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View Full Version : Just a rant: forgetting children?


knitncook
03-16-2008, 11:58 AM
I just read yet another news article about someone who forgot their child was in their car and the baby died because it was left in the car all day. How do you forget that you have one of your children with you? I mean I can understand the father getting to work and doing the V-8 slap that he forgot to go to the daycare, but how do you not notice that your child is in the backseat of your car? It just astounds me! I feel sorry for the couple having lost their baby in such a tragic way, but is forgetting your child that easy? I suppose if this were the first time I had heard about it I wouldn't be as shocked, but it seems like you read about this kind of thing several times a year. It's so sad!

snowbear
03-16-2008, 01:18 PM
I agree.. I would not judge the parents.. but maybe there needs to be some kind of a beeper if there is a baby in the car, a beeper goes off till the baby is removed...

I can't even begin to understand the loss those parents must feel.

katknit
03-16-2008, 01:20 PM
I know what you mean. Mindboggling and tragic. :sad:

mwhite
03-16-2008, 01:37 PM
Pardon my french but HOW THE HELL DO YOU FORGET YOUR CHILD IS WITH YOU? I mean, you had to help them get into the car! Too much cellphone activity, too much of anything! Sorry, but I DO blame the driver/parent/careprovider. I talk with Maddi (DGD) when she's in my car. No one has ANY excuse for this. Mary

bailsmom
03-16-2008, 01:53 PM
Pardon my french but HOW THE HELL DO YOU FORGET YOUR CHILD IS WITH YOU? I mean, you had to help them get into the car! Too much cellphone activity, too much of anything! Sorry, but I DO blame the driver/parent/careprovider. I talk with Maddi (DGD) when she's in my car. No one has ANY excuse for this. Mary


I completely agree with this statement. There is no way in hell you can forget there is someone else in the car with you. I'm sorry if you don't agree with this, but it's true. Yes, it is a terrible loss for the family, but plain and simple: You can't forget there is someone in the car with you. I don't care how busy you are. End of story.

cindycactus
03-16-2008, 03:58 PM
I also do not know how you forget that you have a child in the car with you that you are supposed to take to daycare. Someone has way too much on their mind. A parent needs to take the time they are with their child to interact with them. Even a baby in the back seat could enjoy hearing a parent's voice while they ride to daycare. It is tragic!

maniago
03-16-2008, 04:15 PM
I agree, you couldn't possibly forget you have a child in the car. My daughter used to sing and talk constantly, we would do ABC's or numbers all the way

katknit
03-16-2008, 04:24 PM
I'm assuming most of these child victims were asleep when their parent left the car. How else could it happen?

kellyh57
03-16-2008, 05:27 PM
I can see forgetting if the child is sleeping, but you'd think you'd notice them when you get out of the car. Wouldn't you see them when you got out? Why would the daycare not call and ask where the child was? Do they really not care?

I saw one of the parents on TV a while back. Apparently, Dad usually took the kids to daycare but she had to take them all that day because they were down to one car for some reason. She forgot all about it until it was too late. They had tried calling her but she wasn't answering her cell phone. Duh. She suggested to leave something either on the dashboard/steering wheel or right next to you to remind you that you have the child. (Their toy, diaper bag, backpack, etc.) Then, when you drop off the kid, it's gone so you don't have to think about it. I think simply looking in your windows would be so much easier. I always check my car to make sure there's nothing left in there anyway!

A few months ago I had that fear that I left my baby at home. He used to cry all the time in the car or play or something. He was being REALLY quiet and it kind of freaked me out. I checked and saw his car seat/carrier. Then I started to wonder if I left him but grabbed his carrier empty. Of course I didn't, but after hearing all these stories, that fear was in the back of my mind.

feministmama
03-16-2008, 06:50 PM
My mother left my brother at a store when he was 7. THis was way back in the 70s. The amazing this is my brother hung out at the store for about an hour and realized he had been forgotten. But rather than ask a clerk to call or something he decided to walk. It was a 10 minute drive. In the dark, late at night, snow on the ground with no street lights through a heavy wooded area. It took him a couple of hours. He came busrting in the door "YOU FORGOT ME!!!!" My mother was so shocked. At the time we thought it was kind of funny (Hey I was 8) but I think about how brave my littel brother is to do something like that. I would've just sat on the floor crying.

newamy
03-16-2008, 10:48 PM
I don't see how one can forget a baby either. But I was misplaced twice as a kid. Feministmama's story reminded me. Both times when we were visiting my grandparents in Portland. I had good responsible parents, my grandparents lived in a nice neighborhood (Laurelhurst if you know it). Once I was pretty young, maybe 3 or 4? I don't remember this, I was told the story. I was outside playing and wandered just a bit away from the yard I guess. The neighbor found me and carried me all around the block knocking at doors. He finally came to my grandparents door. He would have gotten there first if he had headed in the other direction. Anyway, I hadn't been missed.
The other time I was older and had been playing with the girls next door to my grandparents. I always played with them when we visited. Anyway my brother had a concert to perform in and my grandparents, parents, and brothers all left without me. Once there my parents missed me and called the neighbor. They said I could stay! What fun, I didn't have to go to the concert. I think in in both cases I was forgotten because I'm the youngest and on those visits lots of activity and visiting was going on.
A friend of mine was forgotten when she was about middle school age. She was doing an after school activity and her mom forgot to pick her up. She waited and waited outside the school in the cold and dark. Her family sat down and had dinner and did not miss her until after the meal. Then her mom finally came. My friend was really mad.

Debkcs
03-17-2008, 01:27 AM
Having worked in ER's in some very hot areas of this country, I can tell you that this is a bigger problem than you think. Some of these kids die, but some are brought in so dehydrated that there is often brain damage. You don't hear about these kids in the news.

An ER doc told us that if you ever see a kid in a car, especially on a hot day, call 911. If they don't get there in three minutes, "break the frigging window in".

I wouldn't leave mine in the car to go in and pay for gas, much less go for a drink, or any of the other reasons why people do this.

msoebel
03-17-2008, 10:17 AM
In most of the cases that I have been aware of, the parent is not the one who usually takes the child to daycare (or wherever), the child was asleep, and the parent was overly exhausted. And I don't know about y'all, but our daycare doesn't check on our dd until she is missing her second day. They care...they just have 100+ kids and a relaxed drop off policy.

I feel sorry for those parents. It's got to be AWFUL to know that your child is dead (or severely hurt) because of your mistake.

The ones that get me up in arms are the ones who leave their children or pets in the car while they "run" into the store. How many little kids or pets are left in the car for 30+ minutes? On a warm day, that's all it takes. Not to mention what can happen to unmonitored children in a brief period of time. They could be kidnapped, they could be injured in an accident (Hey, I've hit a parked car before!)

Last year, I took dd to McDonalds for a happy meal lunch, and were horrified to see a car burst into flames in the parking lot across the street. Fortunately, a quick thinking on looker broke the windows and freed the 2 small dogs who were trapped in the car before they were seriously injured.

The owner of the vehicle never even showed up. They don't know which store they were actually in.

kellyh57
03-17-2008, 12:55 PM
Back when I first moved down here 99/2000, there was a child killed when his mom left him in the car to go grab a drink. It was just going to be a second. The "car thief" saw the car running and her gone so he jumped in. The mother saw it and ran to go get her child out. He ended up being drug to his death. The "thief" didn't even see him until it was too late. (I quote thief because he got charged with kidnapping and murder.) It's illegal around here to leave your car running if you're not in it (with keys-I have remote start/no keys and I can do that). I think it's a given after that incident, but people are thoughtless sometimes!

I remember a story from here last summer I think. Some lady had "run" into the store and left her baby in the car. Someone saw the baby in the car and called 911. I don't remember if it was the fire dept. or security, but they were breaking into her car when she got there and was going nuts. She apparently forgot that she left the baby in there and had been in the store for 45 minutes. I think the baby ended up being okay in the long run, but she did have to be taken into protective custody because of the incident. Serves her right!

Kelly

princess
03-17-2008, 01:19 PM
there was a huge story a few years ago about some woman who ran into the store and left her baby in the running car during the winter. well someone saw this and stole the car not realizing there was a kid in the back seat. well they person ditched the car awhile later, and fortunatly had the heart to leave the heat running for the baby, so they didnt end up getting charged with kidnapping since it was not the intent.

RachelJean
03-17-2008, 01:21 PM
There was an article in our local paper about kids being left behind by a forgetful parent. According to the article, experts say that when the human brain is overly stressed out, it will forget things, and the importance of the item doesn't matter. Supposedly, forgetting keys, appointments, papers, kids...it's all the same. I'm not sure if I buy that, though. I've forgotten many many things in my life, but I never forgot one of my kids!

Abbily
03-17-2008, 01:26 PM
My husband just sent me this article on Friday http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23594474/ This isn't someone who forgot her child, but someone who intentionally left the child alone in the car. I don't get this either. Why not just take a little extra effort? This child could have been kidnapped, injured in an accident... just so the mom could take a picture of her other child donating money?

boo1
03-17-2008, 01:28 PM
it's horrible to imagine but even worse for people like me who would give ANYTHING to have a baby and have to watch people neglect theirs.

letah75
03-17-2008, 02:33 PM
my parents (both very responsible) lost me in Mexico one time. Both thought the other had me, I had wandered away to look at a doll in a store window. I remember (had to be 5 at the time) realizing my parents were nowhere around and had left me. I stood on the street crying, thinking "I'm going to have to get adopted and I can't even speak spanish" It felt like forever, but was likely only about 15min before both parents me up where ever they were supposed to meet and realized neither had me. Needless to say I was found.

But I was kind of an ornery child. I would wander away. Mom lost me in a store one time. I was about 4, I went to the clerk and told her my mom lost me. I was asked my name but wouldn't give up anymore info because "I don't talk to strangers" Finally in a fit of frustration the clerk gave me the speaker and told me to call my mom. Apparently, my mother was horribly embarrassed to hear her 4 year old over the speaker saying "Milene _____ you are my Mommy and you lost me. I at the front and strangers are talking to me. You need to come get me NOW!"

Lets see dad forgot me at school numerous times, I got myself lost due to wandering away so many times, the above two examples are a small sampling.

Mom used to leave me in the car to run into the store, but that was in the 70's different time, different attitudes.....I would NEVER do that with Little jr. and he's 7. If I'm going into the gas station to pay for gas I will get him out of the car and drag him in with me.

I know, my parents don't sound responsible with the above stories, but really they are. :-)

SabrinaJL
03-17-2008, 02:33 PM
I feel really bad for the parents who forget their child in the car, because with my daughter, it was one of my biggest fears. The parents who leave their child in the car purposely to go shopping or gambling or whatever, I have less sympathy for.

But I think the woman in the article is being judged too harshly. She was only 30 feet away from her car and only for a few minutes. It's not like she actually went IN somewhere. I think in the circumstances she was in, I might have done the same.

And what really stands out to me is this quote...child welfare workers found no credible evidence of abuse or neglect. So a woman who isn't a bad mother should be sent to jail for a year because she left her child in a locked car, with the alarm on, while she was a few feet away and in sight of it the whole time? I personally don't think so.

ecb
03-18-2008, 08:57 AM
He would leave the kids in the car, go into a store, or more than one store. One day I found the car, with my eldest reading a book to her younger sister while the baby slept. I took all 3 kids into my car, and was talking and playing with them waiting for their father to come out of the Grocery store (all my eldest daughter knew was that she had read a couple books). 40 min later he came out of the video store at the edge of the parking lot with a bag of groceries, and a couple movies, he actually got in the car and pulled up to the parking lot exit before he realized he was missing something.


the worst part is he did not stop the habit, I ended up eventually being the kid driver most of the time since I could not trust him. it was not even the beginning of the end, it was a big part of the end.

just my 2c on this

knitncook
03-18-2008, 10:30 AM
All of your stories remind me that my mother (my own mother for Pete's sake) has lost my son (her ONLY grandson) at Disney World TWICE! Both times she forgot that he was supposed to be with her. They had both gone off together alone to go look at something and both times my mom returned without him. Uh, hello, Mother! You went to go see something *with* him. How can you forget he was with you. Once he was just 2 years old and still non-verbal (he's autistic). He also had waist length blonde curls. So the Cast Members trying to help us were looking for a boy and kept by-passing a little girl (which also totally baffled me that they weren't paying attention to a child wandering all alone!) Took about 20 minutes to find him. The second time she lost him in one of the shops. He was 4 at the time and still not very verbal. But he did what we told him to do if he ever got lost and that was just to stay where he was. As you can imagine we don't go to Disney with my parents anymore.

Knitting_Guy
03-19-2008, 12:53 PM
While I can't imagine how someone could forget their child is in the car, I can't judge them for it either. To me it seems very irresponsible but I wasn't there, haven't lived that day for them, and can't say how or why it could happen. I really feel for their pain. They'll have to live with it for the rest of their life.