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View Full Version : Feeling so down right now


knitpurlgurl
07-17-2008, 09:52 AM
My husband took a job in Pittsburgh so that we could benefit from all of the autism services available here (not available in OH). Our son has Asperger's Syndrome and we were paying over $1000/month out of pocket for his services in Ohio. Unless you are indigent, you aren't eligible for any financially-related medical services in Ohio. Plus, insurance companies do not cover anything Autism-related and Ohio does not force them to.

He took the job and we moved into temp housing in northern PA. We left our 2400 sq ft house on 5+ acres with a gorgeous view of tree farms and a lush valley to live in a cramped, 2 bdrm apartment in the city. We can't find housing here like what we had in Ohio for what we could afford. We are giving up everything we enjoyed.

I am okay with with this. Our son is so much more important that our things.. but today for some reason I just felt so awful. I feel so 'un' hopeful. I can't break down and cry in front of the kiddos. they are having a hard time with this too and I need to be the strong, positive one. I don't know whay I am pitying myself so much today. I think it's all of the stress. The housing market in Ohio is horrendous and we face having our house for sale for perhaps a year or even more before selling it. We can't even THINK about buying another house until we sell ours. And when we do buy another house, it will definitely be much older and smaller and on almost no land.

I feel so ashamed for feeling this way. These are just things afterall. I know God has a plan for our family. I know it took real courage to move away from all of our friends and family so that our son could have a better life and a real chance at success. I know that success in the long term is more stable than success in the short term. I know all of these things.. but my heart just aches right now.

Sunshine's Mom
07-17-2008, 09:56 AM
:hug: :heart: :hug:

knitgal
07-17-2008, 10:04 AM
I'm sorry you're feeling down :hug: :hug: :hug:

Puddinpop
07-17-2008, 10:07 AM
Let yourself grieve for your loss and then get on with it. It's o.k. God knows you miss your home and I think He will understand some grief for it. He knows you and your true feelings. After you grieve, start looking at this as a fresh new start and look forward to what He has ahead for your family. You did what was best for your family and that is tough to do for a lot of people. God has changed my directions completely at different times in my life and when I think I couldn't get out of this situation, He does miracles. Focus on Him and the other will take care of itself.

gailf
07-17-2008, 10:17 AM
And this too shall pass. You made the right decision.
Its hard now but it will get better.

Debkcs
07-17-2008, 10:36 AM
You do know that it's normal to go through all these emotions, right? Anyone would, especially coupled with the daily stress of your son's problems.

I'll be praying that your house sells soon, and you can buy something more to your liking. I'm just glad that Pennsylvania has the programs that he needs.

You can always come here for :grphug:

Knit4Fun
07-17-2008, 10:41 AM
Wow...that would be so hard - I can see why you'd be feeling down. It's so hard to make changes sometimes even when you understand the reason for doing so.

It may take some time, but maybe you can find a few things in Pittsburgh that you like...a good LYS, for example, or a good library if you like to read. Try to find a few small comforts and things will look up. I'm not super familiar with PA, but I know there are quite a few places with open space so maybe if you can find some of those (e.g. pick your own fruit or something similar), you can get back some of the open space feel while retaining all the good services for your child.

It's funny...everyone talks about how noble it is to sacrifice what you want and like for the good of something else...but I am here to tell you that it really sucks too! Pardon the language, but there it is. It is SO hard to do the right or good thing when it pulls on your heart to do so...but there ARE inherent little blessings that you will notice - whether it is an improvement in your child or a new friend you'll meet or just something even simpler - hang in there.

I know it's hard when you feel pulled from what you know and love - I'm out here living on the East Coast when my heart is in the Midwest as well so I can certainly relate. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk or vent. I'll pray for you and your family.

Big hugs! :hug:

Sewing Angel
07-17-2008, 11:05 AM
I so admire you for relocating to get better services for your son.
We have a daughter with many disabilities and I know how hard it is. We have not had to relocate, but our lives are affected in so many ways. I have had many days like you are having now and I know I will have more. Never be ashamed of how you feel, its part of the process and I think we learn from it. I'm a big believer of "feeling your feelings" and then moving on. You guys are doing your best, but its still hard in the process. I'm sorry OH didn't have any help for you. It is different state to state. Anyway I will be thinking of you and if you want to "talk" more please pm me.
Angel

dustinac
07-17-2008, 11:15 AM
:hug: :heart: :hug:

bailsmom
07-17-2008, 11:51 AM
Aww sweetie, :hug: I'm so sorry you're having to uproot your family just to get decent medical coverage for your son. That really sucks. You have every right to feel down, I sure would. It must be just awful to leave a wonderful home and family to live in a cramped place, even if it is a temporary situation. It DOES suck and you go right ahead and feel the way you feel. No one should have to do what you are doing.

No, it's not forever and yes things will change, but at the moment it's not changed so you feel sad. Indulge your feelings, don't hide them or ignore them. It's okay if your kids see you sad, you're human. But they will see you be happy again.

Here's another :hug: for you.

Spikey
07-17-2008, 12:35 PM
Hang in there! You know in your heart of hearts that you have done the right thing, but you have been through SO many changes that it is perfectly natural to feel this way.

I always feel so much better if you let it out. Can you cry in the shower, where the kids won't hear you, or anything like that?

Have you checked out the Pittsburgh thread on Knitters Knear You? They seem like such a nice group who would be happy to tell you all the good things about your new area.

Hope this helps. Come here anytime you need :hug: :grphug:

NikitaShera
07-17-2008, 12:52 PM
knitpurgurl: I am sorry to hear of your headaches. I hope everything will turn out better.

lucky_alf2
07-17-2008, 01:03 PM
Hang in there KPG! It's OK to feel down and I think it's OK to let your kids know you are having a blue day or two -- I'm sure they miss OH too. You've done the right thing for you family and I am sure it will pay off in the end.

I'm not sure of the ages of your kids...but have you heard of MOMS Club? They are mostly geared towards smaller kids but have lots of activities and it's a great way to meet mommy friends in your area. I felt really blue when I first moved and once I discovered MOMS Club I was so much happier -- it was as much, maybe even more, for me as for the kids. I know our local MOMS Club has several special kids in it too. I googled one for Cranberry (http://www.geocities.com/cranberrynorthmoms/activities.html).

My DH is from Pittsburgh and we visit there about once a year. I'm not totally sure where Cranberry is tho -- I get so turned around there and would be lost if I was driving. Anyways, if you manage to get into the city, go check out the children's museum (http://www.pittsburghkids.org/). We love it and go for a day whenever we visit.

Hugs -- Adri

scout52
07-17-2008, 01:27 PM
:hug: :heart: :hug:

I'm so sorry for all your troubles. I don't care what anyone says sometimes doing the right thing downright sucks and it hurts and its lonely.

Can you rent out your home until its sold?

Go to meetup.com, you should be able to find knitting groups, or even groups that have moms with kids with aspergers in your area. that has groups for EVERYTHING!!

kristaj
07-17-2008, 01:43 PM
I first want to say what a special group of people parents of children with any form of autism are. In the twelve years I've taught I have had many children with some form of autism and every single parent would move heaven and earth for that child. The same cannot always be said for other parents of children with disabilities. So, kudos to you for putting the interest of your children first.

With that said, uprooting your life for even the best of reasons causes grief just like any other loss. Let yourself go through the phases. Things will get better. And the others are right, it is ok to let your kids see you sad, it is a part of life and they need to know that it is all right to show their feelings too. Crying in the shower is one of the best releases there is. It may not solve any of your problems but it sure does help. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way. :hug:

knitpurlgurl
07-17-2008, 02:05 PM
I'm not sure of the ages of your kids...but have you heard of MOMS Club? They are mostly geared towards smaller kids but have lots of activities and it's a great way to meet mommy friends in your area. I felt really blue when I first moved and once I discovered MOMS Club I was so much happier -- it was as much, maybe even more, for me as for the kids. I know our local MOMS Club has several special kids in it too. I googled one for Cranberry (http://www.geocities.com/cranberrynorthmoms/activities.html).

THANKS so much!! I had not heard of Moms Club. I was a workaholic before moving to PA. I quit my job to become a SAHM so that my Asperger's Son would have more time with me and so that I could spend more time with both kiddos. Although our income has NOT changed, our standard of living has greatly changed from rural Ohio to city life in Cranberry Twp. Oh, BTW- Cranberry is about 25 minutes north of Pittsburgh (by 79, 76, 19). It's not far at all from the downtown area.

saracidaltendencies
07-17-2008, 03:14 PM
:hug: I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so down. Just know, it will pass. Things have a way of working out, with time, even though it's tough right now. Hang in there, there will be better days. :hug:

auburnchick
07-17-2008, 03:29 PM
:hug:

Wanda Witch
07-17-2008, 04:15 PM
It is understandable you are feeling down-in-the-dumps right now. A drastic change, move is always difficult to adjust to, but you know you did the only thing a parent would/could do. As others have stated this too will pass and you will grow to find your new environment, although totally different, a good change. Change can be good. Best wishes and luck in your new area. :thumbsup: :hug:

BobbiKnits
07-17-2008, 04:58 PM
:hug: Don't feel down; you are obviously a very selfless and wonderful mother, who cares so much about your kids, and that's more important than anything.

Dangles
07-17-2008, 07:29 PM
:hug::heart::hug:

newamy
07-17-2008, 08:03 PM
Wow what a big move! Out of curiosity how did you find out the services were better at you new local?? My son has a recent Aspergers identification , he's 13, and I wouldn't know what services to look for in other state. I don't think we'd consider moving though. It's very brave of you. We pay a lot out of pocket but he does get things through the school. It was the school that identified him.

davespurl
07-18-2008, 12:21 AM
What a lot of changes you and your family have gone through! I hope that you know what fabulous parents you and your husband are to do what you've done for your son. And your other children too, for their brother. I wish you all the best in your new home. It sounds like culture shock for you, such a change in geography and with money being tight too. I understand why you are feeling down. I would feel that way too.
Hang in there and know that you are one courageous woman!:cheering:

PurlyGyrl
07-18-2008, 09:29 AM
:heart: :hug: :heart:

knitpurlgurl
07-18-2008, 10:31 AM
Wow what a big move! Out of curiosity how did you find out the services were better at you new local?? My son has a recent Aspergers identification , he's 13, and I wouldn't know what services to look for in other state. I don't think we'd consider moving though. It's very brave of you. We pay a lot out of pocket but he does get things through the school. It was the school that identified him.

I researched ALOT on the internet. I LOVE Autism Speaks (http://www.autismspeaks.org/) - it has provided me with the most info on each state. PA allows children (regardless of parents' income) the right to State Medical Assistance for their ASD. They just passed a law in PA (to begin July, 2009) that private ins. will be required to cover ASDs for kids in the state of PA up to $36,000 (I believe this is the correct amount) annually. Anything above and beyond that will be covered by the state. And of course, those not insured will still have access to the Medical Assistance for their needs. Also, they have Wraparound services in PA - my son will have access to a TSS (Therapeutic Support Specialist - a trained person who will follow him in different social situations to help him to transition and to learn to how to act appropriately in different situations: school, home, soccer practice..) and mobile psychology. His psych visits are covered as are any therapies. In Ohio, our ins. did not cover ANYTHING related to the ASD and weren't required to do so. We weren't eligible for medical assistance because we made too much money. Brian's therapies and doctor's visits became so much that we could not afford to give him all of the therapies he needed. He suffered for 2 years because he had no consistent services. My husband looked into a job in PA based on the services they provide ASD kiddos. After 2 years of his getting no support in school and none of the therapies he needed, we said, "enough is enough" and decided it was time to be more aggressive. Good luck to you!! Aspie kids are special kids with unique talents. They are so intelligent and have such a rewarding future if we are able to help them overcome some of the social issues. Feel free to contact me at any time. :)