*big hug for you*
As the mother of two step-kids who have NOT been told no or taught to do for themselves much at all before I came into the picture, I can certainly relate.
I cannot complain too much about my hubby...he is a good man who does try to help out a lot, but I will say that he is utterly at a loss about how to discipline and be consistent with his kids which is a problem over time. We are working on that because if he and I have children, it will NOT work for him to be that way with them - he knows that.
I don't know how best to help you other than I hope you have been able to communicate your frustrations to him (in a normal conversation way versus when you are upset because us gals all know how men's hearing shuts off when the decibel level increases in our voice) and I urge you to make sure you find ways to teach your kids to do for themselves - be it chores, thinking for themselves, giving them choices and consequences - please don't let them get to be in the late teen years and have NO idea how to do or think for themselves. It isn't pretty to think of turning out a kid like that into the world and I suspect it would only cause more problems and heartache later.
If you need to vent further, feel free to PM me or keep this thread going. I think we all (men and women) do what we do because of what we know and have seen in life...but it sure doesn't make it easy sometimes. Marriage is tough. Having kids is tough. But having God, friends and knitting DOES make it all easier, right?! :-)
Just one more row...
OTN: Chunky Knit Scarf; Baby Sweater; Mitts
Recent FO: Christmas Ornaments; Felted Bag; Felted Clutch
Ravelry ID: Knittn4Fun
Flickr ID: Knit4Fun