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Rorshach 06-21-2007 11:28 PM

Need Advice
okay, I've got a question for all you ladies out there, but first let me preface by saying that I'm happily married (stay with me here) and I'm trying to help my best friend, who happens to be a helpless romantic, get a date. So the question is, what do you ladies look for most in a guy, regardless of appearance?

five_six 06-21-2007 11:30 PM

I like a man who is confident (I'm sure you know what I mean by this), and light-hearted! Really, that's pretty much my most important things. There are others that come further down on the list like tolerant, forgiving, a willingness to step outside his box etc, but the first two are my main draw cards to a guy.

debinoz 06-22-2007 12:14 AM

Honesty and a very good sense of humor. I adore guys that have the ability to come up with a one liner out of the blue.

zazzu 06-22-2007 01:52 AM

Yep, here's another vote for a good sense of humor. Funny guys get girls, regardless of appearance. That's the first thing I noticed about my husband's personality when I met him....he's hilarious.

Personally, I hate HATE when men act cocky and brag. I don't care if he's funny, rich and will clean the house - if he's an egomaniac I wouldn't give him the time of day. Truly secure, confident men don't need to act like this.

Your friend putting the word out to friends that he'd like to be set up with a nice woman wouldn't hurt, either. As long as it doesn't come across as desperate. ;)

Rorshach 06-22-2007 02:19 AM

Well that's something interesting, humor. His sense of humor is odd, mostly slapstick humor. but I think his biggest problem is that he doesn't know what to say first time out, the icebreaker sort of thing. He's told me that he's tried all sorts of things, but I believe that his confidence comes off as cocky, though some women have told me that he comes off as being very creepy.

Though he says he can't understand why women won't accept somebody who is willing to provide a house, a car and what not. He's heavily into classic cars, and won't drive anything newer than 1970. And while all the cars he has do run, IMHO they look like junk, but I'm not a big car fanatic. I did try to get him interested in knitting though that went over like a lead balloon. :D Anyway, keep the advice rolling in, I appreciate all the comments, and I'm pretty sure he'll appreciate it when he can get a date. :)

five_six 06-22-2007 03:06 AM

Did they elaborate in what way they find him 'creepy' or do you happen to know how he attempts to approach a women - you know, does he use lines and which ones... Very few lines have ever been appealing to me, but there have been a couple that have worked, but that has generally been because of the 'energy' of the man using the line.

auburnchick 06-22-2007 07:19 AM

I think that your friend needs to make sure he doesn't try to "force" the interest. Pick-up lines...YUCK!

For instance, he could probably find a lady at a classic car show, where a mutual interest would be a nice ice breaker.

I think one of the things that draws a woman to a man is the way he acts around children and/or animals. I read once that how a man treats his animal can be quite indicative of how he treats people. And you know, I've noticed this too.

Another thing that is important (of course, it's hard to tell when you first meet someone) is how the guy handles stress/pressure. Does he go with the flow or get bent out of shape easily. No one wants to be around a guy who loses his cool quickly.

Those are just a few things off of the top of my head...

mulene 06-22-2007 07:28 AM

One other big thing is this, keep the crude jokes and one liners for the boys. Its rare to find a woman that is happy with bawdy male humour. Something I find intensely attractive in a man is basic good manners. I don't mean calling someone "ma'am" that just makes me think its a bit patronising or makes me feel like their mother.

Basic good manners include, always introducing the people you are talking to; always offering for the lady to go first through a door etc - she might not always go through first but if you are holding the door open and gesturing for her to go first it indicates politeness.

Several people I work with fit this category. One, a young boy, was working in the studio - every time we met on the stairs he would step to the side and let people pass (not just women) he had exceptionally good manners. Everyone one of us all thought of him as a nice boy - and not in the least creepy.

I don't know what makes one man creepy and another not - certainly my boss is ultra charming and gets away with blue murder because he is just so charming. Anyone else in the office acting and talking like him would likely be thought of as very creepy. It is totally attitude and charm that helps.

Your friend needs to not be overbearing, some nonchalance and not over attentive is good or one can feel smothered. Sometimes people (men and women) smother the partner too much and it comes off as desperate and creepy. I made that mistake once, was labeled a bunny boiler and have never made that mistake again. Sometimes I'm probably too nonchalant and have known exes think I don't much like them when in fact I was really into them.


Nobones 06-22-2007 08:53 AM

Honesty and a good sense of humor along with nice manners are number 1 for me.

msoebel 06-22-2007 09:35 AM

The creepy probably plays into him trying too hard. It sounds like he needs a "wing man"...even better, a "wing woman" (perhaps your wife, if he has no female friends?). Someone to bolster his confidence, and help "interpret" whatever weird thing comes out of his mouth. Someone who can send him on his way to get drinks, or napkins or whatever and then turn to the object of his attention and say, "He's a really nice guy, but beautiful women make him really nervous and he just starts to pluck things from the sky. But if you give him a chance, you would really like him."

It sounds like he may be socially stunted and doesn't actually know how to approach women. Tell him to have heart, though! There is someone out there for everyone!

As for what I looked for in a guy:
-A good listener...too many guys only want to talk about their interests (like his cars, maybe?).
-Consideration of others...he doesn't have to have impeccable manners, but it should be obvious that he is aware of others and that he takes their comfort into consideration.

I wasn't physically attracted to my dh when I first met him...he was completely not my "type"...but he is brilliant and funny and genuinely caring and I find all of those qualities to be very sexy in a man.


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