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Old 07-25-2009, 07:37 PM   #8
Mike
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I haven't seen or talked to my mother or father in 22 years, none of my siblings have either.
I'm much better for it. It bothers my sister very slightly. I think it bothers my brother a lot. Coincidentally that goes along with the amount of contact we had, with me having the most and my brother having the least.
Yes it was a physically and emotionally abusive home with me getting the worst and my brother getting none.

Later after moving out I started having 1 on 1 contact with my sister (also abused), when we compared stories we were finding they didn't match up. My mother was still playing the head games.
I learned in psychology class that if my mother says something it's best to get it straight from the horse's mouth no matter how embarrassing or hard the answer would be to hear if she was telling the truth (she always told me "you stink" and the class had something where others rate you, I was shocked to see others say I was clean) so when she played "he said she said" with my sister or brother I'd simply ask.
I'm the confrontational type and if pushed I will go off and this was pushing me. I think that made it easier for my mother to disown us so they could retire far away without the need to contact anyone (she also made my father cut ties with his parents and siblings, something he wouldn't have done on his own).

I actually fear the day that one of my parents dies because I know the other one is going to come back. It's been so long I don't know if I'd remember to watch for the right thing if it's my mother coming back. (I tend to block things out and will probably have to take a Xanax from remembering this stuff.)
My father was the physical abuse through the manipulation of my mother so if he came back without her it would probably be tolerable.

My nieces and nephews have issues with it. Only my oldest niece barely remembers them. Another fear is that a nephew wants to visit them and that could cause them both to come back. But most likely the result will be like when a cousin visited to tell my father to visit his dying parents, they'll quickly blow him off at the door and the gates and bars will roll down across the doors and windows.

I say burn the bridges BECAUSE family is always family. People don't change and when you have the ability to go back (which you do because they are always your family) eventually you will and you will be going back into the same situation.
But that's only based on my experience.
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