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-   -   Am I overreacting?! (http://www.knittinghelp.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28436)

Egeria 01-16-2005 08:57 AM

Am I overreacting?!
 
Hey everyone, I just want to ask a sort-of-knitting question. Just had a fight with the husband over knitting and I don't know if I'm overreacting or what.

Thing is, my husband likes to pick up my needles and play with them. He also uses them as a back scratcher and even a head scratcher. While I was in here blogging he was playing with my crochet hook.

I asked him to stop playing with my tools as I feel it is disrespectful. He himself is a craftsperson (bricklayer) and I do not touch his tools ever!

I just feel like he should leave my knitting stuff alone, as I want my needles to be clean and him using them to scratch his back is just wrong! He feels I'm being stupid and that him playing with my needles etc is funny.

What do you guys think? Am I being 'anal' here or am I in the right?

anise 01-16-2005 11:44 AM

The thing is, it doesn't matter if you're being anal or not. The point is, they belong to you and you don't like it. Period. He should respect your desires as far as how your own tools are treated. It's a simple matter of respect.

Maybe you need to put them some place where it will be inconvenient for him to mess with them.

solsken 01-16-2005 12:06 PM

I agree, I don't like when my needles and yarn, etc are played with.

ladyindica2000 01-16-2005 12:21 PM

I don't think that you are overreacting, but maybe you could buy him a set of his own needles and then he would have some to play with if he feels that he really needs to. Just a thought.

HTH!!

Trish

amy 01-16-2005 12:43 PM

I completely agree here. He should respect your wishes. Maybe he just can't relate to loving knitting and taking it seriously. (I can't relate to loving brick-laying, but I could imagine someone taking it seriously as an artform, and I would definitely respect their wishes if they said to lay off the tools!) In any case, it's something that's important to your heart, and there are natural limits to what feels right when someone's joking about something important to you. Trust your heart.

When Sheldon crosses that line, which I think is natural if someone can't relate to your passion, I stay firm. I always try to communicate clearly, with understanding where he's coming from; like, I just tell him what I want, without anger in my voice, but clearly. Of course sometimes, if it's really crossing a boundry, I can't help getting mad. That's healthy, I think, and can effectively communicate how important something is to you! Definitely hold your ground, and communicate with as much understanding as you can, and do forgive him for not knowing; but don't second guess your feelings, it's clearly important to you and he should respect it, "period," as anise said!

I used to have no idea that I was crossing a border with Sheldon when I'd constantly offer "helpful" comments when he was doing something. He'd feel disrespected, like I didn't trust him to do things on his own. Now I totally get it, but it took me a little while. Now I can offer comments here and there, and he doesn't take it that way, because we've established that I trust and respect him. But first we had to communicate, and it was a little uptight, and that was just part of the process. Now we can totally joke about it.

Definitely you're on the right track I'd say, and not over-reacting. :)

Amy

Egeria 01-16-2005 01:36 PM

Thanks for replying, I'm so glad for that! I really was second guessing myself. I will have to be firm with him I guess, although he's very mean when arguing. Like he told me that he didn't mind if I messed with his bricklaying tools (implying that I'm mean to ask him not to play with my knitting stuff).

In any case, I think I will buy him a pair of his own needles, thanks for that idea Trish!

Thing is Amy, I believe in communication and trust and respect, but communicating with him is extremely hard to do. Essentially, we can have a serious conversation once in a while, but after about two sentences he's cracking jokes and giving stupid answers. I've learned to deal with it, but at times like these it really gets on my nerves!!

Anise, I keep my needles etc in a box in the spare room with all my yarn. It's when I'm sitting watching tv or something that it happens. If I get up to get a drink or whatever, I set my knitting down and leave the room, bingo, he picks up my spare needle and plays with it. I come back and see it, ask him nicely but firmly not to play with my needles and he kicks off! (At this moment I have my current project sitting beside me and well away from him!)

Anyway, I thought I'd ask other knitters their views, so thanks!!

Anne 01-16-2005 03:05 PM

This brought back a memory. My Husband insisted on using my garden tools for anything but gardening. Husband is not a gardener. Everytime i used my tools i cleaned them and if neccesary oiled them. To many times i would go to use one of my garden tools finding them dirty or misplaced.

Asking him Not to use them was like talking to a wall. One day after he washed his "precious car" i swear he spit shines the darn thing, i thought i know what i can do.

I told him i was going to the store. It had rained the day before. Hurray! Off i went in HIS car up and down a muddy road, back and forth. I drove a muddy car back home.

Well, let me tell you he was Not HAPPY. I told him you can wash it again, thats what i have to do with my garden tools everytime you use them.

He looked at me like i had lost my mind. He did wash the car again plus polished it too... When he was finished he said " I get your point".

So far he has left my garden tools alone.

If he continued using my knitting needles when i ask him not to this is what i would do. Take him to a store walking him to where the needles are. Here are the needles you so love to use. BUY YOUR OWN!!!!

Egeria 01-16-2005 03:14 PM

Anne thanks for that story! It's great to know I'm not alone in dealing with a stubborn man! Ironically, talking to my husband is quite like talking to a brick wall! Think he spends too much time building them. You handled that situation beautifully, kudos!

Next time I drag him to the wool store I'm going to have him pick out his own needles. I'll even tag them so he knows they are his and I won't even look at them. Think it'll work?

Oh a sadder note, last Christmas I bought him a back scratcher. I think he's used it once.

Anne 01-16-2005 03:47 PM

Some men are big babies. They like the attention. I have made several scarfs this Winter to give as gifts. My Husband ask me why i gave them all away? Duhhhh!! Gifts... Then i thought to myself i bet he would like me to knit one for him. One day he ask me why i didnt make one for him?

Never in my wildest dreams did i think he would wear it. He ask for a black scarf so that is what i am doing now. In fact he told me how long it should it be. lol.... Would you like fringe also? NO!!!!!

beldaraan 01-16-2005 06:01 PM

Egeria~

Quote:

Ironically, talking to my husband is quite like talking to a brick wall! Think he spends too much time building them.
That is hilarious. ROFLMAO!!!

I don't know if "fighting" back with a prankster with another prank is a good idea, but....he has tools right...He must also have something equivalent to a carpenter's belt to hold his tools while working. I would be tempted to replace his tool belt with a frilly, lacey, pink KNITTED one. Make sure you leave a spot to put in some of his own knitting needles too. Wrap it up, make him open it infront of his workmates (if his ego can handle it, otherwise alone is fine). Say, "Haha, now you have your own knitting tools, so mine can go back to knitting and not scratching your back." Or..."How thoughtless of me. All this time you've been playing with my knitting stuff, I never thought that you might actually want me to knit something for you." 8)

Anne~

Your stories are great. It was fortunate that you could prove your point to your husband with something that had the same level of value to you. If he only cared about watching football on tv, then I just can't imagine how you would pull off the same effect. Maybe put mud on the tv right before the Superbowl :?:


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