my heart goes out to you...
If it helps any to know this, I am nearly 50 years old. I did not make this decision overnight, under pressure, or in a reaction to any one specific event. I made it because I finally got it through my thick head that my family is permanently, irreversibly broken, that nothing I can say or do will fix it, and that trying to "stay" to fix it was keeping me stuck, preventing me from going forward with my own life, and limiting my capacity to help others because I was fixated on helping something hopeless.
Now that I am free, I can only say, I wish I had done it sooner. I have no guilt over it. And I can't wait to see what is around the next corner of my life!