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View Full Version : I am soooooo mad!!!!!!!!!!


evona
04-23-2008, 07:27 PM
I just have to vent!

My poor DD just called me in hysterics! This is the first year she's been away from home and in her loneliness she dated the wrong boy she finally broke it off with him, but she still was very sad and liked him a lot so I think she tried to keep in touch. Well, he started harassing her through e-mail. By the way she sounded when she called today (it was hard to make sense between sobs) he was being threatening so I told her to send me the e-mail so I can have some tangible evidence should (God forbid) anything happen.

Well the e-mail wasn't physically threatening, but the names he called her were so awful. It went on and on and on and I couldn't even imagine a person could be so cruel!!!!!!!!! Every horrible name you could imagine a person calling a woman - or any living thing was invoked several times in bold and 16 pt font. I am fuming.:gah: :gah: I wish I could just reach through the computer and ring his filthy neck!!!!!!!!!! :hair: :hair:

I told her to never put up with someone using such language on her for ANY reason and convinced her to get a restraining order. I really do hope she follows through. I just wish there was something more I could do. I want to tell her to come straight home, but she has to finish this semester. Its so hard to be a mom and wait in the wings sometimes!

auburnchick
04-23-2008, 07:42 PM
:hug:

Some people have no class. Sorry for what she's going through, and the worry you're going through as a result.

figaro
04-23-2008, 07:57 PM
Does she live on campus? If I were you, I would contact the school and talk to them about this, they may not be able to actually do something but they may be able to talk to the boy and let him know what he did was unacceptable and that he should not contact her anymore or something like that. This boy may have had problems in the past maybe? I know it is hard to try and let her do this on her own (the restraining order part) but you may be able to help her long distance in someway?

Good luck!

Mulderknitter
04-23-2008, 08:18 PM
Unfortunately, a lot of young girls in college seem to go thru this, I think because they are dating guys that even though are their same age are emotionally immature and don't know how to deal with rejection. It reminds me of grade school when I was the nerd and everyone refused to sit by me.
I am sure that a restraining order is going to give the boy the idea, and I praise you for being proactive. No one needs to listen to demeaning language. Unfortunately, without a direct threat, I don't think the police can do much.
But you can certainly encourage your daughter to learn from the experience. For one, listen to instincts, when it isn't right break it off and don't drag it out. Also, stand up for herself. She can block him from her email and phone and tell him she is calling the police if he ever does that again.
It sounds like you are doing a great job as a long distance mom, and even though she is having a hard time, and the situation sucks, the bright side is that she reached out to you for encouragement and insight, so you are doing something right!:muah:

iza
04-23-2008, 08:35 PM
I don't know if she'll be able to get a restraining order, but it's a good idea to try. For sure this boy needs to understand right now that this kind of behavior is not acceptable. If he was really a man, he would deal with this differently.

I'm sure there are counseling services on campus. Maybe it would be a good idea for her to get some advice. I'm sure they could help her deal with him if she has to, and deal with the situation on a personal level. The situation would also be monitored by an independent professional, which is also good. A professional opinion can help a lot to convince a judge.

:hug: :heart:

Puddinpop
04-23-2008, 10:59 PM
Why do great girls go for these losers? Tell her she is so much better than that and she needs to find someone worthy of her. My niece dated this guy that treated her so bad and I kept telling her that she deserved much better. Well, she finally met her prince charming and now she knows how a man should treat a woman. She is so happy and he treats her with respect. Please tell your daughter that there is a great guy out there for her and stop putting up with these losers.

Dangles
04-23-2008, 11:41 PM
I agree with Auburnchick.

I'm sorry to hear this situation your DD is going through. :hug:

evona
04-23-2008, 11:42 PM
Thank you all for your support an advice. I just called her to see how she's doing. She is doing better and is spending the night at a friends for tonight. I told her I thought that was a good idea.

I have tried to stress mutual respect in all relationships upon my children so I hope this is a real life lesson quickly learned.

Puddinpop, I'm so happy that your niece has a great man in her life. :)

cftwo
04-24-2008, 08:45 AM
Do have her bring this up with college officials, particularly if he's also a student there. They need to keep on top of these things, and it's a good idea for them to build a file on him just in case it happens again. I'd start with the student affairs office.

dustinac
04-24-2008, 09:11 AM
:hug: :heart: :hug:

stitchwitch
04-24-2008, 10:56 AM
If she hasn't already tell her to put his email address on her spam or block list so she doesn't have to receive any more of his non-sense. Then tell her to tell him she will call the police if he calls her, or contacts her in any other way. If she continues to have any contact with him it will only continue. It may be once he realizes she's not taking his emails he'll go away and not try another avenue of contact.

evona
04-24-2008, 12:15 PM
If she hasn't already tell her to put his email address on her spam or block list so she doesn't have to receive any more of his non-sense. Then tell her to tell him she will call the police if he calls her, or contacts her in any other way. If she continues to have any contact with him it will only continue. It may be once he realizes she's not taking his emails he'll go away and not try another avenue of contact.

Thanks! I did tell her about putting him on her block list and I reminded her that no matter how upset he makes her she needs to reel in her urge to communicate in any way - even to tell him off! I know her and she can let anger and hurt overwhelm her and start into a tirade which would only make things worse. She will rationalize that she couldn't let him get away with treating her in such a way and had to give him a piece of her mind, but of course that only serves to make things worse most times. I know this form of thinking because I was once young and had to learn such a lesson too. So far I think her friend has kept her in check as well so that's good.

Last night she called specifically to talk to her little brother, my DS, which I thought was great. Since she's been gone they haven't spoken as much. At 16 he is actually a very level headed old soul of a kid so i am so happy that she called him for advice. It made me very proud of them both for helping each other and knowing who to reach out to.

annikah
04-24-2008, 12:43 PM
:hug:

feministmama
04-24-2008, 12:52 PM
Is there a women's center on her campus? THey usually have trained staff to handle this very thing. So sorry to hear this is going on. I hope she gets help soon. :hug: