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Sunshine's Mom
03-31-2008, 04:04 PM
In a terribly silly conversation with my friends last night at our weekly band practice someone mentioned how in Austria (I think), because land is scarce for cemeteries, you only rent a grave. If your family doesn't keep up on the rental fee they remove you and let someone else use the grave. Sounds crazy I know, but there you go. It takes all kinds.

We got onto the subject (naturally) of what we want to have happen to our remains when our time here is done. By this point we were getting pretty good laughs from ourselves. My sister, who plays the drums and has mentioned this before, said she wanted to be cremated and placed in a bass drum-shaped urn and kept on my mantel. I have no problem with this at all. It may be silly to some, but I could honestly see this coming true. Not for about 30 or 40 years - hopefully, but...you get my drift? It was a silly conversation to start with.

Naturally, I had to Google "Drum shaped urns" today. Didn't find one, but I did find this one and had a good giggle thinking of all of us: It's called the "Knitting Urn" with a picture of needles and yarn!

Cynamar
03-31-2008, 05:12 PM
How cute! Now I'm thinking......

Eccie
03-31-2008, 05:20 PM
Most be something in the air, I was just doing some research on "green burials' this morning. Hubby says he wats to be creamated and I tell him I'm going to turn his ashes into the compost. Myself, I don't want to be pumped full of chemicals and buried in a concrete box. It's ridicously expensive and I'm going to dead so why try to preserve me. I'd prefer to be simply wrapped in a shroud and chucked in a hole. But that's just me :P

Cynamar
03-31-2008, 05:21 PM
Have you heard of a process where they turn the ashes into a diamond? I don't know that I would do it but it intrigues me.

dustinac
03-31-2008, 05:25 PM
Isn't that knitting urn something? If I bring up that subject to dh he gets all weirded out...and won't talk about it...I think we should have a laid out a plan...he thinks I don't want you to die so I'm not discussing it...:teehee:

Cynamar
03-31-2008, 05:26 PM
No matter how young you are you should have a plan. That's not being morbid or anything.

dustinac
03-31-2008, 05:32 PM
No matter how young you are you should have a plan. That's not being morbid or anything.
:thumbsup: Exactly...if I could just get my husband to see that...he has his insurance and all that in place...but far as sitting down and talking about exact details...forget about it :wall:

The.Knitter
03-31-2008, 06:08 PM
Neither of my parents had a plan laid out ON PAPER! We knew what they wanted because they said it time and time again, but they did not put it in the wills.

I have their urns sitting here on a shelf in my livingroom because half of the "children" wanted to do what my parents wanted and half wanted them put in the ground. My parents wanted to be cremated (which was done) and scattered somewhere pretty and peaceful and full of nature. This has not been done because no one agrees. The executor (my eldest cousin) sent my parents to live with me because he knew they would be well cared for here.

Don't listen to anyone else! If you have certain wishes PUT THEM ON PAPER! The law states those are your final wishes and MUST be carried out if THEY ARE IN THE WILL! It's NEVER too early to think of it, plan it and put it down in a will.

Do it for YOUR peace of mind, but keep it in mind that it makes it so much easier for the survivors to carry out your wishes if they are "carved in stone".

I can't stress it enough. The day after I buried my mother I updated my will. Two months later I buried my father. Keep the will updated but MAKE A WILL!

My Dad used to say "if you're not hereafter what I'm hereafter, I'll be hereafter you're gone!" This is NOT always the case.

losnana
03-31-2008, 07:15 PM
I agree that you should put your wishes on paper; however, your will is not the place to do it. Very often a will is not found, or if found, is not read, before a funeral. Then it is too late to learn the true wishes of your loved one. As an attorney I've run into this problem several times.

Write your wishes down; put the document in a safe place; and make sure tht the relevant parties know where the document is and how strongly you feel about your desires. Even better, if possible, make the arrangements ahead of time with the funeral director.
Neither of my parents had a plan laid out ON PAPER! We knew what they wanted because they said it time and time again, but they did not put it in the wills.

I have their urns sitting here on a shelf in my livingroom because half of the "children" wanted to do what my parents wanted and half wanted them put in the ground. My parents wanted to be cremated (which was done) and scattered somewhere pretty and peaceful and full of nature. This has not been done because no one agrees. The executor (my eldest cousin) sent my parents to live with me because he knew they would be well cared for here.


I agree that one's wishes should be put down on paper; however your will is not the place to do it. Very often wills are not found, or if found, are not read, until after a funeral. Then it is too late to discover what someone REALLY wanted. As an attorney, I have run into this problem more than once.
Write your wishes down, put them in a safe place and make sure that the relevant people know where that document is and that you feel very strongly about those wishes.

Don't listen to anyone else! If you have certain wishes PUT THEM ON PAPER! The law states those are your final wishes and MUST be carried out if THEY ARE IN THE WILL! It's NEVER too early to think of it, plan it and put it down in a will.

Do it for YOUR peace of mind, but keep it in mind that it makes it so much easier for the survivors to carry out your wishes if they are "carved in stone".

I can't stress it enough. The day after I buried my mother I updated my will. Two months later I buried my father. Keep the will updated but MAKE A WILL!

My Dad used to say "if you're not hereafter what I'm hereafter, I'll be hereafter you're gone!" This is NOT always the case.

cftwo
03-31-2008, 07:34 PM
My dad's a preacher. You'd think he'd done enough funerals to figure some of these things out. I know he's written his funeral service (though I don't know where that is). I know he's written a will (and that I'm the executor). I'm pretty sure my mom has written a will, too. I know that I'm secondary after my mom for making health decisions for my dad in case of a major health situation. I know my dad wants something as close to a green burial as possible. But I have no idea where they want to be buried. **Hello!! Important little detail, folks!!**

Edited to add: it's a cute urn, by the way. I have told my sisters that I want to be cremated and have my ashes buried. I really need to put that in writing myself, though.

Becky Morgan
03-31-2008, 10:08 PM
I keep telling my guys to bury my ashes under a rosebush. DS probably would, but DH will fall for anything a funeral director says and I'll wind up being Madame Tussaud's wax dummy. Sigh...

jess_hawk
04-01-2008, 04:11 AM
I'm afraid of fire and don't want to be cremated (even though I'd be dead, so why should I care at that point?), and everyone knows that... if I died tomorrow I'd be buried in the Catholic cemetery (a block away from my house, actually). That's good enough for me, though I'd really prefer something simpler than the fancy caskets they have now... what's wrong with the pine box theory? - and instead of a block headstone, at the very least I like the ones I've seen that are made to look like trees... maybe with a place to put birdseed out.
Once I have my own job and my own place in the world (at the moment, still a student) - I'll get it written down that if something happens to me that would require "reconstruction" by the funeral people, I just want a closed casket (in addition to the above, esp. the fancy synthetic casket part). Just over a year ago, one of my mom's cousins died in a hunting accident, and they had to "reconstruct" part of his face (he fell from a tree stand), and it was the most horrible thing! It looked like him but it didn't look like him, you know how it is?
For me, just shut the box and put a picture on top, and remember me smiling.

msoebel
04-01-2008, 12:29 PM
Dh and I have talked about this a little. What it comes down to...do whatever you want with the body. We both know we won't be there anymore. The one thing we want is to have some kind of a location for our dd to visit should she want to. So, if we're cremated, we will be placed somewhere (or spread somewhere) that she can go back to when she needs to feel close to us.

I just don't care what happens to my body when I'm gone. This old shell isn't me, so what does it matter?

As for funeral arrangments...I don't want a bunch of people being sad and crying. I want a celebration of my life and the way it was lived. I don't want a bunch of flowers and plants that have to be given away to people afterwards so they can be enjoyed. I don't care if there is a stone marker or whatever...my legacy is my child, not a grave stone.

I would rather my ashes not be kept on someone's night stand or mantel. I've always found that a little creepy. I mean...let's say you die, you leave your children your ashes. They keep them until they die. Then what? Do your grandchildren keep them? What about their children? How long do you hold on to someone's ashes? And what happens after that? Thrown in the dumpster?