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knitpurlgurl 07-17-2008 09:52 AM

Feeling so down right now
My husband took a job in Pittsburgh so that we could benefit from all of the autism services available here (not available in OH). Our son has Asperger's Syndrome and we were paying over $1000/month out of pocket for his services in Ohio. Unless you are indigent, you aren't eligible for any financially-related medical services in Ohio. Plus, insurance companies do not cover anything Autism-related and Ohio does not force them to.

He took the job and we moved into temp housing in northern PA. We left our 2400 sq ft house on 5+ acres with a gorgeous view of tree farms and a lush valley to live in a cramped, 2 bdrm apartment in the city. We can't find housing here like what we had in Ohio for what we could afford. We are giving up everything we enjoyed.

I am okay with with this. Our son is so much more important that our things.. but today for some reason I just felt so awful. I feel so 'un' hopeful. I can't break down and cry in front of the kiddos. they are having a hard time with this too and I need to be the strong, positive one. I don't know whay I am pitying myself so much today. I think it's all of the stress. The housing market in Ohio is horrendous and we face having our house for sale for perhaps a year or even more before selling it. We can't even THINK about buying another house until we sell ours. And when we do buy another house, it will definitely be much older and smaller and on almost no land.

I feel so ashamed for feeling this way. These are just things afterall. I know God has a plan for our family. I know it took real courage to move away from all of our friends and family so that our son could have a better life and a real chance at success. I know that success in the long term is more stable than success in the short term. I know all of these things.. but my heart just aches right now.

Sunshine's Mom 07-17-2008 09:56 AM

:hug: :heart: :hug:

knitgal 07-17-2008 10:04 AM

I'm sorry you're feeling down :hug: :hug: :hug:

Puddinpop 07-17-2008 10:07 AM

Let yourself grieve for your loss and then get on with it. It's o.k. God knows you miss your home and I think He will understand some grief for it. He knows you and your true feelings. After you grieve, start looking at this as a fresh new start and look forward to what He has ahead for your family. You did what was best for your family and that is tough to do for a lot of people. God has changed my directions completely at different times in my life and when I think I couldn't get out of this situation, He does miracles. Focus on Him and the other will take care of itself.

gailf 07-17-2008 10:17 AM

And this too shall pass. You made the right decision.
Its hard now but it will get better.

Debkcs 07-17-2008 10:36 AM

You do know that it's normal to go through all these emotions, right? Anyone would, especially coupled with the daily stress of your son's problems.

I'll be praying that your house sells soon, and you can buy something more to your liking. I'm just glad that Pennsylvania has the programs that he needs.

You can always come here for :grphug:

Knit4Fun 07-17-2008 10:41 AM

Wow...that would be so hard - I can see why you'd be feeling down. It's so hard to make changes sometimes even when you understand the reason for doing so.

It may take some time, but maybe you can find a few things in Pittsburgh that you like...a good LYS, for example, or a good library if you like to read. Try to find a few small comforts and things will look up. I'm not super familiar with PA, but I know there are quite a few places with open space so maybe if you can find some of those (e.g. pick your own fruit or something similar), you can get back some of the open space feel while retaining all the good services for your child.

It's funny...everyone talks about how noble it is to sacrifice what you want and like for the good of something else...but I am here to tell you that it really sucks too! Pardon the language, but there it is. It is SO hard to do the right or good thing when it pulls on your heart to do so...but there ARE inherent little blessings that you will notice - whether it is an improvement in your child or a new friend you'll meet or just something even simpler - hang in there.

I know it's hard when you feel pulled from what you know and love - I'm out here living on the East Coast when my heart is in the Midwest as well so I can certainly relate. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk or vent. I'll pray for you and your family.

Big hugs! :hug:

Sewing Angel 07-17-2008 11:05 AM

I so admire you for relocating to get better services for your son.
We have a daughter with many disabilities and I know how hard it is. We have not had to relocate, but our lives are affected in so many ways. I have had many days like you are having now and I know I will have more. Never be ashamed of how you feel, its part of the process and I think we learn from it. I'm a big believer of "feeling your feelings" and then moving on. You guys are doing your best, but its still hard in the process. I'm sorry OH didn't have any help for you. It is different state to state. Anyway I will be thinking of you and if you want to "talk" more please pm me.

dustinac 07-17-2008 11:15 AM

:hug: :heart: :hug:

bailsmom 07-17-2008 11:51 AM

Aww sweetie, :hug: I'm so sorry you're having to uproot your family just to get decent medical coverage for your son. That really sucks. You have every right to feel down, I sure would. It must be just awful to leave a wonderful home and family to live in a cramped place, even if it is a temporary situation. It DOES suck and you go right ahead and feel the way you feel. No one should have to do what you are doing.

No, it's not forever and yes things will change, but at the moment it's not changed so you feel sad. Indulge your feelings, don't hide them or ignore them. It's okay if your kids see you sad, you're human. But they will see you be happy again.

Here's another :hug: for you.

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