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Jan in CA 11-30-2011 05:48 PM

A message to women
 
from a man who really understands! I thought this was a great article. Let's not get political here..this is just a kudos to him. :thumbsup:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar..._b_958859.html

DogCatMom 12-01-2011 02:19 AM

Wow. What an incredible analysis.

DCM

justplaincharlotte 12-01-2011 03:04 PM

Excellent article. It's nice to see a man express it so well and with such understanding.

jess_hawk 12-03-2011 10:13 PM

Can I hug the man who wrote that? :hug:

And can I get someone to beat some of the men (and a few women) in my life over the head with it? In particular my father? mmmkay thanks.

bambi 12-04-2011 09:22 AM

Jan, thanks for that, really. I can't tell you how many times a week I hear that from my own spouse. "take it easy." "peace." "don't get so upset, I was just kidding."

Wears me out. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

Wanda Witch 12-04-2011 04:08 PM

Too bad there aren't more 'real' men out there like the author. I forwarded it to a friend who had endured a particularly poor situation for years. The spouse is now gone but the memories for her linger on. Oh, yes, I too have heard some of these comments made to me during our almost 48-year marriage. I try not to pay attention but, well, sometimes one cannot help but be affected. Great article.

Jan in CA 12-04-2011 05:25 PM

I'm glad you're all liking it! I'd be surprised if there was a woman who had never heard comments like this.

saracidaltendencies 12-04-2011 09:38 PM

Very nice article.

While I can fortunately say in all honesty I do not recall ever hearing this, if I ever do I can guarantee whoever says it will regret it. I've been through too much in my life to allow anyone to try to undermine me or make me feel inferior. I know how strong I am and I know what it took to build that strength and I refuse to let anyone try to bring me down and tell me the way I feel is irrational or wrong or that I'm just being emotional. I'll stand my ground and prove any SOB wrong.

Never forget, anyone, the tremendous strength we are all capable of and we should never, ever allow anyone to take that away.

Lighting57 12-06-2011 01:23 PM

I understand this mentality and believe most men, especially the older men, whether they are aware or not, use this behavior toward women.

They have not been taught how to talk and reason well with their peers, let alone females. Since they have no knowledge of or how to openly talk they use this as a way to shut females down. If we shut up (and ignore the elephant in the room then we can just go on tiptoeing around it) they don't have to deal with the issue at hand. Life continues to go smoothly for them the way THEY want it too.

By nature we all are selfish, but this mentality has really made men selfish in that things must be a certain way most of the time (their way or no way). When we buck the system, we are labeled as rebellious or worse.

The phrase, "Stop, just calm down now", does more to set me off probably more than anything. After 36 years of marriage we have finally learned to talk to each other and that's sad. Our marriage could have been so much better throughout the years if we had just learned to listen instead of talking.

My question is, "Although the man that wrote the article seems to understand it all, does he continue to gaslight certain women in his life?

justplaincharlotte 12-08-2011 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lighting57 (Post 1335792)
I understand this mentality and believe most men, especially the older men, whether they are aware or not, use this behavior toward women. . . .

My question is, "Although the man that wrote the article seems to understand it all, does he continue to gaslight certain women in his life?

Good question.

I found it fascinating that my 21 yr. old daughter, after reading this article, and responses from women of my generation to it, found it interesting enough to post this on FB about it.

Interestingly enough, she finds it that women (of her age) are doing the majority of gas lighting now. Her comments:

"A man makes a joke, and the woman takes it the wrong way, he's sexist. He opens a door, he's sexist. He insists on doing 'manly' chores, he's sexist. THEN women complain that he doesn't do these things. Sorry ladies, you can't have your cake and eat it too. I feel bad for men."

Is it really possible that the situation has reversed?

And perhaps, have we taught the lesson incorrectly?

I can't say these are rhetorical questions, but rather they are legitimate given the apparent attitudes of the young. My daughter isn't the only young one who has voiced similar sentiments to me.

What say you? I'm trying to figure all of this out...


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