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The.Knitter
01-12-2008, 11:59 PM
So, believe it or not, my DD turned up at Christmas with a copy of Nicky Epstiens's "Knitting Beyond the Edge" for me. She had asked if there were any knitting books I wanted. I had told her I really wanted "Knitting On The Edge". For whatever reason she decided there was much more for me in "Beyond" so that is the book she got me. I geared myself up for a fight and yesterday I finally told her that I really thanked her and appreciated all the work and expense she had gone through to get me the book but that I REALLY wanted "ON", not "BEYOND", and would she mind terribly if I exchanged it. She blew a fit and hung up on me. I sent an apologetic e-mail saying that I would keep the book if it meant that much to her. Today I got a return e-mail with one line saying... "exchange the book, there's no sense keeping it if you won't use it."

To make a long story short, I have just gotten back from Chapters Book Store where I exchanged "BEYOND" for "ON". I am now the proud owner of a knitting book I WILL use a LOT. I am quite happy with this book. We spent an hour in Starbucks, drinking cappuccino and looking at all the different things I can now knit because I have the technology. :woohoo:

Now I wonder how long it is going to be before her highness talks to me again.... but right now I don't care because I feel ill again and am going back to bed!

auburnchick
01-13-2008, 12:08 AM
:hug:

Your daughter should not have been upset. I'm sorry you had to deal with it. At least you wound up getting what you wanted. Perhaps you could write her a beautiful note expressing how much you LOVE this book. Send her a picture when you complete a project using something from the book. Or better yet, make her something with a pattern from the book.

Nobones
01-13-2008, 08:13 AM
I'm sure she won't be moaning when she wants any one of the gorgeous things in that book.

Enjoy it, that's the only book on my list at them moment, it's a bit pricey over here so I think it will be a while before I get one.

The.Knitter
01-13-2008, 08:23 AM
I'm sure she won't be moaning when she wants any one of the gorgeous things in that book.

Enjoy it, that's the only book on my list at them moment, it's a bit pricey over here so I think it will be a while before I get one.

This and the Knitting Stitch Bible are the only knitting books I own now. I am very pleased with this book. I will be able to get creative with just plain baby blankets or anything else I choose to play around with.

And as for DD, she'll find something to moan about...

knitgal
01-13-2008, 10:40 AM
Oh Christine...it's too bad she was such a pain about it. I don't usually return things, but this Christmas I had to. My aunt got me Stephanie Pearl-McPhee's Casts Off, which i received from REVS in the Winter Wonderland swap, so I had to exchage it for Fitted Knits. My grandma got me a lovely sweater that made me look like an eggplant (HUGE on the bottom-not flattering). I didn't even tell her that I returned it. Personally I wouldn't want to know if someone as returning something I gave them, but I wouldn't be mad if they did. Your daughter probably just thought she did really well this year and was disapointed in herself. Or at least this is what I'm hoping! Anyways, now you have the book you wanted and you had a nice time with the DH.

GinnyG
01-13-2008, 11:53 AM
I understand that you would rather have have a book you would use but sometimes gifts are a funny thing. I would be thrilled if my daughter put thought and effort into buying me a gift, no matter what the gift was.

I'm trying to look at it from her perspective, she may have thought she was doing a good thing and felt criticized when you didn't want her book. Mother-Daughter relationships are strange and fragile things. I think I would have cherished the book for the effort she put into it and bought a used copy of the book I wanted on amazon.com. it's currently available for $14.00 (new is $18.00)

But, that is just me.

Jan in CA
01-13-2008, 03:19 PM
Considering what we've heard about your daughter and knitted items could she have just mixed them up? Most non-knitters are kind of oblivious about stuff like that and one looks pretty much the same as the other. Getting mad over it was silly though. :shrug:

alleusion
01-13-2008, 06:11 PM
Nope, she didn't mix it up...she felt that Christine would get more use out of the other one. I looked at it while visiting the other day and while it's a nice book, there's nothing in there I would want to knit either. I want the On the edge one too :p

Ronda
01-14-2008, 08:18 AM
:hug: Sounds stressful, but I'm glad you finally got the book you wanted. I really like Nathalie's idea about knitting her something from it. (Unless she's the one who never likes your knitted items...maybe I'm getting my posters mixed up here.)

My family has taken all the fun out of gift giving. Everyone gets a gift certificate or cash. How fun is that?! Sometimes I just want to suggest that everyone keep their own money and we just get together and have a nice dinner and spend some time together for the holidays. That sure would take the stress out of it! ;-)

nonny2t
01-14-2008, 09:46 AM
Honey, I sympathize. I have one of the most controling dd's in the world. If it isn't her idea, it is a lousy one. Though you are angry now, just know that the fact you exchanged it allowed you to use it instead of it sitting on a shelf. She will get over it, they always do. In the meantime, knit something out of it for her and give it to her, telling her it is from the book. How could she be mad at that? ;)

photolady
01-14-2008, 04:10 PM
I'm going to risk being the bad guy here, and say, I would never have told my DD that I didn't want the gift she gave me.

I would have quietly bought the book I did want. And, kept the book she gave me. It was a gift, an extension of her love for you.

I would have kept her gift, hugged her, and thanked her, smiled, and been glad that she cared enough about me to even take the time to get me ANYTHING.

You could always have a daughter who never gives you any gifts, who never calls you, and who never says thank you for anything.
Your daughter, God forbid, could be dead. She could be terribly ill.
I just don't understand it.
I wouldn't think of telling ANYone that the gift they got me was unacceptable. No matter what.

I'm sure I'm not the only one in here who feels like that.

The.Knitter
01-14-2008, 06:36 PM
PhotoLady:

My DD asked me before Christmas what she "was to get for me" and I gave her several choices in several price ranges, including slippers, gloves, a knitting book or a handmade card from my grandchildren (which is what I really wanted but did not get). I specified the name of that book I wanted via e-mail so that she would be able to print it out and have it as a reference.

She is the type of person who, when asked, tells you exactly what you are to get for her or her children and if it is not what she told you to get, you are told to return it and get what she told you to purchase (and NO she was not raised that way!).

My DD got engaged on Christmas Eve and has already found a dress on a website that I have been told I am to buy and wear to her wedding. The dress is $458.00. Thankfully I have a year and nine months to save for the dress and the wedding.

My DD is an extremely demanding and controlling woman. If something is not what she wants or demands then she will not talk to me for months and months, thereby meaning that I don't get to see my granchildren as well. I just went through this with her. It was 11 months that I did not see her or the children.

I have tried to be a good mother. I am considerate. I always run when asked to babysit or help out in any way. I constantly tell her how pretty she is, and how proud of her I am. I never refuse to talk to her or the children.

I made a huge fuss at Christmas time over the book that she had bought for me. A HUGE FUSS! I thanked her repeatedly and profusely. I CRIED I was so pleased! This is the first time in years I have gotten something from her at Christmas other than a calendar. I kept saying "and you went to all that trouble just for ME?"

The truth will out eventually! It turns out that the book I really asked for was out of stock the day she went to buy it a month before Christmas, and was also $6.98 more in price, so she just grabbed the one they did have on the shelf by the same author and said it would be "good enough for me" (her words)!

I am sorry you think I am such a bad mother and so ill mannered that I "rejected" her "thoughtful" gift. There are more chapters to this story than you know about or than I care to air on the internet. Let's just leave it at this... the DD's x boyfriend's mother (my 1st grandchild's other grandmother) is usually the one that gets the nice gifts from my DD for Christmas, Mother's Day and birthdays and then DD always calls me and tells me what she has gotten this woman, who's birthday is a few days before mine. When my birthday comes there is a phone call, an e-mail or one time an actual birthday card that she had gotten from someone else, erased the signature, signed the card and given to me, with NO envelope.

Anyways, I told you there is more to this story than you read on here. Think what you will of me, I KNOW I have been a good parent and grandparent.

Chikky
01-14-2008, 06:45 PM
:hug:

Shandeh
01-17-2008, 08:32 AM
I'm sorry things have been so frustrating with your daughter. It seems that family issues are always a mystery. :pout:

You know, the more I think about it, I don't think she would have even known if you had quietly exchanged it without saying anything. She probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference in the two books. Maybe that's why she bought the other book....maybe it was a mistake, and she didn't know until you told her. Then, maybe she said that she bought the other one on purpose to cover herself?
:shrug:

In either case, I would just let it go, and not say anything else about it. Just enjoy your new book, and move on to other things. No need to prolong the argument. It sounds like she still has some maturing to do.

Good luck! :hug:

GinnyG
01-17-2008, 01:13 PM
I don't think photolady was criticizing you, or saying you were a bad mother. There are many different ways to view the problem . Like many I assumed you were asking for opinions and thoughts from the forum.

This book problem is about far more than a book, it's about a life time of issues between you and your daughter.

justsmi
01-17-2008, 01:22 PM
:hug: i'm in the same boat you are, if i do get something from my dd its usually something that she wants...knowing i'll hate it and she'll confiscate it.

The.Knitter
01-17-2008, 02:05 PM
Perhaps I should not vent in here.

I did feel as if I had been attacked (the poster in question even said she was going to be the `bad guy` so she knew how I would take her comments before she posted them) and I did feel like a horrible person after reading her post, just for wanting to return something that was bought for me, but that I would never use. It seemed a shame to me that after having someone spend $40 on a book I could not get some use from it.

I`ve learned my lesson. I will keep my mouth shut all the way around, with my DD as well as in here. That way I won`t be letting myself in for any unnecessary hurt feelings.

This is a knitting forum. I will use it as such. I forgot that and treated it as more. I am grateful for this forum and the knitting information I have collected and will keep on collecting from the forum and it`s members.

Hildegard_von_Knittin
01-17-2008, 06:10 PM
In the hopes of diffusing the tension....

I have all three "Edge" books and looooove them. I refer to "over" and "beyond" more than "on", though. I have all of Nicky Epstein's books, and I dont' think I could pick a favorite.

IMHO, the "edge" series is right up there with the vogue stitchionaries on the MUST OWN list.

As an adult, I've (personally) found it hard to buy stuff for my mom; she has everything. If she mentions in passing that she's been looking for something (8 o'clock ground decaff was the latest) and can't get it in the boondocks where she lives, I look around for it here and send to her what I find. :shrug: Maybe uncreative, but I've never had that gift-giving knack. My first Christmas with my ex-husband was a disaster; I got him a shirt that didn't fit and a movie he already had. He found ME an out-of-print copy of the annotated Alice books by Lewis Carrol, which was just fantastic.

C'est la vie :shrug:

scout52
01-17-2008, 06:44 PM
:hug: :hug: Please don't feel like you shouldn't feel like you can't vent on here. that's want the off topic forum is for!!! I think you are a WONDERFUL mother!! You make your daughter and her kids WONDERFUL THOUGHTFUL knitted gifts that I am jealous off. I would love to have you as MY mother. I think your daughter is an ungrateful little brat you doesn't realize just what a wonderful mother she has. At least her kids do realize what a wonderful grandmother they have. I think you did a wonderful job as a mother. Just because she turn as as a brat has nothing to do with you. it has to do with herself. She won't realize until later just how lucky she is to have you. please vent all you want to us. that is what we are here for.

I understand why you wanted a certain book. And why you told her. you didn't want to hurt her feelings. Next time, exchange it without telling her. she is so into herself she probably won't even notice. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Jan in CA
01-17-2008, 09:16 PM
I'm sorry you were hurt, but please don't worry about venting here! I think you are a great mother who has a very difficult daughter to deal with. :hug:

It's okay to voice our opinions, and everyone has different views, but sometimes they can come off as a little hurtful if we aren't careful. No one knows what is really going on in another persons life so we need to take that into consideration. And this is yet another good reason for the smilies. ;)

auburnchick
01-18-2008, 12:03 AM
Perhaps I should not vent in here.


I love your quirky sense of humor and hope that you will continue to post "non-knitting" tidbits. This place is an important outlet for me. I love the knitting tips and projects, but I really love being able to come here and talk about other stuff too. I'm sure you've felt the same way, which is why you posted this. You needed someone to listen.

Knitting is what drew me here, but the wonderful people keep me coming back way more than I should (i.e. I need to write my paper but I'm posting this ;)).

So, continue to post. God gave us all different experiences in life, and I believe that part of the reason He did (other than it would be a pretty boring place if he hadn't) was to enable us to share and support each other through those experiences. Most of us can identify with family issues since there is no such thing as the perfect family.

:hug:

GinnyG
01-18-2008, 06:29 AM
Isn't the point of a forum two way dialoge? I think EVERYONE who posted feels badly for you, we have families and children and know what pain they can cause.

When I am crazy out of my mind about something it often helps to have someone give me a different perspective.

Forums are great places to vent but you have to accept that there will be different viewpoints and different opinions. I think all the thoughts here were sympathetic and concerned even if they didn't agree with you.
I truly am sorry that you are having a difficult time .

cheesiesmom
01-18-2008, 02:44 PM
Well, I hope you won't take this in the wrong light, but I tend to agree that you should have quietly returned the book for the one you wanted. I probably would have kept the original one, also and saved myself a lot of hassle that certainly wasn't worth it. Since she seems to do this all the time, you just have to take all precautions not to set her off. What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

Now, for your DD's attitude. My mother used to cop out and just give money to my children (once we were adults, she didn't buy b'day or christmas gifts for her children; another possibility for you). I hated the the money thing cuz I wanted my kids to have a gift to open up. But at the same time, Mother did teach me that when you buy something for someone else, you include the gift receipt so the receiver can just return it without making a fuss. I'm not sure if you mentioned it, but I hope you're not dragging yourself out for a second round of shopping for replacements for your DD and grandkids. If she has the gift receipt and isn't happy with what she got, then she can do whatever she pleases. You did more than should be expected.

As far as the dress for the wedding, you should just tell her that it is far too expensive and that you'll find something perfectly suitable that will fit your style and budget. Tuff if she doesn't like that answer. It's your money and your body. If she has her heart set on that dress, well suggest she pick up the tab for it. If she doesn't want to, well then maybe the dress isn't all that great after all.

(I guess it's too late to give her a good whack across the butt when she acts up, huh?)

Sometimes you just have to wonder where these attitudes came from. My DH and I practically jammed the ideas of a good education and a college degree down our son's throat when he was growing up. He dropped out of college and is barely making ends meet as a waiter in a sports bar (at 31!). He spends an inordinate amount of time on his "music" hobby which is going no where and he can't even find a girlfriend because he has no future. Fortunately, our DD got her degree and is steaming full ahead on her career. Night and Day. Go figure?!

This is, of course, my opinion and your should just ignore everything and don't let anyone stop you from posting or venting.

Abbily
01-18-2008, 02:45 PM
I hope you won't stop venting in here, and I hope you won't stop feeling comfortable in here. It's ok to take responses 'with a grain of salt', so to speak, knowing that the people reading your vents often don't know the whole story. Take the responses that comfort or help you to heart, and let the others go. This is such an emotional issue for you (how could it not be?) that I know it must be hard to separate yourself from the issues.

snowbear
01-18-2008, 03:05 PM
We all have had times we need to vent. Getting others opinions opens up a lot of possibilities. But, remember.. they are just possibilities.

take all the info and see what will work best for you. As no one can know all the history behind a situation, take the advice, and do what will work the best.

Good luck and know we are all pulling for you... Good luck in whatever avenue you choose.

I do feel that there are times adult children should be spanked, lol. I do know I become very frustrated with mine at times, but it is their life to lead as well.

:hug:

photolady
01-18-2008, 06:12 PM
I don't think photolady was criticizing you, or saying you were a bad mother. There are many different ways to view the problem . Like many I assumed you were asking for opinions and thoughts from the forum.

This book problem is about far more than a book, it's about a life time of issues between you and your daughter.

Yup.
I said what I said because I figured u were asking for opinions.
Not looking for someone to lash out at.

photolady
01-18-2008, 06:17 PM
We all have had times we need to vent. Getting others opinions opens up a lot of possibilities. I do know I become very frustrated with mine at times, but it is their life to lead as well.

:hug:

As long as an offspring is over 18, there's no need to spiral out the door about their behavior.
It's not in your hands, anymore. Mine are 30 and 28, and I don't say anything to them about their behaviors, anymore. They know my views, and they're free to make their own way in life as they see fit.
Moms are sometimes convenient people to ignore, or to passively agress after.
Don't let her get to you. And, don't get to her. As for the dress, I'd tell her, if I didn't have the money, that I was going to pick out my OWN dress, under my own budget terms, and I hope she can deal with it. It isn't about the dress, it's about if she wants you there at the wedding.
If my kid told me to fork over money I didn't have, I'd laugh, and tell her I was going to show up in a walmart special.

photolady
01-18-2008, 06:29 PM
PhotoLady:


She is the type of person who, when asked, tells you exactly what you are to get for her or her children and if it is not what she told you to get, you are told to return it and get what she told you to purchase

ha ha! If my daughters told me that, they KNOW they would be talking to the wall. In the future, if she asks for a barbie doll special edition dressed in red, get her a naked barbie doll.
Tell her it's a "special edition".

My DD is an extremely demanding and controlling woman. If something is not what she wants or demands then she will not talk to me for months and months, thereby meaning that I don't get to see my granchildren as well.
You just wait, when the grandkids are old enough, tell them the truth.
Your daughter will probably show her behind enough to her kids, that they'll believe you, when you tell them how she was blackmailing you.


I am sorry you think I am such a bad mother and so ill mannered that I "rejected" her "thoughtful" gift.
Good grief! I don't think you're a bad mother, just an ill used mother.
Tell your daughter you wish to relate to her as adult to adult,
not parent to child, or child to parent.

Think what you will of me, I KNOW I have been a good parent and grandparent.
Since you know you are a good parent and grandparent, then calm down and chill out. Don't get into an uproar over what I say, or anyone else says. If someone called me a candy bar thief, I'd laugh at them, cause I'd know it wasn't true. You are a good person. At least you care. Some parents don't give a hoot.
As for the grandkids, and not seeing them, I know how hard that is.
I have my own story, but, it's not worth reading here.

OK? Treat yourself to something really special. When I get down, I go have coffee at a nice coffee shop, and I look at the sky, and listen to the birds. I relax, and pat myself on the back. Shoot, no one else will. Be GOOD to yourself.
And, be sure to buy the grandkids LOTS of sugary snacks the next time you baby sit them. And, let them walk outside in their socks, in the front lawn, or something. And, give them ANOTHER nerd rope.Let them be climbing the walls with energy when mommy dearest picks them up.

photolady
01-18-2008, 06:35 PM
Well, I hope you won't take this in the wrong light, but I tend to agree that you should have quietly returned the book for the one you wanted. I probably would have kept the original one, also and saved myself a lot of hassle that certainly wasn't worth it. Since she seems to do this all the time, you just have to take all precautions not to set her off.
I wouldn't care about setting her off anymore. She's playing a game, and it's time to put the board away.


I'm not sure if you mentioned it, but I hope you're not dragging yourself out for a second round of shopping for replacements for your DD and grandkids. If she has the gift receipt and isn't happy with what she got, then she can do whatever she pleases. You did more than should be expected.
Like I said, I thought she was being ill used, and pushed around. Emotional blackmail is hard to get out from under, but, GET OUT FROM UNDER IT!

As far as the dress for the wedding, you should just tell her that it is far too expensive and that you'll find something perfectly suitable that will fit your style and budget.
THRIFT STORE OR WAL MART! AND, IN A YUCKY COLOR! WITH A RIP IN IT!

his is, of course, my opinion and your should just ignore everything and don't let anyone stop you from posting or venting.

GIVE HER SOMETHING TO GET IN A SNIT ABOUT. Stop worrying.

KnittingNat
01-20-2008, 06:10 AM
After reading the whole thread, i realize that your DD is a selfish brat and you have nothing to do with it. My mother is just the opposite - she turned out a caring, loving, sincere person with a manipulative, lying, two-faced mother (yep, that's my grandma). About the book - I have to agree, I would exchange without telling her, but i would not make her any more gifts. If you come to babysit your grandchildren - you're coming for them and not for your daughter. You don't have to talk to her or relate to her stories. If I were you, I wouldn't be going to her wedding at all, if she treats her ex-supposed-mother-in-law better than she treats you and bothers to brag about it in your face. From what you've wrote, she's a serial bride/girlfriend. If every time she wants to get married, you'll wear what she wants - you'll go bankrupt :hair: . Just wear walmart dress and give her a 2-hand card saying "see you next time" :rofl: . I think that somewhere deep inside you think that if you'll try harder, she will change. But she won't and you have to accept that fact and the fact that's it's not your fault and it's not your job to change her. Just try to stay away from her as much as possible to avoid the pain. My grandma is always trying to come between my mother and me, telling lies and stories, so i try to talk to her once a month without giving her a chance to catch something out of my mouth and start WWIII with that.
I hope you won't find my post offensive, I just really feel bad for you, you try and give and the other person just takes and that makes me sad. Don't stop venting here, nobody is trying to offend, just present another point of view. Sometimes, written things sound differently from what the person meant.
Lots of :hug: and :muah:

auburnchick
01-20-2008, 10:28 AM
You know...the more I read, the more I get concerned.

I do not agree with the daughter trying to control things, such as the dress you should wear to her wedding. Given your limited budget, that's not fair.

What concerns me...that I've been hearing...is acting vindictively towards the daughter. I do not believe that is right, no matter how much she might hurt you. It will only serve to make things worse. Plus, what kind of example would you be setting for those grandchildren who will, by the way, come to see their mother's actions for what they are.

I had a very bad relationship with my own mother, but I tried desperately to keep the door open to her. She was very controlling and negative. But to close the door by purposefully acting vindictive was just something I could not do, despite some of the things she did...even after I got married and moved away.

Things have gotten better, so I'm thankful for what I did. It's not to say that I didn't tell her how I felt in the midst of everything (once I got up the courage...a very difficult thing, I assure you), and that in itself nearly cost me the relationship with her due to the affront she felt (and still occasionally refers to).

Respond to your daughter in love. Sure, feel free to tell her how she's upset you, but don't act mean-spirited. Your family doesn't need two people acting this way, and you wouldn't want her to use your actions against you by forbidding you to see those wonderful grandchildren.

Your love may eventually pave the way for a good relationship later on.

:hug:

The.Knitter
01-20-2008, 10:49 AM
I truly do not understand how you think I have been vindictive towards my DD. Could you please explain this to me?

auburnchick
01-20-2008, 11:01 AM
:hug:

I did not mean to imply that YOU have been vindictive towards her. You know I would never, ever insinuate that. I try very hard not to be judgmental when I post.

:hug:

Some of the posts have advised staying away from her, buying a cheap dress from Wal-mart, just to spite her...yada, yada, yada.

I just wanted to say that I think you should respond in love. Stick up for yourself, refuse to pay for that expensive dress, but keep treating her kindly.

Hope I cleared the air.

I adore you...I hope you know that. :hug:

auburnchick
01-20-2008, 11:03 AM
I just went back and re-read the first paragraph of my other post. It does sound like I implied you had been rude to your daughter. Sorry that my words got kind of messed up. My intention was not that at all.

So sorry. Please forgive me for any angst I caused...

The.Knitter
01-20-2008, 11:07 AM
OK, now I understand. I would never show up at my DD's wedding looking like a bag lady, even if only to show that I have some style and class. I would not go to Walmart to purchase the dress either. I have a friend who was a seamstress at a wedding store for 27 years and yesterday she has generously agreed to make the dress my DD wants me to wear at her wedding, but at a much less expensive cost to me.

I always TRY to respond to my DD with love. If I cannot do that due to anger or hurt, I avoid talking to her for that day until I have calmed down. I don't refuse her calls, but I do not get into hurtful or dangerous discussions when I am upset. If DD tries to do that I find a way to get off the phone/computer, claiming someone at the door or an appointment I have to go to, etc.

And yes, I know we are good friends! That is why I asked for an explanation of the comment you made, instead of flying off the handle (which is usually how I react to my DD as well, I always give an opportunity to explain before getting upset).

auburnchick
01-20-2008, 12:46 PM
Thank you, my friend. :muah:

KnittingNat
01-20-2008, 01:41 PM
Nathalie and The.Knitter, I don't think any of us meant seriously wearing a dress from Walmart (which is hard for me to offend as i've never been to one :rofl:), at least I wrote it just to make The.Knitter feel better. And still i don't think that treating everyone with love always helps. A horrible example is the Holocaust - German Jews loved their country and couldn't understand why it treats them so ill and refused to leave and look what happened. I know it's a harsh example, but i guess i'm more on the cynical side. If a person treats you so ill, as giving you a used birthday card, I don't think there's much love left there. Sometimes you just have to admit that your child is not what you hoped for. I admire The.Knitter for her patience and love with which she makes presents and try over and over to give to her daughter, but to tell the truth - i think i would disconnect myself from that person a long time ago. I guess i'm not as generous as you are, Nathalie (though we share the same name :teehee:), I just can't give without limits to someone who can't appreciate it at all and keeps offending me and hurting my feelings that way.
:hug:

auburnchick
01-20-2008, 01:51 PM
You know...we're all human. It's natural to want to lash out or withdraw when we're hurt. I've certainly done it plenty of times.

And you are so right that you can't always win over someone with love. But, you never, ever know when that 10th or 100th or 1000th kind response will hit its target differently. You know...that "aha" moment.

Trust me...I'm no angel. My life is not perfect, as y'all have read about my experiences with my own daughter.

I think the people here are wonderful, and I fault no one for the advice they gave.

My sister once read a book that spoke about not analyzing people's intent but simply accepting things at face value. The author of the book stated that we free ourselves when we don't worry about the underlying stuff behind people's actions.

Yes, it sounds naive, but what an amazing feeling to have the load lifted off of our shoulders if we did not constantly (even unconsciously) scrutinize the meaning behind the things that are said or done to us.

Oh, I'm just rambling, so forgive me.

All I know is that we all feel The Knitter's pain, and we sympathize for her. Strained relationships are disconcerting and tremendously upsetting.

:hug:

Quiltlady
01-20-2008, 02:07 PM
It's too bad you even told her you were exchanging the book. Maybe she never would have found out and didn't need to even know.
I have a few knitting books that are "beyond" me too. I like them to dream on. Glad you finally got the one you wanted.

alleusion
01-20-2008, 05:36 PM
Ya know love, your DD and my sister should get together. With their matching personalities, they'd make the best of friends....or the worst of enemies.

photolady
01-22-2008, 10:21 AM
You know...the more I read, the more I get concerned.



What concerns me...that I've been hearing...is acting vindictively towards the daughter. I do not believe that is right, no matter how much she might hurt you. It will only serve to make things worse. Plus, what kind of example would you be setting for those grandchildren who will, by the way, come to see their mother's actions for what they are.



You're right, and it's good that a strong Christian had the fortitude to stand up and call sin, sin.
I apologize for saying you should be vengeful towards her. Or, anyone. That is a temptation, and it looks like I fell into it.