I have a really bad problem with my child because he is not listening to me anymore, he is annoying adults deliberately, revenge seeking. The only thing i could think about was ODD and I found this http://www.defiantly.co.uk but i need some more info.
I'm really sorry to hear you're having these difficulties, having raised a child with ODD, solitary-aggressive type. To say it was difficult is the understatement of the century.
The diagnostic criteria can be found here:
I'm not normally one to automatically refer a psychologist. But ODD can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional, and their help is often necessary, as ODD over time can completely erode family relationships. The solitary aggressive type can be a danger to themselves and family members. I'm not trying to be alarmist, but please do seek a diagnosis and help from a trained professional.
I wish you and your child the best possible outcome!
Reading your post, I can tell this is distressing. How old is your son? You don't have to divulge personal details, but has anything transpired in his life lately that has been disruptive or upsetting? I find that at some point, most boys become difficult. My son had a rough year around 4, and he's going through another tough phase now that he's 11. It's that pre-teen 'tude. I have found that my son's mood is hugely dependent upon mine. If I'm having a cruddy day and am short, it really sets the tone for his attitude the rest of the day.
I'd highly recommend the "Your X-Year Old" series by Louise Bates Ames. You can choose the one for your son's age. The books are great at highlighting age indicative behaviors. Where your child is going to shine, and where they're going to act out at the age they are. I also really like positive discipline. While I have days where I yell, threaten, and sometimes even use punitive discipline (such as taking away privileges or objects), I strive to let my son understand natural consequences for his misbehavior.
Until you know exactly what sort of behaviors are considered normal for your son at his age you won't be able to decide if he needs any sort of professional diagnosis and help. I wish you all the best. :)
From my experience with a younger brother who was a troubled teen, there is no such thing as what's considered "normal for that age". Each child grows and develops at their own individual pace, and therefor, no one answer is a solution for every single case.
From what I gather, and this is purely hypothetical (and just a guess), but your child could be acting out as a way to tell you that he is stressed. Maybe its a bully at school, or perhaps his proverbial plate is far too loaded with activities and responsibilities.
My mother learned the hard way that its best to back off a little when a child acts out, as yelling at him with threats of punishment will only push him further down the path he might be taking. That's not to say that you should idly stand by while he acts out, but don't go overboard with strictness either. Find a happy balance.
For example, and this is just hypothetical of course, if your son comes home with a wild and shocking hair cut, don't automatically start with disciplining. Its just hair, and it'll grow out soon enough and by then, he'll be onto some other thing.
Eventually, with a slightly lenient style of parenting, he'll realize that he isn't getting the reactions from you that he wants, and will eventually give up.
|All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:20 AM.|