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View Full Version : Your intentions were good but ... (LONG POST)


tarrentella
03-03-2009, 09:14 AM
Sorry i just wanted to have a minnie moan/rant.
I split up with my boyfriend back in January and it was quite amicable. Since then he has started to become friends with his ex (the one before me) who he had said to many people over the past year he would ratehr not have anything to do with. In short, when they split up she started spreading rumours about both of us, saying we where bullying her, threatening her and would 'not allow' her to go to certain places. At the same time she had sent emails to me saying that i should saty away from certain places because they where 'hers' and how dare i take them away from her. She also tried to physically assault both of us (including a couple of tiems with a knife) and would perform 'suicide attempts' during which she would cut open her wrists, stand on a bridge or take an overdose and then call my bf or another friend and say it was all his fault and if he was a ncie person then he would stop her.

So the ex an i split up, and they become friends agin. And then they start dating. Only he doesnt tell me this, i have to find out from other people. And when he finally realises that i know and talks to me about it, he tells me off for not liking her and for not giving her another chance and for being upset with him because i think not only is what he doing deeply hurtful and incensitive but downright stupid.

I obviously got a little upset. I am not one to show my emotions though and saved it for when i got home, where i had a little cry and got a hug and a cup of tea from my housemate. I was still feeling pretty crap the next morning and got another hug from my housemate.
That evening I was supposed to be ding a group activity which we do every monday and that involves both me and my ex. I wasn't happy about having to go and work with him but i was prepared to grit my teath and get on with it. After all thats what you do and thats how i get through things.

When i got there though, my freinds had quietly organised it so that i wasn't needed and that tehre where people who could take me off elsewhere and so i was looked after. It was all very kind, but my protestations that i was fine and didnt mind being there where ignored and off i was shepherded. Now i admit, sitting and having apint with my friends probably was easier than working with the ex, but now I a) didnt get a chance to work through it and b) it gave the impressiont hat i couldnt cope and wasn't ok and made much more of a fuss than i wanted.

I love me friends to bits for trying to help and doing it without any prompting and i know it is simply because they care, but i wish they hadn't and now i feel odd and a lot more vulnerbale than i should.


My word that was long, i'm sorry i jsut needed to get it off my chest.

cftwo
03-03-2009, 09:51 AM
:hug: Sometimes you have to let people do nice things for you. If this is a weekly event, you'll have next week to face the ex. It might turn out that having that week makes next Monday easier.

bailsmom
03-03-2009, 01:48 PM
Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet here hon. Good riddence to him if he wants to date a lunatic. As for your friends, I'm sure they meant well and just wanted to protect you as much as they knew how to, as Cftwo pointed out, now you have an extra week to work through the anger, and what not and you'll be even stronger for when you do meet up with him again.

Best of luck to you :hug:

Dangles
03-03-2009, 02:19 PM
:hug: I second what Cftwo stated.

evona
03-03-2009, 03:17 PM
I agree - sometimes you just have to let yourself be taken care of. perhaps your friends saw that you were less ready for the confrontation than you thought. Having a little extra time for self healing will probably be beneficial. I also agree with bailsmom - good riddance if he wants to date someone who treated you both so badly and is quite off her lid based upon the actions you say she had taken in the past :hug: :hug: :hug:

Jenelle
03-03-2009, 08:42 PM
I cant even imagine why he would date her again after all the harassment she put you both through! Don't feel as if you are trying to avoid the situation because your friends were trying to keep you separated. This extra week will help you heal from it and give you some time to think. :hug:

vaknitter
03-03-2009, 11:06 PM
sorry you got stuck in such a pickle !! I think letting your friends pull you away was a blessing in disguise. Don't feel like you have to stay friends with your ex....set yourself free, have another pint or two and a good primal scream into your pillow.

My other thought on the subject is that sometimes boys are just stupid like that :wink:

Debkcs
03-04-2009, 02:03 AM
Sophie, you really dodged a bullet . Any guy who will hang around an ex who makes fake suicide attempts,and comes at you with a knife is not the guy you want. Talk about an enabler,he's as around the bend as she is.

You have great friends, wish I was there to buy a pint for them.

tarrentella
03-04-2009, 05:41 AM
Thank you all for your support

yeah i have realy found out how good some of these people are. Maybe it wouldnt have been my first choice of how to deal with it but seeing and experiencing how good and caring some people can be has left me feeling a lot better than i have in a long while.
I think it realy was a blessing in disguise in that sense.

PS. I am no longer friends with him and dont think that will change but since we sahre many of the same friends and do a lot of activities together or are foten in the same place together i am determined to at least stay amicable and pleasent.

rachael72knitter
03-04-2009, 07:18 AM
If he wants to date a lunatic let him. He is obviously on a rebound, or he would have more sense. It will bite him in the ass; he'll regret it because once a looney, always a looney.

You shouldn't feel bad about going off with your friends. There is nothing wrong with just being honest and saying; "I don't really want to see, or have anything to do with him right now."

It isn't running away, or not being able to deal, it is moving on with your life (in a more healthy way than he is choosing to do.)

MoniDew
03-05-2009, 12:45 PM
I don't know what more I can add to what has already been said, but I did want to offer my sincere sympathy to your situation and hope you work it all out.

I think it wise to let the two of them go their own way and just stay out of it. Deal with him where/when you have to, amicably. Eventually, he'll realize that Drama Queen's guilt and manipulation are just that, and that in losing you, he lost someone far more worthy.

You deserve someone better than a man who is gullible enough to fall for her antics. That man is worthy of you and worth waiting for.