 AM
Oh, I'm sorry. *hugs*

12-25-2007, 11:21 AM
I'm so sorry. I'm trying to get pregnant, too. This emotional roller coaster can really take it's toll on you, can't it?

12-25-2007, 11:43 AM
I am so sorry Boo:grphug: :hug:

12-25-2007, 12:00 PM
Aw, I'm sorry. Best wishes for a good outcome.

12-25-2007, 12:42 PM
I am sorry :grphug:

12-25-2007, 12:54 PM
I am so sorry, too. There are lots of us on that emotional rollercoaster. Hang in there.

12-25-2007, 01:03 PM
:hug: :hug: Take care of yourself. I am on the same emotional rollercoaster as well. Make sure to try to spend time with the ones that mean the most to you. Their support is what will get you through this. :hug: :hug:

12-25-2007, 01:18 PM
:hug: I'm soooo sorry, you must feel terrible.
LOL Good luck and happy wishes. :grphug:

12-25-2007, 01:48 PM
:muah: :grphug: :hug: :heart:

12-25-2007, 02:26 PM

You're in my prayers.

12-25-2007, 02:29 PM
Hugs to you Hon.

12-25-2007, 02:54 PM
Lots of hugs :grphug:

12-25-2007, 03:34 PM

Maybe a fresh new year will bring you (and everyone else) some joy :heart:

12-25-2007, 04:12 PM
:hug: :heart: :hug: so sorry...your in my thoughts and prayers...

12-25-2007, 04:36 PM
:heart: :pout: :heart:

12-25-2007, 04:44 PM
I am so sorry. I know you were excited. Take care.:muah::hug:

12-25-2007, 05:40 PM

12-25-2007, 06:09 PM
OMG, I'm so so sorry. :pout: :cry:

Don't apologize for telling us so soon, we want to share in your joys and be there to support you in the painful times as well.

:grphug: :grphug: :grphug:

12-25-2007, 06:12 PM
I am sorry. Please be extra good to yourself this holiday week.

12-25-2007, 07:27 PM
I am so very sorry. sending wishes and orayers for Happier news in the New Year.


12-25-2007, 08:35 PM
I do not know what to say other than I am sorry....

12-25-2007, 10:16 PM
I'm so sorry, Boo.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hope you find the strength and support to get you through this hard time.


12-25-2007, 10:51 PM
:cry: :grphug:

12-25-2007, 11:03 PM
:hug: Been there...you are in my prayers..:hug:

12-25-2007, 11:15 PM

Maybe a fresh new year will bring you (and everyone else) some joy :heart:

After two miscarriages this year, it has to get better!

Thanks for the cyber hugs.

12-26-2007, 12:17 AM

12-26-2007, 12:36 AM
Many hugs and prayers your way, my dear.

12-26-2007, 01:29 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't know what to say, except that I send great big hugs your way.

12-26-2007, 11:07 AM
So sorry to hear that. Take care.:verysad:

12-26-2007, 11:09 AM
:hug:I'm so very sorry.

12-26-2007, 12:49 PM
I am so sorry! I will be praying for you! :hug: :hug:

12-26-2007, 02:57 PM
I'm very sorry to hear that, boo.

Jan in CA
12-26-2007, 06:21 PM
Awww, I'm so sorry! :hug:

12-26-2007, 06:29 PM
:grphug: ...try, try again. I'm sorry to hear that. Don't give up hope though.

12-26-2007, 07:52 PM
After two miscarriages this year, it has to get better!

Thanks for the cyber hugs.

:hug: So Sorry. Just to let you know. My D.D. lost three before we got our D.G.D. Keep your chin up, things will get better. Sometimes it just takes time.

12-26-2007, 08:45 PM
I am sooo sorry. I really hope this pregnancy ends up being viable. especially after two miscarriages. Don't ever apologize for being excited!!! You were hopeful. we are here for you when you are happy AND when you are sad. Have lots of bed rest and please keep us updated. I'll keep you and your baby in my thoughts. :grphug: :grphug: :grphug: :grphug: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

12-26-2007, 09:01 PM
Oh I'm so sorry! ((((hugs))))

12-26-2007, 10:27 PM
I am sooo sorry. I really hope this pregnancy ends up being viable. :grphug: :grphug: :grphug: :grphug: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

It's over. I got the call to confirm it today. Even though I knew it was done, hearing it confirmed just made it all the more real.


12-26-2007, 10:30 PM
I am so devastated for you. I am truly very sorry. :pout:

12-27-2007, 12:14 AM
It's over. I got the call to confirm it today. Even though I knew it was done, hearing it confirmed just made it all the more real.


Oh no. I am so terribly terribly sorry. I wish I could be there to comfort you. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :heart: :heart: :heart:

12-27-2007, 01:23 AM
I have been there and I still don't have anything better to say than, I am so sorry. I am sending you hugs.

It is ok to cry.
It is ok not to cry.

Pat in Ca
12-27-2007, 02:30 AM
I know exactly what you are going through... I had 7 miscarrieges
..8 pregnancies.. one live child, a girl 16 yrs old now.. The first one I lost everyone told me oh you'll have another.. forget about it.. I found that I was really depressed about 6 months later..I had not really gone through the grieving process because everyone told me it was not THAT bad..I finally got counsiling and starting talking and crying about it...it was hard at first, but unless you talk and cry it out it stays inside .. after each miscarriage, I had to go through the grieving process, it is like loosing a child..What was most surprising to me was that from the minute I became pregnant, I felt like a mother..that child was real to me from day one..I read a lot of books about dealing with it and joined support groups.."Empty Cradle" is one support group and "Resolve" is another dealing with infertility issues..
They both really helped me, cause , like most life experiences, unless you have it happen to you , you don't really understand..Unfortunately, you have to go through the emotional pain..cry as much as you can.. it should ease up in about a week.. then start to rebuild your plans to "try again".. This will make you have a special appreciation of of your future children. Take care..

12-27-2007, 04:21 AM
Aww, Boo, I'm so sorry :hug:

12-27-2007, 09:15 AM
:hug: I'm so sorry for you!! I'm keeping you in my thoughts this week.

12-27-2007, 09:21 AM
:heart: Boo hoo, Boo..................:heart:
I just saw this thread and wanted to send my caring thoughts your way. Can you feel the love surrounding you through this group? :grphug:

Take care of yourself. We're thinking of you with love and friendship.

12-27-2007, 10:21 AM
I have been there and I still don't have anything better to say than, I am so sorry. I am sending you hugs.

It is ok to cry.
It is ok not to cry.

Hey, thanks. We're practically neighbors, you know. I'm in Baton Rouge.


12-27-2007, 10:36 AM
I have been there and I still don't have anything better to say than, I am so sorry. I am sending you hugs.

It is ok to cry.
It is ok not to cry.

GREAT advice. And don't forget to pass it on to the grieving Papa--it was his baby too.

Hugs to both of you.

12-27-2007, 11:02 AM
I'm so sorry. The highs and lows of this process have to be very hard to take. You are in my prayers.:hug: :heart:

12-27-2007, 12:04 PM
good luck, you are in my thoughts. . . . . . .:muah:

12-27-2007, 01:00 PM
Hey, thanks. We're practically neighbors, you know. I'm in Baton Rouge.


I have a couple of knitter friends in BR too. If I ever head up that way I will give you a holler!

12-27-2007, 03:45 PM
I'm so sorry, Boo. {{{hug}}}

12-28-2007, 12:59 AM
I am so sorry for your loss... I lost a baby on Christmas about 20 years ago and know the devestation you must be feeling. My thoughts are with you and your family at this time. Just take care of yourself-whatever that means to you.:heart:

12-28-2007, 09:16 PM
Aww geez, I don't know I missed this thread. I'm so, so sorry about your loss. I hope 2008 is a better year for you and your hubby. :hug:

12-28-2007, 10:32 PM
my heart is aching for you. you are in my thoughts! :hug:

12-28-2007, 11:05 PM
I'm so sorry! I'll say a special prayer for you!

12-28-2007, 11:18 PM
The loss of any baby, whether before birth, or after the birth, is the hugest kind of loss! I've had 5 live births, and two lost before birth...and I still miss those two little ones and think of them from time-to-time even after all these years. Big Hugs from all of us at KH! :grphug:

12-29-2007, 07:59 AM
try again. He's pretty freaked out.

Oh, and here is something else that REALLY makes me crazy-because I had a "miscarriage" (I was pregnant for FOUR days), the RE won't do another IVF until MARCH. March!!!! I'm already cycling again! He won't even give me a pill to make sure that I ovulate.


My life seems to be divided into 3 parts: my marriage (which is good, but I'm upset with DH), my job (which I hate and it is the most soul-sucking job I've ever had) and my needing to keep trying to have a baby. So 1/3 is great, the other 2/3 is seriously lacking.

Okay, pity party over for now.

Thanks for letting me vent.

12-29-2007, 09:06 AM
:hug:Don't be too upset with your hubby, think that he loves you and cares about you, so I'm sure he's worried and upset about it, especially when he really can't help you. It's very hard on men to be in this position. Also, I know that it's hard to change jobs, but maybe you can try? It's a known fact that stress often influences fertility and pregnancy issues, so maybe with a calmer job, even if it's less profitable, you will be more relaxed and less stressed... I see in your avatar that you have a beautiful cat - cats are great stress relievers too. Just my 2 cents. I do hope everything will work out for you and you're in my thoughts and prayers :hug:.

12-29-2007, 09:07 AM

I've held my tongue thusfar because I didn't know how you'd feel about hearing from someone currently baking a baby. But, I can see you've got a great outlook on this. I understand you're upset and you have every right to be. For 4 days, you were a new mommy and that's something.

Before this baby, I got pregnant on a complete fluke. DH was visiting me in California, I stopped taking my pills right before he arrived because they were making me bleed for 2-3 weeks at a time and I was sick of it. In no way did we think I would get pregnant. But I did. Less than a week after the faint faint faint positive test, I lost the baby. Had that baby survived, he / she would be here now. My due date was just 2 weeks ago.

ArtLady is right. You never stop thinking of the ones that were lost. The heart may not be beating yet, they may not be wiggling around, and you may never have heard them cry, but they're angels just the same.

Here's to hoping that the next attempt is a successful one. Whether it's on your own or with medical intervention. And if you ever need someone to vent to.....

12-29-2007, 10:22 AM
Of course, I had to harrass my DH this morning, asking for a promise that he is willing to try again. He said he couldn't make that promise and so I got hysterical. I just need some hope, you know?

I need my husband to stand by me. Even if I can never have a baby, I HAVE to try. I cannot wonder 'what if'.......

12-29-2007, 03:32 PM
Big hugs to you, boo... :hug: I'm so sorry.

12-30-2007, 08:03 AM
*big big big hugs*

I'm so sorry this has happened for you. I lost my baby 2 christmasses ago, and he was very real to me, even though I never held him or heard him cry. I hope you find your husband can try again - a friend went through the same thing, her partner was non-committal about trying again, but eventually she realised it was because he was hurt too by what had happened, and that he was scared of what it would do to her if they lost another baby. They figured it out, though, although we lost touch and I don't know if they had a baby in the end. But, if you can, take some time to grieve this loss, and then move forward. I know how desperate the feeling can be, though - I felt like the only thing in the whole world that could make me complete was being pregnant again.

Good luck to you, and I hope you can find some peace *hugs*
Fi xxx

12-30-2007, 04:40 PM
Hi Boo :hug:

Please don't be too hard on yourself - right now you're on one hell of an emotional roller-coaster and it's a rough, rough ride.

This lousy time will pass and fade and the New Year is a fresh start for everyone. I realise that's easy to say but at least you know that everyone who's read your post will keep you in their thoughts.

With Warmest Wishes to you and your husband.


12-30-2007, 06:09 PM
Boo, I've been thinking and praying for you. I haven't checked this thread in a while, and I'm sorry that you lost the baby. I just found out that a friend at work is trying desperately for another baby too. Her youngest drowned in her swimming pool this summer, and she just really feels led to try again. Every time I see her (it's a small building, so I see her often), I think of you.

I don't know if this will make you feel better or not, but God has a plan for your life. This, unfortunately, is part of His plan. You may never understand why, but then again, you may later determine the reason. Just trust Him.

I am praying that He comfort you and give you strength and direction.


12-31-2007, 11:06 AM
Oh, Boo, I am so sorry for your news. You and your DH are in my prayers. I hope that, given time, your DH will come around to trying again. For now, perhaps you need to be your own hope, and give him some time. I'm sure he's worried not only about future miscarriages, but also about possibly losing YOU. In the meantime, is it possible for you to try to work on the job thing? At least improvement in that area of your life may make the other things easier to bear. Hugs and prayers to you!!

12-31-2007, 03:49 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you want the reassurance from your DH that you'll try again, but give him some time to grieve, too. Maybe he'll feel differently in a month or so.


12-31-2007, 07:02 PM
I don't know if this will make you feel better or not, but God has a plan for your life. This, unfortunately, is part of His plan. You may never understand why, but then again, you may later determine the reason. Just trust Him.

I don't understand. I've had people tell me that the m/c's were NOT God's will and others who say that it is. Why do some ppl think one way and some the other? I don't knowhat to think.

12-31-2007, 07:41 PM
It's hard to think of such a loss as God's plan. But I am one who believes it is. Everything is a part of His grand plan.

But you pose a facinating question. Why do some people believe this and others do not? I can see arguments going both ways, and I'm not sure how to explain it to you... I'm really going to think on this and post a bit later.

12-31-2007, 07:51 PM
I think people believe what they want. No where in the Bible does it say that miscarriages are not part of God's will. The women of old were barren, just like today. But, miracles do happen. He opened the womb of many, and even caused a virgin to conceive -- the biggest miracle of all.

Be still and pray. God will hear you.

I know that no matter what circumstances we have in life, God works good from them. The Bible does state that fact very clearly, and I've seen it in my own life...many, many times. Last year, my daughter tore her ACL...a very important muscle for a soccer player. She was one of the top players in the state, and we were devastated. The recovery is difficult, painful, and long.

But immediately, we saw blessings from the experience. God opened doors for us that we never expected. Her surgeon traveled for several years with the U.S. women's national team, and it is very, very difficult to get an appointment with him. However, he attends the same church as my in-laws, and his wife is in the same Bible study as my mil. Guess what...we got in...

I watched my daughter go through the most heart-wrenching emotional and physical pain I've ever seen anyone go through. She thought her dream was over. She wants to play soccer in college. She could not do anything on her own...not even go to the bathroom. The first time she played in a game this summer (she had surgery in February), she ran so slowly that I could have beat her in a race (and I'm not Marion Jones). But she persevered through lots of prayer.

My daughter was able to help a girl on her new team who tore her ACL during the first game this season, and she's supporting another teammate who just had shoulder surgery and will be out for 6-9 months -- a lifetime when you are trying to impress college coaches and win scholarships.

Dd is playing the best soccer I've ever seen. And she plays with a brace to boot. She's truly an inspiration...and it's all because of that injury.

Boo, good will come from this. I don't know how God will answer your prayer. It may be in a way you don't anticipate. But He will answer it. You can be assured of that. Just trust Him. Don't question your faith in Him. He hasn't walked away from you. Remember that He never leaves us...never forsakes us.

I'm praying so hard for you...


01-02-2008, 10:49 AM
Personally, I am of the camp that God didn't intend for us to be sick or to lose our children. But because of the things that we have done to our environment and our bodies since the dawn of time, our bodies have detiorated from the perfect creation that He made to the state they are in now. I don't believe that He intentionally causes us pain...but because He gave us free will, we (all human kind) have made choices that have lead us to a time of cancer, AIDS and other immune busting diseases.

That doesn't mean that He cannot work even through the bad things. The Bible says that He will work all things together for good for those who love and trust Him. I believe that very much.

My sister had fertility issues for two years...and miscarried twice this summer. She is now 3 months pregnant and is very healthy.

I had our first child very easily (only trying for 2 months!) but have been unable to have another. Our dd is 4 years old now...I wonder if she will have any siblings to play with.

Don't be too upset with your dh. Sometimes we forget how hard it is on them too. My dh wants to sell all of our baby stuff at a garage sale this summer...the crib, toddler bed, baby toys. I was so hurt when he suggested this because I am not ready to give up this dream yet. But I have come to realize that he just can't bear to look at it anymore when he goes to our storage unit. It hurts him to see the crib hanging on the wall. He is trying to deal with it in his own way.

I'm so sorry you are going through this now. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope everything works out for you!:hug:

01-02-2008, 12:24 PM
I'm with Misty- I don't think bad things are *ever* God's will. Bad things happen, but they are never God's intent. I do believe, however, that he works good in all kinds of bad situations, even though we may never know that ourselves. I'll keep you in my prayers!

01-02-2008, 02:18 PM
I grew up in a very strict, religious family. My mother to this day has put everything in her life in God's hands. And while a part of me agrees with this there's a whole other side that doesn't.

I've come to my own conclusions that 'Everything happens for a reason'. And unfortunately we don't get to know the reasons until the end of the struggle. I hate that it is that way, but I believe that is how life works.

I do believe in God and will always believe in him, but I sure do still get quite pissed at him because of the way my life has turned out. And while I take responsibility for my own actions, there are just some things that are out of my control and I did nothing to deserve them.

I too, cannot have children without medical intervention. I haven't gotten to the IVF stage (although my RE is pushing for me to do it sooner rather than later) but have purchased a few books on it to begin to prepare myself (if that's even possible). I hate telling people about my situation because of the taboo behind it all. And then I get mad at myself for feeling that way because infertility is a part of millions of lives and even though I feel like the only one I know I am not.

I think that when it's time for us to carry a child to term then that will be our time. Until then there is nothing we can do about it. And that infuriates me more than you know, well, maybe you do know! I frequent another board and theres a section where the women are struggling to conceive and are trying everything in their powers to get pregnant. It makes me sad to read some of the things they are doing to themselves. Don't get me wrong I know medical intervention is necessary, but all the extra doses of drugs/vitamins, whatever you call it makes me crazy.

While we watch everything we put in our mouths, there are women addicted to drugs and alcohol, in horrible relationships and they continue to do drugs and drink excessivley and they can carry a baby to term without a thought in their head. While we struggle day to day to make something happen.

If it's meant to be, it'll happen. I know it doesn't make your loss any softer to hear that, but in the end I truly believe that is how it goes.

Many hugs to you during your time of grieving. :hug:

01-02-2008, 07:37 PM
I'm so sorry Boo that you are in so much pain. Do you think your husband is open to seeing a grief counselor with you? That may help him be more supportive of your need to keep trying. You and your husband also may need a regular romantic night out to remind each other why you fell in love. I so wish i can be there to hold you and support you right now. :hug: :hug: :hug: I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you.

And to your confusion of people telling you conflicting theories of whether or not it was God's will. I would never put my beliefs on someone else during their time of grief and confuse them. I would just put it out of my head until a later time when you can then think about it when it not so raw. I'm sure they meant well but just remember your own beliefs and keep faith in them. If they have helped you before it will help you now.