I know that I have already chipped in my $ .02 worth on this topic, but I was watching TV last night and a certain commercial reminded me of this post. And it made me think.
It's those "girls gone wild" commercials. I hate them. DETEST and LOATHE them. In fact I hate pornography in any and every form, because it invites trouble. It makes women and girls look like "they are just asking for it."
Now, I realize that I am the one who said, "don't blame the victim." And I still stand by that. It's never the victim's fault, no matter what. But why, as a society, do we send this mixed message? Why flash all that flesh around, get guys all whooped up and then turn them loose on the next unsuspecting girl to come along? Why do we tolerate that?
Frankly, I think all porn, strip clubs, etc, ought to be illegal - because it protects women and girls from sexual assault. But, even having said that, I still feel that there is no excuse for a man who "Can't control himself." Yes, he can! And he should.
I heard Oprah (
) say it once, "it's like having a guest over to your house. It's your house. You get to say how far into your home they come and how long they stay." Yes! That's my girl! But, as wise and intellegent women, we should still not be leaving the door wide open for any man roaming down the street to come in. We still lock our doors, and only open them to the one(s) we trust. Right? RIGHT!
So, it's a two-way street. We want men who can control themselves, but we have to be willing to participate in that, and help them help themselves. It's going to take the women of this country to agree together to not display themselves in a manner that may harm another woman - their sister, their daughter, their friend. For the love of your fellow female, keep your clothes on!
Editing to add, here
: No, I am not saying that we should cover women from head to toe in bhurkas (sp?) and de-sexualize them by castration of their external genitalia. That's swinging the pendulum too far in the other direction. A girl can be sexy as hell and still completely covered from her collarbone down to her knees.
What I am saying is that there are 2 parts to a crime being committed: Motive, and opportunity. These are crimes of opportunity. We may or may not be able to control that. What we have more control over is motive. Why motivate unnecessarily? It's just a simple suggestion.
We overly sexualize children at way too young an age. That's why we've got commercials like the one I mentioned. Here's this very young girl, who looks even younger than she is, and she's waggling what little she's got saying, "Hi, I'm Brandi. I turned 18 two minutes ago, and since I was 9 years old, my highest aspiration in life has been to take my clothes off before God, America, and Canada." SERIOUSLY?!?! What happened to this kid to get her to this point?
Women, we should be taking every young girl within our influence under our wing and teaching them that they are valuable, precious, and to be cherished and adored. We should be teaching them that they are worthy of the right blend of respect and desire. And that anyone who shows them anything less than that is not worth one split second of their time. As women, we should be working together to strengthen, instead of undermine, eachother.
And men, it is a worthy effort of your time to encourage eachother to learn that proper blend as well. Teach eachother that your physical strength is for the nobel protection of your sisters, daughters, mothers, and aunts, and NOT the exploitation of those weaker and smaller than yourselves. That's why you have all that gorgeous muscle we admire so much.
I still have several more thoughts on this topic - it hit a nerve. As I said, our family has been severely distroyed by this issue. We've spent the better part of the past 3 years taking a certain young man to a forensic psychologist for court-ordered treatment of whatever is triggering his criminal sexual offenses, been before the judge and back and forth to jail multiple times. At the same time, we have been working toward the recovery of a very young little girl that I completely adore, and praying for the recovery of his other victims. Both parties involved are direct family members (not my husband! but a very close family members) But, I guess I'll chime in on that thought in another post.