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View Full Version : How Do You Make Friends?


stacyk9
08-18-2008, 05:42 PM
I feel the need to move on from a current friend and I'm wondering how you all make new friends. I haven't had to make friends since I was in college and that's been, well, let's just say it's been a while!

If I had to be honest, I really only have two friends. I'm not one to have alot of friends. I like to invest in one or two and I'm happy. One of my friends just seems to keep me around for convenience sake, but when I need help or babysitting, she's busy. It's become very one-sided. My other friend just had a new baby and also has a toddler, so she's a little busy with life right now.

So, how do you make friends?:think:

Jan in CA
08-18-2008, 05:50 PM
I don't really have any really close friends either, but I consider the people I knit with each week at our LYS social knitting my friends.

Do you have a yarn store nearby? Most of them have knit nights or some sort of social knitting group. Or you could also join a moms group or find someone in a park while your children play. Invite the mom and child over for a play date/mommy visit is always a good start.

cdjack
08-18-2008, 05:58 PM
I don't have very many close friends, either. But, I do enjoy going to my knit group at my lys every week. Some of those ladies are becoming good friends. My library is starting up a knit group as well.
You might want to give meetup.com a try as well. They have get togethers for people with all sorts of interests in common.

auburnchick
08-18-2008, 08:21 PM
I think that making a new friend is a long process. It's something you can't force either.

You may find that a friendship blooms where you least expect it.

Do you work? Have you ever shared your love of knitting with people?

At my job, I struck up a friendship I didn't expect with a gal who crochets (although she's never made a big deal about it at work). As she showed me her work one day, I raved, and the friendship just kind of grew from there.

I don't know if you attend church, but if not, perhaps you could find a local one with a group of people who fit your social status (i.e. single, newly married, etc.).

There's bound to be someone in a group, regardless of where you meet the group, that you "click" with.

Good luck, my fellow knitter. I totally understand your desire for a friend. It's difficult but necessary as we all need someone to listen to and share the joys and burdens of our lives with.

:hug:

GirlChris
08-18-2008, 11:36 PM
I have a few friends I've known since i was very young.
I have become close to a couple ladies who were in the same preschool co-op as myself and my best friend so we have become a group.
As my children get older they have connected with friends at school and I have become closer to their parents as well.

Work, church, through your kids and social groups are all ways we make aquaintances I think making them turn into real friends is about the effort you put into reaching out to them if you feel you are drawn to them. You can do it, just don't be afraid to reach out to people.

Debkcs
08-19-2008, 02:42 AM
You can do it, just don't be afraid to reach out to people.

Everything above is good advice, including what I quoted, it does take some work to make and keep a friend.

There is an old expression, "To have a friend, be a friend." You can tell from the posts here at KH that those folks who reach out to others the most, have the most friends here.

stacyk9
08-19-2008, 11:33 AM
Do you have a yarn store nearby? Most of them have knit nights or some sort of social knitting group. Or you could also join a moms group
Unfortunately, we do not have a yarn shop. All we've got is a Hobby Lobby. I think I will contact them and see if they would be willing to host a knitting group in their classroom. Doesn't hurt to ask.
I don't know of any Mom groups in the area, but it doesn't mean there isn't one. I guess I've got some homework!
Thanks for the great ideas!

stacyk9
08-19-2008, 11:36 AM
You might want to give meetup.com a try as well.

Thanks for this site. I wasn't very hopeful there would be any listings for my area since I live in a fairly small town, but there were actually quite a few!

Thank You!!!

stacyk9
08-19-2008, 11:38 AM
Do you work? Have you ever shared your love of knitting with people?
I don't know if you attend church, but if not, perhaps you could find a local one with a group of people who fit your social status (i.e. single, newly married, etc.).

I work at a University, so I'm pretty much confined to my department. Not much of a chance throughout the day to mingle with many others! There is a knitting group at my church, but they meet during the day. Maybe I'll check into setting up an evening knitting group there!

Thanks!

Abbily
08-19-2008, 01:56 PM
Stacy, maybe you could look into finding/setting up a moms group at your church, too. My church just recently started one, and it has been incredibly rewarding.

Crycket
08-19-2008, 09:36 PM
If you are so inclined...there are Girl Guides all over the world, and all them are really happy for volenteers!

It is nice cause you can get involved on a lvl you are comfortable with, if you like the really little one, right up to teens....

Then if there isn't enough time for that...they still probably would appreciate a crafty hand every now and again. I spent 2 years as the "arts co-ordindator" in my district. I just planned camps those two years...

Just another though....

Spikey
08-20-2008, 07:20 AM
Does your University have a knitting group? I've worked at mine for 8 years, and just found out that they have one :doh:

Also, of course knitting is the most important :teehee:, but do you have any other interests or hobbies?

I've moved all over the country and always seemed to have the best success in finding friends when I joined a group centered around an activity or sport I enjoyed. You already have at least one thing in common with everyone there.

Good luck! It gets harder as we get older, but the fact that you are willing to make the effort means that you'll succeed. :grphug: And you always have us :wink:

Lucy78green
08-20-2008, 02:17 PM
I used to be quite shy, and aside from childhood friends I didn't know many people. I only had one close friend at school and I didn't know anyone at university as I lived at home, and most students met in Halls of Residence.
I decided to come out of my shell a bit in second year at uni and made a few friends there. Then when I went to do my masters I lived in halls and had to opportunity to meet many more people from all over the world. Now I'm in a job where I routinely work away from home so my workmates become automatic friends - I adopted a policy of liking everyone until they gave me a reason to dislike them - however I once ignored a gut feeling about someone and ended up sharing a house with someone for a year I progressively came to hate!
I was also in the Guide Association until work commitments meant I couldn't commit to it any more. I like female camaraderie without necessarily meaning I have to be in a stereotypical female "club" or interested in certain past-times.
Now I would say I still have few really close friends, but I have a wider social circle of people I've met through work, uni, and clubs. I have learnt that you can't make friends if you don't have the opportunity to meet any - try night classes such learning a language or new skill, if the course lasts a long time you might be able to bond with your course mates about how rubbish you all are at it!
I would also confront your existing friend about the state of your friendship and how you feel that it is very one sided, it might be fixable??
Can't say I'm an expert at it, I am not an extrovert, but I try!

knitAbikini
08-20-2008, 10:48 PM
Hey There Stacy9,
Yes, what about telling your current friend how you feel? Not as a means to keep her, but it's the truth, it's real, and where else should a friendship be?
All the best,
Rue

NikitaShera
08-21-2008, 09:51 PM
I definitely agree with stacy that its gets harder as we get older.....Darn it.

All the ladies before me posted some great ideas.

Good Luck.

Duessa
08-22-2008, 05:58 PM
I feel you all. I know i'm ONLY 22 but wow, all my friends are just gone. I had quite a few in high school. I was like, queen bee in the Drama department by my Senior year and although im not that tall, thin, blond girl, everyone wanted to be me and like me and all sorts of things. And I didn't really even know that. I was very wrapped up in my first year of my relationship with my BF, the very same one I have today! I seriously could have picked anyone out of that department but well, love is love!

Anyway, I went on to college and went to the dorms but, well, i just didn't fit in. I had two passing acquaintences but they fit as well with me as any of us fit with the dorm crowd. My roomate was horrid also. then the next year I moved into a dorm with my BF (the admins didn't know but his roommate and I switched rooms so his roomate could live with his fiance!) and being in a serious relationship changes things. I'm now 22 and have no real friends. I am struggling to make a friendship with two girls that I have had several classes together but i'm a bonehead. I just don't know what to do! and, well, I'm weird. I always have been and always will be. LOL

So, any advice for someone my age that doesn't have time between school and home life to join a club or anything? This is actually the reason I joined here and ravelry!

ArtLady1981
08-23-2008, 05:15 AM
I thiink the best way to get a friend is BE A FRIEND.

For example, at your LYS knitting group...be a helping hand to someone.

At your church...find someone who needs a helping hand, or small token of appreciation.

You sound like a wonderful woman!

Your friend that has the new baby: don't fret...she is overwhelmed and filled with the needs of a new life! Can you find a way to make her day brighter?

The friend who seems to TAKE...but won't GIVE: don't fret. Give what you can, give freely from your wonderful heart. It will come back to you. Her inability to aid you might not be a symbol of a lack of appreciation or love for you. It may just be that she can't at the time.

It's a big ole world out there. There are many souls who could use a friend like you!

Mulderknitter
08-23-2008, 10:38 PM
I agree with Artlady, be a friend. Reach out. A lot. Because you might be dissapointed the first couple times.
On another note, I don't have a lot of "friends" either. One or two, including my DH. But you all here, are more friendly than a lot of people I know.

Jeremy
08-24-2008, 03:23 AM
Some of the best friendships I know of have arisen out of volunteer organizations. My parents met life long friends when they became involved in Cub Scouts. I've developed really good friends through my synagogue. These kinds of settings are helpful because you get to see people react in a situation where they are asked to help and to interact with others. Do they rise to the occasion and meet their obligations? Do they have to have it all their way? Do they have to be the star of the show? Are they forgiving of other people's flaws?

If they are a good fit in these kinds of situation and there are mutual interests then the ingredients for a good friendship there. Good luck. Many of us have been in your shoes.

VictoiseC
08-24-2008, 01:52 PM
Stacy, your title really caught my eye. For years I've been sort of angry because I don't have friends and I live in the midst of a million people (New York City). When I was involved in theater I had some good friends but one by one, they left the city. I'm a writer and just the other week I wrote a title "Will You Be My Girlfriend?" ha
Sounds suggestive but it's innocent. Why I was angry is because when I spent time in London and Paris, the women there really made it a point to support each other, just come over for tea, go see things together and I just couldn't believe it. In New York it's like, what do you have to do with my career or whatever... of course lots of moms hang out together in the parks. Recently I decided to really try and change my life and I joined a writer's workshop (not in the city but at my house in the country). I also started going to some knit get togethers that I found through http://meetup.com. Have you looked at that? It's amazing how many different categories/hobbies/groups there are.

I hate not having friends, esp coz my husband is always busy, well not always, but it's different when you're with a girlfriend, shopping or whatever. well, good luck to you and me too! :teehee: